10-The Roar Echoing off the Mountain
Chapter 10
When asked about where to go to start hunting, Twilight Sparkle had been directed to the EUPPF. Their precinct in Canterlot was a large building, complete with their own armory, training facilities, garrison, kitchen, barracks, and access to the dungeons.
Despite the clout, however, the building seemed relatively...lifeless.
That’s not to say there was nopony there. There were plenty of ponies there, they just didn’t do anything. Mares and stallions dressed in armor sat at desks, playing with desk toys and watching glass birds eternally drink from a glass. Maps of Canterlot hung from the wall, several locations marked with pins, others marked with darts.
Or that could have been yesterday’s dart game, she wasn’t sure.
A light smoke filled the air, followed by the smell of overly-strong coffee and cheap whiskey. Orange light flooded into the room from the smoke-yellowed windows, lighting her way as she walked down a long hallway formed by desks.
She walked slowly, saddlebags stuffed with maps and books on psychology, as well as a dozen other knick-knacks she felt she needed. Orion was at Shining’s while she was back in town, and as far as she knew, that left everything in order.
Still, she did not like the look of this place.
She came to the end of the synthetic hallway, and stood facing a wall with a single door set into it. The door, which held but a single pane of glass was inscribed with three words. “Commissioner Golden Shield.”
Just so happened to be the pony she was looking for.
She knocked twice, and a gruff voice answered. “Come in.”
Opening the door with little more ceremony, she entered the large office, coughing as a cloud of cigar smoke wafted into her face.
“You must be General Twilight Sparkle,” the stallion at the desk noted. He was large, large for an earth pony, even, and his smoke-grey coat and messy blond mane spoke little for organizational skill. The real seller, though, easily had to be deadpan stare combined with heavy chewing on his cigar.
“Commissioner Shield, I presume,” she said, waving smoke out of the way.
The earth pony nodded, “That’s me.”
“You are aware that there is a law against smoking in government buildings, yes?” she asked.
“Some laws are meant to be broken,” Commissioner Shield said.
Twilight highly doubted that. Reaching into her bags, she began pulling out her maps. “Slow day?” she asked.
“Not really,” Shield said, standing to come see her maps. “Bunch of petty crime happening all around Canterlot city.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “So why aren’t you mobilizing anypony?”
“Because the guard’s always been making our business their business,” he grumbled, “so I’m letting them take it.”
Twilight nodded. That made sense.
“No it doesn’t,” a weak voice argued in her mind.
She didn’t hear it. “Fair enough, so should I bring hunting Alan to them too?”
Golden Shield smiled around his cigar. “Nah, I need to get these layabouts to do something.”
Twilight nodded with a smirk.
Finally, a stallion of action.
She gave the stallion a look. He wasn’t...unattractive...and he certainly was strong…
There was potential here.
She certainly knew she needed a father for her child, after all.
She took a moment, looking him over, her eyes dancing over the smoke-grey coat, blond mane and amber eyes.
Yes...
A lot of potential here.
The police Commissioner noticed her staring. “Mrs.Sparkle was there anything else?”
She waited a beat before smiling.
“Not yet, no,” she said. “Now, Mr. Shield—”
“Golden is fine.”
Twilight smiled. “Golden, if Alan is hiding somewhere in Canterlot it’s going to be not far from Harmony.”
“So the castle?” he asked.
“Yes and no,” she said. “He’ll be very close to the castle, at the very least, but we can’t be sure that he’s in the castle. Now, as you can see, I’ve already marked a few tactically advantageous places that Alan might be attracted to…”
And together, they went over the map.
His eyes as grey as her’s.
<<<|Ω|>>>
“Twilight’s here?” Spike asked.
“Eyup,” Applejack answered. “I saw her come by once the guards searched her house for Al.”
“Then why is she here?” Rarity asked, aloud to the gathered friends. “If she knows Alan is gone, why would she come back here?”
“Ah ain’t sure,” Applejack said, Silver standing next to her, “but Ah think she said something about tracking Al down.”
“She’s hunting him?” Thunderlane asked, “that doesn’t seem right.”
Soarin nodded, while Pinkie voiced their opinion. “That’s just wrong! Friends don’t hunt friends, and Twi and Al are bestest of friends!”
“That’s what Ah’m thinking,” Applejack agreed.
“Eyup,” Big Mac agreed.
“So what?” Rainbow asked. “We’re just going to walk up to her and tell her to stop? I don’t think that’s going to work, and I can’t think of anything else to do.”
“Well, surely it would not be beyond reason to try and talk to her,” Rarity said. “In fact, I personally think that would be best if we did talk. Twilight’s a smart mare, it is not beyond reason to believe she is doing this for a reason.”
Fluttershy nodded, before meekly adding. “I...I think that would be a good thing to do…”
“So we talk with her. figure out what’s goin’ on, but then what?” Applejack asked. “If Ah’m honest, Ah don’t like any of this. It don’t sit right with me at all.”
“I’m on AJ’s side!” Pinkie yelled. “Twilight should not be this serious!”
“Pinkie,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes, “she’s always this serious.”
“Not like this though!” Pinkie said. “This isn’t your average, every-day serious. This is…” she quickly glanced around the room suspiciously, before whispering loud enough to be heard across the table, “advanced serious…”
“Sure…” Spike said.
“So what are we gonna do?” Applejack asked.
“Well,” Soarin said, “we can’t really tell her to stop…”
“What do you mean? Why not?” Thunderlane asked.
“Well, Alan’s escaped. He’s technically a criminal. To tell Twilight to stop would be aiding a criminal.”
“Oh, but...it’s Alan…” Fluttershy said in quiet protest.
“Right, but...well...we can’t be sure that it’s all Alan…”
Rainbow Dash groaned. “This is way too complicated.”
“I agree, darling. Perhaps it is best if we all go and gather our thoughts.”
Big Mac nodded. “Sleeping on it’s a good idea.”
“So we sleep on it, and then come to a decision, yes?” Rarity asked.
There was general nod amongst the group.
Sleep on it.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Twilight Sparkle was walking back towards the EUPPF precinct offices, along with a growing interest in the commissioner.
So far they hadn’t made much progress, but she was sure they were on the trail of her ex-husband.
He had not been found around any of the wilderness areas she had picked, that only really left the more populated areas of Canterlot. These would, of course, be harder to search, but with the police force working around the clock, and with no further distractions, it shouldn’t be that hard.
“Howdy, Twilight!” A voice said from her left.
She glanced over, and saw Applejack approach. “Hi, Applejack!” she said with a smile.
“Hey, where are you heading off to?”
“Just heading down to the precinct, the Commissioner and I will be working on finding Alan.”
“Are you now?”
She nodded.
“Applejack! Twilight! Darlings!”
Twilight spun her head to see Rarity and Spike approaching them. “Hi, Spike! Hi, Rarity!” Twilight greeted. “What are you two doing here?”
“Shopping, of course!” Rarity answered.
“Shopping?” she asked, looking around to see a hoofful of run-down, second-hoof stores. “Really?”
“Oh, yes,” Rarity, assured her. “There’s a little store down here I frequent that sells the best Maya blue thread.”
Twilight nodded.
“What about you, dearie?”
“She’s heading to the precinct,” Applejack said.
“Are you?” Rarity asked, before casting a discerning eye against her. “Hm, well you’re not going like that are you?”
Twilight blinked. “What do you mean?”
Rarity shook her head. “Oh, dear. Twilight, I’d thought you’d know better. Come on! Let’s go.”
“Wait, what?” Twilight said, before she was pushed off course.
“Now, Twilight, come now, at the very least, we need to get you a hat to wear.”
“Rarity, I—”
“Best do what she says, Sugarcube,” Applejack said. “She gets hard to resist when she’s like this.”
“Bu-but I have important work to do,” Twilight complained.
“And so do we, Twilight,” Spike said.
“What?” she asked confused.
Rarity quickly dragged her off to the side, down a small alleyway. “Consider this your intervention, dear,” she said, before pushing her against a wall.
Twilight blinked, confused, before her eyes focused onto her friends, all of whom were slowly closing in on her.
Her eyes danced around them, glancing between them crazily as she began to feel like a cornered animal. “What’s going on?”
“Calm down, Twilight,” Soarin said, “we just want to talk.”
She growled, getting ready to pounce. “So talk.”
“Listen, Twilight…” Applejack said. “We don’t think you should be hunting down Al.”
“Yeah!” Pinkie added. “Friends shouldn’t hunt friends.”
Twilight’s posture relaxed. “Is that what this is about?”
“Yes, dear,” Rarity said. “You really shouldn’t be doing this, Twilight.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because—”
“Because Alan is not in his right mind?” Twilight finished.
“Well—”
“The fact is, Rarity,” Twilight said, harshly, “is that Alan attacked Princess Celestia.”
“Attacked?” Spike said. “He slapped her, that’s hardly an attack…”
“Yeah, that’s what he did to her, his leader, the one he swore loyalty to. Now what about everypony else?”
There was silence.
“Alan slapped Celestia, and nearly killed me back in the empire. I am his wife, and she is his ruler. Now what’s to stop him from hurting anypony else?”
There was no answer.
Twilight looked around the gathered friends. “The truth is, I cannot trust him. Nopony can. He can turn on anyone at any time, and he can’t really stop himself. Right now, Alan’s little more than a rabid dog, and Fluttershy can tell you what you do with dogs like that, can’t you?”
Eyes turned to her, and she reflexively cringed at the attention. “You’d...um...you put him down…”
“You put him down,” Twilight repeated harshly. “Personally, I think hunting him down to stick him back into a cell is a nice, merciful solution. Now if you’ll excuse me,” she said, pushing her way forward and out of little crowd, “I have a dog to catch.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Celestia needed a break.
She sighed as she read yet another report from the EUPPF concerning Alan’s wearabouts.
So far nothing.
Her Guard would normally be helping them with this case, but right now they were bogged down with so many crime reports they could hardly get moving.
A stray thought popped into her mind that maybe something was going on between the two…
She sighed.
She’d look into it later, right now, she needed to focus.
Alan had escaped, confirming her worst fears.
He had been corrupted. He had been corrupted, and it was her fault. If she had been sterner in her warnings about Dark Magic, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened…
Focus.
With a sigh she had practiced for a thousand years, Celestia set her guilt aside for a moment.
Alan had escaped, and was running around Canterlot somewhere. Her guards were currently indisposed, and the only personnel working on the case were her significantly smaller police force, along with Twilight.
She still wasn’t sure how she felt about that last one.
She sighed again, putting the police report to the side, and put her attention back onto the crime reports.
She really needed a break.
Hm…
Maybe she could schedule a walk with Twilight and her friends...
<<<|Ω|>>>
It was a Friday.
Celestia walked, a smile on her face, next to her favorite ponies.
Twilight and her friends were on her left, Luna and Harmony on her right, along with Shining and Cadence walking behind.. Foals leaving school could be heard laughing, echoing off the mountainside along with the general hustle and bustle of her city.
This was nice.
“Thank you all for coming,” she said, enjoying the shade of her oak trees and the cool breeze that the pegasi had set up.
“It was not a problem, Princess,” Twilight answered, walking close to the Solar sister. “I’m rather glad for the break.”
“We’re happy you’re taking a break, too,” Spike muttered, while Rarity whispered to Cadence.
“It is indeed a wonderful day, sister,” Luna said, as they continued into the garden.
“Quite,” Harmony agreed, before his eyes scanned the garden.
Celestia nodded. “Yes, let’s just take some time to enjoy life. Walk the paths, smell the roses, relax, and let your problems wait until tomorrow.”
Yes...she needed this.
<<<|Ω|>>>
A unicron figure stood on a rooftop overlooking the garden.
He watched them all come in, one by one, into the palace yard.
His eyes locked onto the draconequus.
He frowned, and a silver blade of hard-mana formed next to him.
He slowly followed along the rooftop, singing as he went.
“Glory, glory what a hell of a way to die,
Glory, glory what a hell of a way to die,
Glory, glory what a hell of a way to die,
And he ain’t gonna jump no more…”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Harmony’s head snapped to the roofs, his eyes searching for...something…
“Harmony?” Luna asked. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, yeah…” he said, turning his attention back to the younger Princess. “Just thought I heard something is all.”
Cadence trotted up to Twilight, eyes narrowed. “Twilight, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Sure! What did you want to talk about?”
“Well, I was just going to ask—” She froze suddenly, staring at Twilight. She blinked, and violently shook her head.
“What? What is it?” Twilight asked.
Cadence blinked. She...she could have sworn Twilight’s eyes looked grey there…
“I...I...wanted to ask you about Al…”
“Sure, what about him?”
Cadence blinked, regarding the unicorn carefully. “I...I wanted to know how you two have been doing?”
“We’ve been doing well,” she said simply.
Cadence nodded, not entirely convinced.
The suddenly clanking of ceramic shingles took the attention of the small herd, as each of their head swiveled to the rooftops opposite them.
“What was that?” Rarity asked, unaware that Harmony was slowly backing away from the far roofs.
Celestia’s eyes narrowed.
“I think—”
A single cry cut her off.
A single, frustrated, pained cry of a single word.
“Justice!”
The ponies turned, and the world seemed to slow.
Alan Williams Goldenhoof had leapt from the rooftops behind them, screaming his battlecry as he fell.
Visible dark spots hung around his eyes, and almost red, bloodshot eyes shone in the noon-day light.
A hard-mana sword floated next to him, held forward in a charge.
And his eyes were locked.
Locked on Harmony.
Harmony stared up at him, eyes wide as Alan fell straight towards him.
Alan charged, his sword glinting and eyes gleaming with fury.
Harmony stared, mouth open.
No one else had moved, their minds still trying to process what they were seeing.
The distance was closing.
And then, Harmony moved.
It was a quick, short action, a simple step to the left.
And that was all it took.
Alan’s blade shattered as it hit the ground, quickly followed by the meaty thud of a body hitting cobblestone.
For a few brief seconds, there was perfect silence in the courtyard.
Followed by a soft voice.
“A-Alan?”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Twilight saw him fall.
She didn’t care.
He was falling too fast.
She didn’t care.
He wasn’t trying to break it.
She didn’t…didn’t....care...
Her eyes widened.
She watched, almost as if it were in slow motion as the mana-sword shattered, followed by Alan’s back bending at an impossible angle.
The grey in her eyes shattered like glass.
A meaty thud echoed in her ears, and she would swear that she heard bones snap.
A-Alan…?
The body sat like that, back bent backwards at that horrifying angle, before it slid down, hitting the floor with a silent shuffle.
She...he…
There was silence in the courtyard for what seemed like an eternity, and in that eternity, all she could think about were her last things she had said to him.
“You’re dangerous Alan. Too dangerous. I can’t trust you, and I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner.”
She...she didn’t mean that…
She...Oh, sweet Celestia…
“Sweet Celestia...what did I do?”
“A-Alan?” she called, slowly gaining the attention of everyone there.
“Al...Alan?” she asked again, stepping forward towards the body.
No one said a thing.
“Alan? Alan?” she said, getting closer as her voice began to sound more worried. “Alan?”
She came up to him, and stared down with wide eyes and an open mouth. His mane was disheveled, and the rings under his eyes spoke of a week of restless nights.
His marriage ring hung from his ear, untouched.
“Alan?” she called, tears forming in her eyes, before carefully reaching out to him with her hooves.
His head careened at a disturbing angle, broken neck.
“Alan?” She whispered, trying to speak past the sob that broke through her throat. “Alan?”
She whimpered as she brought her hooves around his shattered spine, trying to say his name as her voice cracked and whined.
No pulse. No breathing.
Her mouth moved, unable to speak as tears began flow freely.
She began to rock back and forth, holding her ex-hus....her husband as she cried.
Her mouth kept moving, and finally, finally, she managed to whisper one word…
“Sorry…”
There was no life in his bloodshot eyes.
“I’m so sorry…” she whimpered.
And she wept.
<<<|Ω|>>>
The wake lasted three days.
Three days at Twilight’s insistence.
She...she kept hoping that something would happen.
Death coming and bringing him back, Faust coming down, something…
But there was nothing.
Alan just lay there in his coffin for three days, which was far, far too long.
Now…
Now he was to be buried.
That was it…
No final goodbyes, no last words, nothing.
He died and now he was being buried.
The funeral passed by in a blur, all of it, and before she knew it, Alan was being lowered into the ground.
His polished oak coffin was lowered by four golden ropes, one at each corner, by four members of the royal guard. Yet another guard stood nearby, playing “Taps.”
The coffin touched the bottom of the grave, and...and…
“Keep it together, Twilight…”
Not now, she promised herself she’d keep it together…
She choked back a sob, and tried to keep her wet face stoic.
She held Orion close, the poor colt was asleep, having cried the night before.
Everything about this was wrong.
She...she tried so hard to keep it together…
<<<|Ω|>>>
She stared at the fresh earth, along with the new tombstone the Princess had commissioned.
She felt sick looking at it.
It’s cold face displayed his name, birthday, day of his death, along with an epitaph calling him a war hero.
It didn’t do him justice.
The top of the stone had a great rendition of Judgement’s hilt, the blade disappearing into the top of the stone, forming a cross.
It mocked her.
This...this was all her fault…
All her fault…
Her fault.
Tears formed on her face once more, and she felt her legs go weak.
If...if she hadn’t said those things…
If she hadn’t left him…
She sat, before her forelegs gave, making her fall face first into the freshly dug dirt.
She wept.
She wept before Alan’s grave, and did not move from where she lay, turning the soft earth wet with her tears.
“If only I had done better. If only I had been a better wife...”
“T-Twilight?” she heard a familiar voice call. A voice that had comforted her a thousand times before. She sniffed, and looked back towards the source of the voice.
Celestia stood behind her, watching her student with concern. “Twilight, come on, it’s time to go…”
Twilight shook her head. She didn’t want to go.
“Twilight—”
“Just go away…” Twilight said.
Celestia looked like she had been slapped, recoiling at the rejection. She raised a hoof to reach out, but stopped, before slowly, quietly lowering her hoof. She sighed, and lowered her head.
Twilight turned from her, ignoring her teacher in favor of the lonely stone before her.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Hours passed.
Orion had been taken by his aunt and uncle, who couldn’t bear to see the little colt shiver in the cold as his mother stood before the grave.
She was hungry.
She was cold.
She sniffed, unable to cry anymore.
The sun had almost set if it wasn’t already.
She didn’t care.
She just didn’t care…
She wanted to die…
It had taken all of her willpower to keep from throwing herself into the grave and onto the coffin, but once she had, she had no doubt she would have begged to be buried with him right then and there.
“Miss?”
She just wanted to curl up into a ball and die.
“Miss?” A voice called, before a gentle hoof shook her.
She sniffed as she looked up, and the concerned face of a young stallion stared back. His dark grey coat was beginning to blend into the surrounding darkness and his soft, blue eyes bore into her soul. His red and yellow mane acted as a curtain for the latter, coming down across his face as though it were wet. “Miss, I’m sorry, but I’m gonna hafta close up the cemetery soon.”
She sniffed again, and nodded, pushing herself up onto her hooves.
“There ya go, love. On your hooves,” he said, helping her up.
She sniffed as she steadied herself, and the earth pony gave her a soft pat on the back. “That’s it, Miss. You’ll make it, love. You’ll make it.”
Twilight sniffed as she finally found her footing. “No...no I don’t think I will…”
“Oh, don’t talk like that, Miss. Life’ll go on.”
She shook her head, continuing to stare at the grave.
The gravekeeper looked her up and down for a second. “When did you last eat, Miss?”
She didn’t know.
“Come on, Miss. I’ve got some food back at the house. Let ol’ Grim take care of you before I send ya off.”
He led her away, Twilight following almost automatically, through the quiet, serene graveyard, to a small hut tucked off to the side of the cemetery.
Twilight didn’t really remember walking in, but when she regained her senses, she found herself sitting on a small couch, in front of a low table with a simple sandwich sitting in front of her.
“Who’s this, Grim?” she heard a voice from the kitchen. “You actually meetin’ ponies now?”
“Stuff it, Ghastly, she knows the new arrival. Been sittin’ in front of his tomb all day.”
“Ah, so that’s it. I was wonderin’.”
“I didn’t feel right letting her go without give’n her somethin’ to eat.”
“Right, right. I get ya.”
Twilight nudged at the sandwich. Radish, Lettuce, and Tomato. Her favorite…
She slowly lifted it and took a bite, chewing slowly.
The gravekeeper came back in, followed by an identical stallion.
If she were looking, it would have taken her a second to find the one differentiating feature between the two of them. Thier cutie marks. One had a grinning mask, the other a pained one, comedy and tragedy.
“You feelin’ better, Miss?” the tragedy pony asked.
She nodded, never taking her eyes off her food.
Tragedy nodded. “Alright, well, whenever ya come back, come by and be sure to talk with us. Ghastly and I will be hear to listen.”
“Well,” Ghastly, the comedy pony, said, “Grim will be here. I might be out during the day.”
Grim rolled his eyes.
Twilight didn’t really notice. She just stared at her plate and nodded.
Grim sighed, before moving to sit down next to her. He slowly put a hoof on her shoulder and said. “You’ll make it, Miss. You’ll make it.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
“You fool!” Sombra’s furious roar sent Chaos flying back into the wall. “Fffooooooooll!”
Chaos blinked as the room spun wildly, his master’s voice echoing in his mind.
“I needed him alive!”
“M-Master! There is no need for this!” Chaos said, bordering on pleading. “We can simply raise his body!”
“A body cannot be raised twice! This is a law of reality! My power cannot raise him a second time, and this is a rule that not even Faust would break! I needed him alive, you putrescent waste of flesh!”
Chaos winced at the mental attack, before the green-eyed cloud seemed to sigh.
“Be happy, you pathetic peon, that I have a back-up plan.”
“Of course, Master,” Chaos said.
“Blueblood will be less than ideal, but he will suffice.”
Chaos blinked, and held his mouth shut, not daring to tell King Sombra the truth.
“All I must do is reach out to hi—What? Where is he? Where is he?!”
“M-Master…”
Sombra’s voice was quiet and calm. A clever ploy, in all honesty. “What do you know, servant?”
“T-the Prince left Canterlot more than a month ago, your Highness.”
“What?!”
“But-but all is not lost, your Majesty! There is hope! There is hope, yet! There is Celestia.”
“Do you lack a mind as well as a spine?! Celestia is not—”
“I was able to get Luna, your Majesty. With time, Celestia could fall as well…”
There was silence for a moment, as the shadow’s eye narrowed to ponder this offer.
“I will give you one chance, my servant. Be wary, though. If you are discovered, then all is lost. While you do this, I will search for another potential body to take.”
“Of course, your Majesty, of course.”
“Do well, servant, or I will see you thrown to the Abyss.”
Chaos nodded.
The shadow faded away, disappearing from the room, and revealing three unconscious stallions changed to the opposite wall.
“As for you three, your job is about to begin.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
A knock sounded on Twilight’s door.
She looked up from her bed, her mane a mess, and eyes red.
She hadn’t left the room in three days, and only really got up from her bed to take care of Orion or her own basic needs.
She shook her head. She really didn’t want to get up.
The knock sounded again.
“Go away…” she croaked.
“General Sparkle!” an unfamiliar voice said. “I have a message for you! Please!”
Twilight sighed before crawling out of bed. Once she was on her hooves, she took five lethargic steps back towards the door.
Once opened, the door revealed a day that was far too sunny, and far too cheery. In front of that, however, was a lone guard, at full attention. “Ma’am!” he said saluting.
“What is it?” she asked in a deadpan.
The guard held out a hoof. “I received this, as well as a letter a few days ago, Ma’am. It had slipped my mind, Ma’am. It said to deliver it to you as soon as possible, Ma’am.”
Twilight sighed, before looking down at the outstretched hoof.
In it rested a small, golden earring.
Her eyes widened, and she shakily took it from him.
It was her earring.
New tears began to spring to her eyes as she held it up. A sob escaped her, before she took a breath to compose herself. Trying to keep calm, she then raised the little piece of jewelry to her ear, and clasped it shut.
Right where it belonged.
“Th-thank you,” she whispered. “You have no idea, how much this means to me.”
The guard nodded and walked away.
And then Twilight shut the door, and did not open it for a long time.
--------------------------------
And there we go, now stayed tuned, guys. Things are about to get—
“You killed Alan! Again!”
*sigh* Yes, yes I did, and I have been waiting to write that for the past two-and-a-half years. Look, there are plans okay.
“So you’re just going to bring him back to life, huh?”
What? No. I’m not bringing a guy back to life twice.
“Then what are you doing?”
Well, my dear Pinkie, there’s a lot more to this world than Alan, and now we get to see how that world has been shaken by him. Trust me, this is going to be interesting.
“It better…”
Alright guys, we’ll see you all next time!
“Be sure to comment!”
Bye!
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So every alicorn, unicorn, and pegasus in the garden just watched Alan fall to his death, doing nothing to try and catch him? Every single one of them have been in wars and conflict by this point, none of them should have been shocked into freezing up by that attack, let alone all of them.
This actually tops Alan's first death for unbelievable.
...WHAT?! Just like that!? After two epic tales of heroism and Alan saving Equestria, it's just "OOP, HE DEAD!"
Not liking this development at all.
Just got into this whole series, and I'm now dropping it. Never in my life have I actually said "God damn it the story screwed itself up".
Damn, I think Alan is going to come back from the dead more times than Jesus
I have a feeling that Alan is still alive and that was some kind of clone, didn't he have her earring? Especially since Harmony told Alan that he would have needed his sword to kill Chaos, you don't seem to be writing Alan as the kind of guy that rushes into something like this when a plan was made and he know's what he needs.
You son of a-..... YOU KILLED HIM TWICE.
I will continue to wait and see where you intend to take this.
i swear that's just not right. first you have twi brainwashed into basically spitting on her marriage to allan, directly to his face, then you kill him and if what you said is true its permanent this time... i really hope you are faking his death
I'm sorry, but if this is real, then this is a big misstep.
He should have been given a more noble death.
hm,.....he didn't have judgment...after he was told he would need it... that doesn't sound like Alan. hold out hope.
I can honestly saw I did not see that coming at all.
5290814
A very good thing to note.
5290403 5290411 5290418 5290576
You see, guys? You need to pay attention in this one.
5290920 That doesn't address my complaint that the better part of a dozen ponies that are quite used to combat situations after the past two stories did nothing to stop someone they know and love and have bled with from falling to his death, in spite of most of them having skills they could have used to prevent or mitigate it. Twilight, sure, we were in her head and could see how screwed up her thinking was. But everyone else in the garden shouldn't have just stood there helplessly watching. Celestia, the pony who raises the sun, shouldn't have just stood there watching.
Unless of course this entire thing is partially or wholly taking place in Twilight's head, but the scenes from Celestia and her friends perspectives suggests that that isn't the case.
This would be the first time a story series has seemed to basically commit literary suicide. If it weren't for the quality of your works before I would be considering dropping the story, which would also be a first after this long. That said, you've thrown curveballs at us before and things worked out, so I shall wait patently for the next chapter before taking any real action. I really hope I'm overreacting.
Deus tecum.
5290938
Exhibit A
Let's assume, for a second, that a pony "story" (as in a building) is roughly the same as that of a human, 10ft.
Assuming then that the building is 4 1/2 stories, that means we're working with a 45ft tall building. Or 13.716 meters.
When you let the machine do the math, that means that they have a grand total of 1.67250874899 seconds to catch Alan, and that's assuming they catch him at the start of the fall. He had enough time to yell "Justice" before anyone even turned to see him, and he was already airborne by then. Now, as a present unicorn or alicorn, you'd have to overcome the initial shock, catch a rapidly falling object, and then save him before crashing into the ground all within the space of less than a second.
The defense rests, Your Honor.
This is actually more unbelievable than first death. It was already established that he needed his sword to make the kill.
I'm not sure about this story anymore, but I'll stick around to see what Alan was cooking up with the Griffins during those few days.
YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED THE HERO! YOU KILLED ALAN!
That's a really interesting idea. Kudos. I can only count a few stories that have the guts to kill the hero proper (they usually get brought back because of whiny fans anyway though). I'm interested in seeing how you guide your story until Alan is brought back. (And not because of whiny fans).
5291315
I refer you to this: 5290920
...Whoa...I know very few authors who have the sheer fortitude to off one of their title characters for good. As of right now...man...I can scarcely believe it. But I DO want to see where this goes. Part of me is glad to see him go, it's a bold move and even after war, it shakes the dynamic and the overall status quo of everyone. Moreover...this will effect Twilight forever, especially once, hopefully, everypony finds out about the forces behind it all. And by forces, I mean Chaos and Sombra. Seriously though, if that DOESN'T get revealed...well, I'll be considerably less happy, but still, the tale will go where it will.
Best of luck, and good work.
5291330
Then I would ask: If sombra is fearsome enough to keep chaos in line, wouldn't he have additional agents, even in his weakened state? Wouldn't he, as clever as he seems, at least suspect the possibility of trickery?
5291384
Maybe he does.
Maybe not.
5291143 Well, I assumed that since so many lines of text were spent with Twilight watching him fall that there was plenty of time for catching and that she choose not to. I still think you're underestimating how quickly a combat trained unicorn like Shining could react with their magic (not to mention Celestia, especially since she could teleport him further away from the ground to give everyone else there more reaction time).
But, whatever. This has fully entered headcanon territory regarding magical unicorn reaction speed (
at that) and I have a feeling that how much I have not been enjoying the last few chapters is making me more argumentative than usual.
5291425
Well, it's about to get a little mystery novel, so that should be fun.
5291435 Here's hoping I guess.
5291403
One final question. It's for the front page, sir.
do you realize how infuriating it is that you're dedicated enough to answer almost every comment, and yet never slip anything that we can't find out on our own?
5291449
I can neither confirm nor deny that this was my intention the entire time.
5291454
Sunday headline: exclusive from dungeon miner! "...This was my intention the entire time"
Intentional plot holes? Convoluted writing? Or just a very dedicated writer that has a love of keeping secrets?
5291467
>been planing the story for past two/three years
>have hardly told anyone anything
>now writing something of a mystery novel
I'll let the evidence speak for itself.
Sanity: it will have an happy end... It will have an happy end... It will have... It will have
Me: ... are you all right there
Sanity: HAPPYEND!!!!
Me: Jeas, clam down....
Sanity: it cant be... Happy-end..
Me: ... I hope you are happy Dungon...
PS: I F*** love you. (-r Story)
Calling faked death here and now, the question is how. He used the wrong sword and jumped in in a stupid way- could have worked if he had the right sword, but didn't happen. Definitely a convincing death, how he did it is going to be interesting to explain. My theory is a doll of some sort that he used magic to manipulate like a puppet.
After all, unless he was mind controlled offscreen, no way in heck that the death would have been real... Right?
... Surprised Chaos hasn't caught on yet though, considering he knew what Harmony said to Alan. Will be hilarious to see the look on his face when he finds out the truth- and is subsequently screwed over by said truth.
Course, if I'm wrong and you really did kill Alan off for good... What the hell Alan, why were you an idiot.
That's what you get for helping a bunch of crazy ass ponies. Betrayed then killed. Let this be a lesson to everyone.
Well, I am speaking from the bottom of my heart.
THAT, was completely unexpected. Sure, the real, caged Harmony told Alan to take the sword, and I expected him to wield the damn blade against Chaos. And what do I get? Him summoning a mana blade and plunging to his death.
Freaking Unbelievably, Idiotic.
And I am rather eager to see what kind of effect this will have on Julius, or the entire realm. I do hope it ends with Sombra and Chaos either dead, or banished. Harmony? Well, he deserves some redemption after all he went through, but I'd rather see your take on it.
P.S, This doesn't mean I hate you. On the contrary, I respect you.
Well this story went all A song of ice and fire on us.
And I liked Allan.
(reads the part of his death again) ... did you ... oh no you didn't ...
Was this a case of lets fake my death in order to get the bad guy?
5291540 Sounds like something Gil Grissom would say...
This Alan is just a clone, he didn't have judgement with him, and Alan wouldn't just charge off a building. The real question is where would Alan be able to get a clone. The most likely answer to that is the mirror pool, which he could have learned about from either Pinkie or from a book in the library. Clones from the mirror pool tend to only focus on one thing, and for this clone it could be to kill Chaos, which could explain the mindless dive off of a building. Alan gives him a standard sword to use for the charge, because he needs Judgement to kill Chaos, but the earring he planted on the clone was to free Twilight form Chaos's influence, and it worked. And with everyone convinced that he died, he could go about his plan without anyone looking for him.
Or I could be completely wrong about this.
My main concern is that even if he's not actually the one that took that fall off of the roof, he's a dead pony walking anyway. Either he's dead, or he's not dead and Twilight's going to kill him for not being dead.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111118000643/mlp/images/f/f6/Twilight_angry_S1E15.png
Ah, love.
(Spoilers in this comment, just ignore it if you haven't read chapter 10 yet.)
The thought of how that assassination attempt must have looked in real time amuses me.
"Justice!"
0.5 seconds later.
*Crack!* *Thud*
...
Random pony: "Well... he's dead."
But anyhow, I'm interested to see where this story will go, seeing some of the stuff that has been happening elsewhere will be interesting. All in all I see this development not as something bad or something good, but as something new. It's all up to you to screw it up or make it work Miner.
Oh, and also I really don't think you killed Alan off. Maybe it was a clone or something, but I'm pretty sure his death would be a little more, how do you say, grand? Just an idea mind you, I could be completely wrong on this.
Well to sum things up: scene looks funny in real time, interested in the next chapters, 'killing of 'Alan' was not real?' theory, and lastly I'll stick with this story no mater where it goes and give my final verdict when I've read the whole thing. Can't judge a story if I haven't read the whole thing.
Have fun writing!
~Valvatorez
Just a disclaimer, Miner told me about this death back before the last chapter of a novice swordsman went up.
Wow, just wow....
Something is up, their is a look alike, their is something going on. You have me more hooked now.
I shall keep reading and watching and waitng for the next chapter. I shall not abandon ship... I am one of those that stays with a course of action the best that I can.
And now the story becomes Game of Thrones with all the backstabbing, incest, and soft floppy wieners in a row...
What? I'm talking about Hebrew National hot dogs, you sickos!
He... He's not coming back? Your serious? That means you... You really just... W-wow. I can't believe you jut did that. That's gutsy, never seen this move before, at least not without alluding to a resurrection event. Twilight is now a widowed mother... And when this whole debacle is over Luna will know that she trusted one of the most malignant creatures in existence, and it cost the Pendragon his life... Why is there not a tragedy tag here?
5324664
Because that would imply a tragic end.
5327861 Then... Sad tag? I just feel you should warn a bro before you sucker pinch him with this level of feels... Seriously, I read this yesterday, and its almost all I've been able to think about all day.
5292264 i like this idea
I wish I had read this earlier in the day, when my Feels Glands weren't dried up...
I...
I figured he was some sort of convincing clone.
I can't think of a single story that has actually killed off the main character.
Y'know, other than Grimm-esque fairy tales.
I kept thinking, "It's totally a mana-clone, right?"
There's no fucking way that just happened.
I am thoroughly impressed by your evil genius.
I didn't think you could top killing him and then waking him up.
The world-builder in me is curious how this effects... everything...
But the reader wants your head over my fire place.
And your guts for garters.
And various other Cupcakes-like organ/anatomy accessories.
well. i certinly hope you fixed this. this chapter all but ruined the story for me.
A lich is a lich is a lich is a lich is an alan is a lich is a lich...
I hope.
5291337
5291318
Yeah, umm, no. Most of the time, killing off a non-evil main isn't remotely a good thing in my eyes. If you kill off the main character, then a reader was obviously never meant to like him. Either that, or the story has a disease. Cerebus syndrome disgusts the ever living fire out of me. That said, I don't think this fic has developed it... Yet.
BASTARD!!!
*singing somberly*
The nightmares I've been dreaming have arrived
They're changing my future
The sons of my creation at my door
How could you do this to her...
*curls up and cries*