My Life as a Changling

by rainbowPOOTIS

Tired of These Goddamn Ponies, in my Goddamn Castle!

The sudden noise of pots and pans snapped me awake. Bolting into the throne room, and using the telekinesis spell I found, to put on the Nightmares armor, I position myself in front of the throne, ready to protect my egg by any means necessary. Several sets of hoof steps, and a pair of wings flapping, echos from the main stairway.

"So you're saying, that that gunk covered skeleton came floating down the river?"

"So we came all the way here, over a gunk cove-" whatever Rainbow was going to say, was interrupted by them seeing me, crouched and ready to pounce at the slightest movement, the Nightmares armor adding to the shock factor.

Rainbow charged me, going for a punch, but I used my superior mass to plow her out of the air, before pinning her to the ground, my forelegs crossed over her neck, ready to snap it if she struggled, as well as my tail ready to impale her head. Several cries of "RAINBOW!" Assaulted my ears. Wait, I only count five of them, wheres Fluttershy?

"Oh, my... Girls, I think we disturbed her nest, no wonder she's reacted so violently..." Ninjashy was now behind the throne, staring wide eyed at my egg. Giving Dash a 'move and you're dead' look, I sprinted to put myself in between the egg and any potential harm. Fluttershy took one look in my eyes, and realized something. "Girls she's running purely on maternal instinct, we need to give her space!" Fluttershy slowly circled around me making sure to keep her distance. The Mane Six huddled together, whispering, before all but Fluttershy returned to the main floor, she gave me a pleading look. "Why would you retaliate so viciously?"

A quote sprang into my mind. "There is no such thing as excessive force, only varying degrees of overkill..." Fluttershy flinched at the masculine tone of my voice. "Perhaps if we talked about this downstairs?" Yes, they would not be able to get to the egg before I could intercept them. I let myself relax, before following Fluttershy down to the main room, where the other five had seated themselves on the floor. Me and Fluttershy joîned them.

"Soooooo... What are you supposed to be, and why do you look like that hallucination I had the other day?" Having regained control of myself, I smiled, even as Rainbow gave me a death glare.

"That wasn't a hallucination, Twilight." She blinked, surprised I knew her name. "And to answer the other part of your question, I am a changeling."

"How do you know my name?!" Oh, [PUPPIES].

"Scootaloo mentioned you after I saved her." Stay calm...

"Waitaminute, thats Nightmare Moons armor! Where did you get that?!" Wow Twilight, took you long enough to notice.

"Found it, apparently being in the Everfree is enough to dissuade looters." I refuse to mention my fangasming. Twilight seemed skeptical of that, and Rainbow seemed to not buy it at all.

Rainbow has a cocky grin on her face. "I see you have wings, you any good with them?"

Twilight adds on to that. "You have a horn as well, can you do magic?"

"To answer, yes I can do magic, and I've never actually tried flying-" I get up and walk over to a wall, where I remove my hoof guards, and walk up it. "When I can do this instead."

"Interesting..." Twilight, never change...

"Eh, I'll take flying anyday."

'"So, why'd you come here anyway?" I hopped off the wall, and slipped the hoof guards back on, because these things are actually pretty comfy.

"Somepony found a skeleton covered in blue, hardened mucus floating down the river, so we got Fluttershy to come to check out what caused it." Oh, tittysprinkles. I grin as innocently as possible, only for everypony to flinch.

"What?!"

"That was you?" Ah, the marshmallow speaks. My teeth must have given me away...

"Yeah... but stop freaking out, I'm an omnivore, an OMNI, VORE, I can eat plant matter too... and timberwolves. I guess that makes me the only know hunter of timberwolves, as anything equipped to kill em won't have a reason to, due to them being made of wood."

"If it keeps them varmin off mah farm, I see no reason to object." Thank you, Applejack, you can be more level headed than Twilight sometimes.

"What about the mucus? Or why you sent it downriver? Where did you even find the river?" Clever, Twilight is... Yoda, I am not...

"The mucus? Oh you mean my organic duct tape! That stuff is useful, sticks to practically everything, not to mention my saliva dissolves it. As for sending the skeleton downriver coated in it, It was the only way I could think of at the time, to dispose of it without the scent attracting predators. And that river runs under what used to be the kitchen."

"Hehe, we never got you name, silly!" Pinkie Pie is now my hat, I have won Team Fortress 2. And shes right.

"Shinkirō, my over excited friend, I never got any of your names either, did I?"

Pinkie giggles, before hopping off my head. "I'm Pinkie Pie!" God... I can literally feel the happiness shes fee- Emotion eater, right. Being an empath is practically a prerequisite.

"Applejack, pardner."

"Rarity..." okay, she seemed creeped out by me...

Dash smiles, and does a small loop-de-loop. "Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria!"

"Fl-fluttershy..." Now she gets shy?!

I sigh. "Look, I'm sorry about the whole nearly killing Rainbow and being more aggressive than a pissed off dragon, but I was asleep when you guys entered..." Rarity and Applejack seemed to get where I was going, considering I was defending my egg.

"Ah understand your reasoning, sugarcube, if somepony broke into my home in the middle of the night, and woke me up, mah first reaction would be to defend Applebloom with extreme prejudice as well."

I shudder. "You really need to make sure nopony else comes here, catching me off guard like that could have fatal results... doesn't help that I have no concept of 'excessive force', just varying degrees of overkill..."

Twilight yawned. "We really should head home girls." Everypony else voiced their agreement, before they got up and left.

Waiting a few minutes to confirm they had indeed left, I trotted back up to the throne room, before curling up beside my egg, and drifting to sleep...

---

*dreamscape*

"YABBA! MY ICEI-" *BANG!* damn zombies.

"How is this not a nightmare?" Luna watches as I blast a fast zombies head off with a shotgun.

"Oh, hey Luna, watch out for the headhu-"

'Skraw!' "Eeeek!" *Splurch!* Oh my god. The zombies vanish, and I start rolling on the ground, laughing. Luna got a headcrab impaled on her horn!

"Nice... Hat..." I manage to wheeze out between fits of laughing. After I finally settle down, and Luna removes the headcrab, I chuckle. "I REALLY needed that..."

"Please explain."

"Bunch of ponies walked in, and triggered my early warning system. I was running on a combination of instinct and adrenalin, and was ready to kill to defend my egg... Thank god that one of them was smart enough to realize why I was so aggressive, and get her friends to back off, I had to head to the main floor before my instincts decided they were far enough from my egg to be less of a threat, and let me think rationally. That was a REALLY tense encounter..."

"What did they want? do you know?"

"One of them found the inedible parts of a eel covered in my mucus, drifting down the river, and decided to bring her friends to investigate. Fun fact, the river under the kitchen here apparently leads to Ponyville."

"I thought changelings fed on emotion?" Damn, she looks cute when she tilts her head like that.

"We do, I blame the rainbow light for that, at least I can eat plant matter as well now."

"And why did you decide to take up residence in me and my sisters old castle?" And now the accusing glare.

"Because its a feasible position for a hive, its easily defendable and half of the thing already built for me. Plus there's still a bunch of goodies laying around here... Like that armor I found."

"Armor?" Luna might LOOK confused, but I could tell she was worried.

"The stuff you wore during your 'incident'." Her face briefly becomes one of shock, before leveling a nasty glare at me.

"Why would you want that armor...?" Ohh boy.

"Because, one, its armor, two, it makes me look even more intimidating, and three, it matches my mane..." what the deuce, brain! I'm starting to think like a mare!

The area around us slowly shifts to that of a train, and a voice echoes. "Wake up, Mr. Freeman. Wake up, and smell the ashes..." before my world fades to white...

Comments

[Cheesejellycommander4]

Yes. I want MOAR!!!!!

[booklover41]

Moar

[SilverFlash]

Half life reference "fap fap fappity fap"

[Citadel]

Well I was gonna say that our protagonist adapted way too quickly but it's obvious now that he's not...All there, like the experience has driven him insane(along with a large dose of instincts and perhaps a hive mind mentality guiding him) or he really is some sort of variant changeling drone that when metamorphosed into a queen somehow absorbed the humans memories when he died.

I'm liking this story so far especially creating a variant hive part. I do hope when the protagonist clashes with chrysalis ( almost a given at this point) it won't be an easy swoop in to save the day deal. Or maybe ally with her, not sure if that'll happen though since he's a brony and whatnot which makes him a bit predictable in that regard.

The ponies otherwise seem remarkably quick to trust him (her?) too I mean they don't have to be attacking him but showing a bit more caution when dealing with her. Especially the alicorns, at least not until they know more, she's setting up a hive in the Everfree that's pretty darn close to Ponyville and Canterlot.

[rainbowPOOTIS]

5060881 interesting theory...

And lets just say that celestia will eventuall discover just how far a Queen is willing to go to defend her nest, first hand...

[Citadel]

5062081 I possibly like where this is going, wonder what Celestia's is gonna do to provoke the queen of the everfree

[rainbowPOOTIS]

5062168 walking into her nesting chamber would be grounds enough, and she would proably bring guards, leaving Shinkirō desperate... and have you ever heard the storys of parents performing superhumen feattuio save their children? Lets just say that if celestia makes a wrong move...

[Citadel]

5062287 well that confirms alien instincts are very much at play for our hero(ine). Try not give anything else away though, keep me guessing and answer vaguely so I'm unsure whether or not your decide to take my advice or incorporate my theories. Otherwise it takes some of the enjoyment out for me, knowing what's gonna happen ahead of time.

[user123]

5062341
And NOW you know what it'd be like be omnipotent?

But knowing is half the battle.

(Must. Resist. Joke......nope, can't)

Gi joe, y u no tell other half of battle?

[Headlock1_0]

I love all these Half-Life 2 and Team Fortress 2 references! There are a lot of errors in this so far, but I'm enjoying it as well. I suggest doing some more to fix the errors as it would make the story all the more enjoyable.

[Rosie Quill]

6076811
ALL ZA VALUE REFERENCES!!! When do we get a glad-tatos (GLaDOS in a potato) reference?

[Kit the Kite]

You lost points for even bringing up 4chan, but regained them due to half life references

[Latreas]

Pinkie Pie is now my hat, I have won Team Fortress 2

I about died of laughter when I read that

[Texus]

"Oh, my... Girls, I think we disturbed her nest, no wonder she's reacted so violently..." Ninjashy was now behind the throne, staring wide eyed at my egg. Giving Dash a 'move and you're dead' look, I sprinted to put myself in between the egg and any potential harm. Fluttershy took one look in my eyes, and realized something. "Girls she's running purely on maternal instinct, we need to give her space!" Fluttershy slowly circled around me making sure to keep her distance. The Mane Six huddled together, whispering, before all but Fluttershy returned to the main floor, she gave me a pleading look. "Why would you retaliate so viciously?"

YES!

Me and Fluttershy joîned them.

aww and there it looks like his wild moment is already over.

I get it that it is a comedy story too, but I kind of hope he isn't a complete idiot because of that.

[LEGION55]

Pinkie Pie is now my hat, I have won Team Fortress 2.

Best line ever!!!!!

[MrMilitary101]

I haven't seen 4chan before, but is it really that bad?

[JazzyWaffles]

9237461
/b/ is. So are most boards. /pol/ is particularly bad.

[Black--Soul]

Magnificent chapter What a masterpiece you just working on

[Black--Soul]

8143813
R.i.p. than

[KvAT]

Because, one, its armor

I mean, can't get any better reason than this.

[Dis-Harmony Light]

That headcrab! I can actually picture it and it's so da*n funny!