• Member Since 13th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen November 22nd

Reddling Rain


Do you have a moment to talk about BEES?

Comments ( 94 )

An and all poneis with insufferable egos,...

"Any" and "ponies."

Shining Armor let out a horrible Tsking noise as he looked down at her.

Unneeded capitalization.

...her binds for the countless time pulling her back down on her back and leaving her belly and somewhat more...

"Umpteenth" may be better here.

This story, though very familiar, shows a lot of promise. I am not sure if you have or not, but you may want to read the original Mistress Do Well by Kaidan. It should help with research.

This story is... relevant to my interests, so I will favorite and like.

As Winston Churchill said, "KBO.":twilightsmile:

I realize that I am asking for a terrible spoiler, but... does it end with RD being a pet forever, or does she get away at some point?
If you are willing to answer, spoiler tags or a PM might be the best way.

This story realy interets me. Waiting for the next chapter. :rainbowwild:

The chapters feel a little bit to short for my taste, but everything else seems perfect!

"Do you really need to ask? Came Shining's voice.

Missing close quotation mark.

"I want to leave- I want to fly- You're not going to make me this little "pet" you want me to be."

These should be single quotes.

...but she was quickly pulled back down into her laying position. she sighed,...

Full stop followed by a lowercase.

...but the feeling of his inner legs and- and his stallion areas pressing into her belly...

He has more than one? Cadance must be super happy. "Stallionhood" may be a better option.

Shining said childishly,

Comma should be a period.

"All that' left is a pet that doesn't want to get away..."

Missing s.

"Lear to behave?"

"Learn."

"Aww." Shining cooed.

This period should be a comma.

Her apology was pathetic, and mied with being a terrible liar didn't help her fib one bit.

"Mixed," maybe?

It was almost no different than a small foal who broke the rules and was being taught an aseop.

"Aesop." Also, it should be capitalized.

Leeme go!

"Lemme."

"Cadance knows, and she's accepted that I'm doing this all for my little Twiley." Shining said sagely.

"Twiliy" and the period should be a comma.

...but all that came out was a splatter or spittle on the mattress.

"Of."

...she heard a grunt and a soft little whinny from Shining Armor. the strong stallion...

Full stop followed by a lowercase.

Bright, and, early.

These commas are superfluous.

This chapter was pretty good as well. However a few small things could have made it better. Like Shining Armor humiliating Dash by mentioning whether or not he broke her hymen after he penetrated her. And if he did not, degrade her even farther by calling her a whorse. Or when he was finished, he could have forced Dash to lick his cock clean. Little things like that can make all the difference.

I look forward to more.

KBO.:twilightsmile:

I saw the covert art and I was like AN UPDATE TO FIVE SCORE??!!?? :pinkiegasp:
Oh well >.>

Comment posted by Defendant deleted Sep 10th, 2014

I want to read this, but I dont want to read this....

:rainbowhuh:

GET OUT OF HERE RAINBOW YOU WILL BE SCARRED FOR LIFE IF YOU READ THIS

4978339

I do unfortunately already know how this story turns out, so I'd like to opt to read that story (which~~ nyaaaa is relevant to my interests) after I finish putting down what remains of this story, to ensure I do not have outside influence.

I hope that's something that can be sympathized with, I wouldn't want to subconsciously add in an idea and copy someone.

4980987 ...I hate Pinkie. I hate her so godamn much. :twilightangry2:

4980999

But Pinkie loooooves you! :pinkiecrazy:

4981002 Fuck off Pinkamena. You cannibalistic cupcake bastard.


(Scootabuse stories are better anyway, and now I feel horrible for saying that because Scootaloo is Best Filly.) :raritycry:

4981006 Thank you from the bottom of my heart for fucking off, Pinkie Pie. (Go ahead and reply :twilightsmile:)

4981029 There, there. We all know I'm better than you. :raritywink: Now hush, little filly, for it is sleepytime.

4981038
Big talk for someone who's been here for less than 10 days.

4981048 Can't you take a Rainbow Dash joke? *Teenage girl ugh* :ajbemused:

4981053
No. I'm too tired for jokes.

4981057

You, you are funny. I can't tell if you're doing it on purpose or not, but I like you.

4981057 To quote the great Nick: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED!!:twilightangry2:

To: Author
Subject: This story

i.imgur.com/BvLeDwj.gif

It's hard to find this story erotic. Shining Armor's some kind of tremendous pervert because 'fuck it', Rainbow seems to secretly (and conveniently) enjoy getting fucked against her will instead of crying, screaming, turning into a catatonic wreck and whatever else chicks like to do whenever a dude's raping them, and there's still grammatical errors even after someone below pointed some out. I know this is basically just a rape fic, but Jesus.

4981488

Normal comment structure is fine if you can't find the PM button :3

4981512 No, I'm good. Thanks for the suggestion though.

door ex machina
________________
4981006 take your negativity elsewhere, no one wants it here! i said, shoo!

LOL CHARACTERIZATION WHAT IS THAT LAWLZ WHO CARES RAPERAPERAPE!!

Ignore the sperglords crying that the characters aren't acting like they do. This is a damn fanfic, not an official hasbro story.

That being said, I love the heck out of this story. If you need an editor, I'm your alcoholic Mexican cat.

4980563 That is perfectly understandable and reasonable.:twilightsmile:

MUSTARD IS...
YEAH.
THAT JUST ABOUT SUMS IT UP.
NOT GOOD.
NOT THAT BAD (STILL KIND OF BAD.)
KEEP GOING, I GUESS...

4981727 The world is a taco, therefore I shant leaveth. :rainbowwild:

4983168

Awh! If you'd like to help me out I'd be willing to set up the ability for you to look at unpublished chapters to find errors.

A drunk mexican cat- That's so kawaii desu!

The OOC is annoying, but I don't care much about OOC in the long run if the story is a good read. However, the main problem with this one is that it's terminally boring. You somehow managed to make Rainbow Dash getting raped be uninteresting to me. :raritydespair: Sorry.

4983644 Sounds swell! Shoot me a pm whenever you'd like.

this is disgusting

4986903

Even with the disclaimer and instructions on how to avoid the story? Shame.

4980999 :pinkiegasp: Sir, for that, I will personally kick you right in the mouth with a turd stuck to my shoe. I will then proceed to molest you. Afterwards, I will present a ring to you to marry me. Then, we will bond, grow old together, then I will take out a butter knife and make a very tiny cut into your finger. I will laugh happily, then, light you on fire. :pinkiehappy:

think so far this is just enough dark for me to make it enticing but not to much to scare me away....

Well, I think that if Twilight acts normally in this fic, she's going to be furious. A week you say? So Rainbow goes missing for a week, worrying all her friends, including Twilight. Then they present her with an emotionally crippled Rainbow Dash as a PRESENT! I think Shining Armor will be spending some serious time in hospital, and he'll be lucky if she ever speaks to him (or Cadence) ever again. Just saying.

my only hope is that as many chapters as it takes for rainbow to get trained, that we get equal amounts of chapters showing Twilight enjoying time with her, to many stories (fanfictions) have this terrible habit of showing the training, and just after the slave/servant/pet is handed over to their owner/master they might have one fun scene then The End, I mean the training's all well and good but to see how long it lasts would be cooler, plus i'd love to see twilight take rainbow to fluttershy's for a "Pet Check up"

Hmm...I know a friend of mine who would probably love this

I shall have to keep an eye on this as it develops

4990908

Those chapters will probably be... longer, if fewer.

4981796
Rape is the only justification.

4991800

for doing anything ever

holy mother of dislikes

QUICK EVERYONE UNITE! LETS SEE IF WE CAN GET THIS COMMENT TO HAVE MORE DISLIKES THAN THE STORY! TOGETHER WE CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING!!

When I saw how many dislikes this story was getting I started reading it to see what was up. Kept reading, waiting to see some jumbled mess with horrible characters or super contrived plot lines with crappy dialogue. :unsuresweetie:

Instead I find that instead of any of that it turns out this story is pretty decent. No overabundance of glaring grammatical or spelling errors, pretty decent (although ooc) characters, an interesting plot, and comparatively tame rape/violence scenes (see Pages of Harmony)... What's with all the hate!? :ajbemused:

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