Maud Pie, For Whom the Sweetie Belle Toils, and New Foods
I’ve been coughing lately. It’s probably nothing, but it still made for an annoying week. That’s nothing that a little junk food can’t help, of course. I lean back on the couch and wait for the bang. Twilight’s never tardy.
“Jake? I have good news, I… what’s that smell?”
I hear her slowly pace down the hallway, sniffing furiously. Finally she pokes her head into the room and stares at me. “What’s going on?”
“Just a little surprise.”
“It’s smells like… fish?”
I point at the coffee table. In place of the normal fare, I’ve set out a two paper plates. “It’s called sushi.”
“I’m not eating meat. We’ve been over this.”
“It’s all vegetarian. I thought it might be a nice change.”
She smiles. “Getting tired of apples and soda?”
“After all these years? Never.”
We sit on the couch and I hand her a plate. She sniffs the little rolls, touches one with a hoof, and pops it in her mouth.
“Hmm. This is actually pretty good. It’s really just vegetables?”
“Completely meat free.”
“Nice to know your world isn’t totally dependent on blood. I’ve got some good news.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Remember that thing with Cadence a couple weeks ago?”
“The thing you can’t stop talking about?”
“Well I finally did what you said. All my other friends had me convinced to just give her some time, then I finally broke down and wrote her a letter apologizing for being so nosy and wishing her the best.”
“Did she write back?”
She eats another sushi roll and nods vigorously. “We’ve been writing each other every day since then. I think things are actually better than they were before, both with us and between her and Shining Armor.”
“Are they still…”
“They’re just going to let nature take its course. It’ll happen when it happens.”
I grab my plate and dig in. Veggie sushi isn’t quite as good as the regular kind, but it’ll do in a pinch, especially when your dinner guest can’t stand the smell of any meat product.
“So, what’re we watching tonight?”
“We meet Pinkie’s sister.”
“Pinkie has a sister?”
“Three of them.”
“I pity their parents.”
“Just watch. You’ll see.”
That’s just what we do. Maud Pie, to put it mildly, isn’t what I expected. By the end, all my questions have coalesced into one: “What’s the deal with her?”
“She’s different, all right.”
“That’s way more than different. Is she part rock?”
“She lives on a rock farm; that explains her strength and affinity for geology… well maybe the second one anyway.”
“Was Pinkie adopted?”
“If anything, Maud might’ve been.”
“You’re saying Maud’s the family oddball?”
She finishes off the last of her sushi before answering. The way she savors the stuff makes me wish I’d thought of this sooner.
“It’s weird. When I first met Pinkie I thought she had some kind of personality disorder. You can’t really tell from the show, but she can go from ecstatic to depressed in seconds, and the reverse is also true. Then when we followed Maud back home… Did I mention how much I love sushi?”
“About twenty times, yes.”
“Anyway, when we made it to the Pie farm we didn’t just meet Maud; her parents and her other sisters were there, too. Turns out the whole one-extreme-to-another thing is a family trait. Maud’s the oddball because she can actually control it, she’s levelheaded all the time.”
“Weird.”
“They all look alike too, so I don’t think anypony’s adopted.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Say what?”
I cough a few times. I should get some cough syrup from the store tomorrow. She pauses her chewing to stare at me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. You stick ‘pony’ on the end of words. Anypony this, everypony that.”
“Who said I got to pick my world’s cultural norms? That’s just how it is.”
“Seems kind of unfair to all the other sentient species.”
“They’ve got their own quirks and words. You didn’t think all the griffons in my world walk around saying ‘everypony’ did you?”
“How would I know?”
“Eh, fair enough. Your three favorite fillies are in the next episode.”
“Don’t say it like that. Just because they’re my ‘favorites’ doesn’t mean I’m falling in love with this show.”
Her horn begins the glow and the TV switches episodes. “Good. If you suddenly started doing that, I’d say you need to get your head examined.”
Another twenty minutes pass in relative quiet. When Twilight doesn’t actually play a part in the episode, her comments are usually minor. Instead of Twilight, this episode features Princess Luna invading Sweetie Belle’s dreams.
“Has Luna ever visited your dreams?”
“Mine? No.”
“How about your friends?”
“I doubt it. I’ve spoken to her about her duties; she tends to stick to the young ponies. Adult pony dreams tend to be… well… more adult.”
“Why are you so uptight about that?”
“Uptight?”
“The closest you’ve ever come to talking about it is saying ‘where foals come from.’ ”
She blushes a little. “Didn’t we just talk about cultural norms? Talking about that is considered crude. I was brought up to be higher class pony than that.”
“Then how do you even stand this place? That’s half the internet right there.”
“I just have to be careful with what I watch or read. If something starts looking questionable I can always…”
This time she isn’t blushing. She’s turning green.
“Are you okay?”
She shakes her head rapidly and disappears with a bang. My eardrums ring and the paper plates go flying. What just happened?
The sound of her heaving answers my question. At least she made it to the bathroom in time.
I run to the kitchen and pour a glass of water. This was my fault for introducing her to sushi. If I find out that it wasn’t really vegetarian, I’m never ordering from that place again.
My next stop is the bathroom door. I’d knock if she’d bothered to close it. Instead I find her hunched over the toilet, trying to catch her breath. The whole room smells like vegetables and grass clippings. I guess I can rule out the fish theory.
“I brought you some water.”
She nods and takes the glass from me with her magic. A few gulps of water and many minutes of silent dread later, she finally says something. “I think it’s going away. Sorry.”
“Sorry? It’s my fault.”
“No, I should’ve held back with a new food. At least I didn’t throw up on your floor like last time.”
“You didn’t help clean that up, you didn’t even apologize.”
For a moment she looks like she’s going to vomit again. “It was bacon, I told you I don’t eat meat. You kept telling me it was just candy…”
“Of meats. I called it the candy of meats.”
“Your society’s so barbaric.”
“Cultural norms, Twilight. I didn’t pick them.”
She rests her chin on the seat. “New subject, please.”
I’m all out of ideas. Typically she’d be home by now and I’d be catching up on some real TV. “Why do you visit me, specifically?”
She tilts her head slightly so she can look at me. “My initial spell to open a portal was completely random. I have a couple more portals to your world that I’ve kept, both to places where I can browse the internet inconspicuously.”
“You don’t talk to any other humans?”
“No.”
“Why not? Aren’t you curious? Maybe I’m a completely irregular example of my kind that’s giving you the wrong idea about us.”
“You’re close enough. Besides, you could use a friend.”
“That’s such a cheesy line, even for you.”
In response she throws up again.
I’d better get her some more water.
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..Wait, was the bacon in the sushi? or something?
4643671
We probably shouldn't feel too bad, the other day I found a typo in an old paperback of The Hobbit
Bacon, in sushi?
That's really weird.
4643772
Chowing down on an exotic foodstuff your stomach isn't used to is a good way to send yourself running to the bathroom, meat or no meat.
I'm loving this, and I'm probably gonna cry when we get to the season 4 finale and he gets to ask about the whole crazy OP Twilight...
4643797
That's actually from the 'last time' she refers to (mentioned in the original one-shot), I didn't mean to imply there was bacon in the sushi
Bacon is the candy of meats?
Score one for me actually catching the reference this time around.
4643984
Oh, my bad. I just got confused because she was mentioning bacon after getting sick from sushi.
Then Pinkie shows up and begins gleefully devouring meat... which Jake finds rather odd.
Far too late does he discover it's that Pinkie... when he wakes up in her basement.
Will prime-world Twilight arrive to save him in time? Find out on the next episode of "Your Diminutive Equine: When AU's Attack!"
Finally got around to reading this. Love it love it love it.
Bacon is the candy of meats.
Sweet this is ongoing. This is an entertaining concept.
I love the way you write. Nothing seems awkward or forced. The conversations they have feel natural.
"Roses are red,
Bacon is also red,
Poems are hard,
Bacon."
Saw that on a meme site and thought I'd share it.
Gona agree the conversations you write and pretty damn good. Some people can't write believable convos because they don't talk and interact with enough people but you seem to have it down. My email awaits every update.
hah! congrats on making front page
D'aaaaaw. Cute chapter.
4643786
I have read several novels with errors, like "I ran home home to get my mail" "I get home to find my fridge is eaten" I have literally read these in books.
4643799 Half life 3 Confirmed
You know it's odd how ponies can digest eggs, since we see Rarity serving them for breakfast in one episode, but cant eat any kind of flesh or muscle. Both eggs and meat have the same kind of protein chain molecules, so if you can digest one, you should be able to digest the other too.
4645104 They Can eat meat, doesn't mean it's normal, or common. If you were raised a vegetarian then that's what you will most likely remain.
This is rare! Usually it's one specific chapter that lands a tale to my favorites list.
This is the first time the tale's concept did it. Very creative!
4644998
]
)
[due to the graphic nature of this comment in response to half life 3, this comment has been replaced by puppies]
i.livescience.com/images/i/000/055/672/i02/puppies-130810.jpg?1376137844
[thank you! And have a nice day
(Seriously though I'm still waiting for that game
4645523
Thanks, and you're welcome!
4643811 i know, but she specifically mentioned it..
4633906 I aim to please.
Only half?
Really funny
well i don´t want it to end to fast, but i want to see Twilight falling in love a bit^^
4632989
Cutie mark. Definitely cutie mark.
4643786
My old English teacher would freak if she ever found out that a professional writer like Tolkien made a mistake like that.
4643772 No, I'm pretty sure Twilight was referring to another time; a time when she puked on Jake's floor and didn't help clean it up because he fed her bacon (the candy of meats.)
4647303
Editors? I'm sure it was their fault, because Tolkien is a god.
...He's getting sick...
Hmm. Odd thing to do in this fic.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Bleach, sushi.... nasty shit.
Awesome job yet again~
Cringe.
7887326
Indeed but its cringe that you and I decide to read.
Poor Twi, accidentally eating meat.