Slumber Blunder

by 8_Bit

~ Epilogue

“Wakey wakey,” whispered Sweet Tale, gently nudging the snoring 8-Bit who was still adorned in a frilly pink tutu. Thick layers of makeup adorned her face, while her mane had been styled upwards in an absurd looking bob.

“Nooo…” 8-Bit moaned, clinging desperately to the depths of sleep.

“Have it your way,” Sweet Tale replied cheerfully, dumping a glass of water in 8-Bit’s face. The still-a-mare sleeping pony instantaneously shot up, coughing and spluttering as the clips holding her mane in place came out, causing the carefully styled but poorly executed bob style to collapse. 8-Bit sneered at the innocently smiling Sweet Tale.

“Morning!” Sweet Tale said, acting as though nothing had happened.

“Whatever,” 8-Bit replied, still sick of her feminine voice but starting to get used to it, a fact which caused her to worry. “So where’s everypony gone?”

“Well, our lot’s in the kitchen, but Princess Twilight and her friends are long gone.”

“Phew, have they gone to the Everfree?”

“Nope, the Crystal Empire.”

8-Bit blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Yep, the Crystal Empire.”

“Why?”

“Something to do with some Saddle Arabian dignitaries,” Sweet Tale replied, shrugging. “No idea, but they’ll be gone until tomorrow.”

“At least tell me she brewed the potion before she left?” 8-Bit asked pleadingly as she clawed desperately at the tutu, wondering how in the hay to get it off.

“Nope.”

“So I’m stuck as a mare?”

“Until at least tomorrow, yes.”

“Oh for Luna’s sake!” 8-Bit yelped, pounding the floor aggressively with her hooves.

“Well, Twilight was kinda right when she said that the situation isn’t life threatening. You’ve just gotta be a mare for a while.”

“Knowing my luck, there’ll be another ‘all-of-Equestria-is-in-danger’ situations where Princess Twilight will be gone for another few days.”

“Don’t be like that,” Sweet Tale said, leading 8-Bit towards the kitchen. “What are the chances of that happening?”

Author's Note:

In Equestria? The chances are pretty high, Sweet Tale. Pretty high.

Comments

[Loganberry]

Okay, now that the contest is over, it's comment time! I'll leave the epilogue till the end, since that wasn't part of the contest entry:

Plenty of good things about this story! I thought this was the funniest of all the stories submitted. It certainly made me laugh quite a bit, and it lived up to its Random tag impressively without losing its identity as an actual story. I also enjoyed the interaction between the characters; you got a great range of emotions in there. There was absolutely no chance of my getting bored while reading this, either, since the action came at a furious rate. And my goodness, has Quills and Sofas branched out into onesie sales or something?

Problems? Twelve OCs in a 5,000-word fic is too many, I think, given that (unlike the Mane Six, CMC etc) most readers won't know them all already. It occasionally felt as though making sure everyone got a fair share of the spotlight was taking precedence over the story itself. Also, the real-world references (though few in number) jarred: why would Totoro be known in Equestria? Your own "Super Mareio" showed the way to go there: Trotoro, for example, would have been perfect.

Oh, and the epilogue? That was very nice. It felt like a nice winding-down of the main story, and I definitely think it's a better fic overall with that extra few hundred words.