• Published 10th Apr 2012
  • 9,890 Views, 239 Comments

AAAAAAAAAAAAArientation - BillyColt

All the stallions are gay for Braeburn.

  • ...

Chapter 1


Chapter 1

“There are lots of things you can make with grapes: grape juice, grape jelly, grape soda, raisins…” The colt paused. “I’m thinking of experimenting.”

The mare sitting across from him laughed. They were seated in an outdoor café in Ponyville. He was a yellow colt with a blue mane and tail with a bunch of grapes as his cutie mark. She was pink, with a green mane and tail and two flowers as her cutie mark. Colton Vines, the owner of the largest (well, only) grape company in Equestria, and Daisy, a local gardener. They’d been regularly going on dates.

“Oh, grapes are never going to be as big as apples,” Colton said.

“Oh, don’t say that,” said Daisy, “you’ve got a much better name than ‘Applejack’ or ‘Big Macintosh.’ ‘Sir Colton Vines III'?”

Colton laughed. “Thanks, Daisy, I–” He stopped. He was staring at something. Daisy turned to look. They were both looking at an unfamiliar yellow pony, with a brown cowboy hat, a vest, and an apple cutie mark. “Who’s that?” he asked.

“I have no idea,” said Daisy. “Probably part of the Apple family. I wonder why he’s wearing that vest?”

“Yeah,” said Colton Vines III, “he should take it off.”


“Apples, apples, everywhere, and all of ‘em ta eat,” said Applejack, baskets full of the fruits strapped to her back. “I’ll bet we can harvest more apples than any other orchard in the family. Ya think we can?”

“Eeyup,” said Big Macintosh, who was also loaded with baskets of apples.

“Howdy, cuz!” shouted a cheerful voice. Applejack’s smile instantly fell from her face. There was Braeburn, standing right in front of her. “How ya been?”

“Uhh, pretty good…”

“And Big Mac!” Braeburn said, turning to her brother, whose expression was unflappable, “I haven’t seen ya in years!”

“What are you…”

“Well, cuz, I felt so guilty about not coming to visit y’all in Ponyville, so I just had to come on over, especially since I missed the reunion! Can ya believe it, ya forgot to send me an invite!”


“Well, in any case, that doesn’t matter, because I’m here all the way from…” He reared onto his hind legs. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAppleloosa!”

Applejack shot a nervous glance at Big Macintosh, before looking over at her hyperactive cousin.

“So, uh, cousin Brae...” she said awkwardly. “What brings you to Ponyville?”

“Aw, shucks, AJ, does a guy need a reason to visit family and friends?” Braeburn answered. “I figured it was the least I could do to thank you for what you did back with the buffalo and the orchard in AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAppleloosa!”

“Well, you’re welcome...”

“My, you Ponyville-folk sure are making a guy feel welcome,” Braeburn said, settling back down. “Well, nice ta see ya. I wouldn’t wanna impose on your hospitality, so I’ll be finding someplace else to stay.”


“Why, of course. It’s a long ways away from–”

“There’s an inn next to the flower shop,” said Big Macintosh.

“Well, thank ya kindly, cousin Mac. See ya later,” he said, before merrily trotting off.

Applejack spun around frantically towards Big Macintosh. “Oh no, what’re we gonna do?”

“Settle down, sis, it’s nothin’ worth getting your haunches in a twist over.”

“You know what happens with Braeburn, Mac.”

“Ah do, but that doesn’t mean we have ta panic.”

“Yes!” Applejack exclaimed. “Yes we do!”


Twilight Sparkle was always very glad to have a customer in the library. Sometimes it just seemed like she was the only pony around who cared about literacy. It was a young unicorn stallion with a compass rose for a cutie mark, checking out a few art books.

“Apparently my buildings and landscapes are good,” said the stallion, “buuuuut other ponies have been telling me I need to work on anatomy. They say that when I draw other ponies it looks weird.”

“Well, there’s always room to improve,” said Twilight. “That’s the best thing you can do.”

“You got that right,” said the artist. “The last thing I want to be is one of those egomaniacs that think everything they produce is perfect from the start.”

“Nopony likes an egotist,” said Twilight, remembering her encounter with Trixie. “So, will that be all?”

“I think so.”

“Good, then just make sure to return them in two weeks. Have a nice day!”

The art-pony made his way towards the door leading out of the library, when it burst open. He jumped back as he saw a yellow colt wearing a cowboy hat.

“Howdy!” exclaimed Braeburn, to the surprise of both of the other ponies. “Great place ya got here! It’s a tree! We don’t have tree-houses in...” Twilight held her breath, but he didn’t say it.

“Well,” continued Braeburn, puzzling, “it’s not so much a tree-house as it is a house-tree, ain’t it?” He looked at Twilight. “Say!” he said, “You’re one of cousin AJ’s friends, ain’tcha?”

“That’s right,” said Twilight. “You’re Braeburn, from–”

“AAAAAAAAAppleloosa!” exclaimed Braeburn, rearing onto his hind legs as Twilight cringed. “Anyway, just thought I’d stop by. You folks here in Ponyville have a lot of different kinds of houses. Bye!” he said, turning around and exiting.

The art-pony had just been staring blankly the entire time.

“Well, that was certainly–” Twilight began.

“Who was that?”

“That was Applejack’s cousin Braeburn. He’s from...” Twilight laughed weakly, “Appleloosa. Very energetic.”

“Hmm...” said the artist. “Come to think of it...” He walked back to the bookshelf. “I think I’d like to check this book out, too.” He floated down one final art text.

“Male anatomy?” Twilight asked.

“Can’t leave any cracks in the fundamentals,” said he. “Thank you.” And with that, he turned to leave.

Twilight sat down with a sigh. Somehow, just listening to Braeburn talk had been exhausting.

Spike tiptoed down the stairs. “What was that all about?” he asked.

“Nothing,” said Twilight. “I just think I got hit with Pinkie Pie’s long-lost brother is all.”

“Now, there’s a thought...”

Twilight’s reprieve was cut short, however, when the door flew open. A panting Applejack stood in the doorway.

“Twilight, I need your help!” she gasped.

“What is it, Applejack?”

“It’s my cousin Braeburn,” she said. “He’s in town.”

“I noticed.”

“Oh...” Applejack said. Twilight could swear that she saw her friend’s hat droop on her head. “Oh no...”

“What is it?”

“We’re in for an complete disaster!”