Being imprisoned in concrete leaves plenty of time for thought...especially in the case of the spirit of chaos. While Equestria assumes what is supposedly a normal life, Discord's prison is being cracked, little by little, and his intentions reside in the hearts of each of its inhabitants.
So here's a forewarning to those oblivious to the facts--it's all a game of balance. And that's all it ever will be.
(Letter format, oneshot.)
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Haunting and well executed. It's the ultimate case of "can't live with them, can't live without them." When your enemy is the embodiment of a cosmic necessity, there is no final defeat. There is only time spent deciding precisely what he's going to do when next he is released.
Sleep well, everyone.
432645 That's actually what I was shooting for--the fact that someone, anyone thought that I actually hit somewhere near the mark practically made my day.
You yourself described Discord as a character perfectly. It's so much more sinister when you boil it all down. Sleep well I shall.
This is really good. I was able to picture the entire piece being read by John de Lancie and it is portrayed beautifully. I look forward to future works from you!
Awesome, awesome, awesome! This is totally what Discord is about, I could practically hear his voice narrating it!
I can only imagine how a mere pony would react upon actually reading something like this - it is positively frightening!
You sir win all of today's Internets! And let's not forget 5/5
!
432743 Were you really? WHOA. O.o That's better than I'd hoped for! Thank you so much--I really appreciate the feedback.
432660
I wouldn't be surprised if this is on the front feed of FiMFiction for a while, it is that well written.
432769>>432769 Yes! That's three people who think my story has reason! I'm so glad--I wasn't quite sure I could properly capture Discord, even if he is a favorite of mine. I'm still waiting for him to make a comeback on the show.
Thank you thank you thank you for your comment. All of these are positively making my day.
432789 No way! I would need a considerable amount of experience with these first.
But your comment still made me squee--thankyousomuch. My family is probably wondering what's wrong with me by now. 
Wonderfully done. My headcannon is notoriously picky- I don't accept many things from fanfiction into it. But this?
Five out of five indeed.
This my new oficial Discord headcannon.
...i'm going to have nightmares tonight.....
432832 You know what? So is mine! I'm very finicky when it comes to getting the character's voice right--it doesn't even matter which character.
Gah, I'm sorry! My intention wasn't to give you nightmares! Just to give Discord's sinister side a shot. Maybe I got the sinister thing right.
Sleep well!
432832 You know what? So is mine! I'm very finicky when it comes to getting the character's voice right--it doesn't even matter which character.
Gah, I'm sorry! My intention wasn't to give you nightmares! Just to give Discord's sinister side a shot. Maybe I got the sinister thing right.
Sleep well!
I did my impression of Discord to your story, and it was SPOT ON. Seriously, this was brilliant! I was thinking up a similar vein of argument for my story with my own interpretation of Discord, and you've truly outdone me before I've even begun! I cannot favorite this fast enough!
433126 DUDE. You do character impressions when reading out loud a piece of writing or something? More importantly, you read MINE in a Discord impression?
That...is...awesome.
And don't let my story distract you from your plans! I'd love to see what you could do with this, seeing as it's a pretty interesting writing challenge. Go ahead, give it a shot! If you can do Discord impressions with your voice, why not with your writing?
Wow, cool! There are already so many good comments, I'm not sure what to say... I can really picture Discord saying all this, the voice is so spot-on. Also, I wonder how he's writing a letter if he's trapped. Maybe he's using some sort of mind power to control a keyboard or something!
Agh, sorry to be all technical and stuff.
But, nice start, can't wait to see what you'll write next! Keep going!!!
436823 I think he's sort of composing it in his mind, so Equestria isn't really reading it.
But technical stuff is good! I asked for it, didn't I?
This is a oneshot, but I plan on writing something soon. Not sure what, though. I need ideas!
The Pros
-Technical aspects are solid, despite the odd typo here and there.
-Sounds pretty close to Discord's speech patterns (not perfect, but close enough that it comes off natural).
The Cons
-Actual content is pretty shallow. Discord spends the majority of the letter either whining about his prison, making threats, or repeating the basic "harmony defines chaos & vice versa" mantra ad nauseam.
-Fairly drab for a depiction of Discord's inner thoughts. Not an ounce of cleverness or actual chaotic reasoning to be found.
-Unoriginal. Adds nothing to our understanding of Discord's character or history that wasn't already covered in the show. Even the anecdote involving the two fighting birds is just a repackaged version of the conflict between the CMCs at the beginning of Season 2, Episode 1 (which is itself already referenced in this fic).
Recommendations
-Nailing a character's voice is one thing; coming up with a worthwhile look into their psyche is another. Try reading "Expectations" by NTSTS on this site; even though it's format isn't quite the same, it's easily one of the best introspective fics I've read. Remember above all that the purpose of fanfiction is to add to what has already been done in the show, not restate it with different wording. In the case of fics like this one, the purpose is to explore the character in a way that the show has not (or in the case of "Expectations", will not). Just take a particularly interesting aspect of the character (even the perception of chaos vs. order concept that you've got here) and build on it. For example: if Discord is the embodiment of chaos AND is cognizant of the need for balance, what causes him to ruminate upon it? Why is balance necessary, and how would Discord make that point to someone who isn't aware of that fact? If the audience is superficially aware of the need for balance, then how could Discord remind them of its importance, something that is easily forgotten in the daily business of life? What does he want to impress upon the listener by doing so? Is he trying to teach, or engender a particular feeling of dread? What do we as fans learn about Discord from his message to us? Et cetera, et cetera.
437240 Hi there!
First of all, thanks for your comment/review. It's exactly what I needed to refer to for future fics.
Secondly, I just wanted to let you know that while I will keep these things in mind, this is my first MLP fanfiction. I've written other elongated things before, but nothing like this, so it's a bit new. It was also not meant to expand on anything--just a flimsy one-shot without any real plotline. It was an exercise for myself to see how well I could portray a character. Feedback was an added bonus.
But don't get me wrong--it's great to have something to refer back to the next time I try writing something. This is just what I needed for that purpose. Thank you for taking the time to type up something so extensive and to-the-point. It's much appreciated. Hopefully next time, I will have more of a structure or basis for my story.
I liked the story. It was thought-provoking.
As for technical errors, here's one: "If I can’t prevent it, then I certainly no one else can." I think the error is pretty obvious here.
Also, you seem to like em dashes. I like them too, but be wary of overuse. Four em dashes per paragraph is a bit much; keep it to one or two, if any at all. Remember, the em dash is a catch-all punctuation mark for use when you want to abruptly insert a thought into the text. Don't use it when you can use another mark just as effectively; too much abruptness makes the story hard to follow.
438746 I'm glad, Spabble. It means I've actually done something right in my first fanfiction.
I fixed the technical error for you; I can't believe I didn't catch that earlier. Thank you for letting me know.
As far as the em dashes, it looks like I'll have to watch out for them in general. I use a lot of em dashes/semicolons in most of the things I write, especially extensive writing activities. I've never had someone warn me of that before, so it's good to have as a note-to-self. Thanks again for having a look!
It's a nice story, and pretty solid in all the technical aspects, but I agree with the earlier commenter that it feels rather insubstantial in retrospect, and Discord himself doesn't really come off as a particularly chaotic being through his monologue, despite you getting his voice down. He just lacks his usual sense of whimsy, I think. But it was definitely a good effort, especially for a first fic, and the fact that you were able to capture Discord's voice is not an insignificant accomplishment. Hell, I'll give it a like.