Huzzah! The story continues.

4777175
Well it was a little better in the second chapter. Maybe it was just that there was a lot of block paragraphs and no dialogue to divide it. I just thought it might make it easier to read, especially since our eyes work differently when reading on a computer screen compared to a page on a book (it's true).

sequel? sequel?! OKAY!

4777602
You're welcome.
This and another story have made me start to like Lunestia fics.

4777688
Allow me to welcome you to the wonderful world of princest. Where only the worthy are allowed to please our beloved princesses.

I'm... not so sure about this. I can't stand most Princest/clop, but Luna is best pone...
Eh, what the hell? It's not like I can be scarred anymore by this fandom.

4778422
I hope that you are pleasantly surprised. I put a great deal of effort into treating the C&L like real people and most of the readers seem to think I did a good job. Please, let me know what you think after you finish.

This was by far the best clop fic I have read in a long time. To the author, I comment you for an excellent job on your craftsmanship towards sculpting Luna and Celestia's characters as well as the great detail you went into throughout the story.
Well done!

4778341
In other words, themselves.

4780133
I agree. Perhaps I can use this emotional build up and characterization as a guideline to help me with my own story. It's about two "sisters", who (eventually) become lovers, and one of them is a Princess.

4782169
Luna gets drawn into the role of the sprite. There are a few background reasons for this. A) she is distracted. B) the role is herself. C) Celestia's subconscious is a beast. D) some part of her own subconscious wants it too. All that adds up to a powerful force that blurs the lines of her own perceptions enough for her to step into the role without realizing it.

4782345
That's kinda what I thought. Just needed to clarify it. Thanks.

4782614
Oki-doki-loki, then!

4782731
Thanks.
I try to avoid explicit 'internal thoughts'. I'll have to see about grinding those out.
I'll look into your suggestions when I get the chance.

4785577
Che cosa?
4788463 4790267
6/10? Harrumph. I'll have to work harder next time. Was there something in particular that hindered it, something specific that could have been added? Or was it just a general lack of background/explanation?

Thank you either way.

4796996
Thanks. The author has already cleared that for me.

5034219
If I were you I would add one sentence that indicates that Luna has immersed herself into the role instead of watching. Just one line that tells the reader "from this point on, false-Luna is being replaced by real Luna". That would make things much easier.

5035100
If my goal was for it to be obvious, I would. However, it's supposed to be a little confusing. Luna doesn't realize what's happened until Celestia wakes up, booting her back to her own body.

Start with a bang, and ended with a bang. 10/10, It's a little hard to find a Celestia romance fic I like.

5054877
Thanks. It's always nice to know that I am succeeding on some level.

Is good :D Will comment here as well :P The world needs more things like this one here.

5065795
Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You'll probably like the sequel as well.

Also...

I enjoyed this story, and your writing style. And yes it was hot, thanks very much!

I won't say much critique-wise, as people like Cloperella (kindly) & throwawayponystory (with acid) have already noted things that I agree with.

Two things I will say:
There are a lot of small mechanical errors in every chapter that could easily be cleaned up with a pass-through. It always surprises and kind of irks me that good authors here often let these kind of things linger in their published stories. It takes some of the shine off the story for me while I'm reading. But, that is me...

And:

“How are you okay with these desires?”
As to the last one, the flip is entirely intentional.

My thoughts: Instead of the emotional punch you were probably hoping for with this line written in modern English: it doesn't break the story, but it really does break the flow of the story. It might have worked if there had been some kind of lead-in to it over the course of the story, some attempt on Luna's part to switch speech patterns before this and it was noted. Instead she's used Olde English everywhere up to this point, and suddenly speaks perfect modern conversational English (counter-intuitively falling back on a new language pattern in an emotionally-charged moment), making the Olde English look like more of an insincere affectation rather than a well-ingrained speech pattern.

Aside from those things, I enjoyed this enough to fave & follow and read more, which I'm going to do shortly.

5219295
Thanks.
As to your first note:
I have gone through it once or twice since posting, so either you're seeing something that I don't think is wrong, but is, or vice-versa. Either way, unless someone volunteers to go through it, it's probably not going to change.

As to your second note:
That's not quite it. Luna speaks in 'Olde' when she's angry. You'll notice in chapter 3, while in her own dream, there is only a small portion of the dialogue that is 'Olde', which is when she is yelling at 'Dreamlestia'. The line in question is when her anger has burnt itself out. In the moments before, she was able to be angry at Celestia, blaming her for everything. But right there, she is at the edge, staring down at something in herself that she can only see as dark and terrible. She has nothing left, and is looking toward Celestia to save her. (In truth, it's the later line 'Then what art we to do?' that needed to be [and has been] changed.)

That being said, I appreciate that it didn't come off as well as I would have liked.

5219500 Ah, when you describe it that way, it makes more sense.

I liked what you did with that scene, and I feel it was well done. It's more the words she uses, or how she uses them in that one line that throws me off a bit, but it's easy enough to accept and continue on.

Luna: Greetings Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight: Oh, hello Princess Luna!
Luna: Please just Luna.
Twilight: Oh yes of course sorry. So I was wondering about the newest addition to the night sky.
Luna: Ah yes your letter metioned as such. Celestia and I are how do you say it today ah yes banging, bucking, getting it on, accessing her harddrive, riding the pony, and doing the ham and cheese sandwich. That was my inspiration behind my new night sky.
-Twilight.exe has crashed-

Anyway, beautiful story you have here. It's always nice to see the princesses in a personal setting. I do appreciate your interpretation of Luna. As for the clop it was done well. Many horny readers will do well to read this. "Hey, Luna stop touching my keyboard!" The clop has been doubled. Sigh, anyway fantastic work.

5322223
In a few centuries, sister/sister incest will be a regular form of stress relief in Equestria...
...what a wonderful future for the males.

"Honey, you look stressed, we should invite your sister over!"

5489807

Things are about to get kinky.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/1/2/200512/full.jpeg

5502592
Thank you for your kind words.

The reason I have it the way I do (and I think that's the way it's always been, but I'm not sure) is that she isn't saying 'would' but 'will'

“Thou wilt do anything?”

"You will do anything?"

“Wilt thou crawl to me on thy knees?”

"Will you crawl to me on your knees?"
The reason for this word choice is because she doesn't want to believe it. She isn't asking Celestia to do these things, but, rather, if she is willing to do them.

I hope this helps to improve your reading experience.

th05.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/i/2012/020/b/a/i_came__by_iltdk-d4mzpb2.png

Seriously though, I wish I had your skill as an author. Not necessarily for clop; and sadly I know I can write; but I can't weave an interesting story to save my life. And your characterization? Simply superb.
Love it.

5971940
No. In this day and age of private bookshelves and alternate accounts such flaccid shows of support mean nothing.

You shall favorite this story, and it's sequel.

So I say, so shall it be.

The Landgrave

6056714
Once a story is finished, it is finished, warts and all. Move forward or die in the past.

6199877
I have no use for ghosts.
Please remain where you are while I call the exterminators[1].

The Landgrave

[1]I have been informed that they will not be available until this next year. I hope you don't mind waiting.

http://silfoe.deviantart.com/art/Royal-Sketchbook-Feb20-517408970

6398051
Silfoe is a pretty awesome artist.

6398504
Yeah she is a awesome artist, but I gave this ship a try and tried your which is very well done I must say, but incest is not my cup of tea. Still very good work

6398821
To each their own. Thanks for the compliment.

loved it looking forward to reading the squeal, very well wrote and with much passion that most writers leave out, thank you for the amazing story

First big mistake is that the story is essentially one massive block of text, which makes it hard to read.

Such quality princest! That story was so sweet it gave me diabeetus.
I only regret that it took me so long to find and read it.
This is long overdue,
media.giphy.com/media/oY93ZH6alBiQU/giphy.gif

Despite her excitement, Luna looked away. "Are you certain that is wise? I am not nearly the liar you are."

"Such honeyed words you whisper in my ear."

Luna's hoof dug between Celestia's ribs, making her jerk. "You know my meaning."

Totally deserved that, Tia

8312454
Makes sense, but if it were me in Celestia's shoes, I'd wanna try to keep ahold of SOME aspects of that lifestyle, if only to prevent weird looks or threats of scandal every single time I broke the regal and upstanding persona.

Ah well: 'would've, should've, could've', as the saying goes. Regardless, this was a nice piece and I really enjoyed how you set all of it up.

I know I left a comment here years before, but I must be playing tricks on myself. This is always a most exquisite reading material for me. Keep up the excellent work.

Thanks for the fic! It was sweet!

Ayoo, this is the first time I've seen anyone used Sarosins other than Skirts. That's pretty cool.

Got recc'ed this by a friend, was very fun to read.