By The Power Of Patriotism!

by RainbowBob

Chapter 3: Rise Of The Redcoats

“Princess Celestia, what are those things?” Twilight asked, shrinking before the field of zombies rising from the grave.

“The British, from what I can presume of their red uniform and tacky wigs,” Celestia replied. A redcoat soldier pulled himself from the ground, his legs still stuck beneath the earth. He pulled each appendage out of the ground and reattached it to his body, gaining a leg up one at a time. “It seems that Washington ascending into the Element Heavens has kicked off a tide of his greatest foe resurrecting from the grave. Not what I had in mind, but still, the zombie angle is interesting.”

Twilight shrieked when she felt a hand grip her hoof. Beating back the zombie until it withdrew back into the earth, Twilight asked, “Can you please explain to me what’s going on? Washington, the Element of Patriotism, the zombies, and what the British even are!?”

“Well, for starters, George Washington was the first President of the United States and one of the Founding Fathers of his nation,” Celestia said. Noticing Twilight’s low hanging jaw and confused expression, Celestia coughed into her hoof. “Well, a simplistic way of explaining this is that Washington is from another world entirely where he led his people in a revolt against their government in obtaining a free nation that didn’t have to listen to orders from a crown.”

“And the Element of Patriotism part?”

“In every world, there is Harmony, Twilight, but not every world is the same. Harmony is more than the Elements, but in our world, Generosity, Laughter, Kindness, Honesty, Loyalty, and, yes, Magic are the most important. They are the ones we need. But in other worlds, there exist other Elements. And on rare occasion, in some worlds, extreme events can give birth to entirely new ones. For Washington, his is the rare case where he actually created a new element, Patriotism, and for his act, he actually became the new element. Washington became immortal; so long as Patriotism lived on in his world, so would he.”

“That still doesn’t explain the part about him arriving here and the army of zombies invading Equestria!”

Thousands upon thousands of zombies had now dug themselves out from the ground, most of them not moving as they stood in a wall of dead flesh and bright red colors.

“I was getting to that. Sheesh, Twilight, wasn’t one of your friendship lessons about patience?” Celestia muttered. “Washington, however, did not want to be immortal, and sought a way to end his life without his Element dying out. The only way to do so was to become one with the Tree of Harmony so that it would accept his Element while he himself would be freed from his burden. But you can't just add a new Element into another world; there must be balance. Something has to balance it out. And thus, you get zombies.”

“That makes absolutely no sense!” Twilight said.

“When magic is involved, you don’t have to make sense,” Celestia replied back dryly. Withdrawing her sword once more, Celestia gestured for Twilight to get behind her. “Anywho, it looks like we need to stop this zombie invasion from getting to the Tree of Harmony and corrupting it with their lich presence so that all life in the world doesn’t become undead.”

“How do you know that?”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Trust me, after you’ve been Princess of Thirty-Minute Emergencies for as long as I have, this type of thing becomes almost like instinct at this point. Although, I give this particular event props for including zombies.”

Twilight winced when one zombie screeched an unholy noise vaguely similar to a claws against glass mixed with a bone breaking. “Can we actually beat them?”

“Let’s see…” Celestia waited until one zombied lumbered closer to the pair. With one quick swipe, Celestia had cleaved the zombie in two, right down the middle. Before the two sides collapsed, the hands desperately grabbed ahold of each other and drew one side closer to the other until they joined back as one complete piece, with no indication of damage whatsoever. Before the zombie could celebrate this good news, Celestia blasted it of the ground and several yards into the air before it fell with a splat amongst its zombie brethren. “Nope, doesn’t seem like it. Whatever we dish out, they’ll be able to heal back in turn. Immortal zombies are really a pain in the ass.”

“How are you so nonchalant about it?” Twilight asked, who was shaking from pure, spine-quivering terror.

“Well, Harmony wouldn’t just allow itself to be destroyed by Chaos, even if to balance the scales. Eventually, something extremely contrived will arrive soon enough to help us out,” Celestia said with a shrug. “Like I said, I’ve been doing this a long time.”

“Was I the extremely contrived thing that arrived for you when you had to defeat Nightmare Moon?” Twilight asked, puppy-dog eyes returning with a vengeance.

Celestia did her best attempt at a faux grin and patted Twilight’s head. “Of course not, Twilight.” Celestia tapped her hoof impatiently on the ground, glancing all around. “In fact, you’re the least contrived thing I can think of.”

Twilight smiled. “Oh, wow, what a relief. I thought for a second there I was—”

“Waiting for someone?” George Washington asked, stepping out from behind the Tree of Harmony.

“Wow, that was quicker than I thought.”

“Sorry it took me a while. The afterlife has a notorious overbooked list.” Washington grinned, strapping as always with his uniform repaired and a healthy glow having returned to his cheeks. “But let it not be said George Washington won’t help those in need when the redcoat menace pops its head in.”

“Wait, hold up, I’m extremely confused,” Twilight said, holding up a hoof. “Why would you want to help us after Celestia has beaten you every year from obtaining your eternal rest?”

Celestia glared at Twilight. “Twilight, please don’t try to tell the one guy who can actually save us and the rest of Equestria from total annihilation why he shouldn’t help us.”

“No, no, it’s quite alright, Celestia,” Washington told her, holding up a hand. “While I am a bit bitter about the whole endless battle to obtain my rest thing, having finally received it, I know I will miss this world. Fighting the Crown is one of my favorite pastimes, and doing so one last time while helping others couldn’t sound more extraordinary. Plus, it’s the least I can do for bringing them here in the first place by joining with the Tree of Harmony.” From the inner pocket of his coat, Washington withdrew an axe in some unknown glowing substance and a strange looking gun with glowing vials along the side glowing that same sickly green color as the axe.

“Wait, where did you get that?” Twilight asked.

"Not even asking about my hand?" Washington said with a grin, lifting up his arm; what had formerly been flesh and blood was now machine and metal, mechanical fingers clenching into a fist. "Why, from my good friend Benjamin Franklin. Brilliant inventor, and back up top he’s created a vast plethora of deadly weapons and gadgets.” Washington pressed a finger on his robotic hand, the inner machinations activating with whirls and gears clanking until the hand was enveloped in a field of red, white, and blue electricity. Grabbing ahold of his axe with it—the weapon quickly engulfed in the patriotic magical energies from Washington’s robot hand—Washington raised it to the sky and charged at the zombies, his battle cry: “Don’t tread on me, you King-worshipping bastards!”

Twilight and Celestia stared as Washington strode off into the zombie horde, swinging his axe into the nearest shambling redcoat, its head exploding into bloody pulp. An eagle's scream tore through the valley as the multi-hued energy flowed into the zombie, reducing it to nothing more than a pile of dust and bone.

“When does this begin making sense?” Twilight asked.

Celestia rolled her eyes, unfurling her wings to take to the skies. “In the past thousand years, I still haven’t figured out an answer. Good luck to you finding it.”

Twilight pouted, noticing from the stomach-quenching scent of dead flesh she was soon completely surrounded by the unliving wall of zombified British troops. Sighing, she charged up a spell and waited for the first lumbering corpse to draw closer. “In hindsight, I probably should have asked what’s the best way to kill a zombie. Eh, I’ll probably figure it out eventually.”

Comments

[Dustin Lange]

"When magic is involved, you don't need to make sense,"

Was that a jab at the authors who use that when writing?

[Brony Hectic]

Washington is about to go Bioshock Infinite on their asses.

[JT]

Now we just need john wayne in here

[Dragon Blaze-X]

4613732 nooo we need bruce lee and chuck noris!!!!!!

[ThePhantomAssassin]

4615237 Bruce Lee would've found a way to get shot and die, and if Chuck Norris was involved this story would've ended three chapters ago with a round house kick to the face.

[Razalon The Lizardman]

Washington became immortal; so long as Patriotism lived on in his world, so would he.

Then he'd be dead by now.

[Shadow-Dancer]

5874657 there are the rednecks and other patriots also joining the military is an act of patriotism so not quite yet