• Published 13th Jul 2014
  • 1,851 Views, 49 Comments

Daring Derp - CartsBeforeHorses



When A.K. Yearling is injured, Derpy Hooves is tasked with ghostwriting the next Daring Do novel. But when Derpy takes the series in a different direction, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash are upset, to say the least.

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A.K. Yearling and the Coma Contract Conundrum

The suited, bespectacled earth lawyer narrowed his eyes, gazing at the wall-eyed grey pegasus who stood across the desk from him.

“Thank you for coming here, Miss Ditzy Do,” he said.

She blushed. “Oh, it’s Ditzy Hooves now, Mister Legalese. I recently married. And I go by my middle name, so you can call me Derpy.”

“I see,” said Legalese, brushing his jet-black hair out of his eyes as he gazed down at the piece of paper on the desk below him. “Well, it says here that you are Daring Do’s sister, making you her next of kin.”

Derpy’s eyes wobbled up and down, and she smiled. “That’s me!”

“As I’m sure that you are aware, Miss Do injured herself severely when swinging on a jungle vine and crashing into an ancient temple wall.”

“Yeah, how clumsy of her!” Derpy giggled. “Normally that’s a mistake like I would make. I broke a town hall once, you know.”

The lawyer sighed. “She hit her head a bit too hard, and ended up in a coma.”

“Yeah, I went to see her in the hospital,” said Derpy.

Legalese said, “That was a week ago, and the doctors say that they don’t know when she will come out, if ever. It could be months, weeks, even years.”

Derpy’s jaw gaped.

“Yes,” said the lawyer. “Which means that I, as her lawyer, am appointing a trustee to look after her estate in the interim, however long that may be. I, of course, will be taking an administrative fee of ten percent per annum—”

Derpy chuckled. “For sitting on your flank? That seems a bit high.”

The lawyer gasped. “I’ll have you know, Mrs. Hooves, that being a lawyer for somepony’s estate is hard work! There are all sorts of administrative tasks that I have to do!”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” asked Derpy, crossing her arms.

“Er… um…” the lawyer started, shifting his eyes around, “All sorts of things! I have to handle book royalties, taxes, copyrights, and make sure that any homeless ponies who traipse onto her land and trip on a rock don’t sue her for millions of bits! If a burglar breaks into her woodland cottage and trips on the porch, he could sue her!”

“But how could they sue for that? Isn’t that their fault for breaking and entering?” asked Derpy.

“No, it isn’t!” the lawyer exclaimed, slamming his hoof on the table. “I’ve won several burglar torts, I’ll have you know.”

“...Oh,” said Derpy, her head sinking at the sorry state of Equestria’s legal system.

“Anyway,” said the lawyer, “you will be put in charge of making executive decisions regarding her estate, finances, and intellectual property, including the Daring Do book series, until she wakes up and can take charge of them again.”

Derpy’s eyes widened and she threw her hooves in the air. “Oh my gosh, that reminds me! The next Daring Do book was supposed to come out soon!”

“Yes, that was another thing that I wanted to bring up,” said the lawyer. “Miss Do, pen name ‘A. K. Yearling,’ has a contract with her publishing agency which requires her to write a book every two months. I’ve gone through her effects, and it doesn’t appear that she has recorded her latest adventure.”

“Well, duh, she slammed into a wall, silly,” said Derpy, giggling. “How could she have?”

Legalese shook his head. “Back when Miss Do signed the contract with Foalastic publishing, before she retained me, she had no idea how successful her books would be. Back then, she was a naive, struggling author, and probably would have agreed to have her books put on the shelves in exchange for a used wad of chewing gum. The contract stipulates that, in the event of injury, death, or inability to publish the next Daring Do book, the book will be ghostwritten by the party of Miss Do’s choosing. Failing that, the contract terminates.”

“Okay,” said Derpy, shrugging. “So what’s the problem? Just contact the ghostwriter.”

The lawyer sighed, frowning. “Miss Do never had a ghostwriter. She took great pride in writing only about her own adventures that actually happened in real life, and she seemed to be under the false impression that she was invincible.”

“Of course she’s invincible! She’s the fastest, strongest, and bravest adventurer ever known to ponykind!” Derpy proclaimed, jumping out of her seat.

“Yes, and now she’s the limpest, weakest, and mellowest coma patient ever known to ponykind,” the lawyer quipped. “And since she never appointed a ghostwriter, the contract law stipulates that this duty falls to her next of kin.”

Derpy blinked, her eyes crossing.

“That would be you, Mrs. Hooves.”

Derpy’s jaw dropped. “But… I’ve never written anything before! I’m just a mailmare. Why don’t we just let the contract lapse?”

Legalese shook his head. “There’s another problem with that. You see, the contract contains a noncompete clause. If the contract lapses, it stipulates that Miss Do agrees to never publish the Daring Do series with another publishing agency.”

Derpy’s eyes trembled. “So what you’re telling me is, if there isn’t a Daring Do book written in the next month—”

“—Then there might never be any more Daring Do books,” the lawyer completed Derpy’s thought. “Intellectual property law is a real bear, Mrs. Hooves.”

Derpy gasped. “Oh no! But… I mean, that doesn’t mean I need to write it. Why me? Can’t somepony else write it?”

The lawyer shook his head. “Miss Do wouldn’t trust anypony else. She was very reclusive.”

Derpy looked at Legalese with puppy dog eyes. “Can’t you write it, Legalese?”

The lawyer laughed. “My only writing experience is with dry legal briefs, depositions, and wordy cease & desist orders. Unless you want the next Daring Do book to be called ‘Daring Do and the Document Discovery—’”

“Point taken,” said Derpy Hooves, chuckling.

“This book series means so much to your sister, Mrs. Hooves. If, three months from now, she wakes up and discovers that the book series is gone forever, she’d be crushed. But if she wakes up and discovers that I’ve appointed a ghostwriter that she doesn’t even know, she’d be livid. You’re her sister. She trusts you.”

“Yeah, she and I are best sisters forever!” Derpy exclaimed.

“And think of all of the fans of the series,” said the lawyer. “Do you want to let them all down when they find out that there’s no more Daring Do books?”

“Well, no,” said Derpy. “But I don’t want them to be disappointed with whatever I write, since I’m not, you know, a writer.”

The lawyer waved his hoof in the air. “Don’t worry about that. Lots of book series are ghostwritten. The Horsey Boys. The Ponymorphs. The Colt Files. Like those, the Daring Do series is marketed as young adult fiction, so you don’t even have to try that hard. Just write one, maybe two of the books, and then when Daring Do awakes, she can pick the torch back up. The fans probably won’t even notice the difference.”

Derpy smiled, lifting her head up. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Legalese smiled. “That’s the spirit.”

They shook hooves and Derpy left the room.