Patric12345
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Patric12345 · 13k words · 61 4 · 882 views
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forget it, this is too weird for me... trolinukitus.lt/img/out.jpg
It was good until it got to the stripping part. You might what you change that. Just my option. Also were did you get that pic?
4609159 totally agree with the stripping. (Also according to the avali lore they don't have "dicks" because they aren't mammals)
4609159 This is the pic
4609184 All land walking species have some for of phallus. Semen transfer just may take place differently (External vs Internal) Reptiles and birds both have their own version of a phallus though. The rest is all taken in liberty because... Well who knows? And I doubt the creator of the mod and lore had this ever in mind.
Well, characterization is just terrible. The dialogue is incredibly bland and OOC. There's pretty much no descriptions of anything. There's way too much telling instead of showing, and the pace is just ridiculous. On the bright side, the spelling and grammar aren't too bad, so at least there's that.
DAMN IT WERE'S THE BOOZE WHEN I NEED IT!!!
4609277 Have you read the official Avali wiki? It clearly states that, like terrestrial birds, they have a cloacal vent. The part where it talks about Avali reproduction.
If you REALLY wanted to have him be able to have sexual relations with non-avali, then you should have taken advantage of the fact that many Avali have at least one mechanical/cybernetic agumentation on their body. For most it's a neural jack and "Guardian" medical nanites. But the Avali have been known to replace everything but their brain. So you could have done something like that, some kind of mechanical augmentation that enables "for pleasure" intercourse with non-avali. Then it would have at least made sense. Plus, thanks to Sync crystals, no matter where in the universe an avali is, they will always have access to The Nexus (like the internet, but in full VR) as long as they have a Neural Jack and a ship with a Sync Crystal Beacon communication array. Also, it would very very odd for an avali to be by itself without an extreme reason, this is because avali are pack creatures by nature and they form extremely strong bonds with the members of their small pack, to the point where the pack acts almost like a single individual.
I'm planning on writing an MLP crossover involving an Avali (or several, given that it's rare for Avali to travel by themselves due to their pack structure), and because of that I made sure to read all information on the wiki several times to ensure that I get my information correct. The lesson here is simple; if your going to write a crossover, you have to make sure you know and understand the source materials.
How th fuck do you respond to this?
Still makes more sense than FlashLight.
I can just picture humanity making first contact in the far future, and having to deal with an alien race of kinky anthromorphic ponies
For all those wondering, I deleted all the old chapters and will replace them with re-writes. All at the same time when they are finished. I plan on releasing at least 3 or 4 chapters in the next update as to avoid recent story spam with each chapter being posted. I'm sorry for any problems this may cause.
Heh i finally get around to this on my read later list... and it seems to have mostly vanished. Hope it returns at some point.
5643905 I'm re-writing it ATM. So I have complete plans for it to return in full. I'm just taking some previous advice that was given. If you or anyone else would like to read the old chapter I'd be happy to send you a link to them, as I still have them.
5644120
Sure why not! could be fun to read the old then the new.
4609277
hmm...
Now then, those two quotes cannot be physically possible. The laws of physics say, that an object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object at rest tends to stay at rest. so, going on that, he was in space flight when something screwed his engines, therefore, he is now on a ballistic trajectory. because he is in space, there is nothing for his ship to push against to slow down. so, how is it that he slowed down if his engines were stopped? if anything, the closer he got to equestria, the more he should have accelerated because of gravity. which means that, he and his ship should be in the middle of a rapidly decaying orbit, not sitting in a geostationary orbit.
5647822 Well based off the new lore inside of the entirety of the Starbound universe after the last update all ships come equipped with smaller thrusters capable of travel between planets with in a system as well as capable of keeping the ship itself in stable orbit. And now that you brought it up I have to have it explained in the story, because I didn't even think about that! Thank you!
5648239 your welcome. and by the way, they're called vernier engines.
5644120 oh, can i have that link too?
Umhhh link to old version of story...?
plss im terrible at waiting....
PS: umhh why not put the link in the story's description...
5686109 Can't link NSFW stuff in the description. Otherwise it'd be there.
5691825
okay but could i get a link to the "old" story
i would like to know what im gonna get from your work by reading the "old" version
5692068 Not really a good representation of my solo work. But sure. I'll link you the chapters.
Is this story ever going to continue or should I just stop checking for an update every other day?
5989911 Once school finally lets out I plan on working on this one again. So just another week or so before any more updates get released.
Omg this is awesome and surprisingly it doesn't look like it was written by a 12 year old!
I like how you incorporated mods. That made me chuckle.
For anybody who actually checks this at all, second chapter is offically on the way. I've hit a lot of road blocks (college and other family issues) but I'm back and ready to go!
After it's posted I'd love to hear what your ideas are.
i'm huge fan of the avali and its nice to know this is not abandon
6401108 Things have just been coming up in my life. I'm working to push the second chapter out. It's nearly ready. If all goes well (knowing my luck it won't) it'll be done by next week.
6414141 take time you need it less your have not been offline for 2 years
Wow, that was quite fun
Wow, this was unexpected
I'm so happy I have waiting to read more of this fic for months!
This is the first starbound story thats not gonna be updated and it is good! also there is some starbound songs i found
6547297 fuck it i wont try to fix the other one
6547301 I've been working a hell of a lot recently, as with a vacation coming up I need some extra money. But I'm working on the next chapter, honestly I want to get another chapter out, but I won't release it until I feel like it's going to be up to par with the last few. And it sucks not having an editor so I'm trying my best to fix my mistakes as I see them. But, all in all the next chapter is over halfway done, should be getting it out before the end of the month! And I'm honestly happy to see more people enjoying this story, makes me really want to get it out but sadly I can't rush or else it'll be like necroing this story... and well... that's never a good thing.
6552679 You dont have to rush as long as you upload im happy
6552679 also im might make a real story a displaced starbound story cuz i found to displaced starbound storys
Well this looks interesting. I shouldn't judge this story for its main protagonist because honestly I know very little about the source content. I assume it originates in Starbound based off of what I gathered but the only time I've seen something Starbound related was ages ago when either Nerdcubed or EnterElysium uploaded a video about the early version of Starbound and I only watched half the video...
I just got kinda bored and moved onto another video, thus my knowledge in this universe's lore is extremely minimal.
It lives
just a note from an avali player, it's not fur on the body, but more feathers, in the base-line anatomy. just thought I would mention. I'm still here from the original version of the story.
Also, Glad to see you're still around. and hope your job gets better for you.
I am so happy to see an update on this fic, this is is one of the only two fics I have ever liked enough to check for updates everyday.
You say you have a link to the old chapters of flight of the avali I would like to know if I could get it.
I really like this. A shame it hasn't been updated in so long....
7221175 I was away at college for the longest time, honestly I'm hoping to get another update out soon. I haven't abandoned this story.
So... are you still working on this even now?
7525072 Yeah just been unable to really write very much for this recently. But I am getting back into it.