• Member Since 5th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Monday

Rinnaul


I do nothing of merit. On occasion, I give the impression of being creative, but this is a deception. I am merely derivative in clever ways.

T
Source

Having spent nearly a year in Celestia's court and by her side, the first and only human in Equestria is in rapidly deteriorating health. And despite all of her power, Celestia finds herself unable to help him.

(Written for the Most Dangerous Game contest, and in far less time than I would have liked. AU tag because for purposes of this story I'm ignoring the mirror world where Equestria Girls took place—this Equestria has no knowledge of humans in any way.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 58 )

I liked this, could've been a little longer but still was a good read.

A great fic, sweet and touching.

The Equestria Girls side story is already AU. It's been stated that it's not in the same timeline as FiM.

I wan't the death moment and/or funeral, because I am an evil asshole who enjoys causing emotional pain to everyone and himself.

I say...

Damn you.





...I need a tissue.

Awwww, I liked this.

My feels! It hurts! Make it stop, make it stop! My feels hurt!

I loved this, had enough of a back story to make it interesting and enough empathy for Marcus on Celestia's part to make this worthwhile. I would love to see a prequel for this describing Marcus' decent into his ill state though! Keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

4614832 That was the original intent for the story—something closer to 10k words that would actually follow their time together. But I wound up doing it this way due to time constraints. I may do that version eventually, but I have at least three things ahead of that.

4614870 Well that just means that I have something to look forward too! And take your time, mate, my own fics are takin' longer than I intended too, it happens. Life's a busy thang.

WHAT! THERE'S A DOWNVOTE? WHAT SICK AND CRUEL PERSON...

4615944
did it....so sorry

4617338
If that's the case, care to share why? I don't cry over downvotes, but it's nice knowing if there are things that could be improved. So, object to sadfic/deathfic/humans on principle? Didn't like my Celestia? Consider oneshot tearjerkers a shameless attempt at getting front page? Think this was obviously slammed out in five hours to meet a deadline with little in the way or rewriting or editing?

Not going to take offense, honestly curious. So few people ever explain their reasoning for a negative vote.

4617338 I can love with that. My last comment was posted by a sleep depraved me.

:rainbowkiss:
So awesome. I haven't seen anything like this. EVER.
Keep up the good work.

Sad, but heartwarming.

Vote up or vote down hmmm?

4621269 ew for that hmm?

4623443 Lmao! Most men use tissue for one thing. I am sorry I thought you not using it to dry tears.

A sweet little read. Quite powerful too for something so succinct.

You conveyed the emotions well, and the characters felt quite natural in this situation. I liked that you didn't fall into cliché; not including the actual death was a good touch.

Still, it feels like something is missing. Not entirely sure what. Possibly because the ending is just raw dialogue, and it's just calling out to me for the slightest of tactile interactions.

That's just me.

Thanks for writing. I thoroughly enjoyed that.

Oh my god...Why...

4623465
You make a good point, and I don't think the change is large enough to matter that I made it past the contest deadline.

Also, thanks for the in-depth comment.

Intriguing story. Liked, favorited, and I'll feature it on the blog I work for.

4623462

...


...How...?...


Never mind.

Who put this lump in my throat?

Ugh never try to read anything sad with sad music in the night. my liquid pride is leaking.:fluttercry:

:applecry: :ajsleepy: :fluttercry: :fluttershysad: :pinkiesad2: :raritydespair: :rainbowderp: :heart: :pinkiesad2:
I feel really sad and want to see this ending also don't read this and play naruto sadness and sorrow unless you want tears love it still :heart: :pinkiesad2:

'Magic being harmful to humans.' I like it. (On a unrelated note, reading this gave me an idea for a direction I can go in another work. Very nicely done.)

Definitely one of the stronger contestants based on what I've read so far. I like that the backstory was developed well enough for us to have a good deal of context without it taking over the story. The emotions portrayed by Celestia and Marcus were also done very well.

Good luck in the contest!

Wow....just spectacular. The amount of emotion and character building you managed to get in that short time was great. It felt a little forced towards the end when they were recalling, but other than that it was great. I need you to write a full hie.

4848738
I do have a longer HIE story, but it's Dark/Adventure instead of Sad. Also haven't updated it in a couple months, but I am back to working on the next chapter again.

I've also been toying with a couple romance ideas, one HIE and the other either HIE or POE—the characters aren't entirely sure where they are in the second, and I don't intend to determine it within the story.

If you just meant writing the story behind this one out fully, that may happen; but it's definitely going to be after I finish a few other projects first.

4848816 Romance HiE do it, that's what I am looking for =P, or do whatever you would enjoy the most, it more often than not produces the better story.

I'm ignoring the mirror world where Equestria Girls took place—this Equestria has no knowledge of humans in any way

This is the only thing I really like about this story.

:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

On a more seriously critical note, the 'magic = deadly radiation' thing has been done to death in other fandoms, and it never amounts to anything interesting... not even the first time it was used.

There's just nowhere for the story to go.

Celestia saying goodbye without immortality angst? Yes please :pinkiehappy: Have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png

5041151
Transformation.

5042332
Also, that's the point, read about the contest.

5613865 When in doubt, blast the human with all the magic you've got!

Cuz with magic, if less is deadly, more is better!

Because... magic... go figure.

5614756
Sigh...
Not direct transformation, a body that won't kill itself because of magic will be made beforehoof(pony is my preferred) and the conscience will just be transported in to the new body.

5615174 No no! I meant, why didn't they just try blasting him with the Elements? They fix pretty much everything! At the very least, he'd blow up in style.

I'd totally go for it in his position.

5616324
Well, he chose to spend more time with Celestia over blowing up in style(even if its not mentioned, I'm sure they already either tried the elements or are too afraid to use them now).
I'd probably take this choice too.

5617590 Feh! No one has any class anymore!

Except Michael Bay! He truly understands the fashionability of exploding!

5623474
Well, um, isn't he usually the one causing explosions, not... exploding himself?
XD

5624562 Well he's not dying yet.

Just wait!

5627386
Haha, if he really blows himself up in his deathbed...

Argh, hit by a stray pack of feels. Zombie dogs I can dodge, done it several times in 7days lately, but a pack of feels? Argh, I think I'm feeling out, get me a bandage!

:fluttercry: that hurt more than I thought it would

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