• Member Since 3rd Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 14th, 2020

1FunnyFox


E

This story takes place right after Twilights Kingdom and involves Twilight becoming
a necromancer and then needing to deal with the consequences. Twilight and Spike centric
(The mane 6 will make appearances, can't very well have a story without them)and will play heavily with the family dynamic. Dark tag is for the use of Necromancy it shouldn't get to (super) dark.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 13 )

NOT A CLIFF HANGER!:raritydespair: still its great.

Suprisingly well written, I have only two little nitpicks. Small numbers are usualy writen in words, not digits. Spike would give some thought about getting Twilight into trouble, but he would decide same way in the end, so it doesn't matter in the end.
Grammar nazi's will probably find some errors, but English is my second language and my "advice" might be wrong.
Other than that, story flowed nicely. I especialy liked how most of the fic was basicaly flashback. Characters seemed acurate enough.
If you want to know what would hurt this story, I would say Human, Anthro, Crossover or Random tags, Alicorn OC and plot irelevant shipping. Twilight X villain, like Twibra, could have some potential here, but it is still safer to stay out of dangerous waters.
So far this looks interesting, I'm definetly looking up for more.

I realy like this so far. And i think you wrote in character.

Two formating nitpicks:
Make the letter cursive to differentiate it from the normal text.
Extra space before the time skips to visually show the break.

I'm looking forward too more off this story.

...

Okay, everypony, all together now-

derpicdn.net/img/2013/8/29/413986/medium.png
FACEHOOF!

This is great. I am really looking forward to where this can go. Personally, I can see Twilight doing something like this very easily too.

Frankly, this took a less comedic route than I would have expected. Surprising, but still good.

This is good.
imglad I read this so far. Whens the next chapter?
if theres a next chapter.

Sorry, but the idea of such a penalty being given to one who doesn't even KNOW they've broken a law, much less to a hero, who never even had the chance to explain the book was in with materials given to her to study...

Yeah, 0% believable, and way out of character.

OK thats fine.:pinkiehappy: I was just shocked :pinkiegasp:I loved the first chapter and this one.:twilightsheepish:

If Twilight didn't know she was breaking any laws due to Celestia not teaching her and she sent that book...only one that should be punished is Celestia herself. :facehoof:

As others have said, the punishment is Achileus heel of this chapter. If someone does not like that scene, this chapter is ruined for them, it depends mostly on presonal headcanon and taste however.
For me, this does not exactly align with my view of Celestia. This is cruel and I do not see her as such. Sunbutt has some things to answer for here and claims no responsibility for her royal screw up.
But remember guys, this story is tagged as Comedy. It means we can expect some over the top behaviour and ridiculous situations same way we can expect silly talks in romance category.
Everyone's headcanon does not have to align with mine and this is used as main plot device to literaly leave Twilight only with her newfound Necromsntic powers to explore, so I can excuse it here.
I liked how Twilight went again overboard after recieving her punishment and decided to exile herself. Rest of the chapter is at least on par with first with, Lyra's scene especisly was fun to read. I hope this story won't stop, but also keep your time and do not rush it just to satisfy impatient readers. :)

I think the punishment was beyond unfair due to reasons already pointed out by others, such as twilight not knowing it was against the law, the fact it was celes's error that caused twilight to even get the book and other such things. But that aside i cannot wait to read more, and hope things get smoothed over and twilight returns to Alicorness :twilightsmile:

Technically speaking if Twilight can remember the spell she can still raise the dead.

Login or register to comment