• Member Since 10th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Star Phantom


I'm a guy who loves Video Games and is a Brony. I get different ideas for the mane six and mostly into game crossovers.

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RD, the fastest pegasus you've ever seen. You might also know her as her hero alias, Zapp from the Power Ponies. But there is something about her you may not know, Whilst taking notes, she trips into the machine as it's starting up and is zapped with its power. She wakes up in the hospital with a thunderbolt necklace near her. She then discovers her powers.

After training with them, RD becomes Zapp, the mare who controls the weather. However, there's another pegasus out there with the same powers who wants her gone. Zapp must use her powers to save herself and Cloudsdale!

Part of my new Power Ponies series. One of six.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 24 )

I'm a little busy right now, but I'll make sure to read this story later on. Favorited.

It remains me of the Flash's original good work I think I'm going to favorite this story. :pinkiehappy:

Just....
Grammar
You need to sort out your grammar

Rainbow Dash, The fastest pegasus you ever seen. You also might know her as her hero name, Zapp from the Power Ponies, here some about her you may not now, Rainbow Dash was just a normal pony who loves flying. However, her scores at a low at Cloudsdale High School. She is given the chance to bring them up when going to see a machine that take over in controlling the weather. When taking notes, she tips into the machine as it started up and is zap with the power. She wake up in the hospital with a thunderbolt necklace near her. Then she discover about her powers. After training with them, Rainbow Dash grains an hero identity Zapp, the mare that controls the weather. However, there another Pegasus out there that has the same power as her and he want her gone. Zapp must use her powers to save the day and her home.

Rainbow Dash, The fastest pegasus you've ever seen. You also might know her as her hero name, Zapp from the Power Ponies, there is some about her you may not know, Rainbow Dash was just a normal pony who loved flying. However, her test scores are at a low at Cloudsdale High School. She is given the chance to bring them up when going to see a machine that will take over in controlling the weather. Whilst taking notes, she tips into the machine, as it started up, and is zapped with the power. She later wakes up in the hospital with a thunderbolt necklace near her. Then she discovers about her powers. After training with them, Rainbow Dash gains the hero identity Zapp, the mare that controls the weather. However, there's another Pegasus out there that has the same power as her and he wants her gone. Zapp must use her powers to save the day and her home.

This was from the description alone...I don't even want to read the story itself, in fear of an aneurism from the sheer lack of grammar. Sorry Grammar Nazi for life!

Anyway, may I suggest getting an editor or a pre-reader (who's fluent in English), someone who can look through it and highlight your mistakes, telling you how to correct them or correcting them themselves.

4679543 Try reading the story, it might be different then the description. I'm doing the other Power Ponies as well, as I can think of something for their first chapter. Your new Description work fine with me, you forget a few spaces in some of the words though.

4679571 D'ya know how hard it is to write on a tablet? :facehoof:

4679610 Don't have one, so not ready.

4679619 It's bloody difficult, keyboard is always cutting off or missing out spaces :facehoof: plus you also tend to press the wrong key every now and again. It's frustrating.

it has potential so far not bad

4680460 Thanks. I also doing the other Power Ponies as well.

Good work great chapter can't wait for the next one. And I can't wait for the next story.

Gee, I wonder who the villain is going to be? Out of all the characters in the story, I guess it could be anyone. (but seriously, I think it's Spitfire :rainbowlaugh: JK)

Grammar, grammar, GRAMMAR! And where DID Rainbow's necklace come from? And why can Elector control weather with his mind? Explanation?! Backstory?! ANYTHING?! :twilightangry2:

4799443 Dude, Chili out!:rainbowderp: I'll get to that when I write the chapter.

The story is good, but I suggest revising your story, if, that is, you're on a mobile device. I know it's a bit hard, but practice on gdoc, and you'll get it.:pinkiehappy:

i really like it hope to read more soon:twilightsmile:

I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep it up! :pinkiehappy:

Is English your 2nd language? While I do like the idea and am curious to see where this is going, the fic is bordline not understandable. Get an editor please.

6254335 English is my first. I still get that, get an editor. Not easy for me to get one these days.

6255081
Alright well some if these mistakes make me think that it'd be you second. But why can't you get an editor?

6256386 Well I had a editor a couple times already, but they either take forever or I don't heard from them again.

Still waiting for that next chapter :pinkiecrazy:

6998449 Sorry, got other stories to write, not sure when I'll get back to this one.

6998856 I understand, my computer has been broken for around I say 4 years so I can't write, happy writing. I guess if that's a thing.

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