• Member Since 13th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 26th, 2019

Tai Ichi


Hiring proofreaders and editors. Pm me if you're interested

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There is whole different world out there, a world of gods and monsters living next to our own, sometimes interacting with us and influencing our life and tonight, the night of the Moon Fest, it will become part of Tai Ichi's life. His whole life gets flipped upside down and he learns the truth about his heritage and what had really happened to his family and about the murderer of his family.

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The KAMI organisation, a worldwide organisation which monitors the activity of these beings, recruits Tayson because of his heritage.
Being the last member of his clan, he’ll do everything to become strong enough to avenge his family and restore the honour of his clan.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 5 )

Good start although there were a few errors I noticed. First, instead of 'rumble' I think 'rummage' would be a better fit. The sentence:

Crystal was probably already waiting for him to come home so she, he and Pick Up, the qilin who helped her in the shop, could start to set up their festival stand too.

Would be better worded as such, 'Crystal was undoubtedly waiting for him to come home so that they and Pick Up, the qilin who helped in her shop, could set up their festival stand.' One of the 'Melody's isn't capitalized and the following sentence would probably look better as two separate sentences or maybe differently worded:

Red Pen was clearly not amused with being corrected, sadly she was also not amused by the fact that Melody had two mothers.

In the same area one 'of' is used incorrectly as the word 'off.' Crystal's hairstyle, I think, is a bun not a dot (even though that is what it looks like). One of the 'than' should be 'then' and, lastly, when offering to pay for ramuneigh, Lily should state "I'll pay" rather than "I pay."
Looking forward to reading more and I don't mean to step on your toes, just trying to be of assistance. (One of the hazards of doing your own proofreading is you can't turn it off. :twilightblush:)

4697801
Thank you very much :pinkiehappy:
Not at all, I prefer being corrected than having an error in my story.
Most of the errors are due to that I'm not a native speaker. Like the error with the bun, in dutch we call it a dot and I've looked for hours to find the dutch word for it. But I couldn't find the english word for it, even though I could swear that it was one of the translations.

Anyways, thank you very much, I'll do my best to make this one as epic as I imagined it :twilightsmile:

Feel free to leave a reply to this as well readers, especially since I was decidedly more involved with this chapter than the previous ones.

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