A stallion faces a court allegation.
A mare faces her daughter's death.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 8th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Aug 18th, 2016
Avox
I like to pretend that I know what I'm doing.
Avox
Joined 8th Dec, 2013 ·
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Wow, I figured the ending would be something like this, but it still gets to you a little bit. Especially because I know this happens all the time, and it makes me sick just thinking about it.
Hmmmm, being married to someone who was a para-legal for the state prosecutors office, this story seems a little... I dunno, unrealistic. I mean, in real life, if there is as little evidence as there was listed in this one, then it would be highly unlikely that the state prosecution would even bother trying to take it to court.
This story probably would have been served better as perhaps a police drama, rather than a courtroom one.
I mean, maybe I am uniquely biased, in that I am sadly fairly well versed with the court system (from the prosecution side, at least
) than others may be, at least by proxy of my wife… and there are far too many cases where there is more evidence than this that the prosecution won't touch, cause they know they won't secure a conviction.
The set up seems to be mostly to support the reveal, but the support seems very flimsy, but then that might be unique to me, given what I know of the court system.
Well, isn't he the confident one. That's the prime example of a sociopath~
6234649 Fixed. Thank you!
6235159 Jesus, it's like you read every single story I vomit out. I almost feel bad for you—one human can only take so much stupidity, especially from the likes of me.
As compensation, I promise that I'll pay for your next therapy visit.I was worried that my lack of knowledge on the legal system would be an issue; that's why I tossed in that whole "this doesn't happen often in Equestria" schtick. Make it seem like it was a result of the whole endeavor being an anomaly rather than a failure on my part. But you're completely right about this story being contrived to suit the reveal. I absolutely wrote this to drive home the whole "matter of perspective" theme; everything else was justification.
6236892
Lol, well I do follow you for a reason. And don't stress about the therapy, I live in a country with socialized healthcare
It was a good idea, and you certainly have the writing chops to pull something like this off… I guess it is, like I said, my familiarity (and disappointment) with the court system that allowed me to see where this particular story didn't fully fit. Thinking on it, the courtroom setting could still be used, and the idea of showing the perspective you did was a great idea; but then to have it work, you'd probably have to have enough knowledge of legal proceedings to have it declared a mistrial.
I think that is the darkest part of possible court drama fics… the reality of how people get off on the most ridiculous things, and how they literally got away with murder. There was a trial my wife was involved in here a few years ago. Two guys beat up a guy for calling them out on harassing a girl at a bus station. After they finished beating him up, they threw him off of the overpass they were on, onto incoming freeway traffic. They got caught because they were bragging to their friends that they killed a guy (and someone reported them).
They got off with a mistrial, because a police officer had incorrectly filled in a report.
6238491 Seriously, I commend your wife for being able to put up with that sheit daily. I doubt I'd last an hour in her shoes, even if I were on the prosecution's side. I don't deal well with drama, and I can also get more emotional than an eleven-year-old girl when Zayn left 1D.
I like the mistrial idea, but I feel like it compromises the idea that everyone misjudged both of their characters based on social stereotypes/stigmata. That's the thing here that's most important to me. Just... I'unno, man. This idea clearly needs more love and thought than I put into it.
One day I'll eventually manage to write a compelling dark fic—I swear on me mum.
6238575
Oh yeah, she didn't survive it. She ended up with PTSD from the job, and can't work now.
And I get what you mean, re: the social stigmas. It is a sad truth that this kind of thing happens. Not this particular incident, but that someone's personal lifestyle is brought in to a judgement that has nothing to do with the case at hand (or hoof)
I can think of a few ways this could be written, but none of those stories are the kind I would personally want to write. IIRC, one that touched on this was From Scratch, iirc. Vinyl's previous manager got away with a crime, basically by blaming the victim, and those in power took his side.
But yeah, don't give up on writing dark stuff. It's good to see someone going for the more psychological dark fic, rather than the typical gore dark fic. Actually, that is one thing I do commend you for in this fic, that you opted to go the route of not showing the murder. You did show us a killer, who rather than a raving lunatic, looked just like you or me, someone who could be seen as a normal, upstanding member of society. So kudos for that.
This was pretty chilling. A look into a sociopath's mind always is. My only complaint is that it was pretty short and left a few unanswered questions, the biggest of which for me being, why would the state choose to prosecute in a case where there apparently is no evidence? I suppose the answer could be that, given it is such a rare charge in Equestria, it was better to be safe than sorry, but still...
That aside, definitely worth my read, so have a fave.
Hmm, why wouldn't Luna just check his dreams? Subconscious thoughts should appear rather easily in a psychopath's dream wouldn't they?
Eeesh.
Creepy!
EVIL!!!
No one even thought of using a truth serum. PLUS how could anyone in that room not see his sinister smile. Like really, awww well its done and dusted the sword would soon be upon him
Grate story I loved it
6344791
not sure how truth serum work in the mlp universe but the ones in real life actually are pretty useless.
6362911 ANYTHING is possible. They will spill the truth one way or the other
Mmmmm delicious
Hi there! I hope you don't mind, but I liked this fic so much I've put together an audio version on YouTube.
I think I'd have taken out the penultimate line myself, but this was quite good. :)
6243204
Yeah, it's for reasons like this that I feel this would have worked better without ponies.
Wow this was delayed...
alright; let's get into it...
As a premise, it makes sense, and it's the kind of story that I want to love, because not every world is sunshine and rainbows for everypony regardless of outward appearances.
In execution, though, there are many holes that open up.
In a world of magic, there would be spells to re-create a scene... Residual magic left behind by anypony who was in the area that would be attributed to things like DNA...
In such a serious case, (as others have pointed out) mind-reading spells do exist in one form or another (Luna's dream-walking as example)... Now, I understand the need for privacy and such (mind-reading spells being in the restricted section of the library, I assume) But in such situations when the accusations are so severe, there would be protocols where Celestia/Luna can use that power to find the absolute truth.
And then there's the reactions of ponies themselves...
sure, the case might've looked clear cut, but just the mannerisms of him... ugh, reminds me of everything I hated about highschool... The popular ones always got what they wanted, and the less-equipped had to suffer at the back because if anything went wrong it was-
sorry, lost my train of thought...
Look, I wanted to like this story... I really did... But unfortunately there isn't enough here for me to make a proper judgement other than "we needed more"
and "that guy's a dick"
But yeah, simple story of the scaled down 'class war' where the privileged always do better than the needy.
6/10
But then you reminded me of highschool...
1 star.
(Yes, it's arbitrary, but I had to convey my disappointment somehow)
Make the story a bit longer, give us more to understand the characters, and then we're talking...
6243204
I'm not sure you could find anything definite other than he might have some dark desires/fantasies. It would be very hard to reliably prove any evidence gained that way if the Princesses don't have absolute power. Trial by jury, remember...
6362911
Really all you probably have to do is get someone thoroughly convinced that after ingesting such a thing that bad things will happen if they lie (maybe even rig things a bit by poisoning/drugging them) and they'll spill the beans themselves...
6435832
I do have to agree generally. The story lacks depth, not least because the defendant is never in any danger and we have no idea why or how this even ended up in a court. Sure, her daughter drowned, but how does she know he did it and why would anyone believe a drunk, and potentially unfit mother, about the circumstances? A little tension and some moments where has to pipe down so he doesn't reveal his hand would help to make the story more substantial. If Berry witnessed all this herself and was able to describe it in detail, despite being drunk, that might get her a day in court. You could also write some chapters/scenes for the implied investigation of the filly's death and the arrest of this other fellow.
The plot twist was expected but I was still surprised
You can has review!