• Member Since 10th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 56 minutes ago

Star Phantom


I'm a guy who loves Video Games and is a Brony. I get different ideas for the mane six and mostly into game crossovers.

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Pinkie Pie is just a random, fun loving, party pony that live in Ponyville with the Cakes family. Her sisters come over for a visit and tell them about their parents deaths. While she at her parents funnel, she meets a old friend of her parents name Hazama Lions and is ask to come with him, alone. He tells her he knows who kill Pinkie's parents and wants to talk to her about it. When they reach a factory, he tells her that he kill her parents and shoots her in cold blood. Pinkie falls into a chemical and is left for dead. Luckily her sisters find her and she is hospitalizes until she feels better, Pinkie then learns that the chemical had gave her super speed and zooms around having fun. When she spot a crime happens in her home, Pinkie uses her speed to stop it and then decide to become a hero. The Fastest Mare in Equestria, Fili-Second. She also learns a dark secret to her her new powers.

Part of my Power Ponies Stories. Four of Six.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

Great job on that chapter I was tearing up can't wait to read the next chapter.

4706604 Look at it and it was funny. Is that how you see this story?:rainbowhuh:

i have an idea the next time pinkie meets hazama his mane and tail become dark green

A few minor spelling mistakes, and a work on speech and descriptives is needed. Sadly not enough for a like but not bad enough for a dislike, this could be a good story if you make these changes.

4708018 Sure, Once I work on the chapters I'll use that. Thanks.

all right also when will masked matter-horn be up

Funeral. When a pony/person dies, they have a funeral.
You need to learn about tenses.
Hazama explained.
“I killed your parents!”

All in all, a great story.

4790060 Thanks for the review and thank you for telling me how funeral was spell. Check out the others yet?

4790158 Finished Marvelous, but then my mom called me for chores. I, being a grammar nazi, am trying very hard not to re write hr chapters and PM you the edited version.
They’re still really good though.

Good, but again work on your grammatical and tense errors and don't give away the WHOLE story in the description. But good. :twilightsmile:

4799408 I'm not putting everything in one chapter. It spitting in between three chapters.

4800655 I didn't say chapter, I said DESCRIPTION. Y'know, story description.

4800694 Well, I never said what she will do during her hero time.

4805458 Yes, but you give away nearly the whole story and the twists like who killed Pinkie's parents when you could leave that out of the description and explain it in the story itself.

4805572 Well, I got the info from some one else and I just put up what was send to me.

4819830 But try to simplify if in your own way. Shorten it, add suspense, leave out all the plot points. Just give us the basic story. "One fateful day, Pinkie becomes the superhero Fili-Second."

This is a really good story, but it needs an editor.

Quick question before I jump into this. Will I expect a Zoom esqe Villain? As in

7467085 Not sure, I really never thought about it.

7467453 well you're welcome for the thought

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