- Member Since 10th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Sep 25th, 2017
Nightlock106
I enjoy spending my free time jotting down ideas for new stories, though most of them either go into the trash bin or are left unfinished. Nonetheless, I hope you all enjoy the works that I publish.
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O-o,hmmm, well,...you don't waste much time do ya vinyl?
i can alos see you were a boy scout once beacause,....ya know,.... you always come prepared.
Other than that and
I WANT MORE!!
4662274 Fixed the first one, and I'm not sure what you want me to do with the second one.
4662342 Should it be a fiver
Nice work with that
Nice story!Hope to see more of it!
-LuckyLeaf
4662748 Not really, it still makes sense that way.
4664038 Fair enough. it may be because I'm used to hearing fiver more than five in this context.
It just feels like it needs a currency added to the end of five.
this was incredibly hard to sit down and read... that doesnt seem normal for a single teenager alone in a basement with no shirt on...
Okay I have to say this now, seriously the pace of your story needs to be slowed down, I feel like im being run over by the story as I read it. it jumps from scene to scene in a few sentences at a time, when each scene should usually have at least a couple of paragraphs before a transition. having it slower allows the reader time to process what's going on, and allows the characters to voice opinions,
honestly this chapter is about 2-3 chapters worth worth of scenes shoved into 1
remember in a romance its all about the characters and what they feel, not what happens. having the events slow going isn't a bad thing in romance your primary focus with romance is building and developing the characters and their relationship.
try to pad the story out a bit with descriptions, and what the characters are thinking, focus more on character interactions, for example with vinyl and her little brother, they don't feel as if they're siblings. for example when vinyl introduces tavi as her girlfriend. there's nothing, he basicly disappears from scene without even having an opinion or reaction to vinyl having a new girlfriend. utilise those scenes to build up and show what type of person vinyl is, what sort of relationship she has with her family. use the events in her past to help with her character. ask yourself about how those events would shape the way she is now? how would the things she see's affect her? what are her weak points? is she particularly sensitive about having to wear a wig? etc etc. the more of these questions you have answered the better you understand your character and the better you can develop your character. the same goes for any other main characters.
I find the best way to pad out a story is to write out a plan for each chapter in detail. specifying what happens and what the characters talk about without adding the details of said conversations. often I find myself adding more and more parts when I do this. when writing on the fly you often want to rush through to the good parts. avoid this it generally cramps and rushes the story.
I got into a bit of a rant back there, this was meant to be a short comment, but it kinda got lecture-y.
anyway keep at it, don't lose motivation to write. if you need help I am willing to give you a hand.
-Air heart
4667514 Thanks for the advice, this really isn't the first story that I had issues on it being too fast. It's a really bad, and really hard habit to break. I'm trying my best though
I hope to get this a bit more slowed down in later chapters so I don't keep pushing it down the reader's throat.
m.quickmeme.com/img/e2/e2b0e5c2751f4ce5b854328ff45a26fd31ff51eef5d6e8fad348eef024f71580.jpg
images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/The-Knights-Who-Say-Ni-monty-python-and-the-holy-grail-591175_1008_566.jpg
DO I smell a 3 way with Twilight?
I love u......
GIVE ME MOAR!!!!!
4671752 I'd like to see that.
4676269
I think most of us would
Chill out Twilight, you know we love you. 
This story feels rushed. Other than that though, it's really good.
.........
this was beautiful i am absolutely smitten by this story
hiatus huh? what happened?
4686798 I'm working out ideas on continuing the story, do not worry. It is not going to go forgotten, nor am I abandoning it. I promise you I will get it done, it just takes time to produce quality content.
...shut up and take my favorite.
My poetry is whit compared to the majesty that is this story.
4688321 awesome. can't wait for more. its got a nice setup for awesome college shenanigans. xD
New chapter!
Good job portraying horny teens. Seems legit.
couple errors but nothing horrible.
And when they opened the door to exit, they found themself with Principal Celestia's group staring at the door with their mouths wide open, Celestia not being the exception.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HGEPc8DNbNs
= this chapter
i get the feeling its meant to be
other than that its getting better, less rushed and is easier to follow now.
Dun du duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4735061 I fixed the error, thanks for pointing it out, I would have left there if you hadn't said anything
And like I said, I'm going to slow it down so I'm not cramming it down the reader's throat.
Love the chapter... I approve it!
4735771 It was thanks to your idea that I was able to make it happen!
Well...that could have gone worse I suppose.
Yo Neon, pass that bowl over here!
(Just kidding, drugs are bad, m'kay?)
4748061 tell that to Colorado.
4748362
Pfft, Colorado thinks it's so cool. California, on the other hand...
Every day is 420 here, whither you like it or not.
4748391
Minnesota(Minneapolis) and California have something in common... who knew?
aaand the conflict is revealed :D.... let the party begin xD
Ah, fuck.... Shit's gonna go down!
Nooooo, Vinyl why!? Don't cheat on Tavi, That's so not cool.
WHY DO I HAVE THE VIEW MATURE CHECKBOX THINGY CHECKED
*begins to read*
Why, Vinyl?
Why do you do this to Tavi?
We all thought you cared...
I know I did.
~TOOWC