Griffon the Heave-ho

by CrowMagnon

Part 8 - Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here

Griffon the Heave-ho
by CrowMagnon

Rainbow Dash let out an exhausted sigh. Feeding the animals in her care had taken a while. Twilight would have helped, but had been set on watch to ensure that the unconscious earth ponies didn't run off the instant they woke up again.

Getting the flower trio back to their stall in the market hadn't been much more difficult. Convincing them that no, Equestria was not in the process of being conquered by the Griffon Empire, and no, she wasn't just saying that because she and Twilight had been brainwashed into serving the Neo Griffon World Order... that had sapped the energy out of her. Energy that she was more than happy to replenish by accompanying her Ranger friend back to the Bean There, Done That for an after-lunch snack.

When they pushed open the door, the two of them found Pinkamena sitting at Twilight's table and reading a book while guarding her paperwork. "Hey, Pinkamena," she said as she walked past her to the bar counter. "Hey, I'll take one of those little tulip cakes and a mug of joe. For here, not to go."

The burly unicorn stallion behind the bar smirked. "Sorry, Rainbow, you know I love my wife too much for that. Let me get you some coffee instead," the proprietor, Mugga Joe replied.

Dash rolled her eyes, but chuckled a little at the lame joke as she got her sandwich and beverage, flicking a few bits onto the counter with her wing while she picked them up.

Meanwhile, Twilight settled back into her seat. "Thanks for guarding my things, Pinkamena. What are you reading there?"

"Creatures in Conflict: A Comparison of Cultures, by Fuzzy Thinker," the poet replied, taking a moment to show Twilight the cover.

The unicorn's ears perked up at the title, and she smiled at her friend. "Oh, wow, I remember that one! It's mandatory reading in the Guard's Officer's Academy. His essays on the role and evolution of conflict among different species is just brilliant. How far in are you?"

Pinkamena continued to read as she replied, "Oh, I'm just looking over the section on griffons. Did you take care of the one in the market?"

Twilight nodded and leaned back in her seat. "Yeah. Apparently, she's an old friend of Rainbow's who came in with a diplomatic envoy from the Empire. Now there's a griffon who needs to read that book. She says she was just asking for directions, but she was doing it by screaming at ponies, and got into a fight with Sunburn."

At that point, Rainbow returned and put her food and drink on the table next to her. "Come on, Twi, it's like I said. Gilda was just under a lot of stress, trying to find me before the rest of her pride showed up. Besides, Sunburn admitted she threw the first hoof."

"I know, I know," Twilight replied, using her magic to pick up a few papers and look them over to remember where she had left off. "Setting aside the fact that your friend doesn't have hooves to begin with, remember I was willing to give her a chance to calm down and get things sorted out even before I found out she was your friend."

Pinkamena mused, "It must have been interesting, having a griffon friend. Competition is such an integral part of the griffon psyche, especially at that age, before most of them start moderating themselves and focusing that competitive energy in more productive ways." She flipped a page, and her ears perked up with interest. "According to this, even their art is used as a venue for competition. 'Rapier' poetry was invented hundreds of years ago as a non-violent way of replacing honor duels."

"Seriously? How does that work?" Rainbow asked before taking a bite of her cake.

"Well, when two griffons get involved in a 'rapier battle', they get in front of an audience and take turns creating verses to attack their opponent and aggrandize themselves. This can go on for a set number of verses, or until one of them isn't able to come up with a follow-up. Once it's over, whoever did the better job of getting the audience on their side is the winner."

Rainbow Dash chewed on that for a bit before swallowing. "So you're telling me the griffons literally turned insulting each other into an art-form? Heh, Gilda must be a rock star over there."

Pinkamena glanced up toward the window. "Maybe you'll get a chance to ask. Is that her?"

Rainbow Dash and Twilight both looked up to see Gilda, no longer encased in her bulky thundersteel armor. She was peering inside, and after seeing the ponies look her way, she made her way to the door with a confident strut. Once she opened the door, Gilda grinned and greeted them by asking, "'Sup, losers? So, who do I have to gut to get a drink and a snack around here?"

"That'd be me or Mr. Joe," Pinkamena replied, marking her page as she closed her book and stood up.

"Hey, G," Rainbow Dash greeted with a grin as she pointed toward the pink earth pony. "Just in time for me to introduce you to another one of my friends. This is Pinkamena Diane Pie, barrista-slash-poet extraordinaire."

Gilda came up to the table the ponies were sitting and and looked Pinkamena over. As Pinkamena looked back at her with her usual stoic gaze, Gilda asked, "So... what's wrong with you? Somegriffon eat your puppy? Or are you just one of those snooty 'intellectual' types who thinks she's too cool to crack a smile?"

Dash's own grin slipped a litte. "Hey, ease up a little, Gilda. She's kind of sensitive about that."

Gilda turned her head to ask Rainbow Dash, "How can you tell? I've seen statues with more life in them."

"It's okay, Rainbow Dash," Pinkamena replied before turning back to Gilda. "It's true, I'm not the most expressive pony around, but I'm very happy to be friends with Rainbow, and I'm glad to get the chance to meet y--"

"Yeah, yeah, spare me the life story," Gilda replied with a dismissive wave of her talons. "Just get me some coffee. I like it like I like my exes. Hot, strong, and bitter."

Pinkamena shut her mouth and nodded as she went back to the coffee bar to prepare Gilda's beverage. Lt. Sparkle held her thoughts, but gave Gilda a stern glare as the griffon pulled herself up into a seat at their table.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, frowned and said, "Okay, first off, not cool, Gilda. Pinkamena's a really nice pony and a great friend. Trust me, just get to know her a little better before you start ripping on her. And second... since when could you drink coffee without most of it being cream and sugar?"

Gilda puffed out her chest indignantly. "I just got more mature, okay? Besides, who's ripping on her? I'm just saying, Little Miss Beret over there might just be doing this job while she's waiting for her 'big break'..." Gilda paused a moment to make air quotes with her talons. "... But as long as she's stuck in this crummy gig, she might as well-- GAH! Ow!" Whatever Gilda was going to say was interrupted by cries of pain when one of her wings spasmed and started flapping around with a small green hanger-on clung to it.

"Ow! Owwww! Get this thing offa me!" Gilda shouted as Rainbow Dash and Twilight both recognized the 'attacker' as Pinkamena's pet, Gummy. The little alligator was latched onto Gilda's wing, and stubbornly refused to let go. As soon as she realized what it was, Twilight tried to grab hold of Gummy with her magic, but Gilda was moving too erratically for her to get a lock on, and a powerful flap of the griffon's wing caused Gummy to finally let go and start sailing through the air, straight toward the returning Pinkamena's face.

Realizing that Gummy was flying at her like a scaly little missile while she was carrying an order of piping hot coffee, Pinkamena braced herself and closed her eyes, but the impact she was expecting didn't come. Instead, she heard the tinkling hum of unicorn magic and slowly opened her eyes to see the alligator hovering in mid-air, courtesy of Twilight's aura.

Everypony in the room let out a sigh of relief at the averted disaster, and Pinkamena told her pet, "Gummy, I've told you not to come down here during business hours. What did you think you were doing?"

"Trying to gnaw my wing off, that's what!" Gilda snarled, wincing slighty as she pulled said wing back against her sides, and she came over to grab the floating gator in her talons. "I am going to turn you inside-out and make a boot out of you! I am going to eat your lungs while you're still alive to watch," she threatened while looking Gummy straight in the eye, though the reptile just stared blankly back at her.

"Stop it," Pinkamena interjected, snatching Gummy out of Gilda's talons and into her own hooves. "He didn't do any harm. He doesn't even have fangs, see?" She pulled back one of his lips to reveal the inside of Gummy's toothless mouth.

"I don't care," Gilda screeched before turning around. "I'm outta here!" With that, she stormed out of the coffee house, leaving the ponies behind to gather their thoughts. A moment later, Rainbow Dash got out of her seat and rushed out after Gilda.

Outside, she saw Gilda duck behind the building, and came around to find the griffon stiffly trying to work her wing. Still confused, Rainbow Dash asked, "Gilda? What was that back there?"

The griffon bristled, then replied over her shoulder, "What do you mean? You saw it. Your friend's freaky little pet tried to take a bite out of me!"

"I mean with your wing," Rainbow Dash replied, coming closer. "I know Gummy couldn't have hurt you, so did you get inju--"

"It's nothing," Gilda interrupted. "Just pulled it a little doing extra training. They don't let just any griffon into the Stormriders, you know. You've gotta give a hundred and ten percent just to get them looking your way, so I've been putting in a hundred and twenty."

Rainbow Dash leaned in to get a closer look and replied, "Extra training? Your wing joints look like they were under some serious strain. No wonder you were so in so much pain. Maybe it'd be for the best if you came back to my place and got some rest."

Gilda let out a groan of disgust. "Ugh, when did you stop being cool and turn into my mom? I just need to stretch 'em out a little. See?" She started to spread her wings to take off, wincing as she did so, but Rainbow Dash immediately jumped onto her back and pinned the huge eagle-like wings to Gilda's sides. "Hey! What're you doing?"

"Settle down and shut your yap! If you try to fly like this, something could snap," Rainbow Dash exclaimed, reaching around to hold Gilda's beak shut until she made her point. Her voice was firm and it was clear that she would accept no argument as she told her friend, "Now we're going back inside. Pinkamena'll apologize for Gummy, and you'll apologize for threatening to eat him. Then I'll take you around so you can meet the rest of the gang. Sound cool?"

"Yeah... sure..." Gilda replied. At least, that was what it sounded like with her beak muffled.

Rainbow Dash grinned and was about to get off Gilda's back when they both heard a feminine voice exclaim, "Girls! She's over here! And Rainbow Dash has her pinned!"

Both looked to the source of the voice and found Fluttershy hovering and pointing to them while shouting to somepony else, who turned out to be Applejack and Rarity, the latter of whom had Spike clinging to her back. "There you are," Rarity growled, literally snorting purple smoke and flame from her nostrils.

"Hold that hooligan down! Don't let her get away," Applejack exclaimed.

After a moment of stunned silence from both Gilda and Dash, the griffon asked, "Oh, these are your friends, too? Heh... I might've already bumped into them on the way back here."

Author's Note:

Not much for me to say on this one, so I'll leave you guys with a little something. If you haven't seen this video yet, do so now! It's a sequel of sorts to "Once Upon A Time In Canterlot", so be sure to watch that one too.

Comments

[RanmaChaos]

Good

[djthomp]

Hahaha, figures that Gilda already took care of "meeting" everyone.

And that is definitely an awesome video. Oddly enough, I especially like the little changeling details, like the one dragging another to safety or the one being bandaged. Those touches humanize (ponyize?) them nicely.

[Akwala]

Gilda sure knows how to get herself into trouble.

Great chapter! Loved it!

[CrowMagnon]

4830196 4833159 4833237

Thanks guys.

[ZealousChristian24]

Mugga Joe

Any relation to Pony Joe?

'Rapier' poetry was invented hundreds of years ago as a non-violent way of replacing honor duels.

You know, the Griffins are typically depicted Norse/Germanic enough that it's surprising that you're the first to depict them inventing rap(or flyting, as the Norse knew it).

Glad to see Gummy, and of course Gilda and Pinkamena come into conflict.

[CrowMagnon]

5300375
I have to admit, that's a happy accident because I wasn't aware of flyting (or at least not enough that it was anywhere in my mind at the time). The fact that it's an historic reality perfectly suited to Griffon culture makes me very, very happy.

And yeah, Mugga is Pony "Donut" Joe's brother. Classic case of sibling rivalry between them, too.

[Razzy]

Nice chapter, it's just like Gilda to airway already have had made a mess.

Epic Griffon Rapier Battles? XD That's SO perfect for griffons, and the fact that it actually was a thing is even better.

Cool video. And I have to agree there, I love the little changeling details, they show that they're not just faceless goons. I just how they didn't get kicked too hard.

Cya
Raziel-chan