• Published 6th Nov 2014
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Doing His Duty - Dick McKickEm



Flash Sentry is sent to Canterlot to be Blueblood's personal guard. It's no surprise to find that a sizeable mass of ponies want the prince dead.

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Chapter the Tenth: A Midsummer Night's Nightmare

Doing His Duty

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fan fiction

by Wolfram and Hart

CHAPTER TEN: A Midsummer Night’s Nightmare - Part I

In.

Twilight Sparkle sucked in a lungful of humid Maretonian air through her nose, the sweet scents of exotic flowers filling her head.

And out.

She exhaled that breath through her mouth, letting all of the stresses of her daily life as a purple princess be carried away by the wind.

This was the life.

What other career in the world give her a free ride to a tropical paradise with no responsibilities other than enjoying the sights and attending a triple-A royal wedding? A small town librarian certainly wouldn’t get such opportunities.

Yep. Being a princess was awesome.

Well, ninety percent of the time.

There are the days when something catastrophic happens.

Like, for instance, getting abducted.

“Princess Twilight!”

The ice cubes in Twilights lemonade clinked together as the glass stopped an inch away from her muzzle. She set it down and turned, removing her sunglasses to look the pony before her in the eye.

“Yes?”

It was a stallion; a unicorn guardspony clad in silver armor so polished that the princess wanted to put her sunglasses back on. He was flanked by three more armored ponies with the same off-white colored coat that all the normal guards back in Equestria seemed to have. Though, she hadn’t seen any Maretonian officers before.

The four bowed their heads briefly “I’m sorry for the interruption, but you are going to have to come with us, Your Highness.”

Twilight fidgeted in her reclining chair. “Is something wrong? Did something happen?”

She paused, hanging her head to let out a sigh.

Do I have to go off and save the world again?

The three behind the unicorn shared awkward glances.

“Uh, no, nothing is wrong.” the lead guard said. “You are merely required for a... special event this evening.”

Twilight Sparkle’s eyes went wide. “The wedding!” Her horn flared with magic and a purple glowing calendar appeared out of thin air. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize it was- Wait. It’s only Thursday! I thought the wedding was… on…”

Twilight noticed how all four of the ponies flinched when she cast that spell. They all seemed to jump like she tried to throw a punch at them.

“You’re a horrible liar, Lucerne.” One of the others- another unicorn -said, stepping toward the princess. “Just gas her and get on with it.”

“Gas me-?”

* * *

“It’s horrid!”

“But it’s the latest fashion in Gryphonstone!”

“Do I look like I live on a mountain and eat roasted lamb for breakfast?”

“Does Canterlot count as a mountain?”

“Well, yes it does, but I don’t live there and that’s not the point! The way you desecrated this shade of cocoa, if the fashion police did exist I could have you arrested for serial murder!”

“I dunno, Rares. I kinda like it.”

Rarity whirled around to give Applejack an expression straight out of a cheesy horror flick.

“You what?!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “I think it looks cozy. Now are ya gonna stand here and harass the poor shopkeeper like a hungry rottweiler or can we move on to the next shop?”

Rarity shot a seething glare over her shoulder at the poor salespony half-cowering behind the counter.

“If you insist.”

With a toss of her mane, Rarity trotted toward the door.

“C-come again!” Then, when the angry mare was out of earshot, “Or not.

Apparently Rarity was too busy sticking her nose in the air to see the group of four Maretonian guards blocking the doorway. Her face met the first guard’s breastplate.

“Oof!” She recoiled instantly. “Terribly sorry, dear!”

Rarity looked up into a- she wouldn’t lie to herself -incredibly handsome unicorn stallion.

Hello.” she cooed “What can I do for you, hmm?”

* * *

“Yeah, real fascinating.” Spike drawled sarcastically, snatching a random berry off of a vine hanging over the beaten dirt path and popping it in his mouth as the pony whose back he used as a recliner trotted along and rambled on about flowers or something.

“It is, isn’t it? Fluttershy said, not catching on to his lack of subtlety at all. “And see those yellow and red ones in the patch of sunlight? Those are called coreopsis, just like the patch I have in my garden in Ponyville! The wiggly little caterpillars like to munch on them in the springtime.”

Spike hummed idly. He spotted a random plant and pointed to it. “And what’s that one there? The one that looks like a cross between a christmas tree and a fern?”

“Oh! Um, that one’s called cannabis…”

“And what does it do?”

“Oh, well. In olden times, people used to to make clothes and paper, and rope. They don’t, um do that in Equestria anymore, though.”

“Why not?”

Fluttershy clammed up like a clam.

“We found better things.” she said quietly. Well, quieter.

“Excuse me, miss?”

Fluttershy almost jumped out of her own skin, nearly throwing off Spike in the process.

“Oh, uh, hello? I mean hello!” Fluttershy gave a nervous smile at the squadron of guards that had somehow managed to sneak up behind her. “You startled me? What can I do for you ponies?”

“Are you Fluttershy, Element of Kindness and hero to your home country?”

“I guess.”

The guards shared a look.

* * *

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie!”

“Miss Pie, you need to come with us. His Highness the Prince has urgent business that he wishes to discuss with you.”

“Sure!”

* * *

Woosh. A crew of sailors aboard a Maretonian vessel all jumped as a sky-colored blur raced not three feet over their heads at an inequine speed, leaving a brief rainbow contrail in its wake.

Rainbow Dash was having a good time.

Over the ships, under the bridges, and through the forest of towers she sped. The entire city was a vertical paradise, like a giant, populated obstacle course for the speed-hungry mare. Ponies lounging in windowsills and on the decks of skyships cast their eyes upward at the pegasus as she showboated her way across Spire City, basking in the attention.

Then, at once, the shrill screech of sirens reached her ears.

Slowing her speed from supersonic to breakneck, Rainbow Dash glanced behind her to see a trio of white pegasai clad in bright grey jumpsuits and goggles hot in pursuit of her, one of them carrying a crank-operated box emanating that horrible noise.

She banked left, they matched her course.

She banked right, same thing.

Guess they wanted her to stop.

Rainbow Dash spotted an empty platform on a random building and further reduced her speed from breakneck to somewhat reasonable and skidded to a stop on the deck, leaving scuffmarks on the nice hardwood planks.

The three took their sweet time getting to her. They eventually caught up with her and landed on the same platform.

“Ma’am, do you have any idea how fast you were going?”

“Dunno. Did I break any Maretonian airspeed records? That would be awesome.”

“Oh, you sure broke something alright.”

“Heh, yeah.” Rainbow Dash swallowed a dry lump in her throat.

* * *

Flash’s was sure his brain would pop like a water balloon at any moment. The world felt like it was enveloped in a soupy haze as he sat in that dark room, immobilized by a coil of particularly thick and chafe-ey rope around his body, ears ringing like a stick of dynamite went off in his head and surrounded by six national heros, one of them being Princess Twilight Sparkle herself.

He was probably hallucinating it all.

Flash groaned, which was the only way one could react to a situation as this.

“So, did we win?”

That one unicorn pony he worked with scoffed like a teenaged foal. “No.

What was her name again?

“Oh hi, Cotton.” Flash said blearily. “Why are we tied up with the Elements of, uh, something?”

Flash paused a moment to nod his head at Princess Twilight Sparkle. “Your Grace. We have to stop meeting under such, uhh-” The awful ringing in his ears flared up. He grit his teeth “-circumstances.”

He also regarded the multitude of pretty mares tied to chairs. “I have no idea how I should address you guys. Heroes? Elements? M’ladies?”

“Wowie, that guard looks like he had a few dozen drinks too many!” The pink pony declared. Which was the pink one again? Charity? Flutterfly? Flash couldn’t remember. He was usually good with things like that.

“Yeah, you do look a bit off, Flash.” Cotton said. “How do you feel?”

“Like a mountain troll sat on me, thanks for asking.”

“No no no, be specific.”

Unnngh. His headache discouraged him from thinking too hard.

“My head hurts.”

And?

“My ears are ringing, I can barely remember my own name, I kinda feel like, urr…”

“Like?”

Flash’s stomach felt like it was trying to strangle itself.

“Like- Ohhh…”

Flash forced himself forward as far as his neck and upper back would let him.

Splat. He threw up all over the dirt floor.

His mouth tasted like digested hotel food. “Like that.”

The fancy white one dry-heaved.

“In my professional medical opinion,” Cotton said “your clock was cleaned and you’ve probably got a concussion. Getting a facefull of magically conjured and highly concentrated chloroform probably isn’t helping your brain functions any.”

“Fun.” Flash murmured weakly.

Cotton sighed.

“Drat!” the princess of friendship spat out. “I’ve got a half-dozen spells that could help, but I’m useless!”

“No you’re not, alicorns can cast spells, right…?”

The guard rolled her eyes “Look closely, numnuts.”

Flash squinted through the shadows at the princess. It was hard to focus with his brain doing the funky chicken in his skull, but he eventually took notice of the chunk of rock or metal or something shaped like an ice cream cone where her horn should have been. In fact, both Cotton and… Rareglitter(?) had a matching set.

“Huh,” was his brain’s witty response.

“Wha-? What’s going out there?” A new voice came from out of nowhere.

“Is hearing voices in my head a symptom of a conclusion?” Flash asked Cotton.

“Well yes, but it’s not in your head.” Cotton said.

“Down here.” the voice beckoned.

Flash looked down to see that the chair he was tied to was not a chair, but a thick pewter barrel with a backboard fastened to it.

“The barrel I’m sitting on is talking.” Flash groaned.

“I’m not a barrel!” denied the barrel.

The gummed-up gears in Flash’s head turned.

“Who’s in there?”

“Spike!” the princess cheered. “Spike, are you okay?”

“Can’t see a thing, Twilight. Oh wait, there’s a bunghole here.”

“Spiiiike!” the bleach white one scolded. “Where did you learn such language?!”

“Y’all mean the hole that’s made fer draining cider out of a cask?” The orange redneck one asked. Apple-something.

Rarity was silent. (Rarity! That was her name!)

“Wow, it’s darker out there than it is in here.” Spike remarked, his eye nearly bulging out of the hole.

“I can’t believe they would just lock a baby dragon up in a wooden barrel like that!” The yellow one with a voice like two pillows hitting one another said. Flutter...by? Fluttercry? It was on the tip of his tongue.

Cotton blinked. “Wait, there’s a dragon in there?”

“Yep.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Dern tootin!”

“For the record, I’m still pretty much a baby.”

“The rabbit hole just keeps getting deeper.” she muttered.

* * *

Creak. Rattle. The crude plank door in serious need of oil nestled in the corner of their prison cell threw itself open with no warning. In came two more of those Celestia-damned guards, trailing behind them a very familiar gryphon and earth pony.

The guards shook their spears at the already subdued prisoners, putting a scowl on their faces that was only somewhat convincing.

The earth pony smiled timidly and waved at the ponies tied in their chairs. “H-hi.” He was instantly frozen with a sharp glare from the gryphon.

The soon-to-be princess of Maretonia cleared her throat. “I do apologize for your… accommodations.”

“Accommodations?!” the element with hair like a gay pride flag shouted. “This is a freakin’ jail cell!”

“Oh man.” the prince murmured, taking a step back. “Oh man. The Elements of Rutting Harmony. Oh hell. Oh hell.

“Let me do the talking, Gabriel dear.” the princess shot back with a voice that could freeze oil.

Gabriel shut his trap.

“Guards, you may leave.”

“But, Princess Moyra-”

“They’re tied up. Leave us.”

Reluctantly, the guards filed out.

The gryphon's wings fidgeted as she regained her composure. “This is indeed a regrettable turn of events, but rest assured, as soon as the remaining princesses give my fiancé what he wants, you will be set free without hesitation.”

Cotton Swab scoffed. “Great. We’re bargaining chips in a high-stakes game of ransom.”

Princesses Twilight narrowed her eyes. “And what does the prince want?”

“Well, I don’t really-”

“Be silent!” Moyra snapped. “Go back to smoking your green, my husband-to-be.”

Okay.” His voice was comparable to the shy pegasus in the corner. He wasted no time in drawing an odd wooden pipe from his pocket and stuffing a wad of dark green plant matter in it. The smell that the stuff made surely wasn’t tobacco.

The gryphon slipped back into her sweet tone instantly. “I’m so terribly sorry. My husband isn’t exactly a master in social situations.” She laughed. By Celestia, Flash was normally good at detecting the fakeness that comes from nobles when they speak to each other but he wasn’t sure if her laugh was genuine or not. It could’ve been his concussion.

“What he wants, Your Highness, is to see a certain Equestrian prince who has been illegally procuring Maretonian state secrets and selling them to the Saddle Arabians to be brought to justice.”

“Bullshit.” Cotton grunted, hopping in place so that her chair faced Moyra. “You just want your royal claws on him because he dumped you like a two-dollar wh-”

The princess casually sauntered over to the unicorn and swiped three razor talons across Cotton’s cheek, leaving smooth cuts a tenth of an inch deep from her jaw to her lips. Cotton cried out in pain and surprise, recoiling from the princess. Blood immediately began dripping from her wounds, streaming down her face and falling to the dirt with soft pats.

Flash wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard everypony in the room but the princess gasp.

“That’s not very nice!” the pink one shouted.

“One guard is not as important to my prince’s plans as six Elements of Harmony. He can do this with or without you in the equation.” She idly wiped her red-tipped claws on Cotton’s fur.

“I will have a nurse tend to your wounds shortly and a servant to serve your meals thereafter.” The princess turned to leave. “See you in the morn.”

“One of your cronies gave the other guard a concussion.” Cotton said. “He’s stable, but it’s best to keep a nurse close by in case his symptoms get worse.”

Moyra threw Cotton Swab a look over her shoulder like a cat watching a mouse. “Very well.”

She nodded at Prince Gabriel. “Come, my dear.”

Yes, Moyra.

The princess left without a word more, but the prince hesitantly stopped to say “It was nice meeting you all.”

“Gabriel!”

“Coming!”

“...”


“Ain’t she a peach.” Rainbow Dash commented. (Yes! That’s two names!)

“I simply cannot believe such a barbaric bird exists in this world!” Rarity said, tossing her somewhat disheveled mane.

“Yeah,” Cotton said “gryphons are dicks.”

* * *

Blueblood drew the velvet red curtains open a crack, letting a golden streak of evening sunlight into the room. He peered with one eye out the window at the tangle of bridges and platforms that made up Spire City’s docking district. The end of the day was slow, with only a few stray sailors and a skiff-class airboat or two still floating about. It was quiet, but not too quiet.

He let the curtain fall back into place.

“Nephew, I recommend that you cease your incessant paranoia at once.” Princess Luna said from her cozy spot in the room’s only chair.

Fat chance, Moonbutt.

“Aunty, it’s paranoia that’s kept me alive these past three years.”

Luna peered over her book at the prince who had been pacing a hole in her chamber’s floor for the past hour. “It is not as gargantuan a problem as you believe it to be, Blueblood. So your bloodthirsty old flame for today just so happens to be a princess of a large gryphon tribe. All you need’st do is hide until the wedding draws to a close and we will soon have a raging ocean between you and her. Celestia and I will abuse our power a spell and pull your guards out of whatever cell they’ve likely been contained in before we are underway. We will be out of this wretched boiling jungle and back to Equestria before you know it.”

Blueblood let out a mumbling groan. “This one just doesn't feel right. I’ve never been the target of somepony with political power before.”

The princess hummed in agreement. “Everything will work out, you shall see.”

Knock knock knock. There came a light tapping at the door.

“Who is it that disturbs the princess of the night?” She asked in a bored tone without looking away from her book.

“Moondust, Your Grace.”

Luna licked a hoof and turned another page. “Enter.”

The door’s knob turned, the door cracked open, and a wiry dull grey stallion with eyes like a cat and ears that ended in tufts of fur poked his head in.

”I have urgent news, Your Highness.” The selenic said in a ragged tone like he had just ran an obstacle course.

“My dear servant, it’s always urgent with you ponies. Proceed.”

Beads of sweat formed on Moondust’s forehead. “The Elements of Harmony have been captured and are being held for ransom by Prince Gabriel.”

Blueblood stopped pacing. Luna dropped her book. They both shared one of those “oh shit, we’re in it deep now” looks.

“Take me to the duke.” Luna said, all traces of her normally dry tone disappearing in an instant.

“Duke Horacio, Princess?”

What other dukes are there in this blasted city?!

“Yes, Your Grace.”

Luna shot a firm look at the prince. “Stay here.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

* * *

HORACIO!

Crash. The finely carved mahogany double doors with intricate and tasteful gold-leaf accents were reduced to a pile of splinters and firewood with only a single wave of a horn from the sovereign of the night. The princess stomped the remaining bits of the innocent doors to pieces as she strode further into the Duke’s mansion at the outskirts of the city, a squad of leather-winged selenic guards following in her wake.

This was not Luna who crossed the threshold into Horacio’s abode, not any more. Her coat of deep blue had darkened to a shade of black like fine ink. Her teeth had morphed from the flat, equine kind to a shape more suited for an apex predator. Her sparkling silver regalia was nowhere to be seen, replaced by a dull blue chestplate and helmet.

Luna was gone.

Nightmare Moon was on the prowl.

There stood a lone teenaged colt in a fine suit, looking as horrified as one might expect one to upon seeing a villain from a well-known fairytale kick down the door. It took all his concentration not to lose control of his bladder.

The demon looked right at him, her snake eyes piercing his body like twin lances.

Where is your master?” she said slowly, inching her way closer to the colt until he was backed into a corner.

“Dining room. End of the hall. Door should be open.” The simple act of talking left the butler out of breath.

Nightmare Moon turned away and stormed off without another word, her pose of batponies following suit, almost hovering off of the ground like wraiths.

Move to the city, ma said.” he murmured to himself. “Get yourself a nice job and a nice mare, you’ll be fine out on your own she said. Pah.”

* * *

Crash. Another set of somewhat smaller double-doors fell to the nightmare’s wrath.

Duke Horacio spilled his tea.

His jaw agape and his evening pretty much ruined, the leader of Maretonia watched Nightmare Moon herself galloped into his dining room, scattering his servants and lowering the room temperature about ten degrees.

The duke visibly grit his teeth and and slammed his hooves on the dining table. “Princess Luna! What in the bowels of Tartarus gives you the idea that you can barge into my home and destroy my property-”

BE SILENT.” The royal Canterlot voice was indeed as harsh as he had heard. The force of her yelling had blown back his hair like a gale of wind. “Luna isn’t here, knave, you are speaking directly to Nightmare Moon! Not her weaker half.” She looked like she might’ve vomited at the mere mention of her less angry counterpart.

He coolly swept his mane back into place. “Intimidation won’t work on me, Your Bitchyness.”

“Sir!” A squad of silver-clad guards came clanking into the room, stopping dead in their tracks at the sight of the Nightmare. The selenic guards moved to intercept them with the full intention of starting a skirmish.

Horacio held up a hoof to stop them, not breaking his full eye contact with the princess. “Stand down. I’m all right here, just another idle threat. Leave us be.” The duke was holding his ground both metaphorically and literally.

“You all as well.” Nightmare Moon said to her own posse in a voice that was much cooler than how she spoke to the duke.

“Now tell me what has given you cause to invade my home unannounced.” he said.

“Do not play the fool, Duke!” the Nightmare spat, barking her fangs. “Did you truly think that my sisters and I would allow your abduction of Equestria’s greatest heroes to go unnoticed for a sssingle sssolitary sssecond?” She was starting to stretch her S’s like a snake.

The duke’s face would’ve made any professional poker player weep. “I haven’t got a clue what you're talking about, demon. Let me speak to Luna. Perhaps she can make some sense of your madness.”

THIS IS NO MADNESSSS.” Her temper was back. It seemed like the angrier she became, the more the temperature in the room dropped. The Maretonian guards were shivering at this point. Horacio was almost sure he could see his breath.

My sister and I were delivered the news that your son had detained five national heroes and a princess and is holding them for a ransom.”

The duke’s composure faltered. “My son would never do such a thing! Neither he nor I have any reason to do so. Equestria has nothing of value that we do not already receive in trade. I’m beginning to tire of these games, Nightmare.”

“Duke Horacio!” A new voice called. “I have a very important message from- AAH!”

A wiry pegasus mare halted like her hooves had turned to lead the moment she set her sights on Nightmare Moon.

“Is every last colt and filly in Maretoniea going to ruin my dinner or is it everypony accounted for?” the duke drawled sarcastically.

“I, uh, Sir, I’ve-” the mare stammered.

OUT WITH IT, FOAL.

“I’ve got a letter from your son marked very important okay bye!” The pegasus zipped back out the way she came, leaving only a few flying feathers and a sheet of paper that fluttered daintily to the floor.

Grumbling, the duke marched around his dinner table and picked up the slip of paper lying amidst the door debris.

“Dear Father,” he read aloud “As you may have heard by now, I have in my custody eight Equestrian-born ponies and one baby dragon, six of which are-” Horacio trailed off, his face growing less stony and more worried with each line he read.

“Do you believe me now, Duke?” Nightmare Moon was almost purring with smug satisfaction.

“By the sun and stars,” he breathed “it’s true.”

Horacio crumpled up the paper and chucked it at the wall. “I’ll have you know I had nothing to do with this! This is- this is- it’s pure rutting lunacy! I refuse even consider the fact that a twenty year old stoner with a spine make out of raw pasta and access to anything he could ever want would do such a thing!”

Nightmare looked at the smaller pony with a cold expression. “Perhaps it is not he who orchestrated this.”

The duke furrowed his royal brow. “Don’t look at me! I don’t want to provoke Equestria! Too many damn alicorns in my city to piss all of them off at once.”

“I was speaking of your son’s bride-to-be.”

“Moyra?” The duke scoffed. “Equestria and the western gryphon tribes have been nothing but live and let live to each other. What cause could she have?”

Nightmare Moon narrowed her eyes. “I can think of one…”

Author's Note:

Two Eagles songs in a row, I'm on fire.