Cutie Mark Cleansers

by Duke of Canterlot

Flim and Flam

Twilight Sparkle paced around in her crystal castle. Too many ponies were dying in odd ways.. they had to be connected somehow. Twilight didn't know how, but it wasn't a coincidence. There was definitely a murderer and a lot of ponies were in danger.

Twilight thought about it all.
Snails dying at Froggy Bog Pond, Angel disappearing, Opalescene's gruesome death at the bottom of the gorge, Snips hanging himself, Jet Set and Upper Crust being poisoned, and Prince Bluebood's decapitation.
Twilight shuddered. Maybe the Ponyville deaths and the Canterlot deaths were separate from one another. It was certain that Jet Set, Upper Crust, and Blueblood were murdered by some pony.
However, Snails could have ran off to Froggy Bog Pond by himself and got killed there. Angel could have ran off as well. Opalesence, according to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, went beserk before running out of Carousel Boutique. Poor Snips was heartbroken over the death of Snails and took his own life.

Spike walked in, noticing that Twilight was deep in thought.
"You're still thinking about those deaths, huh?"

"Spike, I have to", responded Twilight, "something is not right. I am wondering if all of these deaths are connected, well.. Besides the obvious such as Snips killing himself over Snails' death, I just feel it. There's a dark force. A killer. I have one of the sharpest minds helping me connect the dots."

"Rarity?"

"Could be, for all I know", responded Twilight, "I've been talking with Zero, a detective who chooses to keep his or her identity secret from the world. Zero and I have been sharing our thoughts since we gained confirmation on Snails' death. Zero has been collecting all the pieces and if any pony can make a connection, it's Zero."

"I just hope you're going to be okay."

"Spike, I couldn't live with myself if more ponies die because I didn't do anything about it. If there is a murderer, he or she is very good at covering tracks. A real brainiac."

"More like a maniac, if you ask me."

"A pony can be both."

"Yes, I suppose."

"Whatever happens, I hope no pony or animal dies."

Twilight and Spike looked at one another. They hoped the other would be safe.

---

Canterlot was a mess, even worse than Ponyville. Probably because Apple Bloom took the "it's definitely murder" route with her last three victims, compared to the more ambiguous ones in Ponyville. Equestria was such a goody-goody and safe place, that three ponies being killed on the same day was particularly shocking.

It was odd though. Not many ponies could legitimately say they missed the uber-snobbish Jet Set and Upper Crust or the aloof Prince Blueblood. Their peers in Canterlot had actually seemed to not like them too much and simply tolerated their presences. Tolerance was a key trait in the Equestrian Empire and most ponies abided by it, however, not the smart ones... not Apple Bloom.

For now. Apple Bloom couldn't believe what was happening. She groaned to herself loudly. Those charlatans, Flim and Flam, were actually back in Ponyville. Weren't they found out for being frauds twice already? How stupid did they think the ponies in Ponyville were?

Apple Bloom complained about it to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, "These were the two salesponies who had no qualms about moving my family out of the farm for their Super Speedy Squeezy Cider 6000 and gave my granny some stupid tonic which was "supposed to make her younger". Now, these two charlatans offer no goodness to the world. They make the world worse by conning ponies. Granny spent too much of our hardly earned money on what turned out to be apple juice: from apples on our farm!!"

"Does this mean", began Scootaloo.

"Yes.. Flim and Flam must die."

"Ummm", said Sweetie Belle nervously, "have you been watching the news?"

"Yes, ah have been watching the news. Canterlot is outraged, but you can tell.. it is only by moral obligation than any real desires. Ah see other ponies talk about Jet Set and Upper Crust.. never do I fail to note the fake politeness through gritted teeth. Most ponies despised them. They were the snobbiest of all the snobs. It's not just poor little farm ponies like me who dislike them. As for Blueblood, his mother seemed legitimately sad but every pony else.. nope..."

"Also probably out of fear", added Scootaloo, "these ponies are wondering: are they next? Will they be killed? It seems that they have no clue how Jet Set and Upper Crust got poisoned... no clue at all.... it just happened out of nowhere. Nothing quite like that out there to really get the paranoia going."

"Little do they know that if they are good, they won't be killed by me", said Apple Bloom sweetly.
Unless she had to for the greater good, the ends justify the means.

"So how are we going to do it?"

"Ah'm gonna sell them a potion after their little show."

"The shrinking potion?"

"Yes, the shrinking potion. Boy, will they be shocked when they try a product that actually works."

"Ummm.. girls", said Sweetie Belle, "I can't make it today..."

"Why not", asked Apple Bloom.

"Don't you remember? Today is the day of the Spring Concert. I'm the lead singer!"

"Go and do it", said Apple Bloom cheerfully, "ah know how much you love singing. Unfortunately, ah won't be able to watch for well... you know..."

"Yes, I know", said Sweetie Belle.

"Have fun", said Apple Bloom with a smile.

Sweetie Belle ran off.
Uh oh, Apple Bloom hoped for the love of Celestia that Sweetie Belle wouldn't run off and tell some pony that Flim and Flam were going to be dead soon. If Flim and Flam received warning of what was going to happen, Apple Bloom swore to Celestia that Sweetie Belle was going to die today instead. Yes... hopefully, that filly with a conscience thought better about it.

At the same time, Apple Bloom couldn't force Sweetie Belle to not sing at the concert. If anything, that would lead to more certainty that Sweetie Belle, mad at Apple Bloom, would spill the beans on everything. Sweetie Belle was neither devious nor intelligent. Apple Bloom should feel confident that Sweetie wasn't going to pull any tricks on her by going to the concert which was actually happening today.

"Whatcha' thinking about", interrupted Scootaloo.

"Oh, it's just each murder gets tougher and tougher to execute."

"What do you want me to do", asked Scootaloo.

"Ah'll do all the talking. You just need to stand by my side. If you want, you can even squish one of them like a bug!"

"Errr... I'll think about it."

"Regardless, let's begin."

---

Apple Bloom carried the shrinking potion in her saddlebag. Scootaloo was right behind her. There were Flim and Flam addressing a large crowd of ponies.

"Welcome all", said Flim, "colts and fillies, we have quite the treat for you."

"Yes, indeed", said Flam, "given all the horrors of death in recent days. We got the thing just for you."

"It will protect, yes it will protect."

"Ponies from being murdered!"

'Your immunity to murder will increase to infinity."

"Leaving the killer shocked."

Flam pulled out a picture of a stallion in a dark robe, holding a sword with question marks around him with a happy mare standing by a finished drink.

"It's a lifetime investment", said Flim.

"But we offer it to you at a bargain."

"A thousand bits per bottle."

"It may seem to be a lot, but isn't it worth it?"

"I think so."

"As do I."

"Drink up, brother."

"Indeed."

Flim and Flam drank their potions.

"It takes three minutes for the potion to work."

"So, you want to drink it now!!!"

Three minutes had passed. The audience watched with anticipation.
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. This was all for show. The potion certainly didn't prevent ponies from being murdered.
Apple Bloom would prove that in secret.

Flim and Flam pulled guns out at each other and fired bullets at one another.

"Not a rupture", said Flim.

"I don't see any wounds on myself or you, brother", added Flam.

The audience cheered.

"See, this works! At the price of one thousand bits per bottle. It will protect you from the evil and sadistic murderer."

"To be safe, I would buy two personally."

"Or three would be even better."

"Come on, one and all!! Give us your money for your safety!!"

Some ponies looked skeptical and left, some looked disappointed since they couldn't afford it, but there were many ponies who stood on line.
What idiots! This thing obviously didn't work.. if Apple Bloom made stupidity the only criteria for killing a pony, then there would be a giant pile of dead ponies in Ponyville.

"Let's get on line", whispered Apple Bloom to Scootaloo.
Scootaloo nodded.

The two fillies were on the back of the line. Apple Bloom didn't have a thousand bits with her, but perhaps she could con the cons. Apple Bloom had the shrinking potions right in her saddlebag.
Also, how stupid could some of these ponies be? The things which came out of Flim and Flam's guns didn't even look like real bullets. The sound of the gunshot was admittedly plausible, but everything else was a sham.

All of the ponies before Apple Bloom and Scootaloo on line bought their "murder-free tonics". Flim and Flam looked especially happy. They were making a lot of money off something which cost what.. $5 bucks at most. They were thieves.

"Hello there, little fillies", said Flam, "I imagine that you value your safety."

"Why yes, we do", said Apple Bloom with a smile, "ah actually have a proposition for you."

"Oh, you're the little Apple filly", said Flim, "fooled your family twice.. why not a third time."

Condescending prick.

"I have created an elixir which makes ponies immortal. Ah only give it to the finest of specimens such as yourselves. Ah mean... what sort of pony could so effectively sell such a sham of a potion for such a high fee? I don't think I can do that part myself, that's why I'm offering free samples."

"Free samples", said Flim with suspicion, "what's the catch?"

"Just a silly little filly", said Flam nonchalantly, "it's nothing. Sure, I'll take it for some laughs."

"Yes, indeed.. let's humor the little filly."

"Ah think we should do this somewhere more private", said Apple Bloom, "the Everfree Forest.. ah don't want any of these ponies to have my secret potion. Trust me... there will be a difference right away and every pony is going to want it."

Flim and Flam chuckled.

"You are quite the fool", said Flam, "I doubt being a salespony will be your profession.. for free?"

"Yes, for free", said Apple Bloom with a smile.

The more foolish the Flim Flam brothers thought she was, the easier it would be for Apple Bloom to destroy them.

"C'mon, Scootaloo", said Apple Bloom, "we shall go to the Everfree Forest now!"

The four of them went to the Everfree Forest.

"My my", said Flim with a shudder, "this place is awfully dark and scary for blank flanks."

"Ah'm not scared", said Apple Bloom.

"The fool is not scared of much", commented Flam with an air.

"Alright, drink up! I could join you if you..."

"I don't think you can handle immortality, sis", said Flim.

Flim and Flam took their 'immortality' potions and began to drink.
The two charlatans shrank immediately. They were the size of beetles.

"Holy shit", squeaked Flim, "you tricked us, she-devil!"

"Let's get out of here", added Flam.

Flim and Flam tried to run away but Apple Bloom followed them and blocked their path with her front hooves.

"Where are you going to go anyway", asked Apple Bloom, "the world is an awfully dangerous place for ponies as small as you."

She picked them up with her mouth and threw them on a lone leaf.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo stared down at Flim and Flam.

"Now, you're in your rightful place in the world, as bugs... your souls are just as pathetic as that of bugs.. if not more so", said Apple Bloom calmly, "now be prepared to meet the sole of my hoof."

"Yikes... ummm... look... we're sorry for wh-wh-whw-what we did to.... oh my gosh, brother, do something", shouted Flim.

"C'mon, little filly, when we are missing... the police are going to go right after you."

"How can they trace it back to me? Would they be looking for little bug unicorns anyway", said Apple Bloom.

"This is ridiculous", said Flam, "grow us back right now! Celestia will punish you.. I swear to that."

"Only if Celestia find out", said Apple Bloom with a smile, "ah've been real good at hiding my tracks so far."

"Shit....", said Flim with fear, "it's been you... you... are the monster."

"Ah'm no monster, ah'm an angel.. on a quest to get rid of the bad."

Flim and Flam tried to run away again, but Apple Bloom put her hoof down on Flam, crushing him into the ground.

"Feels just like a bug", said Apple Bloom, "now, it's your turn, Flim. Scootaloo, would you like to do it?"

"I don't think I can", said Scootaloo, "crushing bugs is gross... you do it."

Flim looked defeated and screamed, "My brother is fucking dead!!! One of you kill me!! Please!! I shall die with the pleasure of knowing that you will rot in hell.. you rotten apple."

"Okay." Apple Bloom gingerly brought her hoof over Flim's body. He didn't move at all. He seemed to embrace death unlike a minute ago. His brother, Flam, must have met a lot to him.

Apple Bloom put her hoof down on Flim, crushing his body into a bloody pulp.

"There", said Apple Bloom, "it's done. Their tiny bodies will rot in the ground. There's not much else we need to do. Let's go home."

Scootaloo looked like she was getting sick. She ran to a nearby lake and threw up.

Apple Bloom knew this killing thing was a lot tougher for her two friends than it was for her. She needed to do what she could to keep their loyalty intact.

"You okay, Scoots?"

"Yea.. it's just.. ugh... crushed ponies. So gross. Do you mind washing your hooves before we leave?"

"Not a problem, Scootaloo." Apple Bloom jumped in the water and cleaned herself of any of Flim and Flam's remains.

"Clean enough for you", asked Apple Bloom.

"Yea, you probably did a good job."

"Good. I wonder how Sweetie Belle did in her concert", said Apple Bloom, "let's get out of here."

---

Zero was deep in thought. Who could have done this? Now, there is a possibility that Flim and Flam have gone missing. Did they just run out of town like last time or was there some other reason? Time would tell.. given all that was going on, the latter definitely wasn't out of the realm of possibilities.

Zero had a plan - why not set up a trap for the murderer? Judging by the ponies who have been killed, it appears that the murderer has a desire to cleanse the world of the "undesirables": going after the ponies with very noticeable and detestable flaws. Why not do something which grabs the killer's attention? Something so ridiculous and cruel... then WHAM!! The killer will be brought into custody. Zero smiled. Most ponies, probably including the killer, would never suspect that Zero would be able to outwit them.

Zero sent a message to Twilight Sparkle, "Thinking of plan to catch the killer if he or she exists, need your help."

---

"Scootaloo!! Apple Bloom!!!!', said Sweetie Belle in a cheerful mood, "look!! look!! look!!"

"What is it" ,asked Scootaloo.

"Oh my gosh", gasped Apple Bloom, "you got your cutie mark!"

Sweetie Belle indeed got her cutie mark. It was of a microphone.

"I'm guessing the concert went well", said Scootaloo with a smile.

"You wouldn't believe it", said Sweetie Belle, "I wanna celebrate tonight with my two best friends in the whole world!"

Apple Bloom was happy for Sweetie Belle, but she couldn't help to feel a little jealous... when was Apple Bloom going to get her cutie mark? Was Sweetie Belle really that deserving? Apple Bloom needed to get these thoughts out of her mind. Sweetie Belle was not one of the "bad ponies". It was just perplexing that Sweetie got her cutie mark first.

For now, Apple Bloom would just focus on having fun tonight. She needed a little fun before her next target.

Author's Note:

Typing this story on an iPad is hard, m'kay?
Hope you're still enjoying this story.

Comments

[RainbowDashShadOfAproval]

Feels like you took some of the plot from Death Note. I hope that the CMC would be able to cleanse Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara before they got caught.

[PonECommandR]

Definitely interesting so far.
Can't wait for the next chapter!

[TheFanGuy]

BREAKING NEWS Fossils of not Breezie bug ponies found! In other news: Flim and Flam are missing

[TheFanGuy]

4651577 I hope only AB would be caught because the other two were being forced to do this.