• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen February 25th

jenna131


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Fluttershy has been friends with Discord for a while now and she feels like the relationship has grown over the time they have known each other. But when a mysterious pony comes into town, will his threat be enough to tear them apart?

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 80 )

I must say, this looks much better than the previous version! I'll give you an upvote for that.

One thing I'll suggest is that you should put an actual empty line between the times when different characters speak. Like so:

"Hello, Discord!" said Fluttershy.

"Hello, Fluttershy!" said Discord.

It helps to break up the different pieces of text, and it just looks better. Keep in mind that you don't have to re-publish your story to make these changes, and you can just edit the published version.

People are still going to give you tips on how to improve, so keep on listening and improving. Writing is a continuous, unending cycle. Eventually, if you keep making your writing better and better, you could become one of the great writers on this site. :twilightsmile:

Good luck!

thanks for the tips :pinkiehappy:
and my god bless you :scootangel:

I like it can't wait to find out what happens next :heart:

thank you and don't worry i just need the next chapter to be edited. :pinkiehappy:

I dont really follow Doctor Whooves headcanon to understand any reference but the story itself is great so far

:trixieshiftleft: :trixieshiftright:

Are you interested in some more suggestions/constructive criticism? If so, I'll start off by saying that Prologue is still misspelled. That's just a heads up. :twilightsmile:

4642021 Corrected and taken care of. :pinkiehappy:

I had seen the unedited version of this, and it truly is a lot better!!! Keep it up! I'm super interested in what will happen next, and since you took the time to really improve, I think you have a lot of good potential!! :pinkiesmile:

NOOOOO DONT LET THE CHIME TURNER TAKE AWAY DISCORDS LOVEEE NOOO XD I SWEAR I WILL DRAW A PICTURE OF CHIME TURNER AND THEN RIP IT APART IF THIS HAPPENS XD But still I like this story! Don't fail me fluttershy :flutterrage::yay::pinkiehappy:

>>SharkyIsFab and all WHAT :rainbowderp: no it's nothing like that but I want it to be a secret for you guys and the secret will be reveled in the next chapter...oh and sorry about the sloppy writing it's just that I have nieces over and i just want to spend time with them right now so yeah I have to wright quickly.
thank you for everything
sincerely
jenna131

I need more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :pinkiehappy: I Love :yay:

Well, its hard to believe that Rainbow Dash woudnt know that Fluttershy had a twin brother when they were both growing up in the same place:rainbowhuh:

keep up the good work I love it :yay:

4647757 yeah that will be explained in a different chapter.

I likes! :pinkiegasp: But that Chime Turner doe! :twilightangry2: I can see that this visit is gonna be bad.. XD Poor Fluttershy, hopefully shes survives! Great story so far i'm lovin' this so much! Can't wait for the next chapter hehe! :scootangel:

By the way I like that whole second dragon idea! About time theres a second dragon :ajbemused: :pinkiehappy:

4655791 Well can't say I didn't try. :twilightblush:

4655799 Thank you, my nice actually came up with the idea for a second dragon. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Love rival!! Dun dun dunnn! Love it(:

Ooh a girl dragon Cuuuuute! I'm realign loving this and can't wait for the next chapter(: it's so good!

4849636 because chime tuner is mean.:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

I have a little saying...
you make flutter shy cry?
YOU DIE.:flutterrage:

CANT WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER!

4870453 :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry: i'm sorry I'll try next time.:raritycry::raritycry::raritycry:

Me want more!!!!!! Or (grabs pinkamena) or you'll be turned into cupcakes :pinkiecrazy:

4940901 gibes us a moment
Private talk:
Me: should we give him want he wants?
Pinkamena: nah, plus I've haven't made cupcakes in a while(stares at you) grins then laughs while she gets her knife out :pinkiecrazy:

4941103 pinkamena cuts the apple off your head, her mane goes back to its normal self. "Silly, apples aremt's things you wear! If Rarity was here, she'll taking your life away.:pinkiehappy:"

Me :sighs I really wanted to eat that apple . . .walks away :unsuresweetie:

4944232 I don't know pinkie just saw an apple on your head, and yet I love apples . . . . :rainbowkiss:

4944288 :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp: oh my g-o-s-h i love apples two!!!:yay::yay::yay:
oh and by the way do you know a movie/book called the music man? and if you do i might need you for something top secret.:rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh:

4944340
4944340 yeah, I've read the book, wait they have a movie too silly me I'll love to help you :derpytongue2:

4944462 ok i need to talk to you in privet so here is my email: jenna131050018023@gmail.com
I'll meet you there

4944475 well, I'm still learning this Google stuff can you give the link in a private message please? :fluttershysad::twilightblush::facehoof::moustache:

4944632 ok writing a long paragraph so this my take awhile

4944632 ok i need to go some were so can i talk to you at 8 or 9 please

4944773 OK I'll still be up, I hope see ya laters

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