AAAAAAAAAAAAArientation

by BillyColt

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Davenport, the pony in charge of the quills & sofas shop, was rather pleased with the display he'd assembled. He'd arranged a large assortment of quills by size and color on a rack displayed by the front of the shop, and he had recently received a new shipment of fabulous sofas which, truth be told, he couldn't help but try out for himself. Having tested the merchandise, he was completely certain that it was satisfactory.

The bell chimed, signifying the arrival of a new customer.

"Howdy!" called Braeburn. "I noticed you had just the establishment I was hoping for! You see a friend of mine needs a new quill..."

Davenport had stopped listening. "Mm-hmm," he said. "Well then, valued customer, I think I can help you with what you'd like."

"Well, I think you certainly do," Braeburn said, admiring the quill display. "Now, I don't know a whole lot about these quill things, but I think–"

"Oh, let me show you around!" said Davenport, pushing him more towards the center of the room. "Not only do we have a wonderful selection of quills, but we also have all kinds of sofas, armchairs, beanbag chairs, chaises longues, and all manners of pillows, which come in... varying degrees of softness and firmness, depending on what suits you."

"Um, well..."

"You aren't in any real hurry, are you?"

"Well, not really, I supp..."

"Well, that's wonderful!" said Davenport, pushing Braeburn down onto a tacky red couch. "Now then," he resumed, sitting next to him. "How is it?"

Braeburn looked down, examining the furniture. "Well," he conceded, "it sure is darn right comfortable."

"Imagine this," explained Davenport, extending his hoof in front of the sofa, as though pointing to a scene. "It's the dead of winter, cold and snowing outside..."

"Actually, in..." Braeburn reared up on his hooves. "AAAAAAAAAAAple-loosa!" He sat back down again. "It doesn't sn–"

"Shut up and get back to the picture," the shopkeeper cut off. "Anyway, it's the dead of winter, cold and snowing outside. But you don't care, because you're indoors, a warm fire is roaring on the fireplace, and you're here, in this lovely sofa, snuggled up with your special somepony..." He leaned against the back of the couch, his forelegs folded under his chin. "How does that sound?"

"It sounds mighty fine," said Braeburn, nodding at the consideration. "I do think I would like a sofa like this. How much does it cost?"

"Oh," he hemmed and hawed, leaning over. "Our prices are... negotiable."

"Ah-huh..." Braeburn said. Suddenly, he remembered what he came for. "Well, the sofa's lovely, but I'm here on an errand for a friend. She needs a quill."

"Riiiiight..." Davenport dipped his head towards his shirt pocket and gingerly pulled out a long feather quill. "Here ya go," he growled, smiling, clutching the quill between his teeth.

"Great!" Braeburn piped happily. "So how much?"

The door chimed again, signaling the entrance of Rare Find.

"Hey, just thought you should know that Twilight did find another quill," he droned.

"Oh." Braeburn stopped. "Well, guess I didn't need this. Still..." he mused as he got up from the seat. "Nice sofa."

"Sure you don't wanna try it again?" Davenport asked, desperately hoping things could still go his way. "Ain't it a nice quill, too?"

'I'll explain later,' Rare Find mouthed at the disappointed shopkeeper as Braebrun merrily trotted on the way out the door.

Rare Find took a deep breath and followed him out. Now that they were out in the light, he could finally get a good look at the apple-flanked stallion.

Wow, he thought, no wonder everyone likes him. He's got the right mixture of manly and pretty.

"Don't believe I caught yer name, stranger," said Braeburn.

"Name's Rare Find."

"Rare Find, eh?" Braeburn stopped and peered at the pony. "Watcha do?"

"I deal in antique jewelry."

"Hooey!" Braeburn exclaimed. "Way above my level. Just a simple apple pony. Don't have a lot of knowing about that kind of stuff."

"Well..." Rare Find shrugged. "We have our hobbies and make 'em our own. So, how are you liking Ponyville?"

"Well, it's just great!" Braeburn looked around at the ponies they passed on the way. "All you folks here sure know how to make a guy feel welcome." He waved to a passing colt, who in turn waved enthusiastically back. "Or maybe you guys all just like me." The cowpony grinned in that cute way someone grins when they feel they've just made a sheepish remark. "Well, anyway, I don't think I'll be needing to head back to the library. Already booked a room at the local inn, and the innkeeper was real friendly. Offered me a discount, but I insisted I'd pay my way the same as any pony. The Apple way, after all..."

Braeburn continued yammering as Rare Find found himself not listening. He did, however, take note of the other ponies around him. The mares were congregating at tables in outdoor cafes, muttering something to themselves. Daisy, Colton's girlfriend, was furiously mouthing something to her friends Lilly and Rose, who were open-mouthed in apparent horror. In fact, all the mares seemed uneasy, shooting angry glares in Braeburn's direction. Word got around awful fast in small towns like Ponyville.

Braeburn, however, continued chattering away about the "Apple way" that he adhered to: "...pull your own way, but always offer help. Be reliable and self-reliant..." Clearly oblivious to the circumstance.

"Sounds a lot like the Apple family we all know and love," Rare Find said, coming in at a break in Braeburn's line of talking. "So what are you–"

"ATTENTION ALL PONIES!"

Braeburn and Rare Find turned around to see Pinkie Pie, raised on a platform in the middle of the road, brandishing a screeching, blaring megaphone.

"ALL OF YOU ARE INVITED TO A SPECIAL PARTY TONIGHT! ONLY AT SUGARCUBE CORNER!" She lowered the megaphone. "Especially all you colts," she added with a sly grin. "There will be all kinds of party games, so be sure to come! Bring your friends!"

"Well, a party tonight!" the apple stallion exclaimed. "My stay in Ponyville just gets better and better!"

***

"Applejack, you're wearing out the floor," said Twilight.

"Ah cain't help it!" said Applejack, not ceasing her restless pacing. "No good will come of this. Braeburn's here, the colts've already gone fruitier than great-uncle Apple Tart..."

Twilight walked up and put a hoof on her shoulder. "Applejack, relax. What's the worst that could possibly happen?"

"Think of it, Twi," said the farmer. "Countless mares, and not a single stallion available..."

Twilight narrowed her eyes. "Applejack, I think that most ponies can function being single for a little while."

"Well what about her?" Applejack asked, pointing at Rarity, who was huddled in the corner, nervously chewing her mane.

"Point..."

"I tell ya, Twilight, there'll be riots before too long."

Big Macintosh watched the proceedings with his usual air of calm disinterest. "If you two don't mahnd, I'll just head on out."

"Sure thing, Big Macintosh," said Twilight. She walked for the bookshelf, examining the section on obscure spells. "Earth pony magic... this could be a fascinating case study." She looked back at Applejack with a curious expression. "I assume that this also goes on at Appleloosa... what, it isn't a problem there?"

"Aw, they just go on being a bunch of self-hating closet cases..."

"Nopony will ever hold the door open for me again..." Rarity moaned.

Twilight lowered a few books from the shelf. "Well, the way I see it, there isn't anything we can do about it. Pinkie Pie will have her party, and we can tell everypony and explain what's going on. It might even be a neat opportunity to conduct research. Though if it's anything like Pinkie Sense, well, 'research' might be a bit out of the question..." She groaned. "Why can't it ever be simple?" Sighing, she opened a book. "Still, at least we might be able to take a poll..."

"Well..." The farmer took a deep breath. "Let's just hope everything works out alright... See ya later, Twi."

"See you later, Applejack."

Applejack left the library, leaving Twilight alone to read through her book.

...Although earth ponies do not possess the ability to cast spells the way unicorns do, they do have innate magic. This magic connects them to the earth, which is the reason that they tend to be hardier than unicorns and pegasi, and are the only ponies that can reliably grow food. This is not so different from the innate magic held by pegasi that enables them to walk on clouds.

All ponies are inherently connected to magical energies. Unicorns are often credited for being the "magical ponies," but in reality they are simply more able to control it...

Of course. Earth pony magic couldn't be controlled. That was why Pinkie Sense was so arbitrary and random.

"Twilight?"

The librarian turned and saw Rarity standing there, her disheveled mane an almost-perfect representation of her mental state.

"Rarity?" asked Twilight.

"I need your help with this," said Rarity. "Badly."

"Well, there isn't really anything I can do," said Twilight. "You're just going to have to wait until–"

"Actually, there might be one thing you can do..."

Comments

[Alexander-Crossover]

Oooh, I wonder what Rarity ahs in mind. My guess is for Twilight to teleport Braeburn out of Ponyville.

I wonder, with Braeburn out of Apalloosa How are things going back there. Are the stallions relieved that they can shed their magically induced self-hatred for a while, maybe the mares of Apalloosa will blockade the way back into town to keep Braeburn out so they aren't stuck in pasionless relationships.

Of course I doubt that will be explored since that would be too deep for such a comedy, maybe.

I wonder if Mrs. Cake decided to join her husband in solitary confinement and explain what's going on. Oooh boy, Pinkie might just cause a huge problem there, or Carrot Cake is going to be stuck in that room much longer than I thought.

[CoastalSarv]

Turning Rarity male?

"Aw, they just go on as a bunch of self-hating closet cases..."

ALL of them? That's actually pretty scary!

[Loyal]

Apparently this story has gay ponies in it. Yet it's rated everybody. Not even teen. And it got featured.
...
Well alright, then. I guess I HAVE to read it now.
-=EDIT=-
It's...
Well-written, but this needs to be rated teen at the least. Aside from that, there was one quotation issue where Braeburn said "I'm on an errand for a friend. "She needs a quill."
Well-written, good pacing, and a very interesting concept. I wish you would have taken it a different way than Braeburn (Annoying background pony fics... *Shudder*) turning everypony gay. Alas. I give credit where credit is due. An 8/10 for masterful writing and a unique concept. Worth a thumb, but not a fave.

[Astarea]

So how is gay stallions any different than lesbian mares? Except the part that sticks out most, that is?

[Camokkid]

1049634 That can't be healthy. Then again, having a mind controlling super-sexy stallion roaming your town can't be that good either.

[Da Bunnana King]

Daaaammmm dis shit is gay... but I guess thats why I like it, so keep on writing. Pls. Bileth pls.

[munomana]

1049707
my guess is that since there are much less stallions than mares in Ponyville, being gay is stranger than lesbian mares... just a guess

[Darkness dream]

The shit, good sirs and madams. Has just hit the fan.

[Unobvious Pony]

1049707
Oh. Oh, ho, ho, I see what you did there you sly you. xf8.xanga.com/2b1f821a45333277983015/m221425207.jpg

[Astarea]

1049932 I see you saw what I did there, but did you see what you have seen when you saw what you saw? See?

[Autumn Wind]

Yet another chuckleworthy update,

By the way, congratulations on coming the closest to writing "Chaises longues" correctly I've seen yet. In french, when you pluralize a noun with an adjective, you need to pluralize both.

[BillyColt]

1049652
Ah, sorry about that. I will change the rating.

[Jka22_419]

Damn this is funny, looking forward to the next update!

[nemryn]

1049652
Why do gay ponies require a Teen rating?

[Silver Temper]

1059396
Cause all those 'straight' guys can't think of gays without immediately picturing an in-depth demonstration on exactly how gay buggery differs from straight humping, and thinking about it makes them feel funny down there.
And we can't have kids thinking it's normal, or anything.

[Midnightshadow]

1050771
Honestly, at this level of whimsy, an "everyone" rating is fine unless, you know, you're a raging homophobe. I'd honestly leave it at "everyone" because it's too damn silly to warrant anything more.

Also, Twilight... you're not about to do what I think you are, are you?

[BillyColt]

1090675
I'd agree, though I think that Davenport's actions might be a smidge suggestive for an Everyone rating.

Then again, I've written worse. Certainly seen worse.

[tbk080993]

Part 6: AND THEN TWILIGHT AND RARITY MADE WITH THE SWEET SECKS. THE END.

Ok, going to the next page to see if I guessed right.