• Member Since 12th Jun, 2014
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Manaphy


A silly person.

E
Source

Cloudchaser is among the gifted few who had the chance to join the Wonderbolts Academy. During an extended break period, as she returned home to Cloudsdale to catch up with her sister, she notices a colt that she babysits crying because he can't fly well, which means he can't visit his brother, Thunderlane. Can Cloudchaser lift Rumble, and his spirits, into the sky?


Special thanks to Fantasia Archsage and Smaug the golden for taking the time to edit and proofread this story. Be sure to check out their work as well.


Thanks to FreeHomeBrew of The Living Library Player Society for the wonderful cover art.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 20 )

So adorable!:pinkiehappy: Nice change of pace from real life. But I think you should add a few more character tags. RD, Thunderlane, and Spitfire are all important characters in the story, except maybe RD.

4662378 Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. As for the character tags, I'll add Thunderlane, since he was a driving force behind the story.

Stories about Cloudchaser are always welcome! There's not much I can say about this one, though - it was sweet, short, and just what I needed today. Have a like! :raritywink:

Cute little story, I liked it! And personally, I'm always a fan of stories with Thunderlane in them.:moustache:

Very cute little story

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Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! :twilightsmile:

This earns a spot in my read later list, and is potentially in my Favorites.

Wonder what will happen when Rumble meets Scootaloo back at school?

I loved this story! Good to see another person write about Cloudchaser, Thunderlane, and Rumble. :twilightsmile:

4664074 Thank you! :twilightsmile:

Good fan fic. you deservd a like!

I quite liked reading this fiction. I'm currently at an airport departure lounge and everyone's wondering why I'm talking to myself about certain parts of this story. I would like to see it continued and it's not to badly thought out, if I do say so myself.

One thing I did find quite a recurring issue though was the flow of some of your paragraphs. I'll use this as a small example.

This place was her hometown, Cloudsdale, and Cloudchaser, who had the sudden urge to relax for once, felt eager to let her twin sister, Flitter, know about everything she learned at the academy.

The amount of comma's used throughout this paragraph did throw me off slightly, the way it kinda disrupts flow in a stop, start kinda motion could be looked at. There are a few other incidents like this, but I'd say it's really only your biggest bad habit.

Still a nice fiction though! For using Rumble or should I say yours truly :rainbowlaugh: I shall give you a like and wish you luck in the future. ~Alex

4677418 I'll try toning down the commas for next time. Thanks for catching that.

Well, this was a charming little story. I'll make it a point to read 'Matured Silver.' Something tells me you'd probably fare better with multiple chapter works than with one shots. I'll give this a eight out of ten.

4710380 I'm working on a multi-chapter story next anyways. As for my writing abilities, while I notice that I am improving, I still have a long way to go. Glad you enjoyed this one.

This had been sitting on my RiL list for over a year, so I felt it was about time to read it! I like the choice of characters: it's always nice to see an author do something unusual with the cast. The story itself is pleasant enough, and I didn't see anything that wrong with it beyond the commas thing another commenter has mentioned and the occasional clunky phrase (eg "an upset visage"). It isn't particularly memorable, though; it's a story that passed the time and which I then more or less immediately forgot about. This is an old story now, of course, so I'm certainly not judging you as a writer based on this, but I felt I should leave some sort of comment anyway.

Ah, it's always neat to see nice little stories like these. Slice of life is always nice to read. (Sucks that this was in my Read Later List for so long, tho)

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