The Great Ponyville Snowball Fight
The Great Ponyville Snowball Fight
The morning air carried a gentle chill and as far as the eye could see a pristine blanket of soft, white precipitate lay over the whole town. It sparkled faintly in the dawn sunlight, the surface smooth and almost unblemished save for a few hoofprints cast by those with reason to be up so early.
Two such ponies skulked behind a sturdy, shoulder-height wall. Built of hard packed snow, it ran across the middle third of the wide road running from Town Hall to out-of-town, a short distance from Sugarcube Corner. The barricade provided excellent concealment while the secretive duo concluded their nefarious preparations.
“Quick, shh! They’re coming!” hissed Rainbow Dash, ducking quickly behind the snow rampart, unable to keep an excited grin from her features.
“Ooh, this’ll be so much fun. They’re gonna be so surprised!” Pinkie Pie giggled.
“You bet they are...” responded Dash, her rictus turning determined as she gathered a scoopful of snow into her forehooves and began to fashion it into the implement of her enemies’ imminent destruction.
* * *
“I can’t thank y’all enough for this, Twilight.”
“I’m pretty sure you already have, Applejack. You’ve been thanking me since we left the farm!”
“Well, I really appreciate it, is all.”
The two friends trudged forward in the vague direction of the town hall, Applejack pulling one of her smaller, two-wheeled box-carts – now empty after their morning’s work – through a narrow path in the belly-high snow kindly forged by Twilight’s magic.
Applejack continued, “It would’ve taken me hours to make those deliveries haulin’ my cart through all this. But now... it looks like I’m actually gonna have the rest of the day to myself.”
“It’s no big deal, really,” Twilight replied with a smile. “I’m always happy to help a friend.”
“Well if ya ever need the favour returned, sugarcube, you just gotta ask––”
PAFFFT!
It took Twilight a couple of moments to notice that not only had Applejack cut her dialogue off, she had also fallen out of step. Looking back over her shoulder, she saw her friend stood still, frozen in mid-stride, her face covered in snow with only her surprised eyes visible as she blinked.
“What the––?” started Applejack, even as Twilight broke into a giggle. The expression on Applejack’s snow-adorned face was hilariou––
PAFFFT!
It was Twilight’s turn to blink as something soft, cold and wet struck the side of her cheek. Looking frantically about, she scanned the locality for the source but could see only snow-covered landscape and icicle-laden houses.
Another soft impact – this time to the back of her head – was followed by the sight of a snowball splattering into Applejack’s side. Twilight wheeled round to face the direction of the assault only to catch another snowball full in the face.
Wiping the snow away she now saw a low, wide and sturdy-looking rampart about thirty feet down the road towards Town Hall, not far outside Sugarcube Corner. She hadn’t seen it at first glance – being made from the same pure white snow that covered everything she could see, it had blended in. But now she registered it as the source of the attack and for just a moment, above the top of the wall, she thought she glimpsed of a tuft of multi-coloured mane.
Applejack must have noted the same, because she glared at the wall and began in an annoyed voice, “Rainbow Dash? Is that you?!”
The quiet sound of two ponies stifling chuckles preceded Rainbow’s response. “I’ve got you right in my sights, Applejack! Surrender now!”
“Yeah!” Pinkie’s voice also chimed from behind the wall. “Surrender and buy us milkshakes!”
“Why of all the––!”
“Careful, AJ!” Rainbow’s voice interrupted, “That didn’t sound like ‘I give up’ to me! Wanna try again?”
“Come out from behind that wall, an’ we’ll just see how tough––!”
“BZZZT! Time’s up!”
In unison, Rainbow and Pinkie’s upper bodies appeared from behind the top of the rampart, each grinning widely and their forelegs cradling many, many snowballs...
“Whoa, Nelly,” breathed Applejack, her eyes wide, even as Rainbow and Pinkie began to hurl their projectiles at them.
Several direct hits were scored on both Applejack and a still-dumbfounded Twilight Sparkle even as Applejack spurred herself to action. In a fluid motion she pulled her cart in front of Twilight, drew it parallel with the barricade down the road and released her harness. Quickly stepping to put the cart between herself and her assailants, she then pulled the top edge of the side-wall forcefully with her hooves. The cart toppled over towards her, coming to rest on its left side with one wheel buried in the snow and the other directed at the sky, spinning softly. The floor of the small wagon now faced the rampart, and provided a basic level of protection from the relentless attack.
“Twilight! Hunker down!” called Applejack, taking shelter.
Twilight didn’t need to be told twice, shaking the snow from her coat and ducking to take cover behind the cart next to Applejack. She was confused as to why her friends were pelting her, but at the same time the sudden surge of adrenaline from being under fire had made her most giddy. And as snowballs continued to thump hollowly into the wooden base of the cart, that giddy, excited feeling grew.
“What are they doing?” she asked frantically. But she noticed that, far from the annoyed expression she had expected to see, Applejack’s face had instead broken into a wide grin.
“Rainbow Dash reckons she’s got the drop on us,” Applejack said, her eyes lighting up even as she gathered a mound of snow in her hooves and quickly fashioned it into a sphere. But rather than throw it, she set it aside and made to repeat the process. Finishing her second example, she offered it on a hoof to Twilight with a grin. “I’m gonna need your help, Twi. Here.”
Twilight took the snowball in her hoof even as Applejack began preparing a third. It was well built; solid but somehow not hard, and almost perfectly round. Applejack was clearly no stranger to the task, yet the whole thing seemed a pointless, frivolous exercise, especially for her most practical and pragmatic friend. She looked up at Applejack with an expression of curiosity as she continued to make snowballs with practised ease, forming them into two piles in traditional, one-for-me, one-for-you fashion.
When it became clear that Applejack wasn’t going to stop – or give up – Twilight felt compelled to point out where their current tactical disadvantages outweighed their strengths. “Applejack, we’re never going to hit them behind that wall from here. And if we go out there, we’re going to get pummelled!”
“Don’t you fret, Twi,” replied Applejack calmly, her attention still on her task and her grin still wide. “In all the time Dash has lived in Ponyville, she’s yet to get the best of me in a snowball fight.” She paused, looking up at Twilight with a thoughtful expression. “What’s the name of that pony? The one who said if you know your enemy, you’ll be alright?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Sun Tzu?” That wasn’t quite the full teaching. “When did you start reading military philosophy?”
“Oh, I pick bits ‘n pieces up off Big Mac. Point is, I know Dash. She’ll come out from behind that wall.” She lowered her voice to a quiet murmur. “For now, just stay still and real quiet.”
The thudding of snowballs against the base of the cart gradually lessened until eventually it stopped altogether. Then Rainbow’s voice called out again. “So, had enough yet guys?”
Applejack, still smiling, locked eyes with Twilight and brought a hoof to her lips.
“Guys? You ready to give up or what?”
Applejack finished her current snowball and held it poised on her hoof. Twilight held hers ready too, an uncertain expression crossing her features.
“Guys? Are you okay?” The note of concern in Dash’s voice quickly gave way to annoyance. “Are you even still there? Did Twilight teleport you away?!” The voice was closer now, and a series of soft crunches indicated that its owner was walking cautiously through the snow towards their makeshift cover.
She wasn’t making directly for them though. Instead she seemed to be moving in a wide arc, giving their cart a generous berth just in case. A second series of louder crunches indicated that Pinkie Pie was bouncing merrily in the opposite arc.
Twilight’s adrenaline was still up, and still making her giddy and light-headed. Their enemies were closing in! They were going to find them! And they were going to get them! With snowballs! As the noise of the two approaching ponies got closer than ever, she couldn’t help but feel just a little panic start to rise.
Until Applejack met her gaze. Her sparkling, emerald eyes carried a look of such confidence that Twilight immediately felt her nerves calm. Then, slowly, Applejack nodded once...twice...three times and...
“Now!”
The two friends stood in unison, Applejack facing ahead and to her right, to where Rainbow’s voice had originated, Twilight facing off to the left towards Pinkie Pie’s tell-tale bouncing.
Twilight spotted Pinkie Pie immediately and, her target acquired, hurled her snowball at her with abandon. Any lingering reservations she might have had were replaced with delighted satisfaction as the missile struck its target dead-on, exploding softly and harmlessly over Pinkie’s face with its own little PAFFT noise! Exhilarating!
Pinkie stopped bounding in her tracks, her eyes wide and stunned at the unexpected assault. Then she giggled loudly and, sticking her tongue out, ran it around her face, licking the snow off with a huge grin. She stooped where she stood and gathered a clump of snow, readying a counter attack.
Realising she couldn’t afford to let Pinkie strike back, Twilight reached for another of her pre-made snowballs and hurled it. It too struck Pinkie Pie firmly – this time on the flank – causing her to shriek and drop her half-finished weapon.
Then suddenly there were other shrieks off to the right. “Gah! Pinkie, run!” yelled Rainbow Dash as she sustained a full-on barrage of cold, wet justice, hurled remorselessly by a triumphant Applejack. Rainbow also tried to fight back, but Applejack’s salvo was relentless in both accuracy and ferocity, and Rainbow was forced to retreat on swift wings back to the safety of her defences. Pinkie Pie followed quickly, her giggling unbridled.
“Hah! How do ya like them apples?!” yelled Applejack victoriously.
“You’re gonna pay for that!” Rainbow called back with completely false anger. “You shoulda given up when you had the chance!”
“Why don’t y’all come out with yer hooves up an’ we’ll go easy on ya?” shouted Applejack, still grinning.
The response was another series of snowballs hurled at them from the wall, causing Applejack and Twilight to duck for cover. Then they began throwing their own back in reply.
It quickly became a war of attrition. Rainbow and Pinkie’s wall provided a superb defense, and while Applejack’s overturned cart wasn’t quite as efficient, it was still largely effective. Most shots therefore missed their targets, impacting the front of the wall or the side of the cart, and when the rare shot made contact with a foe it was a cause for celebration – and laughter on both sides.
But with neither side making any headway, Twilight realised a new strategy was needed. She swiftly manufactured a half-dozen snowballs while Applejack kept their opponents under fire. Then, with a final quick look at the wall down the street to gauge the distance, she seized them in her aura and, all at once, flung them up towards the sky at a steep angle.
The six white spheres arced gracefully upwards, reached their zenith and descended, raining cold carnage upon a very surprised Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, who squealed under the volley of improvised mortar-fire.
Applejack took note of Twilight’s success. In similar fashion she gathered four or five snowballs together on her tail, and with a powerful flick catapulted them skywards too. Her aim wasn’t as perfect as Twilight’s, at least on her first go, but trial and error improved it rapidly and it gave their enemies a lot to think about. Their carefully-built fortification now provided little protection as chilly devastation rained down from above.
And it was doubly satisfying as, when Rainbow and Pinkie tried to copy their tactic, Twilight and Applejack could huddle inside the cramped cart in relative safety. They’d successfully turned the tables and gained the upper hoof over their ambushers. It wouldn’t be long before Applejack and Twilight would be the ones demanding surrender and milkshakes!
So caught up were they in their mirthful battle, that they didn’t even notice the approach of two more of their friends until they were stood right next to them.
“Dear heavens,” exclaimed Rarity. “Whatever is going on?”
Throwing the last of her snowballs for the time being, Twilight turned towards where Rarity and Fluttershy were stood only a few feet away. She broke into an automatic, happy grin. “Oh, hi guys. We’re engaged in a pitched battle that could very well decide the future of this entire street!”
“It’s okay though, we got ‘em on the ropes now!” added Applejack, also turning towards her friends.
“Would you like to join us?” Twilight offered. “I wasn’t sure about it at first, but it’s really a lot of fun!”
Fluttershy took a hesitant half-step backwards, while Rarity put on a worried smile. “Oh... uh... well as... delightful as the idea of urban warfare sounds, Twilight, I fear Fluttershy and I have a breakfast appointment to keep. But do have fun saving Ponyville from certain doom, won’t you?”
At that moment a fresh, indiscriminate volley of snowballs showered them from down the street, hurled by two ponies no longer suffering the effects of suppressive fire or constant bombardment, and eager for retribution.
Unfortunately, one of them struck Rarity right between the eyes.
“Oops! So–rry!” Pinkie’s voice echoed distantly, but Rarity was not mollified.
“My mane!” she cried. “What did it do to my mane?!”
“Calm down, Rarity,” said Twilight soothingly. “Your mane looks fine.”
“Didn’t even touch it,” confirmed Applejack, once more crouched behind the cart. “Ain’t even a hair outta––”
“Of course you realise this means war, Pinkie Pie!” Rarity screamed in the direction of the distant rampart. Twilight couldn’t help but think that Rarity had over-reacted a little, even for her. But she also caught sight of the corners of her mouth curling into a smile as she scooped up her own hoof-full of snow and prepared to throw...
“Whoa-whoa-whoa! Hold on a second!” called Rainbow Dash, flapping her wings and leaving the safety of her barricade, floating slowly over to the four ponies gathered near the overturned cart. “If you’re getting Rarity then we want Fluttershy!” she said with a frown. “Four against two’s no fair!”
Rainbow ignored Applejack’s acerbic reply – something about how it was also unfair to spend all morning constructing an impenetrable fortress before launching a sneak attack on your friends – and flew over to Fluttershy, picking her gently off the ground.
“Oh, um, Rainbow Dash? You see, I’m not sure I really want––”
“Come on, Fluttershy!” replied Dash confidently, paying her muted protestations no heed. “We’ve gotta defeat our enemies and get control of Ponyville! Pretty much everything ever depends on it!” She carried her friend over to the wall and deposited her carefully behind it. Then she grinned. “Ready?”
But Fluttershy was still hesitant. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash. I... I don’t want to fight our friends. What if somepony gets hurt?”
“Fluttershy...” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “It’s a snowball fight, not a real fight. And you can’t get hurt from being hit by a snowball!”
On cue, Pinkie Pie – stood grinning right next to her – hurled a ball of snow full-force directly at Dash’s cheek from almost point-blank range. It splattered softly over half her face but Rainbow barely even flinched. “See what I mean?”
“I’m still... not really comfortable with it,” said Fluttershy quietly, rubbing her foreleg and looking away.
Rainbow groaned. If she pushed the issue she risked pressuring Fluttershy into doing something she didn’t want to. She didn't want that. But she also knew that if Fluttershy ended up just sat on the sidelines, she’d secretly feel left out. “Fine. You make ‘em, we’ll throw ‘em. How’s that?”
Fluttershy perked up slightly. She wouldn’t have to attack her friends, but she’d still be helping them all have fun. She smiled and nodded, and set herself to gathering up a heap of snow that would serve as her raw materials.
“Everything okay over there?” came Applejack’s voice. “What’s the hold up?”
“Yeah, yeah!” shouted Rainbow Dash irritably. “Just hold your apples, Applesnap.” Then, taking a snowball from Fluttershy and looking over to Pinkie, already armed, she called back, “Ready? Go!”
The battle began again, relentless volley fire exchanged as snowballs were hurled up and down the street. While Team Rainbow had one fewer attacker, their cover was still far better at holding off a direct onslaught, and having access to a never-ending supply of ammunition provided by Fluttershy meant that the pace of their attacks was high and unrelenting.
Applejack’s cart meanwhile was not quite large enough to effectively conceal all three ponies at once and so a basic rotation system developed. Take cover, make snowball, throw snowball, next pony, repeat.
Every pony scored more than one good hit – except Fluttershy. And likewise, every pony got hit their fair share of times – except Fluttershy.
And everypony laughed and smiled all the while. Even Fluttershy. Even Rarity! Any reservations the fashion-conscious pony seemed to have had, had melted away into carefree joviality. And somehow, no matter how often she was hit, her mane remained fabulous.
A strange set of etiquettes and unwritten rules seemed to evolve, particularly around the use of magic. After all, it would have been a simple matter for Twilight to make Rainbow Dash’s wall evaporate, or perhaps fall over onto her foes. Likewise, she could easily conjure a hundred snowballs and have each one find a target with simple levitation. But she knew instinctively that such things weren’t ‘allowed.’ The limits of the magic she and Rarity could use were defined by their sense of fair play, and it was a concept that worked well.
There were a couple of other rules that seemed to develop too. If you scored a good hit on an opponent, then the expectation was that you would aim for somepony different next throw if you could; and you didn’t throw at a pony who was down. But everything was played fast and loose, in spite of how seriously they were all pretending to take it.
So swept up in the frivolity was she, that Twilight didn’t register the two large shadows passing directly overhead. Didn’t notice two ponies softly landing behind her further down the street. Didn’t perceive their approach until they were right behind her and...
“Good morning, Princess Twilight. It’s good to see you, though you appear to be having some trouble.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide as she turned suddenly to regard the owner of one of the most familiar voices she knew. Princess Celestia.
Not just her either, but Princess Luna too. They stood proudly side by side, emanating regal authority while at the same time bearing warm smiles.
As Twilight turned to give them a proper greeting, the back of her head was struck by a particularly large example of the species globus glacies. It did little for her own royal air of dignity and grace. “Princess Celestia? Princess Luna?” she managed to blurt. “What are you doing here?” She bit her lip. “I mean... not that you’re not supposed to be here, or that I’m not happy you’re here, or––”
Celestia chuckled and put on her reassuring expression. The one she used whenever Twilight got overly worked up. The one she seemed to have need of surprisingly often.
“We were passing overhead,” she explained with a smile. “The first snowfall is one of my favourite sights of the year. Luna and I were enjoying a morning flight together, to see the spectacle across the whole valley. As we flew over Ponyville, she thought she saw a commotion in the street below...” Celestia nodded towards her sister, but Luna’s attention was drawn toward something further up the street, “...and we decided to come and see if we needed to intervene.” She returned her attention to Twilight and quirked an eyebrow. “What is going on?”
Twilight gulped. She couldn’t not answer that question, and somehow, ‘I’m messing about in the snow like a filly half my age’ didn’t exactly convey the sense of reserved poise befitting her position as a princess.
“Well...you see...” Twilight gambled, “The rebel forces over there are trying to take control of all of Ponyville. But Applejack, Rarity and I are valiantly battling against them in order to save the town and win the day!” she finished with a nervous grin. She realised that she was holding her breath while she waited for Celestia’s reaction.
Celestia blinked, expression lost to her for a brief moment. Then her smile returned and she chuckled lightly. “I see. Well, I certainly hope the forces of good will be victorious over evil.”
Twilight smiled a relieved smile, a slight heat in her cheeks. She was even about to tentatively suggest that... maybe... the two Princesses might want to stay? But Celestia’s next line put paid to that idea.
“But you should always remember, Twilight, that as a princess, you are constantly under the scrutiny of all those you serve. Remember to consider how your actions would appear to them, and whether they would understand and respect you for it.”
Twilight couldn’t stop her head from drooping. It wasn’t a rebuke, not really. But it was a lesson. Celestia was right. Princesses didn’t go round frolicking in the snow like schoolfillies, giggling madly whenever they scored a good hit on Rainbow Dash’s head. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Princess.”
Celestia smiled kindly again. “No need to apologise, Twilight. But sometimes we must put our responsibilities as princesses ahead of––”
PAFFFT!
“I shall join this team!” called Luna over her shoulder, bounding gleefully towards Rainbow’s barricade, even as Celestia blinked her way through the thin covering of snow now plastered to her muzzle. Luna took up position behind the wall, eyeing it approvingly, and then her attention caught on something at her hooves. “Aha! Pre-fabricated munitions! Excellent work mine timid, pink-maned comrade! Pray, who is the commander here?”
Fluttershy looked at Rainbow. Pinkie looked at Rainbow. Rainbow looked at Pinkie. Pinkie looked at Luna. Pinkie pointed at Rainbow. Rainbow gulped. Rainbow looked at Luna. “Uh... me, I guess.”
“Wonderful! It appears my sister and her team are in a most disadvantageous position. May I suggest we give them a ten second start before we annihilate them?” Luna asked, then looked up, grinning stupidly at her sister.
Still a little dumbstruck, Celestia nevertheless processed the unfolding situation instantly. In ten seconds time, the ponies next to her were going to be utterly pelted with large balls of cold snow. She took a quick glance down, analysed their strategic position, and found it wasn’t good.
While she had no doubt as to the efficacy of the ponies themselves, their sole protection was a small wooden wagon that could serve as cover for one, perhaps two ponies at most.
And now there were four of them.
Celestia met Twilight’s gaze with serious eyes. “Our fortifications require improvement.”
* * *
“Ten! Nine! Eight!...” Rainbow’s voice called.
Even as the countdown began, Celestia dropped to her knees and rolled onto her back, just behind and to the left of the overturned applecart. Spreading her broad wings forcefully back and upwards, she caused a wide mound of snow beneath and either side of her to pile up to one side of the wagon.
Another stroke of her wings and the pile grew slightly taller. Then she moved a little more to her left to repeat the process, extending the length of the snow pile further. Twilight dropped to do the same on the right side of the cart while Applejack and Rarity set to compacting the newly piled snow such that it was slightly sturdier.
By the time Dash’s countdown reached zero – and the final few numbers came much faster than the first few – they had just about managed to erect a barrier that would protect all four of them.
Then the onslaught began once more. A heavy barrage from the enemy caused Applejack and her team to make immediate, desperate use of their new defensive construction.
“Oh, this will never do. They have us pinned down like a bad hemline!” Rarity complained. Then she looked at Applejack. “What are we to do?”
Applejack looked at Rarity. She respected her getting into the spirit of things, but her B-fiction similes needed work. She was about to give her an obvious reply before she noticed that both Twilight and Celestia were gazing expectantly at her too.
“Why’re y’all lookin’ at me like that?”
“Are you not the General in this scenario, Applejack?” replied Celestia.
Applejack nearly choked on something. “Me?!” she asked, her eyes wide. “I can’t be the leader in this!”
“Why not?” asked Celestia simply, with a little smile.
Applejack looked at the two alicorn princesses huddled next to her as though the answer was obvious. “Because I’m just a... and you’re both...”
“It makes sense if you think about it,” Twilight commented. “After all, you were the first victim of this war, you set up the initial defences, you kept a cool head under pressure, and you’ve clearly got more snowball-fight experience than any of us. You’re the logical choice.”
Applejack looked hesitant. She wasn’t sure she agreed with Twilight on all those points. Certainly Celestia had a little twinkle in her eye that suggested she had a good deal more experience than she was prepared to admit to right now. But Twilight wasn’t done speaking: “Every book on military history I’ve read states that one of the most important ingredients for victory is a strong leader. Today that’s you Applejack. And we’re your army. Now lead us to victory and let’s save Ponyville!”
A series of confident nods in her direction preceded another series of solid thumps against their fortification. For sure, if they didn’t start fighting back now she and her friends would be done for. She wouldn’t just let that happen, and if it took a couple of words from her to prevent it, then so be it. “Alright then gang. Let ‘em have it!”
And the battle was underway in earnest once more. Balls of snow rifled through the air and mortared into the sky. Ponies were struck. Ponies laughed. Ponies shouted with glee and swore good-humoured revenge in loud, exaggerated tones. Even Celestia started laughing and yelping, completely unable to avoid getting dragged into the exhilarating spirit. The exuberance that Twilight and her friends radiated was intoxicating. And of course, Luna needed no encouragement to throw herself headlong into the occasion.
It was by now, though, approaching that time in the morning when the townsfolk had risen and were leaving their homes to begin their own errands for the day. And many of them were suddenly perplexed when they heard the screams of delight and shouts of good-natured near-obscenity coming from the street near Sugarcube Corner.
...and utterly taken aback when they noticed that the street itself appeared to have become a warzone.
A warzone that seemed like a very fun place to be.
“Uh, hi Rainbow Dash.” The new voice belonged to Lyra Heartstrings, having approached the barricade from behind while the attentions of Rainbow and her team were focused down the street. Rainbow Dash turned to look at her with momentary surprise and noted that she wasn’t alone, accompanied as she was by her companion, Bon Bon. “Are we going to be able to get past?”
“Are you nuts?” cried Rainbow, quickly motioning for them to take cover behind the wall. She lowered her voice and spoke with an overly-serious, urgent tone. “Our enemy over there is ruthless! They’ll take a shot at anypony who gets in their way! I’m afraid for your own safety I can’t let anyone pass until we’ve dealt with them.”
“Oh,” said Lyra, not quite disappointed. Then she shared a quick grin with her companion. “Would it be okay if we joined you?”
Rainbow Dash did a quick double-take. Her mind whirred. By her calculations Applejack had two princesses on her team, and while Fluttershy was doing a great job manufacturing their supply of weaponry, the fact that she wouldn’t get involved further than that left Rainbow feeling that she was at least half-a-pony down. She looked back at her two new conscripts and grinned. “Alright guys! Take some of those –” she indicated the mound of Fluttershy-crafted snowballs behind the wall, “– and throw them at those ponies over there until they give up!”
“Uh... even Princess Celestia...?” asked Bon Bon hesitantly.
“Especially Princess Celestia,” intoned Luna with a wide grin, dodging quickly as yet another missile flew by her head.
Rainbow flashed another wide smile at her new allies. “Welcome to the rebellion!”
* * *
“They are getting reinforcements,” lamented Celestia.
Applejack stifled an annoyed grumble. Complaining about it wouldn’t help their situation. The fact was that they were now outnumbered, and Rainbow’s new troops wasted no time getting stuck in. “Well, guess that’s just more of ‘em to aim at,” she tried. But if she couldn’t find a way to even the odds it wouldn’t be long before Rainbow had enough firepower to keep them pinned down and move to surround them at the same time. And when that happened, that would be game over.
“Princess Twilight? Princess Celestia?” an authoritative voice asked from behind them. “What in the world is going on in my street?”
But it was Applejack who turned with an embarrassed, guilty smile. “Oh, uh... howdy Ms. Mayor.”
Mayor Mare frowned at Applejack. “I don’t recall a mass brawl being on the agenda today. I suppose I’m going to be unable to even reach Town Hall...”
“Uh... well... you see this was just a friendly game that’s kinda got a little out of––” Applejack started. But then Rarity cut her off before she could ruin the illusion with the truth.
“Mayor! Thank goodness you’re here! The nefarious Rainbow Dash and her rebel army are trying to take over Ponyville!” She brought a foreleg to her forehead. “Our situation is dire, but Applejack has promised to lead us to victory! Won’t you join our cause? Won’t you help us save Ponyville?”
And just like that, the mayor was hooked too. It hadn’t taken much, in truth: this certainly seemed preferable to paperwork after all. “Well,” she began, “I can’t very well turn my back on Ponyville in her time of need.”
* * *
Word spread like wildfire.
Ponies and foals by the dozen from every corner of the village heard of the pitched battle between Applejack’s Army and Rainbow’s Rebels outside Sugarcube Corner, and made their way to the scene, eager to join in.
Trying to manufacture even, balanced teams in such chaos was a lost cause; which team ponies joined was simply a matter of personal preference based largely on the character that seemed, from somewhere, to have formed for each faction.
For whatever reason, Applejack’s Army seemed to become synonymous with righteousness, honour and preserving the peaceful way of life. Rainbow’s Rebels on the other hoof somehow garnered the reputation of being the rascally but good-natured freedom-fighters, rising up to overthrow the regime.
And while most folks would say they had no problem at all with the regime, the lure of a little pretend shoving against the Establishment was strong with many ponies, leading the Rebels’ numbers to swell faster than the Army’s.
The war raged in the street, the air thick with balls of snow hurled back and forth, but neither side giving any quarter, nor gaining any ground.
* * *
Her package successfully delivered, a grey-coated, blonde-maned pegasus flew low over Ponyville, humming contentedly to herself.
When all of a sudden, something shot past her. A small white object of some sort streaking upwards into the air, missing her by inches.
Captivated and curious, she turned her head to follow the ascent of the pale sphere, watching as it reached its peak and fell back to the street below, landing behind one of two large snow walls built parallel to each other. And behind each wall were dozens of ponies laughing and shouting, most of whom she recognised.
She gasped. Wow! A snowball fight! She could see some of her best friends were down there, having fun. Time Turner and Minuette and Rose; they all looked like they were having such a good time. She hadn’t been invited, but... maybe, if she asked whoever was in charge nicely, she’d be allowed to join in too?
But she needed to wrap up warm first: her mother had always told her, ever since she was a filly, that if she wanted to play in the snow, she always needed to wrap up warm.
She put on a turn of speed and headed for home, knowing exactly where her warmest, snuggliest clothing was in her cupboard and excitedly imagining all of the fun she was going to have with her friends!
* * *
Thanks to a couple of bouts of mischief on the part of the twins, opening up Sugarcube Corner had taken longer than usual this morning.
As Carrot Cake made his way from the kitchen through to the front of the shop and the small cafe area, he noted a great deal of shouting and hollering seeming to come from the street outside. Before opening the front door he paused by the window overlooking the front of the bakery.
And beheld the scene of indescribable carnage unfolding scarcely a dozen meters away.
“Cup Cake? Honeybunch? Have you seen what’s happening outside?”
Mrs. Cake joined her husband at the window. “Oh. My.”
“Do you think Pinkie is throwing some kind of... snowball party?”
Cup Cake shook her head slowly, still amazed at the scale of the conflict occurring right outside her door. Then a smile crossed her lips. “I think before too long, a lot of our friends and loyal customers are going to be exhausted, hungry and in need of a hot drink.” She looked at her husband. “Come on, pumpkin. You get the trestle tables out, I’ll find the cocoa. We’ve got a bit of work to do.”
* * *
Anecdotally, Applejack seemed, for some reason, to have a large number of pegasi joining her cause. And while initially she’d sought to use them to dive-bomb the enemy position, it wasn’t as effective a tactic as she’d at first hoped.
Because each pegasus could only really carry one or two snowballs into the air, and getting close enough to use them effectively required putting themselves well within range of the enemy. And flying, moving targets were a lot of fun to try and hit, so they immediately became magnets for everything the Rebels could muster. In a snowball fight it seemed, air superiority was helpful, but it wasn’t the deciding factor.
That didn’t stop one or two brave pegasi from attempting a strafing run every so often, though they rarely returned unscathed.
Cloudchaser was the latest to try her luck, dodging and weaving cleanly through the enemy barrage on her approach, hurling her payload at the rebels behind the wall and scoring two solid, satisfying hits on Sea Swirl and Lily Valley. But agile though she was, the enemy filled the sky around her with snow and as she wheeled away she was struck in the chest and the wing by two particularly large projectiles.
And she died.
Spectacularly!
Letting out a loud, theatrical scream, Cloudchaser furled her struck wing as though badly hurt and sent herself into a spiral. She crashed heavily into the soft, thick snow in the centre of no-pony’s-land, throwing up a great plume of the white stuff.
She lay almost equidistant between the two fortifications, and for a moment she was limp and worryingly still. A few jaws dropped and all action ceased. Then she raised her head with a wide grin and gave a wave back to her team-mates before rolling onto her back and feigning injury with a loud, overblown wail.
The next phase of the battle became clear as Applejack turned to Twilight. “We gotta get to her!”
“But Applejack, if anypony goes out there, they’ll be pelted to high heaven! It’s suicide!”
“We can’t leave her!” Applejack peered over the wall, out towards her fallen cohort. “Just stay still and hold on, y’hear?! We’re comin’ for ya!” With horror, she saw that her enemies appeared to be preparing to mount their own push in order to reach Cloudchaser first and claim her for their team. “We can’t let the rebels get their hooves on her!” Applejack raised her head and her voice, addressing as many of her troops as she could. “Keep ‘em pinned down y’all! And I’m gonna need a volunteer!”
“Eeyup!”
Applejack turned towards the source of the new – but familiar – voice behind her. “Big McIntosh! You made... it?”
She had to break character for a moment to look her brother up and down, because he had adorned himself with a most unusual selection of accoutrements.
Covering his face was a goal-keeper’s ice-hockey mask. A set of skating knee-pads were worn on his forelegs. And to the front and on either side of his chest, in place of his usual yoke, he’d strapped three large, metal dustbin lids.
The sentiment was appreciated and the intention was clear – though it implied a worrying level of pre-cognition – but the hoof-fashioned armour just looked ridiculous!
Ridiculous or not though, Big McIntosh now had a job to do, and Applejack once more assumed her authoritative tone. “All right, Big Mac. It’s all down to you. Get out there and bring that pony home!”
“Eeyup.”
Big McIntosh lumbered beyond the wall into the gulf between the two factions without fear or hesitation. Snowballs whizzed past him in both directions as the Army valiantly tried to give him covering fire, but he still found himself pelted mercilessly from the front as he continued to walk.
As silly as his home-made suit of armour looked, it actually did a creditable job of absorbing the impacts. The bin-lids clanged with each solid smack of snow on metal, but he soldiered on like a tank until he reached the stricken Cloudchaser.
Dipping his neck, he deftly scooped her onto his back while still under heavy fire, and backed away towards the ranks of his allies. Reaching them, he deposited the mauve pegasus onto the ground, and she immediately sprang back to life, ready to rejoin the fight. She even snuck in a quick hug for her brave saviour before re-entering the fray, and Big McIntosh definitely did not blush.
The unwritten rules became somehow modified. Now, when ponies were struck a critical blow, they started dying. In as wonderful, melodramatic, and cheesy a manner as possible. And they stayed dead until ‘revived’ by a team-mate, whereupon they could resume the heroic struggle.
And none seemed to die more often or more spectacularly than Rainbow Dash. Her deaths were accompanied by such hilarious, overblown amateur dramatics that not even Pinkie Pie could match her. She was barely even trying to avoid being hit anymore, always eager to find new ways to ‘improve’ on her last performance.
But this was still a war.
Her troops now outnumbered Applejack’s by some margin. For every two ponies the Army had, the Rebels had three, but somehow Applejack’s forces were still able to give a little better than they got. Applejack had started fighting a defensive engagement now, but she was doing it very well and the Rebels just couldn’t find the opening they needed to mount a push to overrun her position.
Rainbow would change that.
At a signal, she ordered her forces to concentrate their fire on Applejack herself as she took to the air and flew for her. She skimmed low over the field of battle, approaching Applejack’s cart, easily dodging her defences with the speed and agility of a master aeronaut. Reaching the cart – and Applejack herself ducked behind it – Rainbow Dash reached out with her hooves and plucked her foe’s precious Stetson from atop her head.
“Hey! You gimme that back this instant!” griped her rival impotently as she watched her hat disappear into the air.
Rainbow Dash grinned and peeled away, clutching and waving Applejack’s famous headgear in triumph, as though it were some kind of talisman.
In fact it seemed to be just that. Because as she returned to her barricade and set the hat victoriously on top of her own head, her allies became suddenly emboldened. Their attacks increased in intensity, their morale lifted noticeably and everything seemed to start going their way.
It wouldn’t be long before Applejack would be begging to surrender.
* * *
She couldn’t find it anywhere! She’d searched low and high, but her special warm coat was missing! The green one with the fleecy lining that she liked because it kept her super-snuggly.
Derpy made a sad face. She really wanted to go out and have fun with her friends. But she had to wrap up warm. If she couldn’t find her special coat then she was going to miss out on having fun. She didn’t want to miss out.
She thought about just going as she was. She already had a saddle, a scarf, her woolly hat and a pair of ski-goggles, thick socks and her snow-boots...
But mom had always said she needed to wrap up warm in the snow. She said it because she loved her and always wanted her to be cosy. She had to find her special coat so she could wrap up warm.
Her friends would understand. Her friends wouldn’t let her miss out.
* * *
It wasn’t going well.
Applejack gritted her teeth as she ducked more and more snowballs flying over the top of her now-annoyingly-hatless head.
She was spending far more time hunkering behind the wall than she was throwing snowballs over it, and the same was true for most of her team too. Since Rainbow’s daring lone assault, the rebellion had really shifted into high gear. And though she was doing a good job inspiring and encouraging her own troops, in the end it was a numbers game and Rainbow had more. Even Celestia seemed to have conceded this fact with notable stoicism.
Before long she would be staring defeat in the face. The farmpony grimaced. The smug gloating from Rainbow Dash was going to be endless.
But unless she could find a way to turn the tables it seemed inevitable. She needed to think outside the box. She needed a game-changer. She needed––
“Cutie Mark Crusaders, reporting for duty!”
Applejack, Twilight, Celestia and Rarity all looked down in surprise. It was Sweetie Belle who had spoken, standing proudly with her two best friends, but also in company with Spike who formed the final member of their ad-hoc quartet.
“Oh. Howdy gang. What took ya so long?” asked Applejack with a friendly smile.
“We’ve been trying all morning to get our cutie-marks in... fire-breathing!” Scootaloo declared.
Twilight raised an eyebrow in Spike’s direction.
“They said they needed advice from an expert!” he said defensively. “I tried to tell them!”
“Tell them what, Spikey?” asked Rarity.
“That when circus ponies do it, it’s a trick!” he growled, glowering at Scootaloo.
Scootaloo glowered back. “Duh! We know it’s a trick! But we still needed an expert!”
Spike looked bewildered for a second. Then, behind a claw, intent for Twilight’s ears only, he stage-whispered, “Seriously, I’m starting to get worried about them.”
“Hey!” objected Scootaloo.
“It didn’t go so well,” Apple Bloom interrupted, “So now we’re gonna be Cutie Mark Crusader Snowball Fighters, and help save Ponyville from the rebels!” she beamed.
“Yay!––”
“––Right on!––”
“––owball cutie-mark!”
“Well,” Applejack replied, “I ain’t gonna lie and say we don’t need all the help we can get. But I’m not sure yer joining the winning team.” She put on an understanding smile.
“Don’t worry, Applejack,” enthused her younger sister, “We’ve got it covered!”
“Yeah,” agreed Scootaloo. “We’re gonna take the fight to them! Sneak behind their lines! Hit ‘em where it hurts! Uh... or at least where it’s cold...” she finished a little weakly.
“How?” asked Twilight after a brief pause, eager to know what plan they’d come up with to circumvent Rainbow’s defences when her own efforts to do so had stalled.
“We’re going to dig ourselves a hole!” beamed Sweetie Belle, to a pair of blank looks from her companions. She blinked. “A tunnel! I mean a tunnel. We’re going to go right under their hooves and hit them in the rear... I mean the behind... I mean from behind!” She blushed and brought a hoof to her face as her friends groaned and her older sister and her friends chuckled. Even Celestia had a little smile on her lips.
“Uh, guys?” interjected Spike. “Is the snow even deep enough for that?”
Twilight did a few mental calculations, before concluding, “There should be just enough depth of snow for a foal-sized tunnel––”
“What’re we gonna call it? The tunnel’s gotta have a name,” said Scootaloo, apparently randomly. The Crusaders had a habit of drifting off into a little trio-shaped bubble every so often, and the three fillies exchanged glances, this new conundrum somehow requiring their full attention before they could move on. Then,
“Tom!”
“Dick!”
“Harry!”
More glances.
“Isn’t Tom the name of your sister’s rock?” asked Scootaloo.
“I’ve been told I’m not allowed to talk about that anymore,” Sweetie Belle said, suddenly oblivious to the fact that her sister was standing right behind her. Rarity wore an expression of angered embarrassment, while Applejack had a little smug grin. “Isn’t Harry the name of the bear who’s friends with Fluttershy?”
“Well, I guess it’s Dick then!” announced Scootaloo with triumph.
“We can’t call the tunnel that!” objected Sweetie Belle. “It’s... rude,” she finished with a loud whisper, and yet another blush.
“Is not!” retorted Scootaloo. “It’s short for Richard!”
“Richard-the-tunnel!” interjected Apple Bloom with some authority, putting an end to the argument. “Now let’s get to making him so we can save the town already.”
Enlisting the help of their expert fire-breather, the fillies began to quickly excavate Richard into the snow beneath Applejack’s defensive wall. Crouching low, the dragon led the three brave explorers into the tiny tube of space, which was quickly extended directly out into no-pony’s-land and towards the rebels’ fortress.
After only a few short minutes, Spike halted and signalled that they were now behind enemy lines. The muffled shouts and laughs of their opponents from overhead certainly seemed to indicate his accuracy.
Each combatant used snow from the tunnel walls to craft their own weapon and then with precision timing the four intrepid adventurers burst from their wintery sub-terra world and up through the thin top-crust of snow.
They found themselves in the best position possible. Directly behind the rebel leader and her officer caste, catching them completely unawares.
Sweetie Belle took aim first, her snowball striking Pinkie Pie on the back of her neck and causing her to leap three feet into the air with an exaggerated shriek.
Scootaloo and Spike followed suit after only a moment’s hesitation, aiming for Rainbow Dash and Princess Luna respectively, which left Apple Bloom facing Fluttershy.
The kind, animal-loving pony was sat with her back to the wall, a contented smile on her face as she patiently and diligently manufactured little balls of snow and set them aside in a pile to her left. Then she looked up. Saw Apple Bloom still half-buried in the snow. Saw the snowball in her hoof. Gave a little, worried gasp. Shrank away and hid her face behind her mane. Waited for the inevitable.
Apple Bloom couldn’t. She just couldn’t. Not to Fluttershy. No matter how harmless. No matter how much of a friendly game this really was. It just wasn’t done.
Changing her posture, Apple Bloom instead tossed the small ball of frost in her hoof upwards in an under-arm throw. Up it sailed, then downwards, until it landed very softly atop Fluttershy’s thick, pink mane with a tiny pfff.
Fluttershy was stunned for a moment. Then a little smile appeared as her gaze tried to travel up to the top of her own head. Finally she looked at Apple Bloom and they shared a wider, warmer smile.
At which point Fluttershy realised she was supposed to be dying. “Oh. Ouch. I think I’m a goner,” she said, still with a faint smile. Then she carefully rolled onto her back with her legs in the air and just relaxed a bit. It was quite nice actually.
The reactions of the other three were very different in their own rights.
Pinkie’s high-pitched shriek-and-jump preceded a strangely lengthy return to earth followed by a giggle-filled series of movements that were not-quite-dancing which served as her death-throes.
Luna was most unimpressed, rounding on the impertinent cur that had dared get the better of her, and finding it to be Spike. “Thou insolent, yet brazen whelp! I shall see thee suffer greatly for this... later,” she added with a frown, realising with reluctance that she was supposed to be dying too. She lay down on her belly, angry countenance giving way to a little disappointed pout.
Rainbow Dash, struck squarely to the back of the head, gave a surprised cry and whipped round with an annoyed expression, only to find a defiant but slightly-nervous Scootaloo meeting her gaze. Rainbow’s visage reformed itself into one of pride. Way to go, Squirt, she thought, and not even begrudgingly. Then her face lit up as she too realised she was now supposed to expire once more. “Argh! They... got me!” She reared up, clutched at her own neck with her hooves, wobbled unsteadily for far too long, and then finally plunged heavily into the snow on her back, her head coming to rest upside down and mere inches from Scootaloo’s, her eyes glazed and unfocused.
Scootaloo let out a little gasp, hoping Rainbow Dash wouldn’t be mad at her, only for Dash’s eyes to focus on her for a moment, give a smile and a quick wink, and then defocus once more as she feigned death until her imminent rescue.
Before the rest of the rebels could react, the Crusaders – and Spike – high-tailed it over the barrier, across the snow-field and back towards safety, as Caramel, Cheerilee, Junebug and Noteworthy noticed their fallen compatriots and moved to help.
“Whooee! Good job, young-uns! I’m so proud’a you,” beamed Applejack as her young sister and her friends reached the safety of their barrier.
“I think we’ve got big problems,” warned Spike. “I saw a whole bunch of ‘em sneaking off around behind Sugarcube Corner.”
Applejack gritted her teeth. “They’re gonna surround us!” she seethed.
“Technically, in military parlance, it’s called a flanking manoeuvre,” corrected Twilight.
Applejack did a quick double-take in Twilight’s direction. “A what?”
“A flanking manoeuvre,” repeated Twilight. “They’re going to flank us.”
Applejack just stared for a moment. “Well that sure sounds like somethin’ we don’t want happenin’.”
Although into her head, unbidden, popped a mental image combining the concepts of ‘Rainbow Dash’ and ‘flanking manoeuvre,’ and, well, it wasn’t all bad.
But at the moment she needed to try and stave off imminent defeat, and right now that looked like retreating.
Suddenly, the ground beneath her hooves began to tremble, and some of the loose snow on top of the wall began to shudder and slide off as the vibrations grew stronger.
Everypony perked up, suddenly wary, looking round for the source.
“What is that?” asked Twilight, even as realisation hit Applejack and she broke into a grin.
“It’s the cavalry!” she whooped, her head whipping round to the bridge over the river at the edge of town.
The tremors grew stronger still, until over the bridge stormed Daisy Jo, Mooriella, Francesca, and a dozen of the other cows from the farm. They gave loud battle-cries and stampeded pell-mell into the street, rounded Applejack’s overturned cart and associated garrison and thundered towards Rainbow Dash’s fort, sending stunned rebels scattering every which-way. The cattle crashed through the snow wall, obliterating it in a huge plume of white, to much happy mooing.
But the thunderous vibrations had had a detrimental on Applejack’s defences too. The hastily erected and expanded snow wall either side of her cart had collapsed to about half its height, and was no longer really capable of providing cover.
All semblance of order vanished into chaos. The pretext of teamwork evaporated completely. It was every pony for themselves, laughing and shouting uproariously. Balls of snow flew every which-way. Ponies were splattered, smeared and sprayed with snow. Everyone was a target, and allies non-existent in this new free-for-all phase.
But across the field of battle, two sworn adversaries met each other’s stare. Eyes of determined amethyst locked with those of steadfast emerald. Forehooves scraped the ground, and the two rivals began to gallop, the distance between them vanishing with shocking rapidity.
As she neared, Rainbow spread her wings, skimming the ground and gathering snow into her hooves, compacting and launching it Applejack.
Applejack dodged agilely, rolling sideways in the snow and regaining her hooves, snowball ready, letting a counter-attack fly in one fluid motion. She hoped to knock her hat from the cocky pegasus’ head, but it too missed by the narrowest of margins.
Rainbow’s wings carried her to the eaves of an adjacent house, covered in lengthy, thick icicles. Rainbow grasped one in her teeth, snapping it at the base, and dove back toward her foe.
Wielding the icicle in her mouth as though a sword, she gave a calculated swing at the farmer as she reached her. The dripping, rounded tip found its mark, lightly slashing Applejack from shoulder to flank, causing her to whinny in surprise and shock as it traced a wet and freezing-cold line through her coat.
“Ha-haaa!” shouted Dash in triumph. But Applejack was already reaching for her own icicle, plucked from a nearby ground-floor window ledge.
“Gonna be like that, huh?” Applejack called with a playful but resolute smirk. Then she set the icicle firmly in her jaw and galloped at her nemesis.
Icicle met icicle with a series of firm clacks as the two ponies clashed in not-mortal combat, dancing and circling with enthusiastic motion but inexpert technique. When Rainbow spread her wings once more, Applejack saw her chance and with a burst of unexpected speed, drew the length of her icy weapon across the pegasus’ belly before her foe could gain height. Dash squealed. She hadn’t realised it would be that cold!
The other townsponies, tired from their own battles, were now largely watching them. They naturally formed a huge circle as the two warriors fought in the middle of the street, and began shouting, chanting and cheering. Which pony they cheered for depended largely on which team they had fought for earlier.
Pinkie Pie had even managed to procure popcorn from somewhere.
Had such a battle taken place inside or in narrow confines, Applejack would have credited herself with the advantage. However in this wide open area Dash was ascendent, having the benefit of an extra dimension in which to work. But while Dash was in the air, she lost the ability to manufacture snowballs to attack from range, something of which Applejack was still capable while Dash hovered out of her reach.
Each pony scored hits. Neither faltered in their resolve. Icicles clashed with fervour and snowballs were lobbed with zeal. But as the battle continued, their attacks became steadily slower and more wearisome as the fatigue of a whole morning spent fighting a war began to claim them.
Then, as Applejack swung and missed, she put a hoof wrong on a hidden divot beneath the snow, overbalanced and ended up falling.
It was instinct. Letting the icicle drop from her mouth, she instead tried to use her teeth to grasp the only object in range that might prevent her from tumbling over.
That happened to be Rainbow’s tail.
It wasn’t enough to allow Applejack to stay on her hooves, and since the appendage was still attached to the rear-end of a hovering pegasus, Rainbow Dash found herself dropping her own weapon with a surprised cry, and being pulled briskly earthwards.
Applejack fell onto her back and Rainbow Dash’s soft, warm body landed atop her, her tired muscles falling relaxed. Both ponies were breathing hard, utterly drained, and too exhausted to even give voice to the peals of laughter that wanted desperately to consume them both.
After a few moments several ponies in the crowd began to applaud. Then several more. Then all of them began to give them the grandest ovation they could muster. Wolf-whistles rang through the air, and ‘Woo-hoo!’ was heard from at least one corner. ‘Yay,’ from another.
Finding the energy to lift her head, Rainbow Dash made eye-contact with the friend upon whose stomach she found herself comfortably sprawled, though it was Applejack who spoke first.
“Whaddya say, partner? Truce?”
“Yeah,” Dash agreed with a grin, still getting her own breath back. “I could go for that.”
The two friends shakily helped each other to their hooves to more applause, even as the doors to Sugarcube Corner were thrown open and Mr. Cake announced that inside, hot cocoa and sweet treats were available for all weary combatants.
There was a pink blur, accompanied by a zooming sound, accompanied by a wake of snow cast towards the bakery. And then everypony else – ponies and cows by the dozen – began to follow Pinkie Pie inside.
The battle was finally over.
* * *
She had found it!
Somehow her coat had been put in exactly the wrong place, at the opposite end of the wardrobe from where it should have been.
But that didn’t matter. She’d found it! Now she was officially wrapped up warm and cosy and ready for fun.
Having left her home, she flew the short distance over the rooftops to the street outside Sugarcube Corner, mentally rehearsing how she would nicely ask Applejack if she could join her team.
She crested the final rooftop and the street came into view...
...Oh.
No ponies. No friends. No laughing. No shouting.
An empty street. With no fun in it at all.
The snow below her bore the evidence of the abandoned enjoyable activity. A wooden cart lay on its side opposite the remains of a wide snow-wall. Between the two lay a large pegasus-shaped indentation, and a narrow trench, as though melting snow had collapsed into the remains of a thin tunnel.
But where... where had all the fun gone?
She landed and looked around. Searching for the missing fun as though it were something she might find hidden behind a corner.
Noise from nearby caught her attention. Muffled laughter and animated conversation emanating from Sugarcube Corner. And now that she looked, an awful lot of the hoofprints in the snow were headed that way too...
* * *
Inside the Corner, three very long tables had been set up in a three-sided square. And at the centre of the head table the two opposing Generals sat side-by-side, each flanked by their four lieutenants – Applejack and her team on the left, Rainbow Dash and hers on the right.
Upon each table was a small cauldron of freshly made hot chocolate, and all manner of tasty sweet pastries, cakes, cookies and muffins. The ponies gladly partook, eating greedily and drinking thirstily. War, it seemed, was hungry work.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash laughed and smiled together, sharing cheerful argument over their little kerfuffle. Eventually though, Applejack had to ask the question foremost on her mind. “Uh, Dash? It suits you an’ all, but can I have it back?”
Rainbow Dash was still wearing her hat.
“Huh? Oh, sure,” said Dash with perfect nonchalance. She carefully flipped the hat off her head, passed it upside down to Applejack, who casually took it and flipped it atop her own...
PFfff...
Applejack frowned. “Oh, you little...”
Rainbow Dash had to bring her forehooves to her mouth to keep from bursting into fits of laughter, even as a little of the snow she’d concealed in the bowl fell around Applejack’s shoulders. Applejack stubbornly refused to remove the hat though. She wouldn’t give Dash the satisfaction. Even if it meant a damp mane.
From the far end of the room the door to the bakery cautiously opened, inviting the entry of a hesitant Derpy Hooves. She halted just inside the threshold, a pair of ski-goggles propped up on her forehead and wearing enough winter-weather gear to survive a climb up an arctic mountain. Including a fleece-lined green coat that, admittedly, looked very comfy indeed.
She smiled sweetly, her hopeful, lopsided gaze travelling first to Rainbow Dash and then to Applejack.
“Aw, hey sugarcube,” Applejack started with her most sympathetic smile. “I’m afraid the snowball fight’s... sorta over.”
Derpy’s face fell. She’d spent too long looking for her coat. She’d missed out. She’d missed out because she’d wrapped up warm.
“Okay,” was her quiet reply. Slowly, she turned to leave. She didn’t belong here. She wasn’t invited. She should just go home and take all her warm clothes off again. There was no point having them on now.
“WAIT!” Pinkie’s high pitched wail transcended all other noise in the room. Then she was up and over the table with a clatter and chasing after Derpy’s suddenly-shocked form. Skidding to a halt before her and bringing herself nose to nose, she put on a happy grin. “That doesn’t mean you can’t have cake, silly!”
With a hoof now firmly around the pegasus’ withers, Pinkie guided the still-slightly-despondent mare back into the room, to the centre of the three-sided square.
“Buuuuuut...” Pinkie warned, “You have to choose a side! So...” she indicated the bank of ponies on the table to her left – and Applejack and her three officers to the left of the head table opposite her. “Are you an Army soldier? Ooor...” Pinkie indicated the opposite side of the room, “A Rebel!”
The light in Pinkie’s eyes, as well as her inflection made it clear where she wanted Derpy to end up. Come to the dark side, her expression read, we have cookies! But Derpy had made her mind up before even reaching the street.
“I was gonna ask to be on the Army team,” she said with a little sadness, her gaze travelling once more to Applejack, hoping for some form of belated acceptance.
Applejack smiled back. “Well sure thing. Always happy to have––”
“Wait a minute!” Rainbow interrupted. “Why would you wanna join Applejack’s team? My team was way cooler!”
“‘Cause I’m a good pony!” replied Derpy with a proud smile, raising her head and puffing out her chest. “I want to join the good team.”
Dash gave a look of utmost surprise. “Hold on a sec,” she looked at Applejack. “We were the bad guys?! How’d that happen?”
Applejack gave Rainbow a deadpan look. “Ya launched a sneak attack an’ tried to take over the town?”
“I thought we were trying to liberate it!”
“Meh. Potato, potahto,” Applejack shrugged.
Then, suddenly-and-from-somewhere, Pinkie Pie was behind Applejack, removing her hat from her head. She flipped it and quickly scooped out the little mound of snow inside. Next, a pink blur, and at once Pinkie was again stood next to Derpy seemingly without the inconvenience of having to traverse the intervening distance, the mound of snow already compacted into a sphere.
She placed the snowball into Derpy’s hoof and then pointed at Rainbow Dash, who had quickly come to terms with her apparently-evil status, and was by now grinning, looking to the side and offering up her cheek as an obvious target.
Derpy smiled in happiness. She was going to get to play! She squinted and concentrated hard, then drew her hoof back and let the snowball fly.
From as close as she was it was impossible to miss. Except instead of Rainbow’s cheek, the snowball clipped her ear, half of it sailing harmlessly past.
Derpy smiled expectantly. Dash sat still, grinning uncertainly, all eyes on her. Then Applejack cleared her throat and gave her a shove before she twigged. “Oh! Ooooh! Ooow! I’m doomed! Demised. Passed on. No more. Ceasing to be. Expiring and going to meet my maker. Kicking the bucket. An ex-pony!” She flopped backwards off her floor-cushion, her hindlegs in the air and twitching slightly.
Derpy seemed happy. “Yay!” Her smile had become a full-blown beam.
Pinkie Pie gave her a hug, and Applejack got up and walked to her, putting a hoof around her shoulders. “Way to go, partner. I reckon you’ve just saved Ponyville!” There was a loud round of applause from the assembled guests as Applejack guided Derpy over to a spot at the Army table, in front of a generous plate of blueberry muffins. “And if the rebels should ever try somethin’ like this again, I’m gonna want you on my side from the start,” she promised.
“If?” said Rainbow, sitting back up with a devilish smirk. “Haven’t you seen the forecast? This snow’s gonna last all week!”
* * * The End * * *
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I can imagine.
This was a blast! Loved it and no clue why this didn't win!
Forecast?
I thought Ponyville's weather worked by schedule...
Great story.
Rainbow Dash is a Norwegian Blue?
The more you know...
A truly awesome story. :)
"Okay, this is awesome. I usually don't like reading stories over 3000 words, but this one was entertaining and amazing the whole way through!"
4637326
I figure the 'forecast' in Equestria is just how the local weather teams let the rest of the townsfolk know what they're going to be getting over the next few days. So they can plan picnics and whatnot.
As opposed to where I live, where it's pretty much just a guess.
A great, lighthearted but still intense story about stuff we all have done!
This is my favorite MLP fanfic. I loved it.
That was very amusing
You should make another snowball fight Fic but with OC's instead (imagine so many cool ponies that everyone made of themselves!) I would definitely go on either team!
If SFM starts working again, I will animate this.
If not, I may draw a comic. Either way...
My month will be spent.
This is best the funniest story I have ever read! GO TEAM ARMY!
The best way I can describe this story is just... fun. Like, I didn't once feel like I was reading a story more than 10k words long. And when I was done, I had no regrets spending the time that I did to read this story. I walked away from my keyboard with a smile on my face.
Thanks again, 8686. Stuff like this is why you deserve more attention.
~Arwhale
...and a Monty Python reference at the end. This has to have been the most enjoyable story I've read in a while. It reminds me of a good kids movie- fun for everyone, but with enough references and subtle adult humor to make it enjoyable for even the cootiest of coots. Have a mustache, my friend.
Wonderful job! It was a joyful read.
You really captured the feel of innocent play with friends as a kid. A bit of nostalgia there.
Loved it.
Thanks for all the smiles I had
Rebels ftw!
4638498 When SFM is up again, post a blog with a link to it, or a comic...
I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd want to see that, video or comic.
this oughta be good.
Well that is clever!
you know, there is an easy way for this to end. presumably the RRs are quite close to Sugarcube Corner, which i presume is also covered in snow. all it would take would be one good shot.....
That was AWESOME!
it had some 
moments, a few 
ones, DEFINITELY some 
.
Either way, this is a one chapter masterpiece! i give it
out of 5
Just the refreshing (+20%) cool read you need on a hot summer's day.
Here, have one of these:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
~Twi
Keep calm and start a rebellion.
Great read, and a fun one all the way through. It didn't even feel like over 10k words, which is not something most authors can do. Good on ya. You've earned a like and favorite.
This is so funny! I felt bad for Derpy though.
But she still got a chance to play, so that's good!
I would've been on Rainbow's Rebels with all my favorite ponies!
Ha! That really set me off.
Fantastic fun, and almost too cute for its own good.
That was amazing! I loved it! Oh and listening to this at the same time made it all the more better.
Again, fantastic job my friend. You definetely deserve a moustache
and a cookie. (Sadly, they do not have a javascript here for a cookie... so instead I'll make it a 
! Yay for snowball fights)!
This...this was an excellent way to kick my morning off. The story was fun, amusing, heart-warming, and all around very enjoyable. I couldn't stop grinning for most of the story. Thanks for an awesome start for today my friend.
~ Super-Brony12
An incredibly adorable story and just the break from the hot weather we needed.
Nicey done!
Celestia really should have seen Luna's sudden but inevitable betrayal coming, shouldn't she...?
I really enjoyed this!!!!! Many thanks for adding some serious fun to the site - thumbs up and favourited :)
Is this based off a poll on EQD?
That got wildly out of hoof in the most amazingly awesome way imaginable. I can be a tough audience, but I laughed like crazy at some of these moments, and the sheer badflankery backed it up beautifully.
Also: For the rebellion! FOR FREEDOM!
Here's wishing I could like more than once.
Sent from the Isapie
Like a commenter below, grins from start to end.
"Oh, yes, I must say, it was quite a lot of fun helping App... er, I mean, it was but my sworn duty to assist in putting down the Rebellion! Though my deaths were such that you could have called me Die-mond Mint, I myself laid waste many of the enemy forces!"
It's wonderful! Next time, Derpy will remember to put her coat in the right place. Speaking of her, when she said she saw her friends Time Turner and Minuette and Rose- That wouldn't happen to be a reference, would it?
On a side note, I actually voted for that on the poll..
This was a wonderfully funny short story!
I know I would be on the rebel's side.
That was cute, and great fun to read! :D
Also...
What are you thinking, AJ?
Dat Flank, huh, Applejack?
Oh my GAWWWWW- I mean, CELESTIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
That was AWESOME!!
Sequel. Now.
I have so many things to say about this fic an all of them are good.
Needs to be in everyone's favourites, or at least their read it later lists.
Can you write another story?
Many years later, an alien spacecraft from Umchuck 12 visits the formerly inhabited planet of Equestria.
They find naught but a desolate wasteland of giant snow balls cratering every inch of the planet.
Sticking out beneath one, a skeleton of one inhabitant was found. Apparently, with the last of its strength, it had carved a message into a slab of rock with its own broken purplish horn.
When translated, the message read: "Never should have invited Discord to join in..."
4643944
Dark... but hilarious.
4644175 Dark comedy is best comedy, but tricky to get just right.
How utterly delightful, though out of season. The best part was naturally the adorable derpyness, or possibly the derpy adorableness. I also like the tunnel, especially as dick was the only one that was never used.