Vocaloid in Equestria: beta session

by DerpyStarlet

Chapter 33: Meeting Royalty and Selling Shit

~Canterlot Castle~

Upon coming to the castle I... Find myself wholly underwhelmed. The architecture was silly at best, childish at worst. All around me there were various statues dedicated to values like honour, camaraderie, friendship, and cake. Ignoring the monument to cake, I continue onwards, into the white and gold depths of the staircase to a second story courtyard. With a sigh, I get my chocobo to jump up to the next landing and continue onwards. After blindly wandering the corridors and scaring many a maid, I finally make it to the throne room doors, where a pair of guards was standing. As I approached, the guards levitated a pair of spears across the door. Seeing this as a challenge, I dismount, and walk towards the guards. Analysing the situation, I come up with no definitive ways past the guards. Shrugging I give a random idea a shot. "Ahem. HEY! LOOK OVER THERE!" I yell out and point in a random direction, momentarily causing the guards to look where I was pointing. They came back to their senses just in time to hear the throne room doors swing shut behind them.

"We're so going to get fired, aren't we?" One of the guards asked.

"Shut up and pretend it never happened." The other angrily growled at the first.

~Inside the Throne Room~

Princess Celestia, ruler of the day, having looked up at the sound of her throne room doors opening, found herself staring at another human as they entered the room. Starring at the newcomer with a measured stare, she spoke up. "Tell me, my little human, what brings you to my throne room?" Staring at the pony princess I think carefully on what to say.

"You'd look significantly better if you were pink." Not known for my tact, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"What?" Celestia asked dumbfoundedly.

"I said you'd look better pink."

"Why?" Celestia asked.

"Coz I remember reading somewhere that pink symbolises a bunch of nifty things, and not that drivel they say about feminity, kindness, and charm. Think it was something long the lines of passion, strength, and maybe masculinity. Don't remember too well."

"So you're saying the colour of my coat changes how my little ponies view me?"

"Dunno, all I know is that you called me your little human. Call me that again, and I will unleash a horde of wither skeletons."

"I have no idea what those are, but if you came here the same way as the others..." Celestia said before trailing off.

"What, there's more people like me here? Neat. Where are they and can I go make their lives miser- I mean more interesting?"

"I doubt moving you out of Canterlot in a stealthy manner would be feasible at this point."

"No need. Got ya covered on the stealth element."

"Really?"

"Yup, don't need to be stealthy when everyone knows you're there."

"What." Celestia deadpanned.

"Ran around town on a pink chocobo. Kinda hard to miss that."

"I'll release a public statement tomorrow then. Tell me, did you receive any gifts when you arrived."

"Just said I was riding a pink chocobo, obviously the chocobo was the gift."

"Did it have any bags on it?"

Yes."

"Where is it."

"Probably outside the door. Lemme see if this'll work." I say as I purse my lips.

"What are you doing?" Celestia asked, followed by me whistling, a horrible sound that caused all who heard it to cover their ears. Then my chocobo burst through the doors to stand right next to me.

"Okay, there's about five saddlebags on them. Imma open one." With a wince, Celestia nodded. Opening the first bag, I spy a
length of dull orange in it. Grasping the object, I give a mighty heave, pulling out perhaps the biggest sword Celestia had seen, being nearly as long as I was tall and half as wide as I was. As I stared at the dull orange monstrosity before me, I noticed a purple seen of light flash over it. "Sweet mother of awesome, this things enchanted. Wait... Enchanted tartarite cleaver... This is my cleaver from minecraft! I am invincible! Mwahahahahaha! So long as there's some armor." I then concluded, unceremoniously dropping the massive sword on the ground and returning to rooting around in the internals of the saddlebag. After finding useless things like the entire contents of my ingots chest, I conclude that the only thing of use in this particular bag was the cleaver. Moving on to the next, I pull out an atomic disassembler. I stare at it in awe as Celestia speaks up.

"What is that device?" She asked.

"An atomic disassembler. Best mining tool in the mekanism mod. And it has full charge and that fortune ten enchantment I exploited onto it. " Looking back inside the saddlebag I also find several dozen capacitor banks, a multitude of various power devices, and kilometres of advanced universal cable. Finding that to be all, I move onto the next. Stuffed to the brim with steaks, chicken, pork, bacon, and various other meats, kept in eternal stasis by Minecraft physics. Moving on to the fourth bag, I find it full of various magical paraphernalia. Grinning to myself, I move to the fifth, and final, saddlebag. What I find inside is a large amount of base metals, electronic components, and other technological mumbo jumbo. Turning to Celestia I speak up. "I have some pretty awesome stuff in these saddlebags. On an unrelated note, how much is mithril worth to you ponies?" I asked.

"About ten thousand bits per kilo. Why do you ask?" She queried.

"No reason." I reply, barely keeping the shit eating grin off my face. "So, anywhere I can stay?"

"I suppose you can stay in the castle until such a time as you can find residence."

"Nice. Wonder how your society will react to all these nifty gifts I've gotten." I wonder aloud.

"I have no idea what they do, but so long as they don't harm my little ponies, I am fine with them."

"Don't worry, in my Minecraft word, I was a very eco-friendly mad scientist archmage living in a redwood."

"... What?" Celestia asked, completely dumbfounded.

"Nothing. Now then, Imma go take a nap, it was five am when I left, and it was probably a couple hours to get here, so I am tired." I state.

"I'll have one of my guards escort you to temporary accommodations." Celestia said, motioning to one of her guards. Following the guard, I can't help but wonder what the other humans brought here by Discord were up to... With a shrug I continue after the guard.

~My room~

I look at the overly gaudy room I find myself standing in. With a mildly disappointed humph, I set to personalising the room, by dumping the entire contents of the magic saddlebag on the floor. Sitting in front of me is one hundred and fifty tomes covering everything from alchemy to necromancy to something called zeromancy. sorting each tome into what I deemed their respective categories. Spying a mirror I decide seeing what I look like. Approaching the mirror, I notice something that I should have really noticed before now. I am shorter. Not by a bit, not by a small amount, but a full foot and a half shorter. I now estimate myself to be standing at a measly five foot two, compared to my imposing six foot eight from before my arrival. With a whine of disappointment,
I move on to my next observation, I appear to look to weigh around forty sevenish kilos. I stare blankly for a second before a maniacal grin breaks out. "Heh, looks like all those people blathering on about healthy eating and regular exercise clearly haven't tried the spontaneous transgender transformation trick. That was terrible." I say aloud. Returning to looking at myself, I also note I have pink hair with two massive curls. Upon closer inspection of my new face, I notice I have red eyes, and appear to be wearing purple headphones. My clothes also appear to be some sort of sleeveless grey shirt with pink trimming, and a grey skirt, and black knee length grey sock shoe things. "Wow, such colour, much diversity. Why in the name of the thirty seven astral hells am I making all these bad jokes?" I mutter as I realise I am telling bad jokes to an empty room. "Note to self: Shiv Discord next time you see him."

Having recorded a note to my self, I remove the saddlebags from the chocobo and place them on a desk. It is then I came to a rather impending dilemma. "How the fuck do get comfortable on a horse bed?" I vocalise. Mulling over the question for a few moments, I shrug, toss off the skirt, sock shoe things, and shirt before jumping onto the rather soft mattress. Somehow projecting myself into a single armed handstand on a pillow, I pull back the sheets and flop down onto the bed again. "Huh, so I still become a ninja when bored. Good to know, good to know." Pulling the blankets over myself, I drift off into sleep over the next hour.

~Seven A.M the Following Morning~

I find myself rudely awakened when a maid bursts into my room and throws open the curtains, allowing the unholy sunlight to wash over my form. "Wakey wakey, miss human!" The maid calls out. Pushing my head out from the covers, I glare at her. "Now, now, that's no way to behave when you're awoken in the morn-" The maid began, shortly before becoming the first to pony in Equestria to be judo flipped out of a room and into a wall. Looking around in confusion, she hears the sound of doors slamming shut and the sound of heavy furniture being placed across it. Inside my room, I have just finished barring the door to my room. I then walked over to the windows and shut the curtains before going back to sleep.

~Five Hours Later~

Coming to again several hours later, I throw off my blankets and stretch. Hopping off the bed, I remove the furniture from the door, open it, and walk out, subconsciously homing in on the nearest bathroom. After relieving myself, I wander off in search of the dining room, still in a half sleepy state. Locating it, I enter and promptly sit down at a chair. After a while a group of guards with a too haughty Blueblood arrived.

"Creature, you are in His majesty, prince Blueblood's seat. You are to vacate immediately or we will incarcerate you." The lead guard decreed. I slowly turned my head to look at him, blinking before suddenly realising where I was and my current state of dress.

"Ya know, if I weren't a guy before I was brought here, this would be a highly embarrassing situation." I tell the group.

"It resisted! Arrest it!" Blueblood screeched.

"Try it, and I will have you for sexual assault." At the mention of this, the approaching guards freeze.

"Fools, it is clearly trying to stall you!" Blueblood yelled.

"Ya know, I wonder how those other humans residing in Ponyville would react to learning one of their own was indecently assaulted by a group of guards." I said. The guards warily looked between me and Blueblood before coming to a decision.

"You might know the ins and outs of the legal system, creature, but Blueblood has connections. You're under arrest."

"Ever seen what a pony looks like with a fork wedged in their windpipe? Me neither, wanna find out?" I ask in a disturbingly calm voice with a creepy smile on my face.

"I wanna live!" The guard bellows before galloping away with his tail between his legs. The rest soon followed.

"I must admit, you are one impressive actor. But your skills shan't fool a true royal guard." Blueblood haughtily said.

"Who said I was acting?" I asked causing his already white face to pale even further. He slowly began backing away before turning around and chasing after his fellows.

"Heh, I really am a good actor, didn't even have a fork." I said aloud. The sound of something clearing its throat sounded from my left.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't fool my subjects into thinking you are a ponycidal maniac." A dark blue alicorn said. "Though I must admit, you are a terrific actor."

"I wasn't acting." I replied.

"See! Such marvelous talent, if I didn't know any better, I'd actually believe you fully intended to... Kill... Those guards... You were fully prepared stab them with an eating utensil, weren't you?" The alicorn asked in horror.

"Don't even have a fork."

"Huh. Let us drop this topic. Tell me, why are you comfortable in such a state of undress, whereas the other females of your kind regularly covered themselves up?"

"Probably coz I used to be a dude before this?"

"Ah... Would you like me to commission a tailor for you?"

"I don't even know you. Accepting strange clothes from a stranger is like accepting lollies from the strange man in the panel van. Very stupid."

"I see... Well I guess I should introduce myself. I am princess Luna, ruler of the night. And you are?" Luna asked me.

"You can call me... Dubious."

"Dubious. That sounds like a very... Dubious name." Luna says with a smirk.

"I will punt you through a wall if you make another terrible pun like that."

"How dare you threaten me! I should have you arrested!"

"Not an Equestrian citizen. Wanna cause an inter-dimensional incident? Coz I'm pretty sure you ponies have nothing near the fire power humanity possesses."

"I shall let this slide, for now. I must go now, but perhaps tonight we could converse further in your dreams?"

"You are permanently banned from my dreams. Enjoy."

"What? You can't ban me from your dreams!"

"Just did." I smirked smugly.

"Tiiiiiiaaaaaa! This human banned me from her dreamssssss!" Luna shouted. Shortly afterwords, a white flash occurred, whereupon Celestia was standing next to her sister.

"Why did you ban my sister from your dreams?" Celestia asked.

"My dreams, my rules."

"But her domain is that of dreams, it is her duty to interact with you in your sleep."

"Says who?"

"W-what?" Celestia stuttered.

"I said, says who?" I repeated.

"Says me, co ruler of Equestria!"

"Nope, not a good enough reason. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get some clothes on." I said, standing up and spinning towards the door before marching out, leaving a pair of gaping princesses behind me. Returning to my room, I place the clothes I arrived in on, and open the saddlebag containing the entire contents of my ingots chest, and pull out a cubic metre of mithril. Nodding to myself, I waltz off towards the castle exit with a metric ton of highly expensive metal in my arms.

~Canterlot Marketplace~

As I strode through the marketplace, I left a large number of nobles starting at me incredulously in my wake. Who could blame them? I'm a freaking midget carrying something that over twenty times as much as I do with ease. Or maybe they understood the lyrics to the song I had picked at random and decided to sing aloud, can't be having them think I'm predictable, now can I?

Eventually I came to a store with a sign that depicted a hoof, a bag, and an ingot of some form of metal. I naturally assumed this was a place I could sell one sixty fourth of my mithril at. As I entered the store, I heard a gasp. "I assume this is somewhere I can sell a large amount of mithril at?"

"By Celestia's beard that's a lot of mithril. Where did you get so much?" The unicorn standing behind the counter asked in awe.

"Places. Sooooo, how much will you give me for this?"

"Four thousand bits."

"This is a ton of mithril, you're not gonna scam me."

"Ha, and what could you do to me if I wanted to?" The unicorn asked.

"I'm carrying a ton of mithril, what do you think I could do to you?"

"Point taken. So will you be carrying your bits, or would you like a bank note?"

"Bank note. I doubt I could carry four million bits." I decided. Placing the block of mithril on the counter, I grab a bank note for
four million bits and head towards the store exit. "Now then!" Before immediately spinning around and pointing at the unicorn. "Where the hell is the bank?" I asked, causing the unicorn to comically fall over.

~The Bank~

After receiving directions from the baffled store owner I finally arrived at the bank. Upon entering I walked up to the teller and handed them the bank note. "I would like to start up an account." I said.

"Okay, and to whom will I be opening the account under?" The teller asked.

"Dubious."

"Alright, Dubious, and what is the starting amount you would like to deposit?"

"Four million." I suavely replied, placing the four million bit bank note on the desk.

"Okay, and that's it. Here's your bit card, and we hope you continue your services with us." The teller said with a smile, handing over a golden card with a black strip.

"Neat, maybe I should sell the other sixty three tons of mithril I have." I wondered aloud as I left, causing everyone who heard it to spit take.

Comments

[Pixel Berry]

5193323 Now you may type the next chapter

[DerpyStarlet]

5228668
Ok.
Also. Just the arrival of 64 tons of mithril would decrease the price dramatically. It'd be about 4000 a ton at that point I imagine. Which, is still a lot of money...

[DerpyStarlet]

5228668
Also, also I have a thing, to discuss, with you. In private.
Please.

[EonAon]

actually depending on how long the vocaloids will live selling that off every century or so for funds would be a good way to laze about, I mean unless you spend a unbelievable amount on food and lodgings...4 mill should last quite awhile, unless your a douche and just wanna cause chaos to equestrias economy

[Dubious]

5228958 Not even the most expensive thing my my ores chest. That'd be the six blocks of tartarite, which took nine days with a digital miner for me to make. So. Much. Vyroxes.