• Published 7th Jul 2014
  • 3,648 Views, 81 Comments

Princess Cadence Takes One for the Team - PresentPerfect



It's a little known fact that when Cadence ascended to alicornhood, not everypony was happy with the change. But everything happens for a reason...

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Princess Cadence Takes One for the Team

Princess Cadence Takes One for the Team
by Present Perfect

Ever since she was a little filly, Cadence wanted to be a princess.

She would turn east to the purple mountain far beyond her village and gaze at the white spires glistening in the sun. Hours would pass as she dreamed of dining in opulent halls, servants at her beck and call; of meeting dignitaries and important nobles; of wearing a tiara everywhere she could. She'd even come up with a fancy name for herself: Mi Amore Cadenza. She'd heard Canterlot nobleponies had those.

This is why, after she had saved her village, been gifted a horn, and been taken to Canterlot by Princess Celestia herself to become her adoptive niece, Cadence heard nothing but the cheering of the crowd. She saw nothing but the waving hooves. She felt nothing but the adulation of ponies welcoming their new princess with unconditional love. She was too caught up in the moment, in the realization of a dream long held, to notice any among the gathered ponies who might look less than happy.

And this again is why, after a few days spent getting to know the palace and Celestia's staff, the newly-crowned Princess Mi Amore Cadenza froze in shock the first time somepony walked past her in the street and muttered, "Whore."

Perhaps it was merely the provinciality of her upbringing, but she had never even heard a pony use that sort of language before, let alone direct it at her. Perhaps she had simply misheard what had been said. The easy lie wormed its way into her consciousness, and she let it take hold. Her wings might have drooped just the tiniest bit for the rest of the day, but the incident was gone from her mind. After all, the culmination of a lifelong dream came with lots of duties, such as being present for photo ops at ribbon cuttings and attending a real high school.

A few days later, the lie shattered when she overheard a mare muttering loudly in a restaurant.

"Ugh, and now it's 'Princess Cadence' this and 'Princess Cadence' that. I swear, Melon, I've had it up to here with princesses! Why, if I could get my hooves on that lazy pink priss, I'd give her a piece of my mind!"

Cadence became very aware that the green mare identified as Melon was staring straight at her, mouth agape and eyes wide. The speaker was unaware of her companion's horrified expression, nattering right on about how expensive tiaras were, even the cheap ones.

That mare's look consumed Cadence's mind. She had to do something, to give herself peace of mind if not to save poor Melon from the embarrassment of her friend. Her chair made far too much noise against the tiled floor as she stood.

"Excuse me," she said, coming up behind the speaking mare, "I heard you mention my name earlier. Is something the matter?"

Melon's mouth slammed shut. Her face grew taut and she gave the tiniest shake of her head. The other mare spun about in her seat, sour expression matching her lemony coat.

"I'll say there is! Do you know how many little fillies's heads you've put dreams of princesshood into?" She rolled her eyes and clucked her tongue. "Just when I'd weaned Gem off dinosaurs, of all things, you had to come along, and now everything's 'Princess, princess, princess', day in and day out! And it's not just me, oh no, I know plenty of mothers who are dreading Nightmare Night this year. It'll be nothing but jeweled tiaras and pink frilly dresses galore, and just where am I supposed to find the bits for that, hmm?"

Cadence didn't have an answer.

"You--" the mare actually prodded her in the chest-- "should be ashamed of yourself, Miss Princess."

"I..."

Her own princess dreams flooded back. How engrossing those had been. She had begged her foster parents for shiny jewelry to play dress-up with, but they had been too poor for anything but base metal.

A pressure welled up inside her.

"She's got no parents! She's got nopony who loves her!"

"What are you gonna do? Gonna cry, crybaby? That's right, you won't do anything, you're too nice!"

"Why don't you fly back to Cloudsdale with those wings?"

The taunting had been short-lived, but in that moment, the memory was a vice squeezing her lungs.

"I'm sorry!" she croaked, and dashed from the diner.

Later, Celestia would send a note of apology and bits to the restaurant, to cover bill and tip. Cadence would beg for and receive an escort when outside the palace. Unfortunately, things would only get worse.

A guard could chase off hecklers, but only after their barbs had been loosed.

"My foals want everything to be pink!"

"My daughter won't stop going on about finding a stallion and getting married! At her age! I raised her to care about more important things!"

"Faust made two alicorns, not three!"

A single guard could not protect her from thrown tomatoes.

Ribbons went uncut. Professors chewed their hooves as they pondered how to approach a princess about her falling grades. Food returned to the kitchens, untouched, feathers grew matted and three teacups met tragic deaths on various parts of the palace floor.

"Cadence," Celestia said after saving the fourth, "you mustn't let them get to you."

"I-I tried." The words balled up in her throat like rubber bands and tears welled in her eyes. "But those horrible things they say..." Her face crumpled like paper. "Why do they hate me?"

The sun's warmth enwrapped her as she cried. Celestia was quiet for a long time, just holding her, stroking her mane, and whispering, "Shh."

When Cadence began to hiccup, Celestia gave her some water and spoke in her softest, most loving tone.

"Ponies fear change, Cadence. I am sorry that the change is centered on you."

"I thought living in the palace would make my life better," Cadence wailed. "My dreams are turning into nightmares!"

Celestia stilled. When next she spoke, her words were shot through with regret.

"Your dreams need not stay that way, my little pony. If you truly dreamt of being a princess once, then you will do yourself no favors by turning away from the duties that come with the dream." She stroked a hoof softly over Cadence's face. "I understand this has been hard on you. You're at such a fragile age."

"I can't face those ponies anymore, Princess Celestia." Cadence squeezed her eyes shut and clung to the other princess's raiment. "I just can't."

Celestia sighed. "If you retreat from the public eye now, you will give those who mistreated you power over you. Remember, Cadence, the ponies who greeted you when you first arrived in Canterlot. The ponies here are good. It is only that the ones who are less accepting are loudest that you focus on them. But not that long ago, a crowd cheered your name."

Taking a deep breath, Cadence calmed her tears. She wiped her cheeks on a napkin, gazing up into Celestia's eyes. Celestia smiled at her.

"There is little I can do to sway the hearts of ponies. But there is something that can be done, and I promise you I will do it, so long as you promise to make up your school work. And to try making some friends as well."

Cadence pouted and lowered her head. "I can make the first promise, I... I think. I was kind of enjoying school. But I'm not so sure about the second."

A hoof lifted her head back up to see Celestia's beatific smile.

"How would you like a job?" Celestia asked. When Cadence frowned, Celestia continued. "One of my night staff has recently changed shifts and is in need of a foalsitter. Her youngest is quite the hoof-ful, from what I hear, and the oldest, well..." She giggled. "He's about your age and not so keen to look after his baby sister all the time."

"Foalsitting?"

Celestia nodded. "I think some time spent away from the crowds will do you good, so long as you do something constructive in the meantime. Does it sound like something that would interest you?"

Cadence responded by hugging her tightly.

The next day, she held back stutters as she introduced herself on a doorstep. Her fears about the arrangement were put to rest the moment Twilight Velvet invited her inside, and were quashed utterly when she realized the mare and her husband were treating her like a normal pony and not a princess. Their daughter was adorable; Cadence took to her at once. And as for their son...

Well, he would grow on her.

All of this is why Cadence cried at Twilight Sparkle's coronation. She was not conscious of the reason at the time, and didn't even notice the tears until Shining pointed them out.

Shouldn't she be happy? She was, absolutely, happy for Twilight, but they had not been joyful tears.

That night, in the Canterlot Palace Ambassadors' Suite, she kept touching her face. She did so long enough for Shining Armor to roll over and nuzzle her neck.

"You all right?" he asked, his voice husky with the first layers of sleep.

Cadence didn't say anything at first. She wasn't sure she could sum up her entire life's purpose in words. When she tried, what came out was, "You know how I've always said... you're my shield?"

"Yeah, Cadey?"

She swallowed. "I think, all this time, I've been Twilight's shield."

He chuckled. "What, I can't be both your shields?"

"It's not that." She turned to look at him, traced the wry smile creasing his mouth. "I never told you what a hard time I had in Canterlot, when I first came here, did I?"

"I heard a little bit about it. High school gossip and all." He paused. "But no, you never did, and I didn't want to pry."

"I think..." Cadence touched her face again, then his. "Ponies fear change. Sometimes they act out of that fear and it turns into anger, or even hatred. That doesn't make them bad ponies, but it still hurts if you're on the receiving end of those emotions and actions."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He wrapped his hooves around her and stroked her mane.

"Imagine," she continued, "if Twilight had been coronated before me. Or before Aunt Luna came back from the moon. Not that it could actually have happened," she added with a chuckle.

His head rustled against the pillow. "Not sure I follow."

"I still remember the things that were said to me, you know. 'Faust made two alicorns, not three,' hurtful things like that. Think what would have happened if Twilight, even as a grown mare, had had ponies saying those things to her."

Shining sucked in a breath through his teeth. "She was always introverted..."

"And I was always more outgoing. And I still broke down crying on more than one occasion."

Cadence saw the threads. This had all been engineered to give Twilight the greatest chance of success after her ascension. Part of her wanted to be angry, but it was hard to be angry at Celestia. Not when Cadence had served such a meaningful role in the upbringing of a pony she loved like a sister.

A more rational part of her mind said that she ought to be angry at Twilight instead, for having the perfect princess life that she never wanted and Cadence did. Cadence shoved that thought into a dungeon and closed the door. Being jealous of Twilight was inconceivable.

"You really are a shield," Shining murmured. He dug his hooves into her mane, pulling her close until there was no air between them. She shivered.

"Thank you," he whispered.

New tears sprang to the corners of her eyes. She let them fall. As she shed them, they took with them a lifetime of pain, of ridicule, of barbed words that had no reason to be spoken to her. All that torment washed out of her as she clung to her husband and wept.

But she was smiling. All she could think of was Princess Twilight Sparkle, smiling and waving to the ponies below the same balcony where she had first greeted them as Princess, where the ponies smiled up at her and waved and cheered, every single one of them.

"It was worth it," she said.

Author's Note:

I described this story to Alexstrazsa as "talking out loud through fanfiction."

It shouldn't be any secret anymore how much I loathe Cadence. There are many reasons for this, most of which I included in this piece (you can read an article about one of them here). But one day, I found myself thinking about them and went, "Yeah, but what if Twilight had been an alicorn first?" Of course, at that point I was projecting the fandom's reaction to Twilicorn into the mix as well. The end result is... this. A story I meant to be a shitfic (its Random-tagged origins exist solely in the title) but that became somewhat morose instead.

Ah, who am I kidding, it's still a rushed piece of crap. But it walks through a single idea the way I needed it to, so there you go.

Thanks to Jake the Army Guy, Alexstrazsa, Burraku_Pansa and Cloudhammer for feedback.

Comments ( 77 )
Chris #1 · Jul 7th, 2014 · · ·

Why do you have a thumbs-down with zero views? I'm going to have to read this just to find out what you could possibly have done that's so terrible it can be detected by the sufficiently sensitive without even reading the fic!

Incredibly well done, really.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Well, this should be featuring on EqD... any second now.

That was really good, but I would have made ONE little change.


""I'll say there is! Do you know how many little fillies's heads you've put dreams of princesshood into?" She rolled her eyes and clucked her tongue. "Just when I'd weaned Gem off dinosaurs, of all things, you had to come along, and now everything's 'Princess, princess, princess', day in and day out! And it's not just me, oh..." The mare was cut off as Cadance vaporised her with a blast of fire magic and everyone was happy.

Oh dang that was good stuff. :heart:

I feel conflicted, and I have no idea why or what about. I think I liked the story, though, so good job.

For your convenience:

I swear, Melon, I've had it up to hear with princesses!

Ah, to see the ugly side of the so-named "Princess culture." Not the implications of making little girls want to grow up to be princesses or all that, but the inflamed fury of the parents of the so-called "special snowflakes."

Very nicely done, Present :twilightsmile:

As a fan of candyfloss-butt, I heartily approve. I'm glad to see you've finally come around to liking the Princess of Love, PP!
:trollestia:

If I have one complaint about the work, it's that the author's note seemingly tries to stomp on the effects of a rather good story. I quite like the meta angle of it, and in general was charming and a very nice character piece to boot.

Edit: having looked at the article linked to in the author's note, I just wanted to add that I've always liked MLP for the direction they've taken the Princess thing myself. It is, I think, a losing battle to try and stomp out the Princess's appeal on little girls. Instead, far more effective is to redefine what a Princess is to future generations. Twilight being a kick-ass, super-powered Princess is a nice start.

4654296
You sir. You I can agree with. :trixieshiftleft:

It shouldn't be any secret anymore how much I loathe Cadence

Loathe? But this was such a beautiful story about..

There are many reasons for this, most of which I included in this piece (you can read an article about one of them here

Oh boy, now that's pretty damn pathetic. :ajbemused:

"There is little I can do to sway the hearts of ponies. But there is something that can be done, and I promise you I will do it,

*looks at Twilicorn*
Hey, sometimes the best plans are the ones where you make shit up as you go. It's downright hilarious if the following steps of said plan seem completely irrelevant to the previous ones in the process.

Taking one for the team... as much as I feel sorry for Cadance, this is just too frigging funny.

"Ponies fear change. Sometimes they act out of that fear and it turns into anger, or even hatred. That doesn't make them bad ponies, but it still hurts if you're on the receiving end of those emotions and actions."

This... this resonated with me. It's something I already know, but it's sometimes nice to relearn such things. It's something I think many can end up relating to. Everybody's ended up in a flame war at some point or another, eh? At the breaking point, that oh so human part overrides any sense of civility and maturity and the personal attacks are thrown. Both parties come out of it wounded and hurting, probably vilifying each other, labelling the other to be bad people.

It's a hard predicament to get out of once in it, eh? It takes one of them who can take one for the team, to be humble, to affect any change.

Heh... if Cadance couldn't take one for the team, we might have a perfect pretty pink alicorn princess of shadows and lust rather than a dead King of Shadows and Crystal (GRAH!!!).

Overall, I highly enjoyed the story, PP, despite your author note somewhat suggesting the audience do otherwise in regards to Love Butt. Thought provoking stuff, it is.

I disagree that this is a piece of crap. I strongly enjoyed this, and its an interesting exploration

Not bad, though I have a hard time imagining that the general populace of a country ruled by a benevolent, apparently immortal princess would react this way to a second one showing up. I suppose that's the meta-ness creeping in, and I'm not sure it's a good fit.

When I first saw this story in my feed, I thought it was going to be some kind of hatchet job. I even had a jokey comment pre-written in my head: "PresentPerfect: almost as petty as Walder Frey!"

Then I actually read it and interpreted the story as you being magnanimous and trying to empathize with an object of your hatred, and I was ready to congratulate you on your maturity.

But now that I've read the author's note I'm just confused. Was I somehow right about the story the first time?

Faust made two alicorns, not three!

Can't really argue with that... :derpytongue2:

Now, the real reason why people hate Twilicorn is very simple: that episode was a goddamn piece of shit! It was tiresome, with a ton of uninteresting songs; the story just made no fucking sense whatsoever, by mixing up destiny and talent; and worst of all, it does not feel ethically correct that Purplesmart gets rewarded by Sunbutt for fixing a problem that THEY had caused in the first place! If anything, it proves their absolute incompetence: Celestia, for letting Starswirl's journal (historically irreplaceable and potentially very dangerous) out of a controlled environment, and Twilight, for not requesting immediate assistance with a clear emergency situation. Those two are not qualified to manage a dime store, much less a nation.

If you want to see Twilight's ascencion done right, I always recommend this.

Hint: it begins with a ritual murder.

Faust made two alicorns, not three!

Huh. So they remember Luna.

In any case, I really enjoyed this. It may have been something of an author tract, but it was a tract I agreed with. Don't let the vocal minority ruin your fun. Don't lash out at change just because it's different.

Also, you explained why a princess was babysitting, which I always appreciate.

Thank you for this. :twilightsmile:

4655536
Wasn't there that episode with no one in Manehattan giving a fuck about Twilight's presence? Maybe princesses are a dime a dozen there, and they still have to get a real job on the side to pay the bills.

Nice man, hit me right in the feels

Present, man, two poor story choices don't make a good one at the end of the day. Cadence wasn't supposed to be an alicorn in the first place, recall. Just a unicorn 'princess' like Blueblood.

At best, this works as a retcon patch to explain a marketing decision in-universe... but it still wouldn't fix any of the terrible writing surrounding Twilight getting her wings. The episode she becomes an alicorn is horribly rushed and poorly plotted. The entire season after does nothing to address -why- she's suddenly an alicorn, nor does anyone really respond to her differently than if she were just the librarian down the street 99.9% of the time, unless there's a joke that can be squeezed in with it.

Sorry, man, but there's only so much you can do to try and duct tape over the piss-poor quality of the overall writing arc in the last season and a half.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4653864
That's unusual since I always thumbs-up my own stories...

4653878
Thanks!

4653900
Nah, I probably won't submit this.

4653956
I think I'll be making a collection of alternate endings for this story. :V

4654004
Really. Did I really do that. I have to stop editing at 11 PM >.<

4654290
I still hate her, what are you talking about? :B

4654296
Absolutely. And the A/N is just what I always purvey: the truth. :B

4654682
I'm glad someone found this funny. :) I'm sorry it wasn't moreso.

4655359
Just because I'm trying to empathize with the object of my hatred does not mean I succeeded. I still hate her, I've just recognized that she has a usefulness about her.

4655536
I hate myself for using that line, but it's literally one of the arguments for why I never liked her. D:

4655863
See, I never got up in arms about Twilicorn because I always expected it would happen. Granted, I expected it would be in the final episode of the series, and I'll agree MMC was rushed, but that honestly has no bearing on how I feel about her, especially given how they've used her princessness in season 4. But I'm honestly not trying to apologize for the direction the show has gone in or anything. :B Like, that's literally got nothing to do with this story. Death of the Author, I suppose.

4653900
Yup. That word count is definitely going to meet the minimum requirements. :raritywink:

4655912
Oh, well, I didn't notice that. Thanks for pointing it out.

4655899

The thing that gets me is that MMC was rushed... for no good reason. It was essentially irrelevant most of the season. They could have left it entirely to a mid-season 4 thing, and done it with proper buildup and time to work with it, and still had Twi up for the S4 finale.

I mostly refer to it as being apologistic because from what we see in S4, Twi could have had wings all along and nopony would have really given enough of a shit to mention it. :facehoof:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4655923
I think that they don't is both funny and indicative of the society they live in. :B Being a princess is important, but only if you need someone to fix your stuff. Otherwise, you're just a pony. Especially if you're one of the Princesses. Cadence gets thrown a bone because she has her own empire and all.

As for MMC, just look at the fact that Shining and Cadence were shoehorned into the end of S2 and we were just asked to give two shits about them. They could have at least been mentioned in Best Night Ever-style buildup or shown up once or twice during season 2 the way seasons 3 and 4 have had season-long arcs. Rushing an episode is hardly the worst of the staff's sins.

4655899
Th'author doth protest too much, methinks.
:duck:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4655946
How could anyone like that b-baka pink stallion-obsessed princess? :|

4655948
(Congrats on the non-mature feature-boxing, by the way!)

4655524 I beg to differ.

Now, the real reason why people hate Twilicorn is very simple: that episode was a goddamn piece of shit!

Everyone has their own opinion, but don't go around acting like yours is obviously the righty one (because it's an opinion, it's neither right nor wrong).

It was tiresome, with a ton of uninteresting songs;

I found the songs quite enjoyable, as well as several scenes, and I never once thought "Oh man, this is just boring".

the story just made no fucking sense whatsoever, by mixing up destiny and talent;

Why do you say that? Do you care to elaborate a little? By mixing up her friends destinies, they all pretty much lost their lives and any meaning their lives had, so they were, in a sense, failures, which is a terrible feeling, especially in a world were everypony has their place, and if you don't have your place, you have nothing. I thought it was a very interesting episode.

and worst of all, it does not feel ethically correct that Purplesmart gets rewarded by Sunbutt for fixing a problem that THEY had caused in the first place!

Why? Twilight caused a problem, yes, and she fixed it, yes, but that's not WHY she got rewarded. Twilight got 'rewarded' for proving her mastery of magic, and of the magic of friendship, by being able to fix and cast a spell not even Starswirl the Bearded could cast. And it wasn't a reward. Celestia didn't make Twilight an Alicorn, the spell did, so the 'reward' was just a bonus for proving her mastery of magic.

If anything, it proves their absolute incompetence: Celestia, for letting Starswirl's journal (historically irreplaceable and potentially very dangerous) out of a controlled environment, and Twilight, for not requesting immediate assistance with a clear emergency situation. Those two are not qualified to manage a dime store, much less a nation.

Celestia gave a spell book with unfinished spells no one could solve to her most faithful and trusted student, Twilight Sparkle, whom we all know is a master of magic (it's her cutie mark, after all). What good is a book no one can use except to put it on display? So Celestia sent it to Twilight, of course, in hopes Twilight could finish what nopony else could. And Twilight was probably panicking then depressed when she saw what she did to her friends. your telling me that if you just screwed up your friends lives (possibly ruining them forever), the first thing you'd do is call for help from someone in charge (let's say the parents)? Or would you go about trying to fix it first? Me, I'd do the latter, because it's just who most people are, pride and all that.

If you want to see Twilight's ascencion done right, I always recommend this.

Hint: it begins with a ritual murder.

*ahem* So you're watching a show for little girls, complaining about how terrible the episode was, then saying the best way for Twilight to ascend is through a blood sacrifice? Are you serious? You're getting mad that Twilight didn't ascend the way you want, which is through blood and all that stuff, while watching a little girls show... the world never ceases to amaze me.

...backstory from the what?

4656045
Did I say she is the one who did the murders? Duh.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4655951
Whoa, you're shitting me. :O

4656054
The first official novel by GM Berrow.

4656131 Hmm... so you're telling me you want Twilight to ascend by killing other ponies in sacrifice? Listen... I love the show, and the fandom, but when you are trying to tell me that the ponies to kill and sacrifice other ponies in order to complete certain things, well... maybe you should find a different show, hmm? You're looking for blood and death in a show that won't offer it.

4655899

See, I never got up in arms about Twilicorn because I always expected it would happen.

Such things were far from my mind in S3. They might have come to me if there has been any definite indication the series was going to end.

Granted, I expected it would be in the final episode of the series, and I'll agree MMC was rushed

When I saw that first spoiler image of the Twilacorn, my first thought was, MLP is ending. I mean, why else would they throw in Twi's ascension in there? That's not exactly the sort of thing you put in the middle of a show. Why would you blow your load right now? Well, you would if the show was ending. It was only bolstered by the fact that MLP was hitting that magical 65 episode count to syndicate the show. It led me to think that MLP was cancelled by some Hasbro big wigs some time in storyboarding or something, and the DHX team had to hastily shoehorned MMC in and Luna pulling out Starswirl's journal at the end of E2S3 might have also been shoehorned in.

I really do believe that S3 was meant to be the last season at some point, with a Hasbro big wig reversing the decision shortly after by throwing EqG onto the table. So, PP, I think your thoughts were right because the show did end (kinda).

Personally, I didn't mind the pair of wings on Twi. It's not like they changed her personality or something, the most fundamental reason for liking Twi. I did however, have a bit (and by that I mean gigantic) panic attack over a massive portion of the fandom up and leaving. It's mostly the show that glues the fandom together. So yeah, I was freaking out at the end of the season, but not because of Twilacorn. It was what to come after, which was nothing. A void of ponies.

On that note, I'm going to be annoying and make fanatic encouragement like WRITE MOAR ABOUT LUV BUTT PP!!!1!! Shields are super important (hyuk).

Do more about Pretty Pink taking more for the team.

4656259

A void of ponies.

Stupid phone crashing when I try to edit. I mean a void lacking of ponies or something like that.

A void filled with pone would be a dream come true <3

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4656259
I do actually have a few other story ideas about Cadence, portraying her positively even. And a couple where she's the villain, but in a cool way. :B I'll probably never write them. I never write anything.

The story was wonderful, I hate Cadence and Twilight because they're annoying but this story is just amazing!:twilightsmile:

Well done on Cadence's character.

4656213
Again: did I say she is the one who did the murders? :facehoof:

4657128 If you're saying Twilight doesn't do the murders, how is that any different? It still killing and death for what? I say again, if you're going to complain about a show not having death when the show was designed for little girls... Look somewhere else for a show to watch, you won't find it here.

4657432
BECAUSE THE BAD GUY'S SERVANT DID IT, YA FRIGGIN' NUMBSKULL! :flutterrage:

The show sure doesn't have to include deaths, but it has to include action. Ya know, the latest episode, with the battle against Tirek? That's what I'm talking about. She should have earned her princesshood only after something badass like that.

4657521 Dude, the show wasn't designed for that. It has that, sure, but it's not what it was meant to hold. Honestly, it's a show for little girls, and now it's starting to include some epic fighting scenes... But it was supposed to be for little girls. So why are you complaining?


4657695
I suggest you go watch G1 MLP again, some things about it were grimdark as fuck. The Smooze was a semi-living weapon of mass destruction, much like Halo's flood.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4657695
4657735
wtf is wrong with you people

get out of here

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4658272
I'm a diehard Faustian, for better or worse. I really believe in her original vision for the show and am generally irritated when that vision is coopted. I've got other reasons to hate Cadence these days, anyway. :B

And apology accepted.

Meh.

It had a lot of potential, but in 2247 words you just can't really get much emotion out of it. It just felt way, way too rushed to actually have much of an impact. Everything was an enormous heap of tell and very little show, which for a writer of your caliber should be an incredibly basic thing to avoid. Off the top of my head, you could've had her explain her dreams of being a princess to Shining halfway through instead of presenting it linearly, after showing, perhaps, that although she's learning to cope with her fame, it still hurts when she gets such cruel comments--speaking of which, you could also have made her hecklers slightly more believable and her less... Well, I don't know. Words.

I had some other criticisms, but I think if I wrote them all, everyone reading this comment would probably just short-circuit and default to "OMG HATER ALRT!1!!!!!1". So I want to make it clear that I don't think this is a bad story. It's just surprisingly mediocre for something written by an author with a reputation for writing good stuff. Not nearly bad enough for me to downvote it, but I found it a little too sloppy to upvote. I'll just leave it alone--unless you'd like to contest what I said, in which case I'd be perfectly happy to reevaluate my opinion.

4658476

I consider Cadence a pegasus/unicorn mix, not a true alicorn. And I just don't acknowledge MMC onward unless I feel like it. ^-^

4657735 You obviously are refusing to see my point, so I'll just leave now.

4658200 Don't you tell me what to do. I'm not calling names, I'm not being rude (too much) or degrading, and we're having a debate/discussion/argument, so please, leave me alone.

4659259
Er, I think he meant "get out of here" in the slang sense of "are you kidding me?".

I think this would be benefit from being expanded to fill two chapters rather than one. It is, as you say in the author's comments, rushed. The pacing is ok for the first half, but then Cadence suddenly goes from crying and Celestia proposing a solution...to suddenly everything's ok and her problems are solved. And then immediately after that leap you have Cadence talking to Shining after Twilight's coronation, telling him how she's protected Twilight.

How? We don't know. It's never explained.

It's weak to have the climax, basically even the whole point of the story be something that you never tell us what it was. "Cadence takes one for the team." Ok...how did she take one for the team? What did she do that made Twilight's princesshood easier? We can only guess. This story presents itself as if it's bout Twilight as much as Cadence. What Cadence endured for Twilight, what Cadence was able to do for Twilight, how Cadence helped Twilight...but Twilight isn't even in the story.

This story is a decent half of a story. But the other half is missing.

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