• Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Bachiavellian


Don't you have somewhere better to be?

E

A young singer and an old soldier are all that's left to watch over the next Princesses of the Realms. He searches for answers while she cares for them in their home, hidden away from greater dangers.

Entry for Obselescence's The Most Dangerous Game Contest

Now edited by Blood Lord.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

You need a bit of an edit for the early parts of this, but I really enjoyed it. Then again, I enjoy anything about Celestia and Luna as sisters and not princesses. :D

4657044
Thank you!

Yeah, I didn't have a chance to edit/proofread this one very much; ended up submitting it to the contest 45 mins before the deadline. I don't think it'd be very sportsmanlike to mess around with it before the contest ends, but I'm definitely planing on tidying things up afterwards.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4657204
Good wo/man. :)

I like this story, but it doesn't seem to leave me with a stronger feeling than that. The world building was quite interesting, and doesn't seem incomplete despite being left in the peripherals. The characterization was reasonably good, though I think the OC's could have had something else defining them besides the role they play in the story. Maybe a greater connection to the king and queen? I'm really not sure what this story is missing, or if it even is missing something.

Good luck in the contest!

4696970
Hm, I think I get what you mean. I'm actually working on the first chapter of a follow-up to this, so I'll see if I can address these characterization issues you've pointed out. Thanks for the input!

Very interesting ideas regarding Celestia and Luna's family history, not to mention the hints about the mentioned "fall". It even fits reasonably well with the details we got about the sisters in the recent official journal.

Looking forward to that followup if it is still in the works.

I reviewed this story!

My review can be found here.

I pray there is more to this, I love a good origin story, and this looks like it has plenty of potential. Keep up the great work! :pinkiehappy:

4696970 I have to agree with this.
4699638 Has that follow-up made an appearance yet or is it still in progress?

8076088
Gah! :pinkiegasp: Didn't think people actually still read this story!

But in all seriousness, the the follow-up I had planned kinda fizzled out. The ideas I had for it were bombed by canon (it's been three years, after all!), and recently I've realized that I might not have the sheer fortitude for the longform story I was planning. Sorry, but the chances of something coalescing out of this are just not very great at all. :fluttershysad:

8076402 I understand. :twilightsmile: However, there's always AUs if you wanna avoid canon.

8076425
I've considered the idea, but cards on the table, I'm just not in the same mental place as when I wrote this. Who knows; maybe I'll feel inspired and energetic for this setting again sometime, but for now I'm just not there. :applejackunsure:

8076466 Either way, I look forward to your future work!

8076469
Thank you! That means a lot to me!

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