Peppermint Sparkle has been hated all her life in Stable 2. Why? She's a PegaZebra. Along with that, the only Pegasus AND the only Zebra in Stable 2. She hates her life, and everypony hates her. So when her best friend, Little Pip, leaves the Stable in Pursuit of Velvet Remedy... Peppermint decides to leave her horrible life for what could be something more outside. Follow her on an amazing journey through The Wasteland - One that will not only change her life, but quite possible, everypony's!
**If anypony would like to help in making a Cover for this, comment please!
Chapters (5)
I'm usually noone who critizises OCs, especially when a pegasus is involved, but a PegaZebra...cus, whatever. Don't get me wrong you can do that anywhere, but Stable 2. LittlePip never saw a Pegasus or a Zebra before and is really surprised by their sight in the main story, so having such a... pony flying around in her home (which isn't that big), makes the scenes from the original kinda pointless. I think interference with the original FoE might turn out to be... complicated. And not in the good way. As a sidestory your's should try to tie in into the original as smoothly as possible.
The assault/almost rape scene was a bit reasonless. I mean Peppermint has been around Blade for her entire life and only now he's ready to go that far? His whole attitude would match a raider, but a stable pony? If you want to portray an stable-asshole you should stick with the bullying to the point where he is willingly to hurt her with his knife, but the rape thing seems a bit too much right now. How is Peppermint going to be surprised by what she'll find out there, "hardened" like she is right now? Of course this is just something very minor and what you wrote works out pretty well too.
Nice story so far, although I would recommend to take a bit of distance to the main story in further chapters. And by that I mean as little interaction with LittlePip as possible. There are a few people out there who are displeased by any interference with the original.
I always thought that a pony from Stable 2, chasing after Littlepip was an interesting idea. I'll be interested to see where you go from here.
@Tetragrammatron
I can see what you're saying. Re-reading my own writing in the assault scene, i did go a little overboard. I am planning on telling more about previous encounters with him later, though, so it will be explained that he'd only gotten worse as it went.
As with LittlePip never seeing a Pegasus or Zebra before, and her being surprised with seeing them in the Wasteland, I figure that can be explained by Peppermint being the only one she had ever seen before, and so seeing another would still be startling.
There will be some interactions with LittlePip for a few chapters, but eventually they will go their separate ways. They may meet up again after that, but Peppermint will kinda do her own thing for a while before that.
@Dawn Flower
Chapter 2 will be up VERY soon, and 3 will be up in a few days
Thanks to both of you for reading, and I really appreciate the constructive criticism!
-Peppermint/Bets :3