Chapter 8: Got whiskey?
Chapter 8: Got whiskey?
“Good morning, Ponyville!”
I groggily sat up from the bed and rubbed my eyes. Instant Noodles removed her forelegs from the end of the bed and stretched. “Wow, you really need to get out more.” She giggled and picked up her clipboard. “Even your brain knows that.”
“Shut up.” I swung myself off the bed. I couldn’t believe my subconscious even told Instant about that! I pulled her closer and evilly whispered into her ear, “If you tell anypony about anything that just happened, I will kill you. Brutally. With a plastic spoon.”
“Okay! Tell nopony! Got it!” Instant squeaked.
I smiled and patted her head. “Good! I’m going to go see what Tabber and Rumcake are up to.” I walked out of the back room, leaving Instant shaking in her robes.
On the way there, I caught sight of the self-imposed town doctor doing his sciencey things. “Hey, Doc, where’s that inn we were talking about earlier?” Of course, I never really paid much attention in chemistry class, so I couldn’t make heads or tails of what he was making.
“Um, the Smashed Spritebot?” he answered, not looking up from his chemistry set. “It’s a few buildings down from from Scrap Bank’s shop.” Scrap Bank’s shop. I knew where that was. “You might want to be careful,” he added.
“Uh… why?”
“Tabber doesn’t like having visitors. Make sure you announce yourself before knocking,” Doc explained. “One doesn’t survive as a spy for this long without being paranoid as balls.”
“I’ll keep it in mind. Wait, what did he do before?” I asked.
“Hmph,” Doc grunted and looked away from his chemistry set.
Right. Sore topic. “If you don’t want to talk about it I understand. I guess I’ll see you later, then.” I moved to leave the clinic, but Doc stopped me.
“Wait.” I paused and looked at him. “There’s something you need to know,” Doc mumbled. He laid down on one of his examination tables and I sat down next to him. “He’s a pure mercenary. He’ll work for whoever has the most caps and he’s damn good at what he does.” He levitated a bottle over from the pile behind his chemistry set. “He doesn’t care. No conscience.”
Obviously something terrible must have happened between them. “Why’d you break up with him? And what about your team and stuff?”
Doc took a long pull from the bottle. “Roy called us up for a recovery job. Recover some kind of statue things from the castle. Whatever or wherever they were, we didn’t find them. We started leaving Canterlot and that’s when everything went wrong.”
“How?”
“… I…” Doc stammered. “On hindsight, I’m not ready to talk about it.”
I nodded and patted his shoulder. “I understand.” Wait, was he crying? Crap. What do I do? Uh… “Look, I’d love to share something from my past, but I don’t remember most of it.” He wiped a tear from his muzzle and smiled. “Well, if it’s any consolation…” Should I? “Let’s make a deal. I’ve got this crazy memory in progress that I’m still trying to complete.” I showed him my mechanical leg and sighed. “It’s all about what happened to me before all of… this. I’ll tell you my story if you tell me yours.”
“It’s a deal.” He shook my claw with his hoof. “Don’t die on me before then.”
“I’m counting on you to keep me alive then,” I teased. Before I left, I gave him a quick kiss on the head. “Think of this as a quick thanks. If only I’d taken the time to see his face.
Once I got outside, the town was looking very different. Those Rangers got busy, fast. The walls around the city were fully finished and even patrols had started pacing the walls. A few Rangers were patrolling the town itself and they were getting mixed reactions. Some of the townsponies were happily interacting with them, but most of them were avoiding the Rangers. “Hey! Hold up!” a high-pitched voice cried. “Birdie! Waaait!” I bristled a bit at being called Birdie, but I decided to let it go.
I stopped and turned around. A little scrawny filly ran up to me. Her long strawberry-colored mane was a mess and her white coat was more of a pale, muddy brown stained with dirt. “Uh… what do you need?” I hesitantly asked her.
She took out a bottle and presented it to me. “You are the birdie from the radio, right?” she asked dubiously.
“I think so,” I replied. I took the bottle and grinned. A single bottle of ice cold Sparkle-Cola. “What’s this for?”
“I know it’s not much, but it’s all our family could spare.” She shyly backed away. “So… yeah.”
I hugged her, of course. “Oh, it’s okay! I love it!” I dug through my bag. Aha! “Here. Take this with you.” I presented her with a box of snack cakes that I’d appropriated from Doc’s clinic. “It’s not much, but it’s tasty.”
She grudgingly took it. “But…” she protested.
“It’s fine! I have plenty of them.” I showed her the other box I’d taken from Doc. “Go ahead and take it.” She sqeee’d happily and dashed off. It’s like everypony loves snack cakes! I tucked away the bottle in a safe place in my bag.
Anyway, where was I… right! Gotta go see what Tabber’s up to. I passed Scrap Bank’s shop and reminded myself that I needed to get some supplies later, if I remembered. The Smashed Spritebot Inn was a few buildings down and across the street, right where Doc said it would be. The front of the building was adorned with several smashed spritebots to live up to its namesake.
I walked inside and was immediately assaulted by the stench of parties long gone and what smelled like a dead body somewhere under the premises. A few townsfolk were still idling about nursing their drinks, deep in thought or completely drunk. Behind the bar, a dark gray unicorn was idly cleaning the counter with a rag in his hoof. He lazily looked up and brushed his white mane out of his eyes. Along one edge, he had a thin red and green stripe running down it.
“Hey, where are the rooms?” I asked him.
“By the hour or the whole day?” he asked back. He continued wiping down the bar lethargically. “Discount for regulars.”
“What? Who rents by th— Oh, okay, never mind.” Of course. “I’m looking for somepony. He’s sorta tall, dark, gas mask. See him?” I queried. Why are inns so dark on the inside? Even my barracks were brighter than this.
He wrung out the rag while filling the glass he was levitating. “I’ve seen him. Who’s asking?” He glared at me suspiciously.
“Uh…” I flapped my wings uncomfortably. “Frosty?” I tried. The bartender didn’t respond. “The pegasus?” He continued glaring. I sighed. Did Tabber really have to go there? “How about the monster filly?” The bartender grinned. “You cannot be serious. That’s what he told you?”
“Oh yeah. Apparently it was a crowning moment in his career or something. Down the hall, room four. Knock first.” He waved me off and started stacking shot glasses and mugs in a cabinet.
As I approached the door, I remembered what Doc told me. “Friendly incoming,” I announced before knocking on the door. There was a quick flash of green light under the door followed by a whole cloudful of swearing and clattering. “Uh… you okay in there?”
Tabber opened the door, smoke curling off his armor and mane. “I’m fine. Had a little crafting mishap. Come on in, mind your step.” He backed up and opened the door wider. The room was littered with parts of weapons and tools, most of which were still somewhat intact. “If you see the muzzle tip of a zebra assault rifle, tell me.”
I carefully stepped around weapon parts and asked him “What the hay happened here?”
“I’m fixing weapons.” He pushed half an assault rifle out of his way. “You know how your weapons will eventually become harder to use? Yeah. Keep them in good repair and maybe you won’t die,” he said.
“Thanks for that enlightening tidbit,” I sarcastically shot back. “I know that already. Ex-Enclave, remember?” I nudged part of a shotgun away. “Where’d you get all these guns from?”
“I found them.”
“What? How do you hold all of these guns?” I motioned around the room. There were literally dozens of guns broken apart and scattered about, not including the ones that probably had already been taken apart and trashed.
“I already told you. Interdimensional saddlebags. They’re much bigger than they look.” He patted his saddlebags gleefully. “Most useful things ever.”
“I thought you were kidding! Now I want one.” I pouted and threw half of a pistol at him. “Anyway, I wanna ask you something.”
“Yeah?” He continued working on an assault rifle.
“Why are you here?”
“Hired to do a job. That’s it.”
“I find it hard to believe that you just happened to be in the area just as I showed up and you needed a pegasus.”
“Fate works in strange ways.”
“And spies work in even stranger ways.”
“You trying to imply something?” He bristled with annoyance.
“Just an observation.” I inched closer to him. “You know, spies. Bunch of bitchy fillies.”
“What do you want?”
“Who do you work for?”
“Why do you need to know?”
“Ponies tell me that you only do things under contract. And you even said yourself that you were hired to secure something under Seapony. So, who are you working for?”
“I answer to a contract. That’s all you need to know.”
I growled. He was leading me in circles and I wasn’t getting a straight answer from him at all. “How about you stop dodging and give me a straight answer.”
“Nope.”
“Dammit. Help me out here. Tell me something.”
He sat back and thought about it. “Fine.” My hopes rose. Maybe some answers, finally! “I’ll eventually tell you. In time. The truth hurts, and I don’t think you’re ready for it.” My ears drooped.
On the bright side, he’ll eventually talk about it.
“Now, give me the body of your sniper rifle.”
“It’s an anti-machine rifle,” I snapped, but I gave it to him anyway. “And what do you mean I can’t handle the truth?”
He took the body of my rifle and carefully started taking it apart on his table. “I’m serious. Heck, when I got the contract I could barely believe it either.” He pulled out the bolt and removed the firing pin from it. “This thing’s almost trashed. You’re lucky it didn’t break.” He tossed it aside and dug out a firing pin from another sniper rifle. “If you hear anything out of the ordinary, stop firing. That’s probably the sound of something going terribly wrong.” He reassembled the body of my rifle and handed it back to me.
“Thanks,” I grumbled and shoved the gun part back into my bag. “So if I can’t handle the truth, when are you going to tell me?”
“When the time is right,” he replied. How cliché of him. “I’m going to grab something to eat. You coming?” I shook my head. “Okay, your loss. Now get the hay out of my motel room.” I stomped out of his room and sat down in front of the bar. There were a few more townsfolk hanging out in the bar now.
“Yo. I could use a drink,” I told the bartender. “Got whiskey?” He nodded. “Great. Just one, please. I’ve still got things to do but I might be back later for more.”
He slid a shot glass full to the brim with whiskey. “First one’s free,” he droned when I reached for my saddlebags for caps. “You look troubled. A bit for your thoughts?”
“How do you know?” I nudged the glass idly.
“I’m a bartender. What do you think I do all day?” he replied with a grin.
That brought a smile to my face. “I just need to stop thinking so much. There’s just too much stuff going on right now that I really don’t want to focus on.”
“Do tell.” He poured himself a shot glass of whiskey and aptly listened.
“Two… three weeks ago, I think all I did was clean out my bunk and micromanage weather. In the past three days I’ve nearly died several times, actually died once, demolished a slaver base and even lost my leg,” I continued. I gently gripped the shot glass in my claw and downed the entire thing. “I just… I never thought something like this would ever happen to me.”
“Hm. I’ve heard better.” The bartender drank his shot and collected our glasses. “If you’re looking to get happy, you might want to head to the party tonight.”
“What do you mean you’ve heard better? And what party?” I demanded. My story wasn’t that boring, was it?
“Yep. Disco party in the generator room, tonight around four. Joint project between some townsfolk and a few Rangers.” He started unpacking bottles and arranging them behind the counter. “Bring a friend, and I didn’t tell you.”
“Tell me what?” I replied innocently.
“Exactly. Now, don’t you have something to do?”
“Huh? Oh yeah. I’ll be back.” I tightened the straps of my saddlebags and walked out of the bar. Okay, what next?
You need more bullets. Go talk to Sleazy.
Good thinking, brain. On the way to his store, a Steel Ranger stopped me. “Hey! Ah know you!” he exclaimed. “Science project! Ya survived, didn’tcha?” Science project. I hate that title so much. Note to self: kill Soufflé.
“Uh… yes. Yes I did. And you are…?” I uneasily replied. I really didn’t like being stopped in the middle of the street, nevertheless by a Steel Ranger. And being called “science project” really annoyed the hay out of me.
The Ranger grabbed my hoof and energetically shook it. “Name’s Cabbage Stew, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Sorry, it’s hard to tell you Rangers apart when all of you have your helmets on.” However, I remembered him from the Rangers base from before. “How’re you doing?”
“Nothin’ much. Ah patrol streets now.” He pointed in the direction of the barracks somewhere down the street. “If ya wanna talk to your pardners, they’re down at the barracks under arrest.”
“Wait, what?” When did that happen? Why did nopony tell me these things? “What happened to them?”
“I have no idea. Something ‘bout disobeying direct orders. They’re in deep water now.”
“Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind.” I sighed and faceclawed. “Always getting into trouble.”
“Ah’ve gotta get back to my patrol. Maybe ah’ll see y’all later.” He paced off in the direction I’d just come from.
The walk over to Sleazy’s shop continued uneventfully. Nopony really stopped me on the way there, but I did notice a heck of a lot more whispering when I walked past ponies. That DJ really got to ponies. News of the Rad Lads base might be spreading like wildfire in town, and that meant news about me was probably flying around as well. I mean, how many other friendly pegasi were there in the wasteland?
“Greetings! The PB&J philosophy is tech plus ammo capacity equals I win! Now, what can I help you with, my feathered friend?” Sleazy boomed. The bar in his neck was missing, and in its place was a large collection of bandages and gauze.
“I need to restock. Interested in more ammunition?” I offered, opening up my other saddlebag. Sleazy’s eyes lit up and he eagerly jumped over the counter. “Could we go into the stockroom for a little privacy?”
“Oh yes, yes of course.” He hopped back over the counter and pushed open the door to his armory. “Now, what do you need and what do you have for me?”
We spent the next several minutes or so scooping out assorted bullets and guns out of the saddlebag I’d filled from the Rad Lads base. “All these bullets and these two pistols and that rifle. I think that’s it.” I pointed out the blue-striped box. “You have any idea what these are?”
Sleazy picked up the box and examined it carefully. Then he opened the box and whistled. “Wow. I never thought I’d see so many of these in one spot.”
“What are they though?” I asked while floating behind him, trying to get a better look in the box. “They just look like bullets with blue tips.”
“These aren’t any normal bullets. These are shock rounds. Less effective at taking out armor, but they are deadly against infantry. Or in rain. Or infantry in the rain.” Sleazy carefully replaced the lid and placed the box back on the table. “Careful with these. They were removed from service because of how dangerously unpredictable they were.”
“Good to know.” I gently lowered it into my saddlebag and tucked it away between a snack cake and the other magical rifle attachment I got from Tabber. “I’m going to need all the anti-machine rifle ammo you have. And a bunch of SMG ammo as well.”
“Sure thing!” Sleazy dumped all of the bullets on the table into a bin. He reached over to a cabinet on the wall and dropped a small box in front of me. “There’s your SMG ammo.” Then he opened a toolbox and fished out several large bullets. “This is all the AM rifle ammo I have.”
“This doesn’t seem like a fair trade,” I mused, counting up the ammunition. “Does it?”
“Dang it, filly. I’ve got nothing else you need!” Sleazy nervously shot back. “What else do ya want?”
“Hm. Give me a fair price. How much are you keeping from me?”
“About two hundred caps,” he stammered. I glared and stepped closer. “Okay! It’s more like three hundred fifty!”
“And how are we going to fix that?” I demanded.
“Um… would you like… uhhhh…” He stumbled over his words, trying to put together an excuse.
“How about a discount for next time?” I suggested.
“Yeah…” He twitched. “Of… course.” He shuddered violently. “A discount. I think I’m going to be sick.” He staggered off into the depths of his armory. “Can you see yourself out?” he asked weakly.
“Uh… yes I can. You going to be okay?” I asked, turning for the exit.
“Just… fine.”
~~~~~
So after making Sleazy McCheapkins physically ill with a deal, I decided that I needed to find out what happened to Rumcake and Baked after they’d returned. According to the word of Cabbage Stew, they’d been detained after arriving. Time to find out what happened. I approached the barracks and was immediately stopped by a pair of Steel Rangers. “What is your business here, Enclave scum?” one of them growled.
“Hey, Frosty! What’s going on?” the other one happily greeted.
“You know her?” the first one asked the other.
“Yeah. Hey! I’m Banana Pudding, remember?” All these silly Steel Rangers with their helmets and food-based names. “Let her through. What are you here for, anyway?”
“I need to talk to Rumcake and Baked Potato. Any idea where they are?” I asked him.
“Second one on the left. Good luck getting through their security detail.”
Something suddenly occurred to me. “Wait, aren’t you a Head Knight or something? Doesn’t that make you more important than patrol material?”
Banana stamped his hooves in agreement. “Yeah, but guess who’s on guard duty and forgot to double-check the Inquisitor’s work orders? That’s right- me.”
“Sucks to be you.” I walked past them and stopped. “Wait. Security detail?”
“Yep. Went AWOL.”
“Away without leave?”
“Yep. They went to go take out a slaver stronghold without orders. ” He tapped his helmet and continued “Even if they didn’t get themselves killed and managed to level the place, they still left base without orders.”
“Good to know.” I eyed the Ranger standing guard at the barracks. How do I sneak past him? He appeared to actually be paying attention, occasionally scanning the area for threats. His gaze eventually landed on me and stopped. I casually waved at him and smiled. He kept his eyes on me at all times. Damn.
I got an idea. I walked over to the first set of barracks on the left and hid behind it. I peeked around the corner and breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t looking in my direction anymore.
Don’t they have built-in targeting spells?
Do they? Hmm. Regardless, I started sneaking around to the back of the second barracks, when the Ranger standing guard looked around. I dove behind the barracks just as he walked over to check the space between the buildings. Since I wasn’t called out, it seemed like I’d lost him. Good. I looked up and saw a wire screen built into the back wall of the barracks. How do I get up there?
Wings, idiot.
Right. I flew up to the window and tapped on it. Both Rangers inside were out of their armor and contentedly sleeping on their own bunks. I tapped harder on the wire screen, trying to get their attention. Still no response. “You two sleep like rocks, don’t you?” I hissed at them.
I ended up pulling the screen out by its frame and climbing in. Unfortunately, my wings got in the way and combined with the size of my saddlebag, I got stuck halfway through the window. “Oi! Who’s th’ idjit makin’ all this racket?” He rubbed his eyes and looked to the door. “This newbie don’t even know how t’ walk without makin’ a heap o’ noise.” Finally, he noticed the pegasus flailing about stuck in the window frame. “Well lookie here! If it ain’t me favorite birdie. “
I shyly waved at him and continued trying to escape the window.
“What the hay are you—” Rumcake started, then noticed me in the window as well. “Well, who do we have here?”
“Hi there,” I whispered, still trying to get inside. “I’m stuck.” I flapped weakly in an attempt to scoot my midsection through the window. “Help.”
“C’mere.” Rumcake came over to the back wall and stood up against it. “Give me your bag,” he said. With a little difficulty, I slipped the strap over my neck and tossed it to him. “Okay, now fold your wings and suck up that gut. I’m going to pull you through. Ready?”
“Hey! Are you calling me fat?” I whined. I followed his commands anyway and got yanked through the window. I slammed into the floorboards with a crash. “Ow! Gently, please!
“Sorry. Didn’t know how stuck you were.” He helped me up and gave my bag back. “Why’d you break in anyway?”
“I just wanted to find out what was going on with you two. Apparently you’re under arrest?” I asked. “Also, I need you to come with me to the disco party tonight.”
“The party? We can’t go. We’re trapped in here for the next few weeks because of that stunt we pulled last night.” Rumcake replied.
“But… I wanna go to this party.” I engaged irresistible sad pouty mode, throwing in extra fluffy wings for a boost to cute factor. “I’m so tired and exhausted from being tired and exhausted. And, uh, I kinda wanna go with you.”
“Uh… umm…” The color of his face was slowly starting to match his mane. “Maybe we could figure something out,” he managed to make out.
That was exactly the response I was looking for. “Yay! You get a boop.” And then I playfully reached over and bopped him on the nose.
“Now I’m feelin’ a bit left out,” Baked whined.
“Aww. I didn’t forget about you!” I flapped over and booped him too. “That’s for you.”
“D’awww lass.” He bashfully grinned and scratched his yellow mane. “Anyway, wha’s the plan now?”
“Well we could sneak out of the window,” I suggested.
“Th’ same window ye got stuck in?” Baked inquired. “Yea, that seems like a good idea.”
“We could cut open the back wall and go through it,” Rumcake suggested. “We’ve got parts here to put together a few saws.”
“Why can’t we just ask the guard outside if you two can leave?” I asked them. “Surely he’ll let you out for a night.”
“We’re not allowed to leave for two weeks. I really doubt he’ll let us out,” Rumcake grumbled. “Stupid rules.”
“Aye! I got an idea. If ye just get him inside, I c’n do th’ rest.” Baked exclaimed. “Jus’ think of somethin’.” He stood behind the door and waited.
“Hey! Rookie! Where’s my damn dinner?” Rumcake yelled at the door. “I’m starving in here!” He hammered the door a little to make more noise.
“Damn it old timer, I just fed you two hours ago!” The rookie roughly shoved the door open. “Sit down and shut the hell up!”
“Oi, Suzy!” Baked whispered from behind the rookie. The rookie spun around and got headbutted so hard he flew back a few feet and slammed into the wall. “Sorry kiddo.” He dragged the rookie into a corner into a sitting position.
“Did… did you just headbutt…a Ranger?” I stammered, dumbfounded. What the hay just happened? Wat?
“Yep. Well, where’s this little party o’ yours?” Baked answered, rearranging the rookie into a more compromising position where it appeared that he’d fallen asleep with his butt in the air. “Haha! Classic.”
“Did you just knock him out… through his helmet?” I continued. That should not have been possible. Baked Potato was unarmored and he just knocked out a fully armored Steel Ranger. How. The. Hay.
“I used t’ play ball back home.” Baked rubbed his forehead. “Was good at it, too.”
“You know what, I don’t want to think about it either.” Rumcake rummaged through the rookie’s saddlebags. “Got these keys for the lavatory but that’s it,” he told us. “Let’s just get to the party before this idiot wakes up.”
“Alright! I got me fancy dress uniform all ready t’ go.” Baked dived into his hooflocker and started digging around.
“So, Frosty… what’ll you be wearing to the party?” Rumcake asked. “You have a dress stashed somewhere? You’ve got to have something nice to wear on our date.” Wait. Crap. I didn’t think that far.
“If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been naked about ninety percent of the time.” I flapped my wings for added emphasis. “I’d normally wear my formal uniform, but that’s back in my barracks- wherever that is. As for my actual Enclave scout uniform, it got destroyed.”
“How have you survived this long without armor?”
“I haven’t. Remember?” I added, then realized what I’d said. The atmosphere in the room suddenly dropped into a much more somber mood. “Crap. Sorry.” I guess we hadn’t all gotten over my own exaggerated demise just yet.
“It’s fine. We can stop by Scrap Bank’s store and see if she’s got anything. Bakey, you find my uniform in there?” Rumcake added, similarly searching for proper attire.
Baked resurfaced wearing a fancy collar with a little blue tie attached to it. One of the lapels had a Sparkle-Cola Rad bottlecap attached to it and he had epaulettes attached to his shoulders. Wait. Huh? “Hold on, what are those epaulettes attached to?” I asked, before Baked could say anything.
He looked at his shoulders and was legitimately confused. “Ya know what? I’ve never really thought of it.”
“Magical uniform bits aside, let me find my uniform and we can go.” Rumcake dived into the hooflocker and suddenly shouted “Hey! Four caps! Sweet.”
~~~~~
When the four whistles had gone off, we hastily got ready and left the rookie unconscious in the corner in a slightly less silly pose. Rumcake had a similar uniform on, except his tie was pink. Of course I’d made fun of him about it, and his reply was “Tough guys wear pink. Tougher guys are pink.” He smoothed back his fluffy pink mane and grinned. “Gotta love pink.”
“I’ll see ye lovebirds at th’ party. I’m goin’ te get me drink on. No ‘Tatoe’s gonna be third wheelin’!” Baked headed off in a seemingly random direction and disappeared into the growing crowds.
“Is he going to be okay?” I asked Rumcake.
“He’ll be fine. Well, here’s Scrap Bank’s shop. Let’s buy you some clothes.”
We walked in and were greeted by Scrap Bank herself. “Hi there! Lookin’ for some armor and some casual wear for my friend.”
Scrap Bank took one look at me and flinched. “Uh… sure. Let’s uh, see.” She walked around the counter and into the store. “I would assume you’d be interested in light armor, then?” she asked me. “How do you feel about getting stabbed?”
“I’d prefer not to,” I replied. “Why?” I pawed through a stack of salvaged raider armor and various outfits.
“And do you get into stab fights often?” She tossed away some refurbished raider armor.
“I don’t think so. Most ponies just shoot at me.” I pulled out an armored duster from the pile. “How about this one?” It was dark gray, a little worn, but completely usable. I could cut some holes in it for my wings, and the duster had little pockets all over it for armor plates. “It seems perfect.”
“Go for it. How much?” Rumcake added, observing the duster carefully.
“Four hundred eighty. I’ll even throw in the armor plates for free.”
Rumcake and I both growled. “Four twenty,” I offered. “Five hundred is ridiculous for this.” She started to consider it, then she shook her head. “Come on!” I shouted. “Four thirty at the most.”
Scrap Bank shrank back from our combined glares. “Alright, alright! Four twenty it is. Sheesh, you ponies and your barter skill…” She stomped away to the front counter. “Tell me when you’ve got a dress picked out.”
“Alright.” Rumcake led me over to Scrap Bank’s motley collection of dresses. I looked over them with mild disinterest. They were pretty, but none of them really matched my mane. Or my coat. “See anything you like?” he asked. “This one looks pretty.”
He held up a green and white dress. “I guess it would sorta match if I still had Mom’s earring.” I flicked my right ear reflexively, not feeling the comforting weight of the green earring attached that used to be there. Wait… Mom? Mom’s earring?
Figure it out later, Frosty. We can dwell on the past later.
“Next,” I commanded. He held up a red and orange dress that was styled like a bonfire. Beautiful, but not what I was looking for. “It’s cute, but definitely not.” He tossed it aside and reached for a garish purple… thing. “No. Just no.” He stopped and reached for the next dress.
“Are you going to like any of them?” he asked in exasperation. “All of these look so pretty! What’s the difference?”
“You honestly don’t know anything about fashion, do you? At least try to find one that matches my mane!” Really, you would think a super soldier would know more than just kill and maim. “Do I really need to wear a dress?” I whined. “It’s not even a formal event!”
“We have to set an example. Also, the rest of us are showing up fancy, so you are too.” Rumcake held up another purple dress. “How about this one?”
“No. Why can’t I show up naked?” I huffed. “It’s just a small party.”
“Again, we want to set a good example. Anyway, everypony thinks you’re one of us now, so you gotta adhere to the Rangers formal code of conduct at least a little.” He held up a simple bright blue dress pleadingly. “Please? This is one of the only dresses you haven’t said no to.”
“Fine.” It looked nice, simple, and clean. There were long pale blue triangles running through various spots of the dress, giving it an angular feel. “It looks good.” And then I grumbled under my breath “If I was a princess, I could show up to my parties naked.” We paid off Scrap Bank and headed off to the party.
“Hey… where is the generator room, anyway?” I asked as I followed in Rumcake’s hoofsteps. I’d put on my new dress and I tied up my mane in a neat little bun using a giant anti-material rifle bullet before leaving Scrap’s shop. What? I wasn’t spending my hard-looted caps on a bow or maneband. We quickly dashed off to Rusty’s place afterward to drop off my bags and my newly-acquired armor. “It’s like everypony knows about the party,” I observed, noting the other ponies also heading in our direction. The Steel Rangers were the most noticeable in their little collars and ties. A few of them even had a full-blown suit coat going, and even the Inquisitor showed up as well.
“What’s Soufflé doing here?” Rumcake asked, voicing my thoughts exactly. Soufflé was ahead of us, his coat billowing out behind him and his large peaked cap giving him away. “I thought he headed back to HQ?”
“We could go ask him,” I suggested.
“No! That’s a terrible idea! Do you remember the last conversation that you two had?”
“Not really.”
“Ugh.” He facehoofed. “Let me remind you that even if the two of you are on equal terms, I’m slightly breaking the rules by being here.” Right. Probably wouldn’t be a good idea to talk to him, then.
Everypony was slowly filtering into a small shack was in front of us. “I assume this is the generator room?” Once inside the shack, we squeezed our way down a flight of stairs into a dark cavernous room flooded with colorful flashing lights. There was music booming throughout the room and it was all coming from a small booth at the far end of the room with two giant speakers attached to it.
“Yep. Wanna hit the bar?” Rumcake yelled in order to be heard over the music. There must have been forty or fifty ponies here! And none of them were trying to kill me! He pointed at the closer end of the room where a bar was set up. Through the pile of ponies I recognized the bartender from the Spritebot. “Might as well find Bakey while we’re here. Look for the crowd of passed out ponies. He’ll be there.”
We shoved our way to the front and I tossed a tiny bag of caps at the bartender. “Sup! Two whiskeys.” He smiled and filled up two glasses, then levitated one to me and the other to Rumcake.
“Having a good time yet?” He continued taking orders and magically pouring drinks while talking to us. Talk about skilled, huh? “Or are you just here on business?” He motioned at our attire. “A bit too stuck up, don’t you think?”
“That’s almost exactly what I said!” I elbowed Rumcake. “Told ya.”
He grumbled a little before quickly changing the subject. “So where’d you get these lights from? And who’s on the music?”
The bartender shrugged. “She’s one of yours.” A bottle flew over our heads and into the waiting hooves of a party guest. “As for the lights, they were here before we got here. All we did was hook up the generator in here.” He pointed at a large cylindrical-esque box behind the DJ booth. “Ergo, generator room. Also the unofficial nightclub known as ‘Past Four’. I work the nights here. Name’s Peppermint Shots. You?”
“I’m Frosty Winds. Former Enclave scout, part-time sidekick. My Ranger buddy here is Rumcake Rum.” Rumcake nodded curtly.
“Hey there, party ponies! Who’s having a good time?” the speakers blared. A cheer went up throughout the room. “I can’t hear you!” All of us cheered harder. “That’s more like it! Woohoo!”
“That kinda sounds like Sparkle Cola up there,” Rumcake told me. “Hm. Never took her as the music type.”
An older stallion limped over to the counter. “Evenin’ Mintley,” he drunkenly slurred. “One more beer, please.” He took notice of my wings and laughed. “So you’re the angel, eh? Great work.” Angel? Wat? “Ya know, I used to be an adven…” He passed out before he could finish.
“Thank Celestia. I don’t want to hear his damn story again.” Peppermint continued pouring drinks. “You still need more?”
I tossed a few more bags of caps at Peppermint Shots. “Keep em’ coming all night. Yahear?” He nodded and passed me another whiskey. Yay, parties! “Hey Rumcake, wanna dance?”
“I can’t dance!” he cried as I dragged him toward the group of ponies having a great time in front of the speakers. “I’ll just stand back there and watch.” He attempted to back away, but I grabbed on prevented him from leaving.
“Oh no you don’t!” I carried him into the air and dropped him into the throng of dancing ponies. “You’re not going to ruin tonight by being a wet towel. Just go with the flow. You’ll be fine!” I landed next to him and started dancing along with the crowd. “It’s so easy. Woo!”
I spent the next few songs trying to get Rumcake to do more than shuffle his hooves around. For a soldier that could live through a minigun salvo, he really couldn’t dance to save his life. After a while we headed back to the bar for a few more drinks. “Okay, that was kinda fun,” Rumcake panted. A ragged cheer broke out from the other side of the bar. “Hey, it’s probably Bakey drinking somepony under the table. Again. Wanna watch?”
“Sure!” I grabbed another whiskey from Peppermint and hovered over the scene. Baked was on his thirty-fifth shot and still going strong. On the other side of the table, several unconscious ponies were stacked up in a haphazard pile. “How’s it going?”
“Yahahaaar lassie! I’ve drunk all th’ filthy land rats under th’ table! Haha!” He downed another shot and slammed the glass onto the table.
“Uh… what happened to your accent?” I asked, puzzled.
“Yarr… I’m inconsistent,” he replied sadly.
The pony across from him collapsed in a drunken heap. Somepony rolled the unconscious pony onto the top of the pile. “Anypony else dare challenge the mighty Baked Potato?” he yelled into the gathered crowd.
“Bring it, sucker!” I yelled and dropped myself into the recently-vacated chair. “You wanna face off? Let’s go!” The crowd around us oohed and aahed.
What the hay are you doing?
I have no idea! Now shut up and let me party!
Say hi to the floor for me, then!
Another bartender floated a collection of glasses to us. “Lady pegasus, what is your choice of poison?” he inquired. “We have vodka, whiskey, be—”
“Whiskey. Wild Pegasus, if you’ve got it,” I immediately answered. “Prepare to lose, buddy. You underestimate my powers greatly.”
“I be not afraid of a little lassie like you!” Baked yelled back. “Show me yer worst!”
~~~~~
The sharp blare of the second whistle jolted me awake. Ugh. Everything was so bright. I shook my head and winced. And hellooo, hangover. I laid back down on the bed and cuddled closer to Rumcake. “Move over. You’re hogging the blankets,” I mumbled to him.
“Meeeeh.” He groaned and covered his head. “Too… early.”
“Ach, what happened las’ night?”
“Boys, how did I get up here?” a very scared voice called down from the ceiling. “I hate heights. Help me.”
“Shut uuuuup.” I threw a pillow at the voice and I was rewarded with an eep. Hold on. Back the fun train up. What? I bolted upright and surveyed the room. For starters, I was sharing a bed with Rumcake. Baked was passed out on the floor next to the bed and a small purple mare wearing massive green sunglasses was holding onto a ceiling beam for dear life.
“Up and at ‘em, you four,” Doc yelled from the next room.
I urgently shook Rumcake awake. “Wake up. Wake up. Omigoshohmygosh! What happened last night?” Panic mode engaged! “Did we do it? How drunk did I get?” I turned my attention to Baked. “Speaking of which, did I win?” I looked up at the ceiling. The little purple mare had a bright violet mane with black stripes in it, and she was still just as stuck as ever. “And who are you?”
Rumcake rolled over and hugged me from behind. “That’s Sparkle Cola. The DJ last night,” he grumbled. “You’re so soft and cuddly, you know that?”
“Thanks, I guess?” I blushed and decided to hold onto his forelegs anyway. “Don’t we have somewhere to be?”
“Do we?” He buried his face into my mane. “I jus’ wanna sleep.”
“Hey! How about getting me off this ceiling!” Sparkle screeched, causing everypony in the room to flinch. Ow. My head was still ringing when I grudgingly pulled myself away from Rumcake and flew up to the ceiling.
I held out my forelegs. “Grab on. I’ll fly you back down to the floor.” She uneasily inched toward me along the beam and slowly held out a hoof. “By Celestia, just get over here.” I reached over and simply yanked her off the beam. Of course then she started screaming and as all of us know all too well, high-pitched noises and hangovers do not mix. I lost control of my flight for a short period and Sparkle’s screaming increased in pitch. “Stop screaming!” I managed to glide down to the floor without losing control.
“You suck at flying.” Sparkle squirmed out of my grip and immediately over to a nearby trash can. “I’m gonna be sick.”
“Well, whose fault is it for screaming the whole way down? It was only like, twelve feet.” I grabbed the pillow on the floor and hopped back onto the bed. “Ugh… my head hurts. Thanks a lot.” I got comfortable again next to Rumcake and covered my head with the pillow. This moment was nice for now but sooner or later, I’d have to figure out what happened last night.
“Okay, you freeloading drunkards, time to leave!” Rusty yelled, prompting more hungover groans of protest from all of us. “Yes, all of you. Doc wants his room back.”
I disentangled myself from Rumcake’s forelegs again and slid off the bed. “Ugh. I’m up, I’m up.” I pushed through the double doors leading into the front of the clinic and dropped myself onto an exam table. “Doc, you got something for my hangover?”
Doc paced over and magically dropped a bottle of water in front of me. “Here.” He leaned over and lifted my right eyelid. I was really confused to what he was doing until he released a burst of light from his horn. Gah! The light! It burns! I attempted to scoot backward as fast as I could, but Doc was holding me in place with his magic. “Alright, you can have your eyeball back now.” I slammed my eye shut and rubbed it. Ow. Ow.
“What the hay was that fo—” I started to say, then Doc yanked my tongue out of my mouth and dropped a few tablets onto it. Once he released it, I instantly pulled by tongue back into my muzzle and glared. Doc floated the bottle over to me and I gratefully swallowed from it. “Anyway, what was that for?” I demanded.
“Science. And aspirin.” He jotted some notes down onto a pad. “It’s just a hangover. In other news, your heart should be doing fine. Your liver, on the other hand…” He grinned and pointed at a pile of empty whiskey bottles. “Some party, eh?”
Was that all me? Wow. Even for me, that much alcohol must have been deadly. “I really hope that’s our combined amount of drinking last night.”
“It is. The four of you really put a dent in Minty’s stock. Nearly drank him out of business.” Doc replied with a laugh. “Once you idiots are up and about, some big hat from the Rangers wants to talk to you.” Crap. I forgot about the idiot we left unconscious in the barracks. “I’ve seen that look before. You mess something up?”
“You could say that,” I replied. “Just a loose end we forgot to tie up. Literally, once I look back on it.” Rumcake loudly staggered into the room, attempting to cover his eyes. “Hey. Soufflé wants to talk to us.” He swore and punched a desk. “It doesn’t sound serious. If it was, he would have told us to show up bright and early.”
“Buck that. First stop’s gonna be for food. Actual food, not that boxed crap.” Rumcake picked up the water bottle and finished it off. “How’s Baked doing? And where’d we get Sparkle from?”
“Your friend is fine. How he’s still alive is beyond me or science,” Doc replied, levitating some more aspirin to Rumcake. “As for Sparkle, she showed up with you three last night.”
“Wait, you know what happened last night?” Maybe Doc could help me piece together last night. “What’d I do? Who’d I do, for that matter?” He shrugged and turned back to his experiments. “What do you mean you don’t know?”
“All of you basically barged through and headed directly for the back room. As for your nighttime activities, I don’t think anything happened.” He held up a vial to the light and shook it a little. “Unless, of course, you’re the noisy type.” He winked at me. I don— Oh I got it. Blush mode engaged.
“Let’s just get out of here before I’m tempted to murder Doc again,” I told Rumcake. “Once everypony wakes up, let’s get food and go see what the buck Soufflé wants from the three of us.”
~~~~~
After a somewhat satisfying meal at the Smashed Spritebot, we headed over to the Rangers encampment, dreading another encounter with Soufflé. On the way there I was very sure I saw the rookie standing guard outside. I mean, how many other Rangers had a large dent in their helmets?
Soufflé’s office was small, cramped, and nearly filled with just his chair, desk, and two other seats. “Good afternoon, Paladin Commander, Knight Baked Potato. You too, Frosty. Please, sit down.” Soufflé motioned to the seats across from his. “We’ve got a lot to discuss. Okay, not really.”
Baked dropped himself into a chair; Rumcake nudged me toward the other chair. “Nah, that’s okay. I’ve got wings,” I told him and settled myself on the ceiling. “Really, you take that chair. I love it up here.” He smiled and sat down in the vacant chair. “So, why we here?”
“You three geniuses rocked the hive. Good work.” He threw a stack of papers at us. “Now that you’ve solved our slaver problem, the slavers think they just need to throw more slaver at us. I’m getting reports from our advance scouts that I thoughtfully sent out, and the results are not good. Red Eye’s bringing his fire and brimstone.”
“Ain’t that a good thing?” Baked grumbled. “Less prob’s fer the other lads.”
“They’re coming here, you indolent nincompoop.” Soufflé slammed the table. “And we’re not going to be able to fight them off. Not without reinforcements.”
“What’s the plan, sir?” I asked him. Might as well work with him for now. He had the power to command all these Rangers, so I better not piss him off.
“We’ve got no other choice. They want a fight? We’ll give ‘em one. Circle the wagons, rile up the dogs, collect the torches and pitchforks. Let’s show these wimps what happens when you mess with the might of the Steel bucking Rangers!”
“Who dares, wins!” all three Rangers in the room chanted.
Feeling a bit left out, I raised my hoof in the air. “Fly, fight, win!” I weakly added.
Footnote: Level up!
New Perk: Fortune Finder – You just gotta steal everything, don’tcha? You will find considerably more caps in containers than you normally would.
Current Sub-perk: Alcoholics Obvious – Drink! Drink! Alcohol resistance is doubled, but effects will last twice as long.
Current Status: Addicted to Med-X – It isn’t your fault. When withdrawn, your Agility and Intelligence are penalized by -1.
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[quote“Ya know, I used to be an adven…”]static1.nexusmods.com/15/mods/110/images/8044-1-1328650754.jpg
I love the references.
I'm so glad that old guy didn't finish the reference
Gah, it's been so long I completely forgot about this side of Sparkle-Cola! (to my shame, I misremembered the "You suck as flying" as having been said by Tangerine...)
Sorry I haven't been around to help much for the last few weeks. I have to say I'm really happy about the edits you made to this chapter; I'm glad that I got my point across well in the few notes I left. Well done.
The story made the front page for a bit once again. I'm enjoying the new chapters quite nicely. The seahorses... eugh.
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3672413
Eeey! Somepony got it!
Is this story still in the making or is it being uploaded to this site from another source?
Keep up the good work!
3680153 Still in the making; Fimfiction is the only place it's published. If you desperately need to, you can read ahead all the way to Chapter 20 of the old version of the story by checking the links in chapter "0.872", but I highly discourage doing that.
3680781 I'll take your word for it.
And I can't believe nobody picked up on this one. To be fair, I've thrown thousands of hours at this game series.
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The amount of RvB references makes me tickled lightish red.
I love the Air Force reference at the end there!!
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I know of less than ten.
Lockers! Them and their magic ammo/cap generating qualities!
+10 respect points.
All of the things she could comment on, and that's what she picks first? Then again, what do you say to that level of insanity?
Is it bad I am morbidly curious how that would work? Besides hasn't she already made clear she won't talk about things inside Frosty's head without her permission? though never hurts to be extra sure.
That actually scared her? damnit Frosty stop being a jerk to your friends. Unless it's comical.
Discord? Where they being sent to steal Discord?
Wow, this must have been really bad. And, yeah Doc's been the insane comic relief but, not at all surprised there's more to him then just that. He's quirky, but not one dimensionally so. Even before this, this, looking forward to learning more... when he's ready.
And an issue with things happening WAY to quick as well. A lot of things I could buy happening, just, not as quickly as the the story makes them happen.
Umm, yeah! They are awesome. And, so was that little scene. So sweet. Just, little touches of ponies being grateful for the help.
I have no idea why, but I love that bit there.
Wait, Tabber told the bartender about this? Not her name? And, I'm just really confused what's going on here. I get the basics but, what did Tabber tel the bartender? Why is he screening his visitors? Just, few to many questions. Also, what happened o the whole "Hide that you are a pegasus" thing that was a big deal for half a chapter before being forgotten about?
Ehhhh, still conflicted over these things. They work in a less serious story like this, but in the larger FoE world, feel really out of place. Yeah they always joked about just how much Calamity could store in his saddlebags and how much loot he always grabbed, but it was more, he was really good at squeezing stuff into the bags. When it came to large amounts of weapons, they strapped them in places other then the bags and, yeah. It's not wholly out of place, but having it drawn attention to is odd. Like them for this story, don't like them for FoE as a whole.
I kind of wish he was.
Wait, what? is this connected to what went on before she lost her memories? If so, how could she be so sure she'd end up in Happy Hills? Or meet up with him? And, what was in that chest he had her open that.. looked empty? Why? Nice build up of mystery. Hopefully the pay off is worth it.
Okay story, now ou are hooking me with this mystery even more.. and I have little idea what the hell it could be yet.
wait, that's all he does? Replace one part? Not, tactfully work on it for her? Just blatant foreshadowing of her gun breaking soon? Bit of overall useless time filler?
Roll credits. And, should I just skip the next few scenes? I tend to really hate watching drunks....
Okay, good job story. Drink now and then to settled down, can't related but can understand. Long as it's no reveling in the glory that is being a drunken idiot. And by my definition, getting drunk makes you an idiot period.
Wait what? Why are rangers... it's hard enough buying them coming into town without slaughtering everything that moves. But this? And the story outright acknowledged how rangers act. But, nothing about why these ones aren't evil, sadistic, murdering incarnations of pure evil second only to the Enclave. Not saying it's impossible but it does need to be addressed and explained why. And, why the secrecy about it?
You already tried that. It didn't go so well for you.
Good, even for a ghoul, that was pushing things. Baring a Canterlot Ghoul anyway.
OHHHHH Those could be fun. But, wouldn't they be effective against armor? At least metallic armor? Either way, those will be fun to see used. If they don't blow up in her face. No no even then, still fun. Nice idea for a new type of bullet. And good reason we never herd about them.
Ummm, okay well that scene just happened. Not, a very well done bartering scene. Just to quick, to rushed and no real emotion coming through for it. Just quick facts and out.
No after arriving, they messed around in the clinic for a few hours at least, THEN somehow got arrested after that.
They.. were already away from the base when they did that. So, WTF?
He already knew you were there... and the other one, who seems to outrank him, know you. Ugh so confused at what's going on. wait no she told them to let her though but, she never moved to do so....
What is going on? Explain, set the scene, I thought this was one huge building, now it's a bunch of smaller ones, where was the first set of guards? Where did this other one come from? How does she know where she's going? What is the layout? I have no idea what is going on because nothing is explained or described. Just, stuff happened that all meshes together into a giant pile of "What?" And, why? Why the sneaking, why.. just.. explain story. Explain!
So you brake into what is the next best thing to a jail cell. Just to see what's up, and to try and get the ponies that are under arrest, to come to a party with you? Are we sure she only had one drink?
First, so, it's not arrested, just confined to quarters for a few weeks? So, why the guard them if they aren't actual prisoners, just being disciplined?
Second, still not seeing why this is such a bad thing they did that they need to be punished for it. Or how, a few hours ago they were in he clinic messing around, but now under house arrest? When did that happen? Why like that? Wouldn't it be right after they gave their report? And what was so wrong about what they did. They did not leave base.. at all, they were already away from it.
Third. Why would the Rnagers just, tell them to go to their room for a few days? And in the brand new, hasn't actually checked them over or lived in them for a full day yet HQ rather then back at their main base?
Fourth. Last night? And that was the night of the same day they made the deal with the town. How in the bucking hell did they tell the Rangers about this, get the Rangers to agree to it, get everything worked out in town and Rangers for the details, and have the Rangers set up this much of a base and do this much, in less then a day? When they spent that whole day in the tunnels, or fighting the slavers?
Again story, it's not what is happening, it's how fast it's all being pushed through just to have it be done, when there is no way at all it could possibly happen that fast. Thus breaking immersion and taking the reader out of the story.
And then you go and throw in something so hilarious cute like this. So I can't really stay to mad at you.
D'awwwww, and a nose boop is like, first base for ponies isn't it?
So already in trouble for.. reasons that make little sense, and just jumping right at messing up again. Worst, Rangers, ever.. Though them being so bad does at least explain why they aren't assholes, they are just that bad at being Rangers that they can't pull that level of sadistic murderous evilness off. Still feels like the story needs to address this issue more clearly though.
How did these two become Steel Rangers in the first place?
............... Well, you at least addressed the fact, if provided no real answer, and.. that's the only way to get through a lot of this story, just, don't think about it.
How!? They seriously moved, every, single item even random ranger's personal lockers, all the way to this town, in less then a day? HOW!? Story..are.. are you even trying to make sense here?
Having Schlock Mercenary flashbacks with that and, okay yes it makes no damn sense, and I should be complaining about that but, at this point, things like that.. it's a comedy focused story, and it was funny so, just rolling with it.
.....
Ouch.
Lines that would be so so so wrong if not Pony. And yet are so damn perfect for Pony. Let her be Naked, come on Rummy.
I'm not sure if that is ridiculous or awesome. But love it anyway.
So why the "you didn't hear this from me" bit?
yet.
Seriously?
I know where you were going, and thank you for passing out before finishing that.
Now having 8 Bit theater flashbacks. And why is that line so funny?
Oh yay... I lets be morons and see who can poison themselves faster 'contest'. No not something objectively wrong with the story, just, something I really really freaking hate personally.
Well, at least we skip the stupid part and get right to the just punishment for the stupidity. Nice way to waste a possible great night dumbass. Yeah let's get so blitzed I can't even remember what the hell I did. Great idea. Assuming you weren't to drunk to even do anything.
Well this will be an interesting story. If they ever figure out what the hell went on. Or who that new pony is.
Okay, yes as a whole I hate dunks, drunk scenes, or, anything involving alcohol, in general, but... yeah sometimes the after effects can be hilarious, this is one of those times. And yes, I'll bet she is soft and cuddly.
Ya think? Well now, yelled at, or some bizarre and well timed coincidence that gets them off the hook?
Should have thought about that BEFORE getting drunk.
So yeah, like I said, generally dislike anything about being drunk but, that was pretty hilarious, and... so what no contrivance is going to come up out of nowhere to make the whole jail break thing pointless?
So, nothing about.. that whole punishment and... so what was the point of that whole bit? it made no sense, and went nowhere. But now, just going to ignore it ever happening? And what is under there that Redeye wants so badly?
Eh decent chapter, few more "What the hell is going on" bits and, again everything happens WAY to fast to be believable. But humor and characters are still great.
Love the story thus far, but the entire time I was reading it one thing keep nagging the back of my mind. Did they remove the bomb collar? Meh I'll find out eventually.
5500130 I don't think they removed it, but Rumcake turned off the range on it so Frosty can go wherever she wants without it going off.
the last " is gone, again...