• Member Since 1st Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Sunday

Algernon97


A lousy writer.

T

A creature has risen out of the waters near Manehattan and seems to be hell-bent on reaching the capitol city of Canterlot, destroying anything in its path.
It must be stopped, no matter the cost.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 94 )
Oxy

oh damn, sum gud shit

It's marked as 'Dark', Don't let the story go 'soft'. A good chapter 1 keep it up!

Very good, granted there are a few thing I'll point out.

You can't just say 40 miles off the coast. Which cost? Which direction? Just say something like eastern coast.

Another thing isn't really a complaint but every time I hear 'red' I think red from pokemon. Granted red is dead now so it really shouldn't matter.

Till your next chapter, good bye

continue

4630466 Thanks for the tip!:twilightsmile:

It must be stopped, no matter the cost.

I think his fatness will slow him down, he gotten really fat over the years. Much be from all that eating of fast food restaurants.

This is shaping up to be something incredible, keep it up.

A bit short but excellent start

megatron godzilla must be stopped, no matter the cost.

**you got the touch starts playing**

I hope you continue in the grand tradition of flying threats flying ridiculously close to godzilla for no good reason.

4631379
That and all those candy bars he ate.

very nice. But too short.

Chalky Sky seems like such a grounded character, not the one to run from a bulge. It would have made more sense for him to look and observe the bulge, turn, then die horribly. Also, how did he first notice PonyZilla when it stared breaking buildings and not, you know when ponies would start to scream in terror at it.

What did the beast sneak in?

4634574 I'd just like to thank you for pointing out the flaws in this chapter. It really helps to have someone look at your stuff and go, "That can't work because...". Seriously, I do appreciate it.

As for the stuff with Chalky, I was trying to factor in how to show Godzilla destroying the city from a character who is caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, and is just flat out terrified.
This chapter's probably going to be re-cut to where the actions seem more likely to happen.
And yes, him not noticing the screams of every single citizen in the city is a goof that cannot be forgiven. That's one of the issues I think I'm going to take care of right now.:twilightsheepish:
Editing, woo-hoo!
And I'm really sorry about the length. I'm still an amateur when it comes to writing, and anything I've written before this tended to be short story length.
Oh yes, and "PonyZilla." That needs to be a thing. Someone make that a thing.

Good chapter, but I have to agree with what RyanMagika said. :twilightsheepish: Sorry.

Comment posted by Algernon97 deleted Jul 4th, 2014

My God, I really feel this character's pain. :applecry: How they're gonna stop Godzilla, though, is beyond me.

Ironclad's diologue could use some work. The scene should have ended with him saying the monster attacked Manehatten. Plain and simple, and it adds tension if done right.

"Well, It appears your monster has destroyed half of Manehatten."

"I must apologize, it appears your delusion has just attacked Manehatten."

Both these examples would have ended the scene on a stronger note, which puts the story on a greater sense of urgency. This would also make Chalky's death a bit more memorable.

Also, I feel like you left out a lot for the Manehatten scene, you could have really captured the intense dread, tone, and destruction that scene was going for, but you left it a bit vague. Describe the smells, the noises, the feeling of the grit under red's hooves. A little detail goes a long way,

4640587 The funny thing about the lack of detail is that one of my favorite writers is H.P. Lovecraft. :derpytongue2:
Ironclad does have some clunky dialogue, doesn't he?
Ah well, hindsight is a beautiful thing.

Next chapter:

They think a megaspell bomb will Godzilla? Then they are dead wrong.:pinkiecrazy:

Ahahahahahaha!...too funny...a megaspell bomb to stop gojira....don't make me laugh....even though i'm laughing now....which then makes the statement earlier redundent.....hmmmm.

Good story

Oooooh, this gone be goooood! :rainbowkiss:

lol! a megaspell, hurting Gojira, funniest thing i've ever heard :rainbowlaugh:

Surely the Princesses are in on this? Any reason Celestia and Luna aren't there helping? How about Discord or the Mane Six? Hell even Cadence and the Crystal heart could at least put a dent in that thing!

If you want to leave out Equestria's Deus Ex Machina, fine. But give a reason! Have the princesses on a trip out of the country, have the Mane Six separated and across Equestria, have Discord just be a dick. But give us a reason!

4652624 All in good time, all in good time. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak, and I promise you, that will be addressed.

"Welcome to Operation Anguirus."

:ajbemused:Not clevery.

I just it probably the way they named it that.

I know the 2014 film was secretly titled "Project Nautilus", but they're was a reason,two reason actually. One Nautilus is a marine based animal that live in the ocean bottom, The other reason is *Spoiler Alert for those who haven't seem the movie* It's the named of the first nuclear submarine that awoken Godzilla from his slumber in 1954.

Unless it a foreshadowing of a certain named monster that will show up during the operation or give a nod to how the operation resembled it, It certainly wont do.

4664784 To be perfectly honest, I had trouble coming up with a name for the operation, did some searching on the internet, and found out that "Anguirus" was one of the names considered for Godzilla in the 1954 film, and put it there for that reason. I wasn't really trying to be clever... I think...:applejackunsure:. As a matter of fact, that's just one of the shout outs/references to the 1954 film scattered throughout the chapter.



See if you can find them all! :derpytongue2:

Call it Operation 'Blowdown',
It's a real military operation involving nuclear explosions, similar to what the 'megaspell' may be.

Yeah, just blow stuff up! It's all we know how to do! :rainbowlaugh:

Operation: Big Boom!

Nice i hope you continue it

Like 1000 mosquitoes attacking an elephant, impossibly pointless but fun to watch!

[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=iXKKvgg-L6g]

Actualy with enougth mosquitos you could kill the elephant but elephants dont have radioactive breath, nice chapter

don't forget Godzilla has a regen rate that makes Wolverines look nonexistent! so all that damage (what damage?) they are doing to him will be gone by the time they blink :moustache:

Poor dumb fool.

Wow... poor Lucky Strike. :applecry:

4696589 In war and any battle all sides lost something, small or big it doesn't matter. What starts the battle is the problem and ending it does nothing until the one(s) who started the battle are ended as well. Lucky Strike is defending the one(s) who started it even if he doesn't know it and that is what really sad.

wow! sucks to be you Lucky (poor name choice really, it was asking for trouble) :rainbowlaugh:

And he swore that, no matter what, he'd see it die.

yeah... no, sorry but that's not going to happen, not in your lifetime at least :pinkiecrazy:
Q: why is Godzilla stomping to Canterlot? is he late for a tea party with Celestia? :trollestia:

4699607 He's going on a rampage, and Canterlot just happens to be in the way.








Alternatively, Celestia had a tea party with Mothra, and Godzilla got really P.O.'d about not being invited...

4700048
well that would piss anyone off, can't say i blame him if that's the case

Oh ho ho ho. Did anyone else catch the Dr. Serizawa refrences. Or was it just me? You sir, now have the right to be on my favorites list. No other film can compete with the first one. Thank you my friend it made my day.monsterislandnews.com/files/godzilla_king_of_the_monsters_5.jpg

4707832
4707950
:eeyup: I've been waiting for someone to spot those references.

4710754
Love it and all of them.

I really don't like this chapter. It went through five rewrites, and I still don't find it satisfactory.

4717616 Sure it wasn't the best. But things you can overcome. You should put more detail into why Serizawa didn't want the oxygen destroyer to be built in the first place. And when the artillery was destroyed, it felt rushed like it needed to be over. Draw the skrimish out. Makes it more interesting. And plus....I totally called it.nincsujanapalatt.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/g54od.jpg

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