• Member Since 13th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 18th, 2019

Keeper of time RD


I'm a jackoftrades, pilot, hobby engineer, writer, philosopher of the creed: The truth is absolute & unchanging, so seek the truths that change for no one & you'll find the truths worth holding on to.

T

Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo weren't born sisters, they became sisters by choice. In an attempt to help Apple Bloom, Scootaloo accidentally puts the bond of that sisterhood to the test.

Now the two pegasi will learn just how far they are willing to go for each other, and just how strong their bond as sisters of loyalty really is.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 35 )

A Band is either a group of ponies with instruments, or a strip of something.
Banned is what you intend to use.

4653048

noted and fixed. thank you, That error truly eluded me.

Aww. Great little dashaloo story. If I had a complaint it would be that a blood transfusion doesnt seem like it'd be so life threatning, kidney or liver transplant might fit better, but I'm just nitpicking.

4654596

perhaps this is a case of me being too logical... in this case the simple observation that, judging from their size, a filly like Scootaloo has approximately 1/3 the body mass of a full grown mare, and there for her body would only need/have one third the blood of a healthy mare to begin with. Toss in the blood loss Scoots suffered earlier and it seemed perfectly reasonable to me that the doctor would be worried that she might not have enough blood left to keep both herself and Dash alive until their bodies could make more.

Regardless thank you for sharing your opinion.

Is it just me or is scootaloo loking like she needs an adult in that image? For a moment i thoyght i had my mature filters off. XD

4655554

The image is nothing more then a screenshot directly from the 'Sleepless in Ponyville' episode that I just resized and added the story name to.

the yellow earth pony filly with a red mane asked, frowning all the more.

The
________________

“While her cases were less severe then your,

case
yours
________________

4656239

Noted, and evaluated.

And thank you for the extra pass of error correction. However, in two of your three suggested corrections I find what I wrote the first time is what I intended.

You are correct however in that I meant yours.

4656775

The word "The" needed to be capitalized (The word after punctuation), and cases would be accurate if had multiple medical treatments at different intervals, by different doctors. But usually that's why a check up is ran, to see all the treatments needed, and then done by one doctor, by one go through. Thus case since it was all revolved around when she stepped hoof in the hospital.

But you're welcome.

Simple and beautiful, I love stuff like this between Scoots and RD:heart:

I'm really hoping for more bonding between them in season 5.

very good story! nice job

4657359

With further contemplation on the matter of case vs cases, it seems to me that this is little more then a matter of personal perspective. With you focusing on the fact that the hospital will record the entire event under one case file, and me focusing on the fact that multiple ailments were treated. Both perspectives seem to have equal merit, between that and fact that character speech doesn't even have to be technically correct, you'll have to forgive me for choosing to retain my original choice of word. :fluttershysad:

I am intrigued by your insistence over the capitalization bit, as following your advice is what earned me the following feedback when I wrote In Another Pony's Hooves:

You need to fix your dialogue tags, love. When you have a line of dialogue followed by who said it and how, the whole thing must be treated as a single sentence; you must end the character's dialogue with a comma, not a period, and you do not capitalize the first word outside the closing quote mark unless it's a name. (If the character's dialogue ends with a question or exclamation mark, you use those as usual, but still don't capitalize the next word after.)

:end quote

From what I have been able to gather, that rule trumps the one you mentioned. If that is not the case, what is the condition present that exempts the line in question from being treated as part of the same line as the dialogue despite also including who spoke it? (In this case via Apple Bloom's description.):rainbowhuh:

To everyone simply passing along that you enjoyed the story, I am glad that I was able to entertain you. Thank you for the kind words. :scootangel:

4661102

Actually found another error to answer your question. Ordinary yes. Coma doesn't capitalize, but then you have this.

“What’s wrong Scootaloo?” the white unicorn filly with a pink and purple mane asked in response.

and

“What are ya talking about?” the yellow earth pony filly with a red mane asked, frowning all the more.

By using a ?, !, or a . you capitalize the word after that punctuation mark. Thus I am right in my insistence. If you were to use a , before the " then you are correct, it would remain lowercase. But by using the punctuation before the " mark, the word needs to be capitalized.

4661199
You are merely restating the rule that is expressly addressed by the rule I noted, (If the character's dialogue ends with a question or exclamation mark, you use those as usual, but still don't capitalize the next word after.)

So I'll ask again, what condition are you using to expect those lines from being treated as continuations of the dialogue when the lines in question are little more then elaborate ("X?" the pony asked.) lines?

4661253

Actually yes you do. It's in every work of writing by competent writers. Names get capped, and if you don't use a comma then the word after the " tag gets capped.

Anywho, don't care anymore. Cap it or not, not really interested in the story to begin with, didn't follow through on the whole "loyalty of the sisters put to the test" bit, nor did it really use the tension of that promise. Scoots had a concern she mentioned in private, Dash saved her without knowing about it, Scoots saves Dash. The end. All in all it was mediocre, but not bad enough to earn a down vote. The over all story was short enough that even after loosing interest I followed it to see if the long description panned out, and I was more than happy to leave the fic with as little comments as possible.

That being said, in the fics/stories/other forms of literature I've read, and from the constant corrections of my editors when I didn't cap the word after the " tag where punctuation was used I gave that comment. Although it would be better yet if you avoided LUS to begin with. I promise the names don't get boring if you use them throughout the fic. Regardless, I'm done with the fic, best of luck with your future endeavors, and while I'm not upvoting this fic I'm not about to down vote it.

4661288

I see, so i simply have conflicting advice.

As far as the test of loyalty I was simply referring to the test of 'how far would each go for the other?', and seeing as the circumstances that created the test were brought about by the accident of Scoot's and friends being in the wrong place at the wrong time, neither needed to perceive it as a test.

Regardless thank you for the discussion. I shall consult others to see if I can find out which rule trumps which.

To anyone who wanted to know the outcome of my research into the topic of the rules of writing.

First off I found the assertion regarding 'competent writers' to be flat out untrue, as I easily able to find books by professional authors with lines like ("Land ho!" cried the lookout.) and ("Are you Thomas Jefferson?" asked another student.)

More important then some token examples however, when I spoke with others that know the rules of writing far better then I, they all gave me the same advice as Mix-Tape Mare. As such I find that I have no choice but to conclude that the rule:

When you have a line of dialogue followed by who said it and how, the whole thing must be treated as a single sentence; you must end the character's dialogue with a comma, not a period, and you do not capitalize the first word outside the closing quote mark unless it's a name. (If the character's dialogue ends with a question or exclamation mark, you use those as usual, but still don't capitalize the next word after.)

is in fact the dominant rule.

Minor grammar and spelling issues aside, enjoyable story.
I don't quite understand why it was 3 separate chapters instead of one 8k word block, but still worth reading
Deus Ex Machina was a bit unexpected, but whenever it involves lightning, I'm usually okay with it.

I really enjoyed this story :) you should keep this up! Maybe make your stories longer but it brought a year to my eye. Thank you for making this

I think "Blood-Bonded" might have been a better title for the story.


The only problem I have with the writing is all of the incorrect word usage throughout. There are quite a few examples of "then" instead of "than" type mistakes. A good sit-down and a dictionary might be beneficial.

The story itself is quite solid. I'd give it 8-9/10.

4678997

Ah... right... Then is for time comparisons and chains of events, and than is for comparing objects or states in the present.

Thank you for catching that, it completely slipped my mind to check for that error when doing my editing passes. :scootangel:

I think I fixed the 'them's and 'than's, so if anyone sees that mistake still please let me know and I'll try again.

Interesting title suggestion, though it might be worth noting that blood cells only live something like 2 weeks, so a transfusion still wouldn't make them blood sisters. Hence my choice to focus more on what truly makes them sisters rather then a passing state.

4655812 You should have gotten a shot where Scootaloo is smiling, not with eyes wide with shock.
Anyway, I LOVED THIS STORY!:scootangel:
It was just so powerful and full of love and self sacrifice. My headcannon is that Scootaloo tapped in the Forces of Loyalty that the Tree of Harmony emanates in order to Thunder Punch that gargoyle. It takes strong love and loyalty to do that, and both Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash had it for each other.

4766146

I intended to modify the screen shot more then I did when I was making the title picture, however with my low art skill I only managed to make it worse. When I gave up I just went back to the base screen shot and added in the title. Forgive me if I chose not to take several hours of hobby time away from writing for what will amount to a token change to the title image. :fluttershysad:

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. :scootangel:

Interesting theory, though if you wanted to know my headcannon on the matter, I simply consider kicking lightning without a cloud to be the pinnacle of pegasus weather magic's ability to handle lightning, and Scootlaoo being good at handling lightning is a running theme in my stories. The reason for that can be seen in The Legendary Scooterbolt.

A Rainbow and Scootaloo sister fic...Dang you've hit my greatest weakness, I just can't resist reading these fics. I'll track it for now, and read it when I'm able too.

Nice story Really nice
Im mean sure deux ex machina came in to save them from mr gargoyle but.... it was scootaloo so thats new nothing works out for scoots... so ye
And ye good story
Also for the final line you say brake it should be break, Unless if you meant brake as in stop that works to
Thats all enjoy!

7089162

Oh wow. I don't know what to say to that... other than thank you.
And sorry I don't log in often enough to see all the the comment notices before they auto delete.

But I do look through my story list from time to time to see if the number of comments has changed. So I do read all the comments on my stories eventually.

And though it may have taken me a week to notice it, when I did read yours it made my day. So again, thank you. :scootangel:

A truly beautiful and amazing story here! The feels!

8671700

Thank you.

Good to see that this story can still brighten someone's day from time to time. :scootangel:

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