Chapter 1
There have been many stories told about the bear, the bird and the witch. But it seems we always find that there’s more to tell about these three. Each story begins with the heroic pair beset upon by crisis caused by the witch, to which, the duo rise and eventually defeat her evil.
In fact, in their latest adventure, a being from another world named L.O.G intervened upon the fated trio, meddling in their affairs in order to bring their conflict to an end once and for all. But as that story ended the same way as the last two, it was not an end to the conflict; rather, it was only the prelude to a new beginning.
Despite L.O.G’s involvement, though noble his goal was, it was really only a matter of time before things on Spiral Mountain became business as usual again. But this time, it wouldn’t be just Spiral Mountain’s business.
It was another sunny morning, as if any other kind of weather could occur on Spiral Mountain. In a corner of the green valley surrounded by cliffs you could just barely see over, a certain bear and bird were finishing a brief constitutional just as the day began.
“Ninety-eight… ninety-nine… ninety-nine and a half…”
Banjo huffed. “Kazooie?”
“Ninety-nine and three quarters…”
Banjo fell flat on his face. “Three quarters?!”
“It didn’t feel like you were putting all your effort into it. I’m not counting it unless you’re putting your back into it!”
“Are you even paying attention?”
“Of course I am!” Kazooie barked defensively. “What kind of question is that?”
“I don’t recognize: what kind of question is that.”
Kazooie smacked her new Iphone’s touchscreen. “I wasn’t talking to you, Siri!”
Banjo looked over his shoulder. His lifelong pal Kazooie was comfortably sitting in his backpack as always. He sighed, dusted himself off and got up. Trying to get the red bird to spot him seemed pointless while she was preoccupied but he felt he’d exercised sufficiently anyway. Hundred push-ups, give or take.
“Ya know, it wouldn’t hurt for you to do some training yourself,” Banjo reminded her.
“I AM training! It might not look like it but Flappy Bird is harder than it looks!” Kazooie informed him, tapping away at her phone.
Banjo sighed; pointless indeed. Following their last escapades, he took it upon himself to exercise more regularly and try to eat better just in case a certain dimension-hopping computer monitor or the skeletal head of an evil witch decided to drop by for a visit. Microsoft and Rare forbid.
For the most part, Spiral Mountain was a peaceful gorge complete with verdant fields and meadows, surrounded on all sides by tall, rocky peaks that did nothing to block the view of the sky. Banjo, Kazooie and their friends lived there amongst other animals in tranquility and perpetual sunshine.
But not everyone in Spiral Mountain enjoyed the blissful environment; the mountain was also home to an evil witch named Gruntilda who regularly concocted evil plans to make life miserable for everyone else. From trying to steal Banjo’s sister’s beauty to trying to steal the life force of everything in the Isle of Jinjos, Gruntilda’s plots had thankfully been stopped by the heroic pair on at least 4 separate occasions.
The most recent time, a strange being named L.O.G intervened and sought to bring about an end to the three’s fighting once and for all. Once again, Banjo and Kazooie had triumphed and peace once again reigned in Spiral Mountain. Still, Banjo had insisted the two try to stay in shape in case anything more threatened to disrupt that peace.
Kazooie in his backpack, Banjo began walking back to their house nestled in a corner of the valley. “Ya know, playing that game isn’t exactly exercise.”
His feathered companion continued tapping at her phone. “I’m exercising my mind! That’s important work, too! I’m keeping my reflexes sharp while you do all the muscle work.”
“It wouldn’t hurt you to stretch your legs, though,” Banjo pointed out.
“Yeah, maybe,” the bird said absent-mindedly. “I’ll take a hike later or something.”
“And maybe I can hone my reflexes on your phone,” Banjo suggested.
“Let’s not go crazy now,” Kazooie countered, looking over her shoulder. “You keep working out, staying in tip-top shape. I’LL keep my mind sharp; after all, I’m the brains of our operation anyway.”
Banjo raised an eyebrow. “Since when?”
“Since the beginning!” Kazooie protested.
“Oh yeah?” Banjo questioned, “so what’s going to happen when Grunty or L.O.G show up again and you’re too out of shape to use your wings?”
“Relax,” Kazooie batted away the notion of her being unable to fly. “What are the odds of either of those two actually showing up agai-”
A pause interrupted Kazooie’s speech. Not that she herself had a pause but an actual pause happened. The two rounded the corner noticing that the clouds overhead had stopped moving. It was like the whole world had world stopped: birds froze in mid flight, smoke billowing from Banjo’s chimney halted and everything seemed to just have quit all at once.
But Banjo and Kazooie had been through this before and were actually quite aware of who was responsible for the phenomenon. The red word PAUSED floated over their home, just as it had before only something was different about it this time; it seemed to flicker.
“L.O.G?” Banjo asked, looking around.
“Hey! Floating flatscreen! Where are ya?” the bird demanded in an annoyed tone. But there was no response. The last time a ‘pause’ occurred, they had been introduced to L.O.G, the so-named ‘Lord Of Games.’
Supposedly the ruler and maker of all video games from Pong to Grand Theft Auto, L.O.G had whisked them away to his home dimension where they once again had fought Gruntilda to get back to Spiral Mountain. The two had won and Gruntilda had been sentenced to an eternity making video games in L.O.G’s factory. Banjo and Kazooie had returned home and had enjoyed the relaxation, that is, until now.
“L.O.G? Are you there?” Banjo asked again.
“Maybe he ran out of batteries,” Kazooie theorized.
After a few moments of silence, a familiar voice finally spoke; “Hold on, hold on, I’m on an emulator. Gimme a second.”
Banjo put his hands on his hips and tapped his foot. Kazooie checked her watch on her wing. Unfortunately, even that had stopped.
“I might have to reboot this thing. Freakin’ Steam… oh wait, there it goes.” Finally, the royally-garbed golden electronic screen appeared, descending from above. “Sorry about that. Really, never thought I’d miss blowing on the cartridges.”
Banjo and Kazooie exchanged a glance of awkward concern. The game ruler quickly changed the conversation. “You both know what I mean! ANYWAY, I’m sorry to interrupt but things haven’t been going well at the factory lately.”
“What happened?” Kazooie asked, “gamers today obsessed with pretty, colorful ponies or something?”
“Worse,” L.O.G replied, “Workers unionized. Claimed that “eternal servitude” was “kinda harsh.” Whatever that means. I even tried sending in a team of 7 expert mercs,” the floating box-head sighed heavily. “That didn’t work out so well.”
Kazooie shrugged. “Yeah, even I gotta say, eternity’s a pretty long time without breaks.”
“They received plenty of breaks,” L.O.G protested. “Every other day, my employees broke limbs, parts, down emotionally. We almost got the high score on the ‘Days With An Accident’ board.”
Banjo facepawed. “That’s supposed to be ‘Days WITHOUT An Accident’! It’s not a game; the goal is to keep the number as low as possible!”
L.O.G’s screen rose a digital eyebrow. “You’re sure about that?”
“YES!” the two shouted simultaneously.
“That explains a lot. I was wondering why we never got any extra lives for making it past a hundred.” L.O.G, being the supreme being and creator of all video games, lived and worked in a sprawling video game factory conveniently located in a parallel dimension Banjo and Kazooie visited the last time they’d met the computerized controller. But the so-called Lord Of Games wasn’t perfect; underestimating Gruntilda and now, his workforce, were mistakes that costed not only him but every video game in existence, including theirs.
“So, you don’t have your factory any more?” Banjo asked, hoping to move the conversation along.
L.O.G’s head sagged. It was then the pair noticed the robot had a bindle strapped to his back and his purple robes were looking clearly unwashed. “I got the big game over! I lost the factory, lost Showdown Town, lost the rights to the soundtrack!”
“Soundtrack?”
The former king sobbed. “It’s all owned by Time-Warner now… not that they know what to do with it…”
“Sucks to be you,” Kazooie said, pulling out her phone again.
Banjo frowned at his companion’s remark. “I’m sorry L.O.G. Is there anything we can do to help?”
“NO!” Kazooie whacked her friend in the head. “That’s exactly what they want from us!”
The bear rose an eyebrow. “They?”
“Actually, there is!” L.O.G said gleefully.
“SEE?!”
“They gave me one last chance to save my factory. If I can make one more hit game, I’ll be able to keep the factory and maybe even hire some new robots! Ones without pro-union A.Is.”
“So, you want us to be in another game?” Banjo asked.
The machine nodded emphatically. “Yes! Yes, if you’d both be so kind!”
“Wait,” Kazooie held up a wing, “What’s the catch?”
“No catch!” L.O.G answered. “No gimmicks, no vehicles, no menu screens, no Xbox Achievements, just appealing to the small, miniscule, practically invisible margin of the audience that likes things classic!”
“You mean losers,” Kazooie surmised. Banjo gave her another frown. “And how are you going to capture this new audience, oh LCD’d one?”
“Simple: celebrity endorsement. So, what do you both say? Are you in?” L.O.G asked, hopeful.
Banjo and Kazooie exchanged eager glances. “That sounds awesome! Which celebrity?”
“The greatest gamer of all time!” L.O.G said enthusiastically. “She’s a princess in another castle!”
The enthusiasm left both of them. Banjo shuddered. “I don’t like where this is going.”
“Nonsense! It’ll be set in a beautiful world, not unlike Spiral Mountain! It’s full of colorf, talking ponies that can fly, use magic and sing songs!”
“Not interested,” Kazooie answered for both of them. Banjo began walking to the slightly-ajar door of his still-paused house.
“Wait!” L.O.G floated towards them, desperate to stop them. “What if I told you that Grunty escaped again? And she’s leading an army of robot workers! Unionized robot workers! And this new world is in grave danger! And you’re the only ones we can call upon!”
“We’d say leave a message and we’ll get back to ya,” Kazooie replied. Banjo pulled open the door.
“What if I give you all your moves back?”
Banjo slammed the door shut. “We’re in.”
L.O.G’s face-screen smiled. “Excellent, I knew that’d wor- I mean, I knew you’d come around!” Floating over to the front of their house, L.O.G used his magic to summon a portal to another world. It appeared right on the cobblestone path to their house; a tall archway with a mirrored surface through the middle. But they had seen enough of them in L.O.G’s home dimension, Showdown Town, to know that this mirror was a door- a door to another dimension.
Banjo approached it. “What’s the game this time? And how is your “celebrity gamer princess” involved?”
“What exactly are we getting into?” Kazooie asked, focused on the portal.
“You’ll find out,” L.O.G added with a coy, digital wink. “So my compatriots, shall we?”
Without a hint of reluctance, the pair stepped through the portal. Whatever awaited them, they would face it, even if it wasn’t the same peace as Spiral Mountain. After all, this is what they were made for.
As Banjo and Kazooie left their world, a certain princess in another was dealing with a crisis in her own world.
Princess Luna’s world seemed to stop. She didn’t understand why she felt that way but she knew the cause. And she had no idea what to do about it. Her eyes were glued on the floor, unblinking as they stared in pure shock. Could this be right? Could something have gone wrong? What happened?
The dark blue alicorn’s mind grasped at possibilities, trying to find one that was plausible but after standing on both hers and her sister’s bathroom scales, there had been only one conclusion: she was officially overweight.
“No… no…” she muttered to herself, looking at the small, red numbers again. She stepped on to the floor, then stepped back on the scale to check again. After a few seconds, the red numbers displayed again. The same numbers. “NO!!”
“Lulu? Is something wrong?” the voice of her sister called from across the hallway of Canterlot Castle.
“Uh-um, no, sister,” Luna stammered, “I, uh, I thought I saw a lizard. But it’s just the rubber scrubby.”
“Oh,” Celestia answered. “Are you almost done in there? I need to reapply that stuff that makes my mane ethereal.”
“Okay, I’m almost finished,” Luna said, carefully repositioning the two scales with a levitation spell. Still mortified, she backed away from the dreaded machines and their judgmental, accusing displays and numbers. She continued to retreat from the scales, eyes locked on them when her flank bumped into something.
“Something weighing on your mind?” Celestia asked from behind her.
Luna practically jumped out of her coat. “TIA! Um, no, I was just-”
“Making sure the scales were straightened out?”
“I-ee, uh, yes.”
The regal white alicorn gave her sister a warm smile. “That can be difficult,” she said, walking past Luna into the bathroom. She bent down to nudge one of the scales with her hoof. “They look so small but they’re surprisingly heavy, wouldn’t you say?” Celestia looked back at her, eyebrows giving just the slightest hint of slyness.
“Didn’t notice,” Luna said, swallowing hard. She nervously turned her back to the bathroom, away from her sister and the evil, obviously malfunctioning devices and trotted back to her room across the hall. Once safe in the darkness of her room, she closed the door tightly behind her and exhaled.
As she breathed out, she noticed the slight expanse of her barrel bulging outward. Consciously, she pulled her muscles back in, flattening out her midsection once more.
This couldn’t be happening. Was it a dream of some sort? Luna walked through her room, taking care not to step on her Xbox One controller as she made her way over to the console by her television and chair. The only light came from the t.v screen itself; the dull gray-white of the “Home” page illuminated just a bit of the floor in front of it and her gaming chair, the “true throne” as she privately called it.
She touched the padded chair with her hoof. Bags of chips, a couple pizza boxes and more empty Mountain Daring Dew cans than she cared to acknowledge took up space around the chair. Luna could easily use her magic to levitate them to the recycling bin by her door but… the bin itself was where she kept her clothes. Not that she wore clothes often; just that when she removed them, they usually wound up in that bin after a long night.
Head down, the princess of the night walked to her closet and opened it. Unlike her sister’s room and other rooms of the castle, Luna’s room was smaller, more suited to her needs. It was more comfortable that way.
Apart from her bed, her entertainment center and the desk where she kept her computer, the closet and a few posters were the only other features of her private quarters. While other ponies enjoyed the luxury of being royalty, Luna didn’t feel the need for all the excess and so furnished her room with only the important things: a powerful, custom-built desktop and just about every video game console known to equine. Or at least everything they had on Amazon and what she found at GameCease.
Her wardrobe didn’t contain much variety and so, her closet didn’t contain much either. She wasn’t worried about her pajamas though or her striped socks; she just needed to use the mirror. Without even turning around, she used her magic to turn on her lamp in the corner of her room, just needing enough light to look at herself. While the number on the scale had been harder to accept, if she’d even accepted it yet, her figure in the mirror was different.
Luna saw her reflection; the same dark alicorn, her wavy blue mane, her darker blue body, horn, wings, hooves, eyes. And about fifty extra pounds on her midsection. Which was new, she sincerely hoped. Standing on her hind legs, a noticeable ponch drooped down. While it wasn’t a major health concern, it was an inconvenience. A horribly embarrassing, humiliatingly shameful, disgusting, how could she do this to herself, inconvenience.
She rested a hoof and patted her pudge. Oh, why did it have to happen to her?! How did this happen in the first place?! Even as she asked these mental questions, the panging regret of the answer seared her mind each time. Luna practically felt the empty potato chip bags looking at her from on the floor, accusing her, casting blame. And then her mind accelerated to the inevitable conclusion, the culmination of all of these horrifying developments hit her all at once like a ton, no pun intended, of bricks. The revelation whispered in her mind and breifly escaped her lips: “Fatty.”
“Luna?” her sister called. The door to her room creaked open. “Is everything all right in here?”
She quickly closed the door to her closet and set her hooves on the ground. Self-conciously, she also now did her best to suck in her gut. “All is well, sister. There is no need for concern.”
“It’s so dark in here, how can you see?” Celestia asked. She flipped on the light switch by the door. It snapped up a bit too hard, making too loud of an audible crack. How long had it been since she had a real light on?
Luna watched as her sister analyzed her room. Her shame was in full spectacle now. “I, um, apologize for the mess.”
“It’s fine,” Celestia replied, her eyes wide and her voice somewhat stoic. Luna knew that when she was like this, she was hiding her true feelings. The white alicorn looked around for a silent moment. “I’m certain a little lack of organization suits your needs,” the older sister then said with a smile.
“It-it does,” Luna agreed. And as usual, the right thing to say didn’t come from her own mouth. “Is there something you need?”
Celestia entered the room fully, taking care where she stepped. “Well, no. But I’m beginning to get a little concerned.”
“Concerned?” Luna repeated. She could feel herself start to sweat and her stomach sucked in a bit further.
The white alicorn turned her gaze back to her sister, a warm smile on her face. “It hasn’t been so long since you were gone,” she said. They both knew what she was referring to. “I’m very happy to have you back.”
Truthfully, Luna’s banishment to the moon was an awkward subject for them both. She honestly didn’t know which one of them it caused more pain to. But she was happy to be back on Equestria and she was very thankful to have her sister back, they both were. That was certain.
“I… I’m glad to be back,” the two hugged.
“Still,” Celestia began again, “with all the time you spend in your room, sometimes it feels like you’re still on the moon.”
Luna’s eyes went wide in shock. “It does?”
Her sister nodded, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “I’m happy you’re here again and I know you’re more of a, well, a night pony,” she said. Neither of them found the obvious joke amusing but continued. “I do think that maybe you should get out more.”
The moon princess’s gaze avoided her sister. Once again, she was absolutely right. “I… agree.”
Celestia put a hoof on her sister’s shoulder. “I know you like it in here and it does give us a lot of time to spend together but…”
Luna looked back up at her. “Perhaps I could make an effort to be more… publicly active.”
She smiled. “You remind me a lot of Twilight,” Celestia said, walking to the door.
“Twilight Sparkle?” Luna said back. She’d met Celestia’s faithful student, and her friends, on a couple occasions from before. Rainbow Dash was sometimes on their TF2 team, most of the times as a scout. Twilight Sparkle was a heroine; she’d aided in Luna’s redemption the first time they met and later helped her learn a valuable lesson about her own holiday. To be compared to Twilight was a high compliment indeed, especially coming from Celestia herself.
“Mhm. I still remember when she mostly spent her time in the Canterlot library. It took her quite a while for her to be more active, too,” Celestia said, stepping outside. “It’s still your decision, though as it was hers. I’m happy to have you here regardless.”
Luna’s gaze was in the distance as she thought. “I understand. Thank you, Tia.”
“You’re welcome,” Celestia said, closing the door again. “And if you ever need anything, I’m here for you. Good night.”
“Good night…” And the door closed. Luna now stood alone in the light, rather than the darkness. Maybe it would be good for her to get out more, do more things outside the castle walls. If Twilight Sparkle had been in a similar situation, that gave her a bit of hope to resolve her own predicament. Then again, Twilight wasn’t… chubby. But if she could do it, so could Princess Luna, ruler of the night. Right?
Luna slowly picked up the things on the floor. It took no time at all with her magic, which was only a testament to her own laziness. How could she possibly do what Twilight Sparkle does? How could she be like Twilight? Twilight hadn’t betrayed her sister and been banished for a thousand years.
If Luna wasn’t in one pony’s shadow, she was in another. Maybe it would be better if she hadn’t come back from the moon. What was there for her to do?
Sighing heavily, her stomach sagged to the floor. Ignoring it, she climbed into her chair, donned her headset and once again queued for a match of Cattlefield 4. Things were simpler when she was managing her load out, customizing her gear. Still, she did need to do something about the weight. Maybe she’d take care of that problem tomorrow, take a constitutional.
But wait, didn’t the new CoD come out tomorrow? She and her friends were anticipating the release of Call of Duty: Leave a Message. Luna checked the calendar. Nope, it was next Tuesday. Well, she should probably wait till after the release, save her energy for the launch before trying to change her lifestyle. What if her skills declined? That would be unacceptable.
And she’d have to form a schedule for her MLG team, so that was something else on her mind. Yeah, it was looking more and more like there were just too many important things than to worry about trying to get a little extra exercise. Exactly, because she still had to do plenty of walking in the castle. Being a princess was tough! She was active enough, certainly.
Decisions long-term and short-term made, Luna continued with several matches of Cattlefield, earning prestige points and enjoying some rather amusing kill cam shots. She quickly got hungry but fortunately, she had plenty of snacks in her desk. Soon the floor of her room was once again covered with an assortment of empty snack items.
After several hours into the night, something began to annoy her. Turning around, she realized somepony had turned on the light to her room. Had she done that? Turning around, she flicked it off with a spell and returned to her game. She looked at her score, a digital number representing her prestige points in red. That number was only going to get higher, that much was certain.
Stats
Page generated in 0.087 seconds
Total duration
1,022 users online
2,124,268 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRYP8hwU37LpNIFgGiavh4ttVlxruz1GrIV84Yg4ET2D46TaOp2KeBR6jlX
hmmmmmm seems legit! Its going in my read later!
It makes me a little sad that a lot of people don't know who these two are.
4628862 They were in the golden age of games; and it was my duty to bring the awareness back to them by any means necessary
4629161 I saw this coming by a long shot
4628862 4629335 N64 ftw! I own both games.
Maggie was just plain stupid though.
Oh god. This is gold! TELL ME MORE!
I know how luna sees!
She takes a bottle of water, filters in some hellish warts, mix in some butter-dipped carrot, and then mixes in some red stones.
4636721 So did you like the first chapter? What'd you think?
4636748 It was rather enjoyable and found myself chuckling along with it. I'll make sure to keep an eye on it.
4636853 Thanks, hoping to have more soon!
look like luna gonna meet the crew and i think l.o.g. mke princess luna thin againe and what banjo and kazooie and l.o.g have in store?
5351071 You'll just have to wait and see