• Member Since 11th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 1st, 2016

marineproductions100


My name is Cameron. I am a musician, a writer, a singer, and a member of the band Bless Our Demise. My stories are mainly sad because I believe in expressing my emotions through stories...and songs.

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Fluttershy wakes up one morning and feels strange. She ignores this feeling and goes on with her daily routine, but what happens to her completely devastates her. Everypony is ignoring her. She doesn't know why, but she has to find out.

Inspired by the song: Murder Mitten by I See Stars.

The artwork does not belong to me. If you want to see the creator, here's the link: Link.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 30 )

4666444
How did you do that. Put a link with words? I keep on seeing people doing it and I do not know how.

That was nice. Slow and kinda my style. A few errors but can easily be overlooked. It also has a nice moral. Keep up the good work. :)

4666491 Well, when you click on the insert link button, a little box pops up. In the top part of the box you enter the url of the link, and in the bottom part you type what you want the words to say.

4666510
Ok. Thanks. :)

Not a bad story, although I have a feeling that Discord could have seen her as well. In truth he wouldn't want her to move on. She is the one that cared the most for him, and it's obvious that he thinks the world of her. I can only imagine what he did to whatever it was that killed her.

Indescribable. The execution of the story, save for the pace, was nearly flawless. :moustache:
To have this whole thing done in 2000 words, though, is stretching it a bit. If this had been double the length, I'm sure it would've had the detail and quality it deserved. You're almost there. Just a bit more practice. :raritywink:
My only serious complaint is the grammar. Although it was mostly good, there were a select few instances where it bothered me greatly and took some meaning off the story. I'm going to assume I'm just a picky person, for the time being. :rainbowderp:
I'm an Expert-Class member in the Proofreader Group, so if you ever need any services in the future, send me a PM. :rainbowkiss:

To whom may ever this would bring attention to:

Dear friends,
Death is a sad but constant thing. Death is there to remind us that wherever our love ones go they are happily watching over us. Death is a toll keeper, there can only be certain people in this world and death is here to keep us in check.
Remember no matter how hard the impact was, it's all worth it.
Thank you
To my grandparents I never met.
Lightning/Metal Hoof

4666444 Thank you very much for finding this link for me. Five yays and five hearts: :yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

4666493 Thank you for your feedback. It is very much appreciated. :twilightsmile:

4666564 Thank you for your feedback. Now that I think about it, Discord would have been a great addition to this story, but maybe next time. :twilightsmile:

4667227 4667009 Thank you for the encouraging, and most interesting, pictures. :twilightsmile:

4667347
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/020/c/3/well_played__fluttershy____by_dawnmistpony-d5s4p4c.png

I thought about putting a really sad one up, but I think that works. He would have been great for the story. I can almost see a bit of the dialogue now.

"I don't want you to go. Stay here, with me. I can see you, and I always will. I'll always be here and so will you. We'll be together forever. We can prank Celestia, Luna, Candace, and Twilight for all time. Besides, you're my friend, my only friend, and the only one that enjoys my chaos,"

4667445 It's already caught my attention. I agree 100% that it would be a great part of the story. It does have a good dialogue with it.

:facehoof: I'm trying to get this thing out of my eye. :fluttercry:

4671354 I love your way of saying "good story." :twilightsmile:

4667004
I love that letter.

Nooo nononono not like this not like this :fluttercry: :fluttercry: :fluttercry: :fluttershbad:
ill miss u fluttershy ill miss u ill never look fluttershy the same way now :fluttercry: :fluttercry: :fluttercry:

I'm not one for sadfics, but this one wasn't too bad. It has just the right amount of emotion without being overwhelming. It din't dwell on anything more than it had to, nor did it drag on longer than it needed to. The pacing was good, the grammar was good... I can't think of anything negative to say.

4671908 It's okay. She'll be back in season 5. :yay:

Crap, my eyes sprung a leak. Now I have to hire a plumber and pay him my non-existent money.

Overall this wasn't a bad story, it could have done with a little fleshing out in a few places (maybe even on each characters perspectives to the loss and death of Fluttershy, just a tad.) You could have explained more from Fluttershy's POV as to what actually happened. It was still worth reading and it did tug a little at the heart strings.

This was still worth favourting and in liking.

-frost:pinkiesmile:

Very good story, I almost cried. Almost. There were some mistakes in here though so you may want to look back and fix those if you get a chance.

4673311 I took too many hits to the feels I am going down

I cried. It was so sad.

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