Chapter 1
“We are terrible parents,” Twilight said.
Well, actually, she was yelling it. She had to so that she could be heard over the rockslide they were riding to escape the Hydra they were trying to get out of Froggy Bottom Bog.
Alan Goldenhoof, an integral part of the afore-mentioned ‘they,’ laughed. “You kidding?” he asked, riding a surfboard made of hard-mana. “he loves it!”
Orion, their new-born son, agreed as he laughed from Twilight’s saddlebags.
“This is stupid and dangerous!” Twilight argued as she leapt from rock to rock, before landing on Alan’s board.
“But, oh so much fun,” Alan finished with a smile.
The hydra, which previously had four heads and now had nine, roared behind them.
“Well you could have at least not cut its heads off,” Twilight complained.
“I thought my Firebreath would have been strong enough to cauterize the necks,” Alan explained.
“Which is why, once it failed, you tried again on the other two!”
“I had to try the spell too!” Alan argued.
The surfboard swung around the hillside, Alan carefully piloting them into Ghastly Gorge.
“Incoming,” he added.
A large boulder came flying at them from behind, and Twilight’s horn began to ring in response.
The boulder smashed into her hastily-erected shield, shattering to pieces.
Orion laughed.
“This is definitely not good for his psyche…” Twilight muttered.
“Nonsense!” Alan said. “This way, he’ll know how to handle an emergency.”
“Other parents do not train their foals like this!” Twilight argued.
“When other parents have a take your kid to work day, they wind up stuck in an office cubicle for hours on end. For us, we have to go negotiate with a dragon.”
Twilight shook her head.
Orion was now holding a large, shiny rock shard, which was then quickly taken away by his mother. As tears were beginning to well up, however, it was returned, now perfectly round. He laughed again before sticking a small part of the smooth stone into his mouth.
“This is still stupid,” she said.
Alan laughed, before leaning forward.
His horn began to glow, and a wall of fire began to erupt beside them, directing the Hydra down and into the gorge.
“See them yet?” Twilight asked.
“We’re almost there!” Alan assured her.
Alan pulled up, leveling out his board to send it flying forward into the gorge. “Come on, Ugly!” Alan yelled, at the large water dragon. “Hurry up! Dinner’s getting away!”
The Hydra roared, chasing the small family down into the ravine. He flew forward, weaving through unseen obstacles before suddenly pulling to a stop.
The Hydra chased them, running down mouths open wide.
“And three…” Alan began, as the Hydra barreled down on them.
“Two…” Twilight said.
“Dabaaaaaa!” Orion cried.
A massive eel shot forward, its jaws snapping tightly down on the Hydra’s neck, and with a rather visceral rip, tore the head right off.
Twilight already had her hooves over her son’s eyes.
Another eel joined the fray, ripping another head off as it went in for the kill.
“Dinner is served,” Alan said.
Six eels later, the Hydra lay on its side, the weight of its heads pinning the body down as the eels continued to feast on the unlimited supply of food.
“At this rate, the Hydra will not have enough blood to support all of those heads within the next thirty minutes. It will become permanently unconscious, take massive brain damage, and will not be an issue any longer. There is now one less Hydra in the world, and the eels are now well fed. I think our work here is done.”
Twilight shook her head. “At the very least it’s efficient,” she mumbled as Alan piloted them up and away.
“So what are we doing for dinner tonight?” Alan asked as they floated away.
“You’re thinking about dinner? After watching that?”
Alan shrugged. “It’s meat. I’m still kind of a fan of meat.”
Twilight shook her head. “Look...I don’t feel like cooking...how does Hay Burger sound?”
“Sounds good,” Alan agreed, before looking over at his son, who was still happily sucking on the rock he had found. “Did you bring the mashed carrots for Orion?”
“What, now? You want to eat now?” she asked.
“I’m hungry,” Alan replied.
“It’s five in the afternoon!”
“That’s close enough to dinner time...”
“In the grand scheme of the universal timeline!”
Alan rolled his eyes.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Mr. Black hole for a stomach!”
Alan chuckled. “Alright, alright,” he conceded as they pulled into air over Ponyville. “You head home, grab the carrots, and I’ll meet you at Hay Burger. I’ve got a few quick errands to run, and that should eat enough time so that we’ll dine suitably late. Sound good?”
She sighed and smiled. “Sure, sounds good.”
They pulled up to their home, a hollowed-out oak tree, known simply as the Golden Oaks Library, and Twilight and Orion hopped off the board.
"One for the road?" Alan asked, before the mother and father shared a quick kiss between them.
“See you soon,” he told her.
“See you there.”
As Alan then surfed away on the currents of the wind, Twilight lifted Orion in front of her. “Yeah, we’ll see Daddy again soon, won’t we? Yes.”
Alan watched the two walk into the library, before flying away to the market, and stepping down onto the packed dirt floor.
“Well, Howdy, Al!” Applejack greeted from her stand.
“Evening, Boss,” Silver Pauldrons echoed, standing next to the farmer.
“Evening, you two,” Alan greeted. “Been behaving?”
“Sir, yes sir,” Silver said, “Got those forms you requested earlier, and we got the delivery on those training weapons.”
Alan smiled. “Good to hear. Where are the forms now?”
“Your desk back at the Outpost,” Silver told him.
“Great, good luck, you two.”
“Have a nice day, now!” Applejack called.
“Yeah, yeah, will do,” Alan agreed. “Hey, AJ.”
“Yeah?”
“Is Big Mac where he normally is?”
She smiled and nodded. “Eeyup.”
“Alright then, see y’all later,” he said with a wave before heading out towards the edge of town.
He walked along, greeting the many ponies he knew by name and saying a simple “hey” to those whose names he could not remember.
He smiled as he walked, before suddenly hearing someone call his voice.
“Hey, Al!”
Alan turned, and smiled. “Spike! How’s it going, man?”
Spike walked forward, escorting Rarity, who was never seen without a hat these days. ‘It’s going well, Alan. Where’ve you been?”
“Me?” Alan asked. “Well, Twi and I just took care of the Hydra that was in Froggy Bottom Bog, and that took forever, other than that, haven’t really done anything else important, once I check up on Mac, I’m going to head over to the Outpost and pick up some forms to request a unit transfer so that we can get a little more help down here.”
“That’d be nice,” Spike grumbled. “We need some new guys to come in to take out all the paperwork you never got around to.”
“How is Mac these days?” Rarity asked.
“He’s been...weird…” Alan said, hesitantly. “Been sitting around trees a lot lately, talking to bushes and stuff.”
“Do you think something’s wrong?” Spike asked.
Alan hesitated for a second. “I...have no idea,” he admitted. “Truth be told, I think it makes him happier, and Fluttershy loves it when he talks to her animals, so, if nothing else, it’s great for their relationship.”
Rarity cocked her head. “Hm...odd. Adorable, and sweet, but odd.”
Spike turned to her. “Rarity, I love you, but I’m not talking to plants for you.”
“Wouldn’t expect you to, dear,” she said, patting his shoulder. “Say hello, for me, would you, Alan?”
“Will do,” Alan said, before turning to head out. “See you guys!”
“Bye Al!”
“Goodbye, Darling.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Big Mac stood in a little clearing that sat between Fluttershy’s cottage and Sweet Apple Acres.
Closer to Fluttershy’s, but it wasn’t too far away from either.
He had decided to put a little winter cabin here, and had already started laying a foundation.
Stu Barker, the large maple that was going to be in his front yard, spoke. “So, what’re you going to build it out of?”
“Wood,” Big Mac replied as he laid some brick down along the edges of where his cabin would be.
The trees around the clearing shivered.
“Um...not anytree you know, right, Mac?” Woody Knott, the birch across the way, asked.
“Eenope.”
The trees breathed a collective side of relief.
Russell Bush, a young raspberry vine, spoke up. “So, why here? Why build here?”
Barry Berry, a much older blackberry bush on the other side of the clearing spoke up. “Why do you care? I’m just happy he isn’t tearing us all up to make room.”
“Woah, woah, easy there, Barry,” Hazel Nut said. “Our job is to provide, if that means space, then so be it.”
“Oh, come off it! You don’t get to be so high and lofty, I know you purposefully dropped that branch on that beaver to save yourself.”
Big Mac shook his head, trying to block out the sounds of the argument that was starting to break out amongst the flora.
Admittedly, his first foray into communicating with nature had wound up with Big Mac wide-eyed and opened-mouthed as he was suddenly filled with more knowledge than he was ready to take.
Trees were surprisingly wise.
Still, he got used to it. He sat and listened until he had learned many new things.
He now knew how to becoming one with the earth itself, how to listen to the wind and speak to the ground.
“Someone comes this way,” another tree said. “It’s the pony with the golden hooves.”
Barry gasped. “Oh no! Not him! Keep him and his ‘weeding’ magic away from me!”
Big Mac shook his head.
“Hey, Big Mac,” Alan said, entering the clearing.
“Howdy, Al,” Mac said. “How’ve you been?”
“Been good, just coming to check up on you.”
Big Mac shot him a glance.
“Fluttershy asked me to, alright? She said she would’ve done it herself, but she had an errand to run.”
Big Mac nodded in understanding. “Gotcha,” he said, before laying down another brick.
Alan nodded, before scanning the grounds. “You sure you want that blackberry there?”
“YES! YES YOU DO!” Barry yelled.
Big Mac chuckled. “It’s fine where it is.”
“It is?” Alan asked. “I mean, no offense but I’ve seen a ton of vines like that back where I used to live, and they were just nuisances.”
“I AM NOT A NUISANCE!”
“It’ll be just fine, Al,” Big Mac said. “I’m actually looking forward to some good berries from him.”
“I don’t know why,” Hazel said. “Knowing Barry they’d be sour.”
“Oh, go pollinate yourself, you overgrown weed!”
Big Mac shook his head. “Oh, speaking of pulling things out of the ground.”
“Yeah?” Alan asked.
“We got an old stump back on the farm, and I’m going to need some help pulling her out.”
“Should I bring the rest of the guys?”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac said, “I’ll bring cider and snacks.”
“Sounds good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some forms to pick up, and then I’ve got a date to keep.”
“Date?” Big Mac asked.
“Well, it’s more going out to eat with the family because Twilight doesn’t want to cook, but I’ve got to do something to keep the romance alive,” he explained with a smile.
Big Mac shook his head, and went back to work.
All was silent in the clearing again.
And then Barry spoke up. “I hate that guy.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Scootaloo flew through the air, carried by her kick off the ground as she and Rumble went head-to-head in a spar.
A crudely carved stick was held in her mouth as she snarled at her opponent.
She was going to get a cutie mark in swordsmanship, and that was final.
Rumble blocked her incoming strike, pushing it to the side as he came around, underneath her for an uppercut.
“Scootaloo,” Applebloom said from the side lines as the stick was knocked from the peagsus’ mouth. “Scootaloo, Ah don’t think this is really…”
Scootaloo ignored her, jumping off to the side to grab her sword again, while dodging her opponent’s attacks.
On the sidelines, the remainder of the Cutie Mark Crusaders watched and sighed.
Diamond Tiara spoke up. “When are we going to pick our next...er…”
“Activity?” Sweetie Belle offered.
“Whatever.”
“Who knows?” Pipsqueak, the only male member of the Crusaders, who had endured many unspeakable trials, asked. “Scootaloo has practically taken over ever since Sweetie Belle got her Cutie Mark.”
Silver Spoon shook her head. “Well, don’t worry too much. Once she runs out of ideas, we can get to work on the backlog of activities I’ve planned.”
“Yeah…” Applebloom said. “We just need to wait until she runs out of ideas.”
The foals all shared a look.
“Yeah, that ain’t happening,” Pip said.
Applebloom sighed. “Alright, I’ll talk to her once she’s done here. Try to get somepony else to pick something.”
The foals watched on, before a suddenly vicious strike by Rumble sent the filly flying.
The Crusaders cringed.
“Ow…” she moaned.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Rainbow Dash soared and twirled, flying through the clouds as she directed her weather team. “Hurry up, Blossomforth! I’ve seen glaciers melt faster than you work!”
Thunderlane watched her, his eyes following her as she dove through a few cumulus clouds.
“Cloudchaser, come on, now! We needed that raincloud out over reservoir three hours ago!”
Thunderlane shook his head as he, Soarin, and a dozen other pegasi shared a massive cloud. They were carefully pushing the large cumulonimbus over towards the southern end of town to try and form a wall of cloud to keep any weather for Everfree floating in. It meant that the southern end could wind up with a little extra rainfall, but with fall rolling in, it wouldn’t be a bad idea.
It would certainly help Applejack’s cider.
Thunderlane looked back up at the pegasus as she led the crowd with the cloud.
“She’d be a good catch, wouldn’t she?” Soarin’s voice said next to him.
“What?” Thunderlane asked, snapping his head to the Wonderbolt, blushing all the way.
Soarin shrugged. “Smart, good leadership, important military pony, nice figure,” he said, “I’m just saying, if I weren’t getting hitched soon, I would...well...that would be inappropriate to say of a superior officer.”
Thunderlane’s ears were burning, and his face was turning a shade of crimson.
Soarin went back to the cloud. “Take my advice, Thunders, If you have any interest in that mare, you better get her before someone else does.”
Thunderlane blinked, staring at Soarin as the Wonderbolt happily went back to work.
“Hey! Thunderlane!” Rainbow yelled. “Quit napping! That’s my job!”
Thunderlane sighed. “Yes, Ma’am.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
As Alan walked into the Hay Burger, his nose was filled with the smell of fried horseshoe fries and greasy hay patties.
It wasn’t quite the same as Wendy’s but it was close enough.
Twilight waved him down from her table, Orion sitting in his collapsible high chair.
“Hey there, beautiful,” Alan said, walking up to her. “Come here often?”
She smiled, and they shared a kiss. “I got you the usual.”
“Extra pickles?”
“Always.”
Alan smiled. “You’re awesome, Twi.”
“Don’t let Rainbow Dash hear you,” she said with a smirk as her burger lifted in front of her, “she might get jealous.”
“She should be jealous,” Alan said, simply.
Twilight shook her head, and smiled.
“So,” Alan began, “Big Mac’s invited all the guys over for a stump pulling.”
“Really?” Twilight asked, before the sudden pop of teleportation brought in her schedule. “Is it an event?”
“Eeyup,” Alan said, biting into his burger.
“Alright, and don’t forget Pinkie’s wedding is—”
“The twentieth, I remember,” Alan finished. “It’s hard to forget when she continually posts banners across main street to invite all of Ponyville.”
“Just thought I’d say something,” Twilight said. “I know you can miss a date or two.”
Alan rolled his eyes. “It was one time Twilight, geeze. Crucify me, why don’tcha?”
“I’m just saying…”
“Well you don’t need to—”
“Daba!” Orion said.
Alan’s head snapped towards his son.
Twilight sighed. “He’s not old enough to talk yet,” she said.
“But he was so close!” Alan said.
“Still not old enough to talk,” Twilight said, before eating a few fries.
“Nonsense!” Alan said. “He’s smart! I mean just look at his genes!”
Twilight sighed and shook her head, before smiling.
<<<|Ω|>>>
His body was flying through the air.
He was about to go do Evil.
“No!” he screamed, before slamming himself into the ground.
He couldn’t. He mustn’t.
“Yes!” He roared, taking off again.
“No!” He slammed into the snow.
He had to stop himself.
“Let go! Harmony!” He cried, his wings beating as he took off.
"Never!” He roared, diving to the ground, and digging his claws into the soft earth.
He rolled on the ground, desperately trying to stay from going airborne.
He couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
Even...even if he could trust himself to stay who he was, he could never face her again.
Not her.
“Let go!”
“No! You let go!”
“I am master of this body! You cannot keep it long!”
“I will keep whatever I want for however long I want to!”
“It’s mine!”
“Mine!”
“Let go!”
“You let go!”
Oh, by Faust above, he wished he could stop himself.
It was that blasted sword! If he had never been hit this wouldn’t have happened! He would still be some crazed force of nature instead of the monster he had become.
Oh, Faust help him.
She was the only one who could.
--------------------------------
And hello, people!
“We’re Baaaaaaaaack~”
“Back? It’s been what? Two weeks?”
Back with the last piece of the puzzle.
“So you’re actually going to explain yourself?”
Yes, the big picture is coming at last.
“Well, let’s stop talking about it, and get on with it!”
Alright, alright! I’m movin’! I’m movin’!
“And here. We. Go!”
IT'S HERE!!!!
Edit: And now to get SOME sleep for my 4am shift, because I could not stop myself from reading. *grumble grumble grumble*
The universe conspires to give a really bad sense of timing. In any case, I'm really excited to see what you have planned for us DM! Also a great big Hello to Kilokk and Squiddy and Pinkie!
Yyyesss!!! He's back! (Though at this stage of the Game, should he be named DisHarmCordOny or something?)
hmm so only 3 character tags this time i hope this will be as interesting as the other two
... Pinkie just quoted The Joker. I'm going to go find a bunker to hide in and update my will.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Hellfire, Dark Fire,
Now Discord it's your turn.
Choose Light or Thy Pyre;
Reform or
You
Will
BUUUUURN!
Faust have mercy on him.
Faust have mercy on me.
But Discord will be turned to Right or
He
Will
DIE!
It's amazing how much formatting goes into one small comment!
I look forward to this.
Frag it DM! I'm fighting jetlag here and lo-and behold I make the mistake of checking fimfiction!
...
I can last 3k words...
EDIT: Big Mac cross classing cleric/druid for the win!
Barry is best bush.
It appears someone borrowed someones idea on how to deal with Hydras, now if only they were in Griffon territories they could use it to solve any hunger problems for a carnivorous species (barring the meat being poisonous).
I love he comedy in your stories, they're just too good!
media.tumblr.com/e1dfd7eea95897883bbcfe206061cd09/tumblr_inline_mqjraaJ0uU1qz4rgp.jpg
Oh ma gawd...
Is dat... is dat wat I think it is...
Oh... ohhh it iiis... ohh oh man I think I love dis day...
Yeah... yeah...
*proceeds to read*
And my favorite series has entered it's final phase. I'm both happy and sad because of this. Cudos to you good sir, keep it up.
I can't help but think Big Mac being able to talk to plants is going to be very important later on, also I loved the chapter in the last story where he found out he could, I honestly just thought he was having a dream or something, didn't make it any less funny though.
4726797 [youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=RTmyCUnMllg]
Waiiit slow down, I'm still finishing the last book!
Died laughing! Loving the plants!
And Discord starts eating ponies, because Evil!
I'm getting a very strong beelzebub feeling form Orion.
DABA
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101030065902/beelzebub/images/4/45/Tatsumi_and_Beelzebub.png
Okay, Miner. I have ONE complaint. That's all. In the last one, we did not have much story. We had some shipping, some gore, and the tiniest bit of character development, but not much story. Each chapter was like, an hour. At the very least, the last chapters were. Miner, PLEASE don't just do Sombra here. Do... All kinds of shit. Like, seriously. Tirek, for instance. Make him and their kid Alicorns, but not OP, because even if I love it, most people hate it. Don't just stick with one topic, man. Please. I REALLY love your work, but the last was a bit boring. Make this one better, 'kay? Pinkie, stay on his ass. But not literally. Unless you and Soarin' are free roamers, I don't think that is a good idea...
4766826
Don't worry about that. As I was planning this one out I went "Wow...a lot's going to happen in this chapter, I may need to break it up..."
4767385 As long as it's not like the last one. It was a (un)neccessary evil.
I would like to suggest, since I'm pretty sure It's going to happen, that when Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash have a child, it be named Storm Breeze. Mainly being a stormy grey/blue sky color mix from the parents, and the mane being striped with the blue and yellow from RD and the pale blue from TL. But it is your story, so do whatever you think best. I love your work. It's one of the only well made, long running, expansive world building, stories I've ever read. You've packed so much into this story, and you've just BEGUN to scratch Season 3. I appreciate what you do for us, the fandom, and do hope you are able to continue doing so for years to come.
Mister DungeonMiner, famous writer and honored brony writer in all of Equis and Discord's dentist, who ripped off said Lord of Disharmony's fang like a carrot. (Just ratting off here XD How'd ya like them carrots!)
I had honestly wondered when Discord would finally make his own cameo. I wanted to see the little draconequus suffer a little... disorder from time to time. It's a cruel ironic version of Two Minds are Better than One.
Or at least the downsides of it.
Anypoodles, lovely story and setup, equal to ANSitCC and ACQutGC, looking forward to this one!
In the end I did choose sleep over starting this 'un...
Looking forward to what lies ahead.
Especially with the plants.
Lots of promising comedy these.
Also, I hate unexpected maintenance, however short.
I was going to read chapter two when it happened.
Yeah, batman line: [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xSLlZh9yelk]
2/3 done. This is just the first chapter and already i'm curious of a few things. Eeeeexcellent.
Welp, might as well read the whole trilogy in 2 days.
So wait. If all vegetation is sapient as well, then it's totally ok for alan to eat meat. Take that Twi, logic wins again.
Do you have any idea what you've done!? You've created a time paradox!
9486850
Huh...no one called that out. Thanks for that..
Did I miss our wonderful main character get wings somehow even though I am reading all of this at the same time and his boat is not mentioned
9584627
It's the boat.