Vocaloid in Equestria: beta session

by DerpyStarlet

Chapter 32: Pink Chocobos and Back Pain

~Summerset IslesWellington, New Zealand~

I idly sat at my computer, casually surfing through gigabytes of dragonball, all of it watched. Sighing in utter boredom, I open up chrome and open up an appropriate playlist as I then open up ATLauncher and launch a truly monstrous modpack. Settling back into my seat, I spend the minutes it takes to boot up listening to decent music. Once it was finished loading, I immediately selected my singleplayer game and loaded the world. Upon entering the world, I completely forgot what I was going to do the night before, curious as to why my inventory was full of reinforced concrete, wither skulls, and soulsand.

Shrugging, I dump it all in a diamond chest and grab my ultimate prize: A diamond pickaxe so overly enchanted, it could easily shatter the laws of reality with a single swing. Placing it in my hotbar, I exit and look for the massive terrain deformation that is my mineshaft.

Casually falling the seven or so blocks to the bottom, I only lose ten hearts, a mere half of my health, which I regenerate by killing a creeper. Finding a particularly large vein of yellorium, I swing my pickaxe, and proceed to break reality. Standing before my character was none other than a poor excuse for a manipulative villain. A being who failed to grasp even the most basic of assured victory plans. Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony. It was then I decided I should really stop using exploits.

"Say, how would you like participate in an experiment of mine?" The disgraceful excuse for a villain asked. Switching to my equally enchanted Tartarite Cleaver, I deliver my response, a solid two hundred damage hit that takes out half his health. With a gulp, he spoke again. "P-perhaps I should also tell you that you'll get whatever reward you want for participating in my experiment?" I then take another swing at him, which he teleports out of the way of. "Tch, and I thought you would jump at the idea for anything you wanted." Discord grumbled.

Hitting Esc, I select save and exit to title screen. Upon completing that simple task, I close out of Minecraft and get up off my too small couch. Walking towards my door, I lift the handle up, for my mother had placed the door handle on upside down, and no one could be bothered correcting it. Opening the door, I am greeted by the smiling face of a draconnequis. I immediately close the door and sit back down. I hear a sigh coming from behind me, taking a note out of the notebook of anyone whose played slender, I don't look. "Okay, seriously, anything you want. ANYTHING! I thought you humans were supposed to jump at opportunities like this! Unless... Of course! You're not human, are you?" He asked. My response is a raised middle finger pointing behind me. "I can tell you and Rarity would get along so well."

Having grown annoyed of the trans-spacially displacing loser in my presence, I decide to utilize a trump card. Opening a new tab, I immediately enter the url for the west borro baptist church and sit back.

"You win this round." Discord says, and I can practically feel his narrowed eyes. Closing out of the tab, I open up a manga website and begin reading copious amounts of manga. Or at least I would have, if a massive butterfly net didn't envelope me in my entirety. "Round two: Discord! Ahahahahahahaha!" The derponnequis laughs, not unlike one a ten year old would use when they think they've outsmarted someone.

"Round Three: Me." I say in a umbling baritone, catching Discord off guard. Using his momentary distraction to my advantage, I grab part of the net in front of my and pull, tearing the delicate threads, destroying the net and granting me freedom.

"Oh you clever monkey you. Thinking I don't have more ways to deal wit you." Discord cooes. Opening up another tab, I immediately go for the ultimate mind destroyer: <CENSORED>. Looking at Discord, I can see him rolling on the ground, trying the gouge his eyes out, and failing miserably. "Okay, I give!"

"Good." I say. "Now then, what is this experiment?" I ask.

"It's a secret, you'll discover it in the course of time whilst you participate!"

"Unless I know more, not agreeing. And I might just reopen that page again." I smirk.

"P-please no! Anything but that!"

"Then tell me what the experiment is."

"I can't tell you, it's upset the variables. But what I can tell you, is that it involves chaos and harmony." Discord hurriedly says.

"Eh, fuck it. I'm game, showing Harmony and Chaos are inferior concepts could be fun."

"R-really?" Discord hopefully asks.

"Sure, fuck it. Anywhere'd be better than here. At least I wouldn't have to put up with that miserable bitch down the hall."

"O-okay! Just sign here and we'll begin.." Discord beamed, holding up a piece of paper and a pen. Taking them both, I sign the piece of paper. As I hand them back, Discord begins laughing maniacally. "Yes! I tricked you!

"Or is it I, who tricked you?" I ominously state.

"Nope! I tricked you! Ahahahaha! Enjoy being a girl, you idiot!" He cackles.

"Implying that that would make feel uncomfortable." I say in a belittling tone of voice. "You stupid spirit, you clearly don't know just what you've done." I say with a smirk of absolute malice.

"Sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention, I was setting up the spell to poof you to Equestria." Discord said, turning from where he was painting runes on thin air.

"Oh nothing. Nothing at all." I chuckle darkly.

"Okay then, off you go!" Discord announces with a grin, hooking both arms around me and heaving. Though instead of me being flung through the portal, a disturbing crack sounds out as Discord gasps in pain. "Ah, my back, my back! How much do you weigh?!"

"One hundred and fifty three. Now if you don't mind, I'll walk." I say as I stand up and casually walk through the portal through infinity. As soon as I'm through, the portal shuts behind me, and all of infinity is laid bare before my eyes. "Ohohoho, dis gon be gud." I say aloud as I traverse the space between spaces beyond comprehension and slightly to the left of McDonalds.

~????? - ?????~

I step out of the other side to find myself in a dimly lit alleyway, the sounds of multiple hooves striking cobblestone hitting my ears. Chuckling at how I know what that sounds like, I casually swagger to the end of the alleyway, crouching behind some gold embossed rubbish bins and peeking out of the alleyway, what caught my eyes, combined with the obviously quite expensive rubbish bins, allowed me to conclude I was in Canterlot, capital of Equestria. Nodding my head in understanding, I confirm this is not a hallucination, or a dream I won't remember having, by tracing the golden filament on the rubbish bins, finding I am able to determine the texture and gradient of the patterns, I conclude this is real. "Well fuck me sideways, stuff me with rum and call me dave, that Discord thing really did happen. Alright, if I know my incomplete knowledge of Equestria, they react poorly to things that can be considered evil, so naturally being a black person is out, as they'd probably mistake them for being a demon from tartarus or something highly racist like that. "Checking my arms, I discover that whatever form I have taken in this world doesn't have dark skin, to my sort of disappointment, always wondered what it'd be like to be black, I also noticed some sort of detached sleeve with, I can only assume, a nano-fibre LED display and sufficiently advanced quantum computing hardware on one arm, and a plain old normal one on my other arm.

Touching the screen on the device in curiosity, I take note it is a touch screen and begin familiarising myself with how it works. During my learning how to use what I have dubbed a pipboy, copyrights be damned, I felt a beak like object poking my shoulder. Slowly turning around, I behold an intriguing sight. A pink chocobo with a note hanging off it addressed to my fimfiction username. Taking the note, I open it and read aloud, for no reason. "Dear Dubious, hanging for causing me immense back strain, have a pink chocobo. Also, the saddlebags have presents for you in them enjoy, and PLEASE, don't ever try to track me down, I sensed a major disturbance in the force™.I don't know what kind of mojo you're slinging around, but for the sake of my experiment, go and meet the other. Chaio, Discord." Upon finishing the note, a smile overtook my face as what I had just read read registered in my mind. Taking a calm breath, I opened up a music player on my pipboy, turned the volume up to max And selected some fitting music. Hopping on my chocobo, I immediately ride it out into the middle of the street, cackling like a maniac whilst the music plays at maximum volume. The moment I burst from the alleyway, the ponies all stared at me in shock for approximately three point four five two seven seconds, before their prey instinct kicked in and they began running down the street away from me. I instantly began chasing after them, cackling like a madman.

After a minute of chasing the ponies in a straight line, I finally neared a group of royal guards, who were blankly watching as a herd of terrified nobles ran past, followed shortly after by a biped laughing maniacally on a giant pink bird. Standing completely still, one of the guards spoke up. "Is it

"It is Wednesday, corporal."

"I see. So this isn't one of princess Luna's pranks?"

"Nope."

"Should we stop it?" The corporal asked, just then watching as the herd passed by again, having doubled in size.

"I think they could use the exercise." The sergeant said, the herd once again passing, this time with a shrill girlish screaming sound emanating from prince Blueblood.

"Permission to laugh hysterically, sir?" Another corporal asked.

"Permission granted." The sergeant said. As soon as permission was granted, all the guards started laughing their flanks off. The herd eventually wisened up and scattered down the various alleyways and side streets. Coming to a stop, I slowly stopped laughing maniacally.

"Heh heh heh. That was fun."

"You're under arrest for disturbing the peace." A random guard said as he approached.

"Like you wouldn't do the same if one of your childhood dreams came true." I say to the guard.

"I would never terrorize the nobility."

"Nobility, smobility, it's just a flawed title given to those that support the position of the monarchs, and from the looks of it, these guys don't remember those customs from the founding monarch, otherwise they wouldn't be scared of a fucking pink bird."

"It's bigger than the princesses."

"It's a herbivore, I doubt it'd intentionally harm a pony... Unless said pony was attacking it, then it'll tear your face off."

"You're under arrest."

"Well I'm not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not"

"Are too."

"Am too."

"Are not." The guard said with finality. "Wait... Celestia damn it!" He cursed when he realised his mistake.

"Well, you said I'm not under arrest, so thusly I am not under arrest." I said with a smile.

"*Groan* Just don't cause anymore trouble."

"No guarantees." With a sigh the guard left. Turning around, I finally noticed the group of royal guards that had been watching my entire performance. "Uh... Hi?" I say unsurely as I wave at them.

"That was amazing. I've never seen anyone able to scare every single noble like that before."

"Not my fault. They just don't know what I know."

"And that is?"

"How to have fun."

"... You wouldn't happen to know Pinkie Pie, would you?"

"Who?" I ask, hiding all traces that I know of said mare.

"Well, there goes that theory." The guard muttered. "Alright, I'm sure the princesses would like to meet with you. So could you come with us?"

"Mmmmmmmmmmaybe." I say with a cheeky smile.

"There'll be cake and cookies?" The sergeant suggested."

"Fucking sold." I announce, pointing towards the castle in the distance and riding off on my chocobo.

"We should probably chase after that being, shouldn't we?"

"Yes. We probably should." The sergeant said with a sigh, trotting off after me.

Author's Note:

Note: This Chapter takes place before Chapter 30. Okay! Now my friend Star just concluded that this starts three or four days before "Love and Loss" And it's also made by Dubious

Comments

[DJSkywalker]

Interesting, though it never said what character he turned into. He's gonna be an interesting addition to the game. Can't wait to find out how everypony deals with what happened last chapter, though! Hope to see it soon.

[Dubious]

Couldn't help but notice you swapped out my glaringly superior line splits in favour of your own. Also noticed you didn't really proof read much. Though most of those mistakes came from me writing this in half an hour at four am.

5194674 Yes, a character that is me in all but name will make an interesting addition. Perfect balance of intuition, knowledge, wisdom, fun, and chemical weapons to make anyone dead convinced.

[DaedricPrinceSheogorath]

5193323 Nope its ironic because he is Jeff, his power is over nature. Get it? Life and death? Oh the wonders of the mind of insanity....or is it banter....shall I canter?....HAAAASSSKKKKIIIIILLLLL!!!!!

[Pixel Berry]

5198370 radiojv.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/LuigisBallad-215x215.jpg

[Armageden]

My favorite is SF-A2 Miki.Who sang iNSaNiTy.