• Member Since 15th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 12th, 2017

Danger Beans


I was once an ordinary Lima Bean. One day I got bitten by a radioactive fanfiction writer and my life was changed forever.

T
Source

Murder has come to Canterlot.

When a body is discovered, mutilated beyond recognition, Princess Luna is tasked with finding the culprit and bringing them to justice.

As the Alicorn of Darkness, it is her duty to watch over the night, and protect the ponies of Equestria from that which lurks in shadow. But she won't be alone in this endeavor; a stallion from the Royal Investigative Service and the prince of chaos himself have been sent to aide her in this matter.

Together this strange trio will find that there is much more at play here than mere murder; a storm is gathering in the shadows of Canterlot, and even the powers of a god may not be enough overcome it.


Prereading credits go to the eminent Carabas.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 38 )

I love your writing.

The beans have struck gold with creativity, in other words, Luna!

Very interesting story, I'm not one for murder mysteries yet you've captivated my attention. I am drawn by your characterizations and descriptions of the events.

I await to see what else is in store .

5961887
Why, thank you. :twilightsmile:

5962817
I really wish that there was a Luna emoticon that I could use to reply to this comment. :raritydespair:

5962937
There are only two things that I truly believe I am good at when it comes to writing: characterization, and describing shit. I play to my strengths. :moustache:

5963835 You and me both, Luna needs appreciation too.

Really reminded me of Murder on the Orient Express.

You have a great interpretation of Luna here, and showing that she's one of the few protagonists from the show that can be involved with more mature writing.

Princess Luna: ACE DETECTIVE!

You do a great job of capturing the atmosphere of this style of murder mystery. Should be interesting to see where this goes.

5964963
I said that Under A Luminous Sky was one of my primary inspirations, well the other would be Agatha Christie. So that is a HUGE compliment to me. :twilightsmile:

Aw man, I'm loving this so far! Luna fits into the 'Hercule Poirot'-esque detective role surprisingly well. I really wish FimFic had a "Mystery" tag so I could find stories like this easier.

Anyways, keep up the good work. Will be following this one closely.

Golden Wish

Hmm... :rainbowhuh:

This story deserves more attention.

6122408

I just realized that I never replied to this comment. Whoops. :twilightblush:

So, how'd you like my butchering of Knox's Second Rule? :duck:

6148683 Knox's 2nd (And the entire Decalogue, really.) are really all just about proper foreshadowing and writing technique anyway. It's about not having supernatural ass-pulls blind siding your readers, but if they're effectively used and explained in the context of the setting, it's generally pretty kosher.

So I noticed in the short description it said "Agent Word Smith." I kinda didn't see his first name at first and wondered why The Matrix was involved.

Great first impression :trollestia:
It's Carabas's fault

“Would you like us to accompany you, Princess?” The same pegasus asked as she stepped off the chariot.

:trixieshiftright:

“Yes, Princess,” the guards pulled the chariot to the edge of the roof, and remained at attention.

That... is most certainly not dialogue attribution, so the first comma shouldn't be there. The second comma also shouldn't be there; "remained at attention" is not a full sentence.

Luna smiled, “As you wish, Smith.”

Smiled is not dialogue attribution :trixieshiftright:

and that I was to liaison with a “wordsmith” on the roof.

Quotes within quotes use single quotes.

Word Smith, while Discord and I go to horsemouth

:trixieshiftright:

There were a few other things. The chapter felt kind of sloppy, honestly. Lots of little mistakes that, over the course of the story, you demonstrated you knew how to do correctly. It just seems like you didn't spend enough time editing to catch them all.

I wonder where the continuity in these short chapters will lead. I mean, there has to be some purpose for them.

Is that also why you did point out his breach of etiquette?

You accidentally a word.

“Princess.” One of the dawn guard stallions said.

Lower-case and comma, not a period.

“This is Captain Bodega of the Canterlot City Night Watch.” He is technically the highest ranking officer here.”

You accidentally added an extra quotation mark.

“I have questions that I would like for you to answer. The sergeant wordlessly took a seat to her right.

You accidentally a quotation mark.

“New recruits,” Lance head clarified

:trixieshiftright:

“Not much to tell, really.” Lance Head said with an air of resignation.

Comma, not period.

It is as the great philosopher Carabas Cube

I think . . . I think that I would like to see Moonlight Palaver.

Luna’s breath caught in her throat; she knew these beings. Or rather, she had known them. Fairy Floss, Burro Delver, Gellert Fivecrags, Bullwalda Greenhorn, the Fire Queen, and The Capricious Crown. Before her fall from grace, these had been the rulers of Equestria’s neighboring countries.

Carabas, you're a butthead :rainbowwild:

I'm definitely enjoying the story, but it still feels really sloppy.

6159303
As unpleasant as it is to admit one’s own failings, you are right. I obviously didn't spend enough time going over this. If I had, you wouldn't have had so many emboldened errors in your comments. But to paraphrase Alfred Pennyworth: the reason we fall is to get back up again. So I thank you for your perspicacity. :twilightsmile:

Oh, yeah things just got creepier! :rainbowderp:

I uhh...was gonna post a comment expressing how I feel about this story, but it was ridiculously long.

So I wrote a review on my blog instead. Hope you don't mind or whatever.

6467434
I know what you mean. I actually started doing reviews when I was trying to convince a friend to read Twilight Sparkle: Nightshift. It got so long that I just copy/pasted it to a blog. I'll give it a read!:twilightsmile:

this poem is complete bullshitt

Apotemnophilia would be more disabling to ponies than apes. Let is look at the case of Unicorns and Earthens:

With removal of an hind-limb, an Earthen or Unicorn would be permanently disabled. Removal of a forelimb, would reduce a pony to hobbling around slowly.

Everything stated for Earthens and Unicorns applies for removal of the legs of Pegasy. Removal of a single wing would render a Pegasus incapable of flight.

One could cut off an horn, but it would regenerate. To permanently remove a horn, would require opening the skull and removinf a chunk of brain around the base of the horn.

We I wonder which sort of pony Agent Word Smith is.

Giving 10% of one's income sounds fair —— if one is a libertarian:

Taking 10% of the income of someone making minimum wage to mean not making rent and becoming homeless. The formula is thus:

t = n / 10

t equals tax. n equals income. Try this instead:

t = ( n / m ) - ( c + d )

t equals tax. n equals income. m is a constant. c is a constant. d is deductibles. Let us put some dummy numbers into the equation:

m = 2

c = 10,000. U$D

d = 0

If one earns less that 20,000.00 U$D, one does not pay tax. If one earns less than 20,000.00 U$D, one receives income-assistance (mincome). The super rich pretty much pay a flat tax. If your computer has a graphing calculator or you have a graphing calculator, you can see for yourself:

y=(x/2)-10000

6909150
The 10% tax is actually based on the giving of a tithe, or the giving of one tenth of annual produce or earnings, formerly taken as a tax for the support of the church and clergy. I'm not sure if this will ever come up, but in the context of this story, Equestria is a Platonic Republic, which Celestia administrates similarly to a church. Many give more, many give less, and some don't give at all. It's this last group for which the Royal Investigative Service was initially established. But in essence, taxes aren't much of a problem for Equestrians.

For more information on what a Platonic Republic is, I'd advise you to read the following: [Link] It's a very detailed essay on the parallels between Equestria and Plato's Republic. Personally, I find it to be an enthralling read.

I'm very happy to read your feedback and see that you are enjoying the story. :twilightsmile:

I do not to do this, Sister! I do not want to play these shadow games!

I realize this is a little late but I did have to reread this a few times before I realized that there was probably a "want" that got dropped out of the sentence.

7130779 Wow, I'm late, but "Shadow Games" as in Yugio.


In any case, this is a fantastic story. Can;t get enough of it.

7177642
Are you sure you're reading the right story?

:trollestia:

7179972

Well, the capacity for compassion is presumably what separates Discord, for example, and the murderer.

One could even argue that the capacity for compassion is what distinguishes Luna from Nightmare Moon.

why frowned upon

That should be "while frowned upon".

Luna blushed and put a hand to her muzzle

That should be "hoof", not "hand".

“You don’t think that Oakenhoof actually lived here?” he asked.

While this means what you want it to say if interpreted strictly, interpreted less strictly it can also mean the opposite. It'd be clearer if you said "You think Oakenhoof didn't actually live here?"

During their search the draconequus had not been silent, but he had spoken about bore any relevance the the matter at horn, and she had ignored him.

That should either be "but what he had spoken about bore no relevance" or "but nothing he had spoken about bore any relevance".

The room beyond the doorway a far cry from the rest of the mansion.

That should be "was a far cry from".

“Your sister always did have the strangest fascination with fauna.

"Fauna" is animal life. "Flora" is plants.

7534317
Thank you for your input! :twilightsmile:

I actually have a revised Gdoc in progress with many little grammatical fixes, though I haven't uploaded it yet and I don't actually know if it catches any of the errors you've pointed out. I wanted to finish the first Act with the next chapter before I submit revisions for EQD. (Fingers crossed) So thank you for taking the time to point these out! And I'm glad that you're enjoying the story!

Thou shall not leave on such a cliffhanger D:

I saw you had an estimate for the next chapter to be released a while ago. Any new release dates for either the update or, if you are not continuing this story, a run through of the rest?

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