• Published 6th Jul 2014
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The Trying Times of Ahuizotl - Rego



The fearsome Ahuizotl finds himself without a bit to his name as his more recent failures start catching up to his wallet. His diabolical debt quickly piling around him, the villain has no choice but to do the unthinkable: find a normal job.

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Chapter 04: First Day at Bon Bon's

Confound these bindings! I struggled with the coils at my sides for what seemed like hours, desperately trying to gain an advantage over them, but it was to no avail. These ponies and their damnable machinations refused to cooperate. Surely if it could be worked by clumsy hooves, a creature with three opposable thumbs should have no issues. I refuse to lose a battle of dexterity to glorified nubs!

“Are you okay in there? You’ve been in there for almost fifteen minutes.”

Again, it only seemed like hours.

“Gods, leave me in peace, Bon Bon. I will be out in a moment!”

“Are you sure you don’t need some help? I needed help my first time.” The door opened slowly, letting in the slightest slivers of light creep through.

I stomped my foot to stop the opening, leaning down to meet the eyes of my captor, inquisitor, and landlady. I narrowed my glare to meet hers. “Listen closely, I have traversed the darkest catacombs of forgotten realms all across the world, besting their tricks and puzzles to get at their secret bounties.”

“Well, right now, you’re tying an apron.”

A deep growl rumbled in my throat. I did not need to be reminded of the task at hand, hand, and hand. I forced the door closed again, turning my head back as far as I could, hoping that I could catch a glimpse of my labor in my peripheral vision. My workspace just so happened to lie out of my vision and forced me to stand straight to have any hope of properly wearing the minotaur-styled embroidered apron. How one was meant to do this alone with just two hands baffled me. This is why I never wear clothes.

For my umpteenth attempt at the infernal butterfly knot, I felt the loop I had been feeling for during my struggles. A few moments more and conquest of the glorified crimson drapery would be assured! Pulling the corners taut, I released the breath I had been holding to take note of my work in the mirror. Seeing that all was as it should be, triumph welled inside me and I thrust the bathroom door open, stepping into the light of day victoriously.

“Behold, my perfected form, Bon Bon, for I have successfully donned your establishment’s uniform!”

“It’s backwards.”

I felt my right eye twitch. I looked down again and noted the reversed “BB” which had read normally in the mirror.

“Curses!”


I leaned against the candy display, drumming my fingers upon the glassy top. I had been half listening to Bon Bon as she continued on with the idiosyncrasies of her work, mostly because, aside from the songs spinning from the slightly dented record player, there was little else to occupy my time. Seeing growing bemusement cross the pony’s face, she was growing as impatient with me as I with her.

“So, tell me again, what do you say when a customer comes in?”

“Do you have dental insurance?”

“No.” She buried her face deeply into her hooves and pulled her face down as she slowly came back up for air. “Just start with the four simple words, ‘welcome to Bon Bon’s’ and then flash the best smile you can muster, if you’re even capable of that.”

I flashed a serrated smile, grinning wide to showcase the rows of razor sharp canines.

“How about just your second best smile then. Now, say it.”

“Bon Bon, are you entirely sure a known villain working at your store won’t be bad for business?”

“I’m sure it will, but if you think I'm going to let you freeload in my guest room when you’re perfectly capable of pulling your weight around here, then you’re going to wish I hadn’t convinced Lyra to let you have a second shot.”

“Don’t remind me.” I muttered as I pushed myself away from the display case. Letting my bloodlust get the better of me had put me into a bind. Assaulting Celestia’s little ponies in her backyard would land me in hot water, or perhaps plasma, if she decided to sic those elements of hers upon me.

Bon Bon and Lyra had talked well into the evening after Lyra’s return from her temporary exile about the future of my lodging situation behind closed doors. Neither had come out of the discussion satisfied, with Lyra still confused by my unprovoked attack and Bon Bon worried about me clarifying my reasoning. Why the mare bothered hiding her lineage escaped me, but as long as I kept that nugget of information as an unwritten security deposit, I would maintain my temporary living situation. With our two-way blackmail, we had to play nice while all of us were locked under one roof in a stalemate of secrets.

“Now, say it with me.” Bon Bon commanded seeing she had garnered my cooperation.

“Welcome to Bon Bon’s,” we both said together, myself much less enthusiastically, just as the entryway bell chimed. We both looked to see a trio of ponies entering the store, the first, a pink and blonde one, stopped dead in her tracks as our eyes met.

“Lily, what’s goin’ o—” another pink one of the guests began saying before also noticing my presence there. The third, who had been carrying the remnants of the conversation, left at the doorway made it midway to the counter before taking note of my presence. She somehow paled further beyond her already white coat.

“Good morning ladies, can I get you anything?” Bon Bon acted as if there was nothing wrong with the scene, plastering a wide grin as her eyes darted between the scared stiff mares that had entered her shop. I felt a slight kick from the mare. “Smile already, you idiot!” Bon Bon hissed quietly through her wide, welcoming grin.

Mentally shrugging, I flashed my crocodile smile.

“RUN FOR YOU LIFE!” the one closest to the counter screamed at a decibel that would surely shatter glass if maintained for any length of time.

“Rose, wait! It’s oka—” her pacification attempt was swiftly followed by the pink ones joining in with their own terrified wails. The “Rose” one scampered across the tile with flailing hooves, seemingly catching every chair and table between her and the door in a cluster of furniture and equine. She slammed into the side of the doorframe, face first, while attempting her clumsy retreat.

Looking back to the other two, the Lily one had promptly fainted with something about horror barely crossing her tongue. The last standing pony, I assume named either Pansy or Daisy if her cutie mark was a clue, desperately fanned her fainted friend to rouse her from her slumber.

Rose, looking little worse for wear after taking about half of the store’s seating with her to the door, pulled herself up from the tangled mess of chairs and tables, quickly grabbing Lily off the ground and slumping her over her back. “No time, Daisy! Just run!”

With that, the most intense thirty seconds of the morning came to a close along with the shut of the door and, once again, triggering the bell’s chime.

“So,” I started after a long silence, “what comes after the greeting?”

Bon Bon said nothing and let her face escape once again to the safety of her hooves.


After the initial ruckus with Lily Valley, Roseluck, and Daisy, business had remained slow with only a few of her regular customers wandering in as well as a few curious passersby. Sadly, none reacted with the fear those three had shown. Instead, ponies would ask Lyra or Bon Bon about me as if I wasn’t there. Bon Bon was even accosted by a colt with a camera asking if they could do an interview for his school newspaper about the new tamed manticore working at her shop. To my credit, I kept my murderous desires in check, only slightly upsetting the clientele when I ripped the bit tray out of the register yelling curses in my native tongue. A simple accident, of course.

Bon Bon decided that some fresh air would curb my temper and sent me on a pick-up job with Lyra. Knowing I would have more work when I returned, I decided to keep the apron on rather than degrade myself further by asking a pony to tie it once again. I still maintained some level of my former dignity, or at least scraps of something passable.

As we walked, my thoughts lingered on the infernal BB plastered on me, a walking billboard advertising my new low. There I was, the great Ahuizotl, reduced to a simple cashier. No, wait. It was even worse. I was a minion! A sun-forsaken minion to an owner of a pony candy store!

“Wow. Keep that up, Zotey, and you’re gonna make my friend Minuette a rich mare without even touching a jawbreaker.”

“Meaning?”

“You’re mimicking a saw blade with those chompers of yours. I swear I saw sparks!” The pony laughed as she picked up a nearby stick, holding it up close to my jowls with her magic. I rolled my eyes trying to ignore her, but she kept hovering the thing around my mouth. “And me without any marshmallows.”

When she made her final mistake by prodding at the corners of my mouth, pushing them up for some forced gleeful expression. I grabbed the stick, snapping it in half in my grip and overpowering her magical grip. “Remove the stick from my face immediately before I show you what these teeth can do to the horn that holds it!”

“Seriously? It was just a joke.” Lyra tossed the stick back where she found it. She picked up her canter to get ahead of me, looking at me indignantly. “I get it. You’re supposed to be big, bad, and blue, but would it kill ya to crack a smile?”

“No, but it might require the demise of another to warrant one.” I pressed on, disregarding her bitter scowl punctuated by an exasperated sigh.

“You know, I figured since Lace likes you, you wouldn’t be so…”

“Fearsome? Intimidating? Malevolent?”

“I was going to say grumpy,” she said flatly. My brow furrowed more as I kept my eyes ahead, deciding it would be best to ignore her instead of further antagonizing the mare. “I mean, would it kill you to say ‘thank you for taking me in?’ or ‘sorry for beating up your best friend?’”

“You read Daring Do’s accounts of her adventures, yes?” I turned my gaze downward to meet my inquisitor’s own.

“Huh?” The sudden change in topic seemed to catch her off guard as she grasped for her answer. “Well, not all of them. Haven’t had time to read her latest one. Why?”

“In any of her writings, have you once read a passage of me giving thanks or saying sorry to anyone?”

To her credit, she gave the question some thought. “Does ‘you will be sorry, Daring Do’ count?” By the grin splitting her face, she must’ve believed her answer was incredibly clever.

“It does not, nor do I ever intend to change that.”

“You could at least give it a shot, Ahuizotl. Maybe if you gave it a chance, made some friends, kinda lightened up, then maybe you wouldn’t be, you know, so miserable?” I felt the pulse of an eye twitch as those last two words left her muzzle. Miserable? Of course I was miserable! Much of the credit belonged to her and other ponies that had made me into a laughingstock. I reared back, pressing my face close to hers ensuring I had her full attention.

“Listen closely, Lyra, I did not come here to ‘make friends’ or ‘lighten up.’ I am simply making the best out of a very temporary unfortunate situation. What I will do is make my way back to the top of the underworld and reclaim my place of power and respect.” I straightened myself as I continued towards our destination.

“Right,” she muttered in reply looking down to the ground. She drew her hoof across the ground for several moments before rapping against the road as if checking for a loose panel on the dirt road with a coy grin. “So, would the top be upside down or does the underworld have high ceilings?”

“Remind me to show you the view before throwing you off the side, Lyra.”

“Sure thing, Zotey,” she agreed as she grabbed the tip of my Bon Bon’s apron with her magic. “You sure have your work cut out for you, huh, tough guy.”

I grumbled, having no quick retort to the chipper pony escort. Her seizing the last word in our exchanges was becoming a disturbing norm. Upon seeing our destination as we rounded the corner, she galloped to the door with delight while I forced myself to approach the gingerbread eyesore. Sugarcube Corner emitted sickening fumes of entirely too much cake frosting and cinnamon rolls wafting from the half-open stable door.

“Afternoon, Mr. Cake!” Lyra hollered loudly while propping herself up through the open top door. “Could we borrow a wheelbarrow of sugar?”

“Oh, Lyra, come on in,” the aptly named cake proprietor called out from the kitchen. “I’ll be out in a second.”

I followed Lyra inside the gaudy building, slightly relieved to see a more acceptable interior. Sure, there were still pastry decorations and hearts littering every corner of the store, but at the very least it had some semblance of normal design. I never thought I would feel so relieved to step onto a common wood floor. Still, it was strange to step into what appeared to be Bon Bon’s competition to pick something up. Among the pies, cakes, and cookies were a few treats here and there. This venue seemed far larger than where I work—temporarily took up residence in indentured servitu—resigned to toil away my exile from... Never mind.

“Sorry about that, Lyra. Me and the missus have been picking up some of the slack with Pinkie out on one of her… Oh. My.” Smelling the fear from a new face, I turned to see this Mr. Cake. He appeared to be as flimsy as the twig I snapped earlier, a lanky yellow earth pony baker doing his best to dress the part. His quivering lower lips only called more attention to his serious underbite issues. “I heard there was someone new in town, I just didn’t expect him to be so, umm…”

“Go on.” I could only revel in his scared stammering. I felt like an empath feeding upon the sweet aroma of his fear, pretending that the smattering of pastries weren’t there. Of course, my compatriot gave me a quick kick to ruin my fun.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Cake, Zotey here couldn’t hurt a fly.” The mare gave me a reassuring pat on the back, or rather she pounded it considering she slammed her foreleg with an uncomfortable amount of force. “The big kitty is just here to help with the incredibly heavy lifting. Isn’t that right, Big Blue?”

Mr. Cake bit his lip casting glances between Lyra and me. I returned in kind with a leery glare of my own to silently assure that if he ever crossed me, nopony would ever find his body.

“See? Harmless. Now, where are this month’s cases?”


“Bon Bon, we’re back!” Lyra proudly announced carrying hovering several boxes brimming with ingredients for her backstock.

“Thanks, Ly Ly.” She stopped, taking note of their contents, frowning coming up short of her order. “Where are the rest?”

Lyra pointed back to me as I stumbled in, carrying what felt like the weight of the moon upon my shoulders. Lyra saddled me with the backbreaking lion’s share of the load with sugar and flavorings from around Equestria. If my tormentor had been a better magician, I would’ve sworn she transmuted the contents into lead.

“Lyra! I wanted him to get some fresh air, not become a workhorse!”

“I RESENT MY COMPARISON TO ANY EQUINE!” I grunted between huffs. Beads of sweat rained down along my long muzzle. Seeing the target, I clumsily dropped my load to the ground in an avalanche of cardboard, not caring for the safety of their contents

Before they could satisfyingly smash upon the ground, Lyra caught them all with ease and placed each into their proper place with little effort on the stack. She wrapped the entire stack in a solid gold aura and moved them to the closet, looking back to me with a crooked smirk dripping with smug satisfaction before making her way upstairs.

The torrent of raging emotions crashed about in a cataclysmic maelstrom within me. Teeth grinding, eyes burning, fingers flailing, and a deep roar threatening to escape my very soul, I balled all three fists into the air and, rather than my usual curse to the heavens, I collapsed unceremoniously into a sweat-soaked heap upon the kitchen floor.

Bon Bon leaned down in concern. “You okay, Ahuizotl?”

“I demand a bath fit for a king, Ponyville’s finest cuisine served with a chilled bottle of Hollow Shade’s Select, and your marefriend’s severed head on a golden platter.”

“Yeah, you’re fine.”

I stayed there, letting the frigid tiles cool me down as I splayed like an overheated dog. It was degrading, demeaning, and beneath me, but at the moment, the scintilla of pride I constructed seemed to have melted sometime during the return trip. Bon Bon allowed it, stepping over me as she began preparing various mixes for her disgusting snacks.

For once, it was enjoyable to not be acknowledged. Every so often, I would find another spot after warming my current space up. Bon Bon eyed me critically as I maneuvered to different spots on a dirty floor. I’ve trekked through ancient ruins with centuries of dust and forgotten mausoleums filled with decaying corpses, a heavily used kitchen floor wasn’t going to kill me.

I’m not sure how long I had spent resting on the floor, but she stood above me carrying a carefully balanced tray on her back.

“Want to help me restock the displays?” she invited cheerfully, showing me the fresh batch of lollipops and gummies she’d carefully crafted during my stay in the kitchen. I only offered a malicious grunt in reply. “Too bad, you’re doing it anyway.”

I righted myself, straightening my apron while closely following my keeper. Coughing slightly, she tilted her head towards the sink, silently commanding me to wash my hands before returning to work. Too tired to fight it, I rinsed my digits with soap and lazily held the results up for her approval. With a happy nod, she gave one last look to the floor, noticing the damp smears I’d left behind.

“Also, you’re mopping the floors after we close.”

We ventured to the storefront and began refilling her dwindling stocks in the window displays and tall counters in preparation for what she called the afterschool rush including a tray of pastries from the competition.

“After that, the store dies down for a while until the mail office gets off. Usually they stop here on their way back, hence the muffins I order from Sugarcube Corner. That squirrely Ditzy Doo can’t get enough of them!”

She carried on with various explanations of her day-to-day functions well into the afternoon. How Sugarcube Corner had struck a deal to carry each other’s products, her favorite cooking methods for specific candies, and a plethora of mundane work-related items which I couldn’t care any less to know. All the while, I received stares from ponies young and old as they munched on health devastating sugars, starches, and salt, hoping the monster wouldn’t develop a sudden taste for a fattened pony. It was then that the reality of my current situation finally struck me.

This shop with these ponies in this town under the watchful eyes of Canterlot: this was my life now.


After rinsing off in the shower after work, I returned downstairs to the mop and its companion bucket of soapy water waiting patiently for my attention while Bon Bon reviewed the day’s totals at a nearby table. I soaked the bushy head and pressed the excess water away before beginning my mechanical ministrations. My cleaning carried me into the kitchen where I had rested before, my sweaty remnants still glistening on the tile.

I couldn’t help but sigh. All my efforts and accomplishments over the past thirty years amounted to a sweaty floor stain.

“Ahuizotl?”

“What?” I muttered bitterly as I erased my short-lived mark on the world. A small clink rang on a nearby counter, calling my attention to a small drawstring pouch.

“There’s your bits for the day.” I regarded the pouch curiously, lifting the pouch with my tail, noticing its peculiar weight not adding up in my mind. I cocked a curious eyebrow remembering that I had chased out regular customers with my presence alone, nearly destroyed her only register, and lazed around for about half an hour on the kitchen floor. On top of that, I had threatened to kill the mare before me yesterday with a dull tray and requested her one-sided love’s decapitated head with my meal. “Despite your… shaky start, you really helped out a lot today.”

“Do you expect me to be thankful for your pity?”

“Yeesh, and here I thought I was the grump in the house. Just think of it as a bonus to get you back on your hooves,” she said with a smile. “Err, paws in your case. After all, every little bit helps, right?”

I tossed the small bag with my tail to my hands, opening it to see the “little bit” of bits before me. Only about seven thousand more payments like this, give or take a hundred or so, would see my debts to the AHA paid in full. So, in this case, I was inclined to vehemently disagree with her assertion. This, in fact, wasn’t even remotely close to being considered the beginning of something that dreamed of one day becoming helpful.

“Listen, Ponyville isn’t the worst place to start picking up the pieces after something goes wrong, Lyra and I know that firsthoof. A little kindness and generosity can change anyone’s life. Just try giving it a chance and I’m sure everything will work out, big guy.” She gave me a reassuring pat on the back while I kept my gaze on the pathetic pittance that was worth more than the work I had put into today. “Thank you for your help, and see you bright and early tomorrow morning.”

Bon Bon left me alone with my cleaning supplies and payment. Her kind words echoed through my mind with the promises of a better life awaiting me here in Ponyville if I would just let it. The kindness and generosity of ponies? Only one question remained clear in my mind…

How could I best exploit it?

Author's Note:

If you find mistakes in the GSP (Grammar, Spelling, or Punctuation) of this chapter, please let me know through a private message rather than leaving it in the comment section. Thanks you!