the pony from the mirror

Rarity is really head over heels for Spike, but something is stopping her to tell him. This pony fills Rarity's mind with false information. And every night Rarity cries herself to sleep or maybe to her grave.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 11
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Valen Machina

Valen Machina #1 · Jul 6th, 2014 · 2 · 2 ·

You need to give this story a mature rating or at least a teen rating, also add dark, gore, and tragedy tags.
This is a good first draft but it needs major editing try submitting it to one of the editing groups someone there can help you finalize things. Beyond all the grammatical errors is a truly good story I hope you continue it but first you need to get an editor.

fluttercord4ever

fluttercord4ever #2 · Jul 6th, 2014 · 1 · 2 ·

4648935 Thank you for the advice.

Also I am planning on making a different story for each of the ponies.

Valen Machina

Valen Machina #3 · Jul 6th, 2014 · 1 · 2 ·

4650630
This story is not the kind I usually read but I'll make an exception for this one as it has caught my interest. I may offer more advice if it seems necessary but you seem to have a good grasp of storytelling so I don't think I'll need to.

Valen Machina

Valen Machina #4 · Jul 6th, 2014 · 3 · 2 ·

Don't let the down votes discourage you. Most fics that feature the death of characters get many down votes because people favorite characters are getting killed off. It is not indicative of the quality of your story.

fluttercord4ever

fluttercord4ever #5 · Jul 6th, 2014 · 1 · 2 ·

Thanks Valen Machina. I am happy you liked the story.

Also I am looking forward for more advice from you. You are truly a good pony. I hope we become good friends.

fluttercord4ever

fluttercord4ever #6 · Jul 6th, 2014 · 1 · 3 ·

4651662 Well I am sorry you did not like my story. Even though you did hurt my feelings a bit . It is your words and I respect that, but please don't say hurtful things to the ponies around you. I don't mind you saying things that have to do with my work like you didn't like the story line or my words. I will not aloud you to say things that will hurt somepony' s feelings. I hope you have a good day or night.

fluttercord4ever

fluttercord4ever #7 · Jul 6th, 2014 · 2 · 2 ·

4651835 And I understand what you are saying. And any advice the ponies give me, it helps me to know what to write for my stories. It's all a leading thing for everypony. And I am sorry if I say things to you that hurt your feelings.

CrystalBronies

CrystalBronies #8 · Jul 7th, 2014 · 3 · 2 ·

I really like the concept of this story, but it seemed too fast-paced and a little confusing at first. A few little spelling issues that might have been down to auto-correct, but all in all pretty good! Just watch out for those minor details, and if you added a small backstory or lengthened out Rarity's emotions, it could have been amazing. Keep up the good work!

PixieStick