• Member Since 23rd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Friday


All my stories end with the word "gullible." No really, check them out!

Comments ( 87 )

Rape .... This is rather interesting start to a fan fic but expected.

Can you at least make Rainbow Dash give at least a decent fight, it has been shown again and again that she is very strong. Such as in the camp episode where she could kick through four SOLID trees in a signal strike. Not to mention her sheer speed like she displayed in the pet episode where she literately cause fiery trails due to the kinetic energy.


I will try my hardest not to spoil anything... but let's just say that I am fully aware of Rainbow's strength and willingness to fight.

All I'm gonna say. :twilightsmile:

/yeah, I guess I spoiled anyway...


Sorry if I sound annoyed, it such I've seen so many fics where Rainbow Dash skills are void to the point it became a cliche. :facehoof: Since she appeared to be the main punching bag in the fandom. It gotten me annoyed ever since I've taken martial arts since I know that Rainbow Dash could easily defend herself and from the average rate in fics it seems she can't even lift her own body weight. Yea her black belt was only shown for a second but she is one of the best fighter in the show. Another thing is that street fighting which is very common is trained to beat people up, where in martial arts you are trained to kill. In my current art Hapkido if someone who is heavier than I am I know at lest one counter to throw him off of me, and I'm only a high yellow which is roughly the third level.


Nah, don't worry about it. It annoys me, too, along with the whole helpless "woe is me" tripe you sometimes see with Scootaloo in Scootabuse fics. Believe me, I get it. :twilightblush:

And you do Hapkido? That is a fantastic martial art for both self-defense and especially for knowing how to use your own bodyweight (and other people's bodyweights) to your advantage. Real world fighting is a lot different than what you learn on the mat, though, so make sure you do some real sparring practice and full speed drills, too! You'd be amazed at how much harder it is to perform those moves under pressure.

I unfortunately only got to red belt before I had to move away to where Hapkido was not taught anywhere. But I'm glad to hear that somebody else on here even knows what it is! :rainbowlaugh: Stick with it!

/rant over

PS: Hapkido > Aikido. IMO, of course.

Well written, great grammar, advanced vocabulary, interesting topic, and engrossing plot... It seems like someone is off to a good start.

I have to say, you had me hooked with the discriotion alone. Most of the time, people are blunt and run-on with their descriptions. You, on the other hoof, managed to do it correctly; brief, interesting, and informative. I have to say, this story is already turning out to be professional-grade.

And you also impress me. From what I can tell, you are approaching the topic of "rape" with extreme respect. As I said, I can only be impressed with that.

I await more, my friend. I do not fear that I shall disappointed ^_^

~ Michael A.

Oh, I forgot to mention how impressed I am at the length you when to publish this chapter. I mean, you have more patients the me to do all of that. Well, I did build my own computer from a travel DVD player and a spare Raspberry Pi processor to finish editing a story for a friend...but I am honestly more impressed with what you did. I can't stand writing on apps...shutter.

~ Michael A.


Thank you. Your praise means a hell of a lot, believe me.

I am glad you are looking forward to the rest, too. And I do not think you will be disappointed, either.


Yeah, I gotta say, it's not an experience I wish to repeat anytime soon. Thank GOD my computer is in working order, again.

Well, I did build my own computer from a travel DVD player and a spare Raspberry Pi processor

Wait... you're more impressed with what I did? Hell, I don't even know what a Raspberry Pi processor is! :rainbowlaugh: Sounds way more impressive than writing on an app!

4639403 I give praise to those who earn it. This is not to say my word is greater then others, of course. This site is a lot of readers, and a lot of simple "I liked it" comments. I believe that am author should truly know how the reader views their work, and should feel the great-fullness of those that read it. For, you put our own time and effort into publishing and writing something for us to enjoy, not expecting compensation in return. I just...I believe that me as a reader can do more, and I believe encouraging the writers and praising them for what they do is needed.

~ Michael A.


I wish a lot of other people on here would share that same sort of philosophy. Some people like to make it sound like praise is worthless, but sometimes, praising what an author did right is important, as well. That way, they can get assurance about what works, and about what to do again the next time. :twilightsmile: And the encouragement it brings isn't too bad, either.

Basically, useful praise ain't useless. Or something like that. :pinkiehappy:

Thank you again!

4639422 I am the number one engineering student in my school (I'm not tooting my own horn, I literally have an award saying as much) so doing that isn't impressive for me, because it is what I do, and I enjoyed it! You, on the other hoof, I don't expect do that for a hobby, and I know you didn't enjoy it. Hehe, I hope I am not coming off as self-centered...I tend to sound ignorant, so I apologize if I come off as such.

~ Michael A.


I tend to sound ignorant, so I am sorry if I come off as such.

You don't have any problems with me, man. :twilightsmile:

4639452 Welcome! I can't tell you how many writers have told me the same thing. People don't seem to notice the importance of it. Hehe, I had one author say that he though he was a forgotten author until I wrote a detailed notice saying my thinks for his work. It's random acts of kindness and appreciation that really make a difference. One simple kind act may seem small, but remember: it takes only a small flame to light up a dark room.

~ Michael A.

4639467 Thank Celestia! I was worried I was coming off as such.

~ Michael A.

Holy shit, I really don't know how to feel about this... I'm going to put this in my read later list, and figure out if I'm interested...


Perfectly understandable. This is a sensitive subject, after all.


Heheh, yeah... sorry...

Can't wait to see where this goes. Presumably someplace really horrible, but then hopefully someplace better at the end.
I've always liked stories about horrible things, mainly 'cause they tend to have the happiest endings, relatively speaking.

The purpose of a writer is to stir the emotions and set the reader's imagination on fire. You have achieved such with a very few words, and I for one look forward to the completion of this story. I do wish to thank you for the disclaimers; while this story is by no means "safe" territory, I'm glad to know certain subjects are off the table.
I can also agree and sympathize with your actual fear of writing such a tale. In this age of NSA spying and the already dodgy reputation the Brony community faces at times, it is extremely important this subject matter be treated respectfully. I trust you'll do well.
Also, just want to point out one editing error: "The vague answer did nothing to assuage her anxiety. If anything, it only made it worse. She tturned her head all the way around, twisting her neck uncomfortably as she stared straight up at the sky, searching more actively than ever before." Got a double 't' there.

OH. Dear. GOD!! In rereading the story it just sunk in this isn't a story about rape....it's about gang rape! I think I'm going to be sick....

Comment posted by Brony117 deleted Jul 4th, 2014


Tell me about it! Sparring is so different and In Kuryo Gumbo[korean sword style] after only a few minutes of sword sparring I began to sweat And I can feel my heart thumbing, it became more challenging in 1v2 because you have to keep attention to both of them, now that I think of it Rainbow would need to keep focus on four ponies including scoot so I could see 3 distracting her while 1 takes scoot hostage.

Also I'm glad to see another martial artists on here!

Hmm...I want to see where this goes. At first I thought Rainbow was part of the gang. When do you plan on getting the next chapter out.


I'm going to try and get the next chapter out sometimes this weekend, but that may very well not happen. It is going to be significantly longer than this first chapter, so it is going to take a longer time to finish.


Thanks for pointing out that error. I guess I still ended up missing one on my editing run. :twilightblush:

And thank you for putting trust in me to do this right. I'm still worried, don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling a more and more confident the more I write of the next chapter. It is by no means done, but I am making progress.


Now you see why this was something I was worried about...

Torn on reading this. You say there's gonna be 3 chapters? Any sortve ETA?


If all goes well, I'd say I should have the second chapter done sometime between Sunday night and Wednesday. I'm trying really hard to make sure that I approach it with nothing but the utmost respect, and it's taking some time.

And I can understand why you'd be hesitant to read it, too. I'd recommend giving it a chance, but I can't tell you what to do. Even so, thanks for considering, in any regard.

Constructive criticism should tell people what they do right, as well as wrong. It also has the secondary benefit of making the person you're addressing more willing to correct any errors and write more.


I agree! Stressing both positive and negative aspects is important.

4645797 it certainly sounds like a rather unique challenge. I'll read this, but if things do end up going south, I'd rather have the whole package so I can ingest in one go. I'll wait until it's complete, but I will most certainly read.

:twilightsmile: its good so far and a well thought story but...............
:ajbemused: when is the next chapter out :twilightoops:

"Oh, so it's their faults? Is that what you're trying to say?" Unexpectedly, Pinkie Pie interrupted her in a raised voice. Her pupils narrowed into pinheads, sharp as they pierced Rainbow Dash with a needle-like glare. "Because they were stupid?"

Hmm, they wonder if Dash is being defensive, but I have to wonder were Pinkie is coming from here. This sounds like the voice of experience, perhaps someone she knows, perhaps something even more personal?

This is a fascinating setup, I shall hold off on voting for now. I do wonder if three chapters is enough to deal with a situation of this gravity. I eagerly await the new chapter.

EDIT to add: Just saw that you plan a sequel in the description. So three chapters will not deal with the totality of the events, I presume that the sequel will deal with the fallout.

I don't normally come out and say I'm going to read this or I'm interested in most stories that I lurk am interested in. But, I think I'm just going to say it on this one.

I'm a sucker for some sort of tragedy or, just generally something bad happening to characters that I like. I'm not sure why, but that's how I roll. And, even though that even hasn't happened so far, the tension is so thick that I could cut it was a knife. I have a pretty bad feeling as to where this is going to go, and I'm afraid to say that you have me hooked. I'm especially excited to see that there's going to be two more parts and a sequel.

And so, I wait here with baited breath for the next part. but actually get it up because i want to find out what sick things are going to happen


cool fic:twilightsmile:
when is chapter 2 out ?:trixieshiftleft:

I really don't want to read the next chapter. How about rainbow and scoots fly home and get some ice cream, that'd still be a good story right?

4743858 Or Rainbow Dash kills all three of them in the end.

finally chapter 2 :pinkiehappy::heart:
I waited for soo long :heart:

Damn you cliffhanger! Plz update son!

The suspence is killing me....

4744055 There isn't another possibility, it has to be like this.

4743858 I can't stand the suspense!

As Hutch and his cronies stared at the two pegasi, on overwhemling feeling of guilt came over him.

Turning to his companions, he said, "What are we doing with our lives?!"

His three cronies bristled at his tone, but then became thoughtful. "You're right: what ARE we doing?"

Unfortunately for them, their conversation was overheard by Rainbow Dash, who realized at once who they must be. Before they could react, she'd grabbed Scootaloo, threw her on her back, and raced back to Ponyville to alert the authorities.

Two hours later, as the four were in custody, Rainbow treated Scootaloo to a double chocolate barley and oats (with walnuts!) sundae.

"Close one, kid," she said as they finished their treats.


4768361 great, awesome. Wonderful story. Maybe if you wanted to make it darker Scoots gets an ice cream headache or something...

yay! new chapter :rainbowkiss:...wait? :rainbowhuh: Did this chapter basicly end in the exact same place the first one did? :rainbowderp:

Before she could get the words out, before she could even Rainbow let her mouth slide back shut.

Literally just can't even. No, really, just can't EVEN!

// Sphex

Me like. But I really hopeing that they don't get pregnant and those guys get are found after that or at least the one that rapes Scootaloo because child molesters are usually beaten up in prison by other inmates if the inmates know what they done. Just saying.

damn this is... this is intense but I must continue, cant wait for the next chapter

I was dreading reading this, but I also couldn't not read it....the compromise was that I ended up skimming parts of it as to avoid letting it get to me too much. (And I'm an unfeeling bastard, who thinks the SAW movies are funny). Like most things it was not nearly as bad I was dreading, (I'm not sure what I thought would happen), but it was tough to read. I guess what I'm saying is good job handling a terrible event by not sugar coating or glossing over it's awfulness, but maybe next time write a story about Scoots and Rainbow where they just have a nice day? My upvote stays.

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