Wish Unfulfillment

by hazeyhooves

Redirection

You can't see the genie, but that booming, disembodied voice gives you a pretty clear idea that it's present, even if invisible.

“PINKIE PIE, STATE YOUR WISH AND IT SHALL BE GRANTED.”

Woah, a wish? You feel your fur getting all tingly. Any wish you want! Now you're not just tingly, but a little glowy as well. Wow, what should you wish for?

You quickly come up with a mental list of the hundred wishes you most want granted. If you can get them all in one run-on sentence, just maybe you can get them all for the price of one. It's worth trying, here goes.

Your first syllable is completely interrupted by Twilight tackling you and clamping your muzzle shut with her hooves. “Pinkie, didn't you listen to my mission briefing? It was really important not to touch it!”

Well if you could move your mouth maybe you could explain that it's not your fault, you hadn't even tuned in until Twilight was almost done speaking back then. Could happen to anypony.

“You had the wishing spell cast upon you. If you say anything at all, it could be disastrous! This kind of genie doesn't grant your wish just to be nice. It'll try to twist your words around into a different meaning than you intended. Nopony knows exactly what they'll get, but the result is always awful.”

“You mean it'll backfire?” Rainbow asks. “Like, Equestria will get teleported onto the moon, or something like that?”

“Possibly. Unless you word it absolutely perfectly, you don't know what you'll get! But I think if we just keep Pinkie right here, and she doesn't say anything, we can delay that until we figure out how to deal with this spell.” Twilight looks at you. “Pinkie, it's really important. Do you think you can do that?”

You shake your head.

“Um, why not?”

You find the little folded card you received in the mail this morning. While holding it in your mouth, you point a hoof to suggest they should read it.

Rainbow Dash leans in to peek at the fancy writing. “Let me see that. An invitation... to Pinkie Pie's Spring Sing-Along Party? Today? Is this really the time to... wait, hold on. Pinkie Pie, why did you mail an invitation for your own party to yourself?”

You're about to give a perfectly reasonable explanation that you had prepared in case somepony would ask, and you're sure that afterwards they'd be completely convinced as to how convenient it was, I mean who wouldn't invite themselves to their own party? But Twilight frowns in your direction, which reminds you to keep quiet. You make a mental note to have a written version of the speech ready in case this ever happens again.

“I'm not sure hosting a party is our top priority right now,” Twilight says. “We really should keep Pinkie in quarantine, just in case somepony talks to her. Something might slip out of her mouth and turn into a wish.”

With great surprise, you pantomime with your hooves a dramatic defense of your character. Is she actually suggesting that you would forget these important instructions without their constant supervision? Surely that's not what she meant to imply!

They both narrow their eyes. “Yeah, you probably will,” Dash says. “Especially at a party.”

Why, they don't believe you! It's not like you've been unable to talk before. Don't they remember that time Trixie cast a spell that erased your mouth? And that time with the poison joke curse! It was exactly the same as this! Well, except in those cases you physically could not talk even if you wanted to, and this is more of a matter of willpower. But besides that, yeah, it's exactly the same!

Twilight changes the subject before you can argue back in an even more elaborate pantomime. “Before we do anything, I think we should write a letter to Princess Celestia, and get her advice on the situation,” Maybe she knows how to get us out of this. And if something does go wrong, I'll need to do some research on spells that could reverse the effects. We have to be prepared for anything.

“Wait, where did the genie go? More importantly, where did Pinkie go?!”

Well, you didn't actually hear those questions, seeing as you had already hopped off back to Ponyville, but you had a pretty good feeling Twilight was saying that right about now. You would shout back a response, but since you're forbidden from speaking, you hope Twilight can figure out those answers on her own. You're sure she'll be fiiiine.

You already had all the party's food, decorations, and games set up this morning at Sugarcube Corner in advance. All you have to do is walk on in, and the party can officially begin! Even though a party's not a party when the guests haven't arrived yet, and the only one here besides yourself is that invisible spell that's been following you around everywhere. He wasn't really invited, and the starting time is five whole minutes from now, but you don't have the heart to turn him away for such trifling reasons. So that makes him guest #1, and a guest showing up means the party can officially begin! Officially! This time for real!

+++++

And what a party it is! What's special about this party is that little music player you have set up. There's no words on any of the songs, so ponies can fill the singing in themselves on the microphone! They all get to take turns being in the spotlight at this party. It's called.......... you'll have to come up with a name for it sometime. But right now, what's important is that everypony is having fun with it. That way, it's not a big deal that you can't go around talking to them all. They're handling their own fun just fine.

You've noticed Rainbow zipping outside since the party began. Peering in the window at you, then off to the library, then back to that window.

You say hi. No wait, you don't say hi! You're careful to not say anything at all. You're good at this. You give her a friendly wave and a smile instead.

“Hey Pinkie, there's some awesome news. Turns out, if you don't make any wish at all for 12 hours, the whole spell gets cancelled. Then the bad genie goes back in the bottle and we can get rid of him for good. So you just have to last until about midnight. No prob, right?”

That does sound great! You were just about to accept the possibility being mute for the rest of your life. That possibility was competing in your mind with the desire to say any random thing just to get it over with. Maybe the entire land of Equestria would get teleported to the moon, but at least you wouldn't have to deal with the pressure anymore.

Heh, the pressure. You get it! You think Twilight would like that one.

Rainbow loosens your grip, as you've been tightly hugging her by reflex since she gave the report. “Well, I'm just gonna keep an eye on you here. Twilight's in her books, trying to find some backup spell, just in case. Well, that's what she told me, but I'm pretty sure she's just doing the extra research for fun. What an egghead, right?” She smiles and rolls her eyes.

This reminds you of something. You recall a brilliant little joke involving cupcakes and something you invented called a pintcake. It's the perfect moment to tell a joke; years of partying experience makes you certain of this. But you can't say it, mmrmph.

You settle for telling it to only yourself in your head. You wait a beat and think about the punchline. Hee hee hee hee, that was hilarious. You crack yourself up! Rainbow Dash gives a confused look at you giggling all to yourself. Maybe she didn't get the joke.

The song finishes, and another pony steps up to the microphone. The record player begins playing the violin melody of a sentimental ballad. Rainbow narrows her eyes and mutters beneath her breath, “Oh no, not this one again.”

Give me a hoof my darling
and I'll give you my heart.
Take me to your stable
and never more we'll part.

Rainbow leans in closer to you and whispers, “I'm sick to death of that tune.”

The pegasus next in line for the stage looks at you and beams. Hey, it's your good friend, Camphor Sparks. You know singing is her 2nd favorite hobby, though you're not sure what her 1st favorite is. When she found out you come up with your own original songs for your parties, she was eager to join in and even ask for singing tips. Maybe that's why you quickly bonded as friends.

“Hey Pinkie! I'm gonna put on Stickers by Diana Reed, you wanna duet with me?”

Yes! You'd love to! You jump on stage and start singing right away! Woooo!

You start singing right away. Yes, because you really, really want to. Any second now. Psst, that's your cue.

What do you mean, you won't? Of course you will. You feel the need for Reed. It's one of your favorites!

Hrrrnngnghgn. You suuuuure? Just a little won't hurt.

Ok, fine. Against your better judgment, you stand there scrunching your face and not having a blast on stage. It doesn't seem healthy for you, bottling it in like that. You really act out of your character sometimes.

After the song (you're really starting to reget not joining in), Camphor floats off the stage and lands beside you. “What's up, Pinkie? You're not feeling well or something?”

You're about to answer, but Rainbow Dash is here to fill in, so you decide there's no need to say so yourself. “It's a bit complicated. Pinkie can't talk for the rest of the day. Something about an evil genie and a wishing spell or something.”

Camphor seems impressed. “Oooh, a wish? I wish I could be a crystal pony!”

“Nah, it doesn't work that way, only Pinkie can... Wait, that's what you'd wish for? Seriously?”

“It's the first thing that came to mind. Don't worry, I've got lots of other wishes. I just can't remember them right now.”

Rainbow shrugged as the electronic sound of the song Whippet started playing on the speakers. “I would wish these ponies could play some music that's less lame.”

You get a pencil and a napkin and write down a message. Hah, now why didn't you think of this sooner? You hold up the napkin proudly.

“Pinkie, I can't make out your writing at all. It's too messy.”

Stupid pencils. Who designed them to be held in the mouth anyways? It makes no sense.

“So why can't she talk? How does that fit in with her free wishes?”

“Well, if you want to hear the whole story. I mean, we've got a lot of time to burn. It all started with blablablabla bla bla blabla blablabla...”

You're finding it hard to focus on this conversation. You've been sitting still far too long. You shut your eyes and try to block out the world around you.

.

.

.

!

You open your eyes again. You can block out the world, but the world can't block you out.

“Wait, didn't they literally just play this song? Why are they doing it again? Sheesh.” Rainbow rolls her eyes.

You're starting to get antsy. Antsy in your pantsy. And you don't even have any pantsy on right now. Maybe if you eat a whole bunch of delicious sugary treats to calm down....

“And I think Twilight said that all started from when Discord first showed up in Equestria, way back then. Weird, huh?”

There goes half the donuts from the snack table. You think that helped.

That doesn't last. Now you're pretty sure it didn't help in the long run. Even though it seemed perfect in the very, very short run.

You can't take it anymore! You can't be perfectly silent at a party! You just can't! This silence is just getting you feel like.... super-merry-go-round-ticked-off! Something like that! You're about to burst!

Rainbow and flies over and pats you on the back, while Camphor watches. “Woah, are you alright, Pinkie? Answer me! I mean, gah, nevermind! I knew this party was a mistake. You'll never make it the whole day.”

There's some screeching noise on the microphone. Some pony in the background sounds concerned over something, “No wait, that was the volume dial. Now it's too loud.”

The same song starts up a third time. A noisy mob has formed around the side of the stage.

“What the? Uh, stay right here, Pinkie.” Rainbow nudges her way through the crowd. “Okay, what's going on? Step aside, let me through.”

Camphor peers at the music player and gives it a light tap with a hoof.

“Uh. I think it's stuck.”

+++++

“Five hours. Five. Hours. Of. Whippet. I think it burned itself into my ears, I can still hear it. What if it never goes away?”

“Why didn't you just turn the machine off?”

“I tried, Twilight! I really did try! It turns out it wasn't that easy,” Rainbow says as she rubs the bruises on her sides. You tried to warn her! “Pinkie Pie was just dancing to the song the entire time. At least it kept her busy.”

It's almost midnight, and you've traveled with your friends back to the dark old cave in the Everfree. You'll be glad when this spell is off of you, it's been really stressful to deal with. Though that little dance break did help a lot.

The last few minutes are ticking down. The three of you watch the magic bottle intently.

Suddenly, there's a jolt of that magic glowy stuff. Kind of a small one. It flows out of your mane and gets sucked down into the bottle. You hear the genie's disembodied voice one last time.

“HRMPH. PARTY POOPERS.”

Well, you were expecting something more dramatic than that. Twilight takes hold of the bottle with her magic, and places it back on the shrine where we found it.

You tell them how it feels so good to be able to talk again! You've had so much you wanted to get off your chest all day long! You loudly inhale a deep breath of air. The girls wince a little behind their grins, as if they're expecting something.

…....

….

You exhale in a little puff. Huh. You can't think of anything to say right now, you tell them. They both facehoof in unison.

Just then, you get a twitchy feeling. A twitch-a-twitch in your tail, and you know full well what that means. You look up and scan the dark roof of the cave, looking out for whatever's about to fall. A bat, perhaps, or a cave beetle? It could be a dangerous stalactite! Or a stalagmite, which would be pretty weird, but just as dangerous!

Suddenly, you don't feel very much solid ground beneath your hooves. Turns out the rock floor wasn't very thick to begin with, and a small part of it crumbled away into a hidden cave below. As you tumble downwards, you're not entirely sure if the twitchy tail signal was meant specifically for you falling, or just the floor falling, or both.

Something broke your fall, since you barely got hurt at all. From above, Twilight is shining a magical light down on you, so you get a better sense of your surroundings. Ah ha, you fell directly into a mound of bottles, which all look strikingly similar to the one from above. Hundreds of them. All around you in every direction, covering you like fresh snow. You're literally up to your ears in magical genie bottles.

“Pinkie! Don't move! The slightest friction could set them all off in a chain reaction!”

You try. You try your hardest.

THE END

Comments

[Havok SCOUT]

Very cute little story. I feel you captured what it might be like in Pinkie's noggin quite well.

[hazeyhooves]

4610485
Thanks!
I think I put myself in that state of mind a little too long. Not sure if that's healthy.

[FanOfMostEverything]

I wonder how those genies would react to the classic "I wish you would not grant this wish" paradox...
Eh, they've probably heard it before.

In any case, an enjoyable story of Pinkie forced to be un-Pinkie. Thank you for it, and good luck in the judging.

[hazeyhooves]

4642258
I actually haven't heard of that paradox myself, hah.

Thanks for reading my story!

[Sypher]

I found it to be a little disorienting to read at first, but then you revealed that the character (and the narrator, too!) was Pinkie Pie, and proceeded to do a seriously good job of portraying her and what might be going through her head.

I think the ending might have been a little more effective if there was a time skip followed by "You tried." As it is, there's still the possibility that Pinkie succeeded in not summoning all of the genies.

I liked this story, especially that comment about eating a ton of sugary treats to calm down. Good luck in the contest!

[hazeyhooves]

4708188
I came up with the idea for the intro first, but actually wrote that chapter last. After finishing chapter 2 and getting in the groove, I began to realize, "this little prank... might not be as funny as it was in my head." I decided to do it anyway as an experiment, to see if it would succeed or fail. (probably the latter)

As for the ending, the intended joke was to switch from "stay perfectly quiet" to "stay perfectly still." Maybe I should've emphasized that more in the dialogue, since it wasn't clear enough. My fault.

Thanks for reading, and the criticism is much appreciated!

[Themaskedferret]

Goofy and cute.

[hazeyhooves]

4740999
thanks!

[JazzyWaffles]

RIP lmao

[RT Garbage Esq]

I love the red herring you set up with the “OC” tag and the suggestion of Anon in Chapter 1, when it turns out you were actually Pinkie and the genie was the OC
Edit: Camphor also qualifies. Still a pretty genius misdirection.