Cash Is King
It was a lovely weekend evening in Canterlot. It was still fairly warm out, despite it being just past ten. Many ponies packed Imperial Boulevard, eager to enjoy the abundant nightlife. Whether it was the most popular night club, an evening at the theater, or just a nice dinner with friends and family, Canterlot had it all.
Oak Whisper rolled his eyes as he trotted next to his marefriend. She had wanted him to come with her for a night out at a club with some of her other friends. While Oak didn’t mind spending time with her, she had sprung this on him after he had already made plans..Sadly for Oak, his buddies wanted tonight to be a game night, a night he was now missing out on.
That was when the ground started to shake lightly. As the shaking became easier to feel, a rhythmic booming faintly crept into the night air. Ponies began stopping and looking to the open city gates for the source of the sound.
Slowly, the sound and shaking grew more intense. Ponies throughout the boulevard were stopping and waiting to see what was coming. Luckily, they didn’t have to wait long.
Dashing around the corner just outside the city gates, were two metal giants sprinting right for the the open gates. Directly behind them were over eighty guards in hot pursuit. For some reason, the guards seemed to only be chasing the giants, not trying to stop them.
Standing on the sidewalk, Oak watched in slow motion as the lead giant ran past him. For the briefest of moments, Oak could have sworn the giant was carrying a large white pony. Even stranger, was that he could have sworn it looked like Princess Celestia. Though before he could really get a good look, the giants had already passed.
~~~<<<>>>~~~
*Whoop Whoop*
“Warning, you are outnumbered eighty seven to one.”
Dillemuth gritted his teeth as he and Villarreal ran up the main street of Canterlot. As soon as the pair had come into view of the city they had been swarmed by guard ponies of all types. Pegasi were constantly swarming around them, unicorns were constantly teleporting and trying to slow the titans, while earth ponies were just trying to keep pace.
Now the pair were running through the main boulevard of the capital city. Celestia was now sitting in the hand of the Ogre, as riding on the back would have been quite difficult in her weakened state. While not the most ideal situation, it was the one they were currently faced with.
Originally, the plan was for Dillemuth and Celestia to confront the city guard outside the city and explain calmly what had happened. Unfortunately for everyone, the city guard captain assumed the titans had captured his Princess and was now giving chase.
~~~<<<>>>~~~
Princess Luna sat in night court listening to a terribly boring presentation from a terribly boring pony. For the past hour and a half, he had rambled on about the need for the development of weapons to fight off the possibility of giant robots. At this point, Luna was secretly hoping for a distraction of any kind. As if her wish had been answered, her guard captain came cantering in.
“Your Highness, I apologize for the interruption. but we have a developing situation.” The pony seemed shaken as he continuously looked over his shoulder toward the door.
“Mister Bay, I’m afraid we are going to have to reschedule at a later date,” the Princess stated firmly. “Now Captain, what is the issue?”
“It’s... complex. It has to do with your sister’s train being delayed, but there’s more. Some... thing, has shown up in the city and is making its way toward the palace. We need to get you to safety,” the pony pleaded.
“If my sister is involved then I shall not be leaving. Now, are your guards engaging this unknown being?” Luna inquired as she walked toward the doors to the courtyard.
“No, your highness. They are simply traveling with them and making sure any civilians are not in its path,” the pony replied as he trailed the Lunar Princess.
“Them? Are there more than one?”
“Yes, Princess. There are two. So far they seem to be uninterested in the city,” the guard captain stated.
Stepping out into the brisk night air, Luna slowly walked through the courtyard. There were at least eighty guards in the courtyard, all watching the entrance. As Luna walked, she could just faintly hear what sounded like heavy machinery. The Princess looked around at the guards as the sound slowly got louder. Not surprisingly, most of the guards seemed confused or scared.
“Captain, you mentioned my sister was involved in this?” Luna asked as she continued to watch the open drawbridge.
“Yes, Princess. One of the giants seems to be...”
Luna raised an eyebrow as she looked down at the pony. “Seems to be...?”
The guard captain gulped audibly before he spoke. “Seems to be carrying her.”
~~~<<<>>>~~~
This was it. Finally after almost fourteen hours of running, the pair were moments from arriving at the castle. For the past ten minutes they had been surrounded by almost a hundred angry guard ponies. Dillemuth was positive the only reason they didn’t attack was because of Celestia.
“Hey, Shit-face. It kinda feels like we’re in the middle of a mosquito swarm, but none of them will bite us because I’m holding a can of DDT,” Dillemuth mused as he watched the ponies around him.
“Shut the fuck up. You’re not funny.” Villarreal muttered as he stayed as close to the Ogre as possible without touching it.
*Whoop Whoop*
“Warning, the bridge ahead will not support the titan’s weight. Recommend finding an alternate route.”
Dillemuth grumbled as he looked ahead. At the end of the road was a simple wooden drawbridge and moat. If he was fast enough, he might be able to cross the bridge before it shattered. Best case scenario, he made it across without issue. Worst case, the bridge broke and he ended up swimming with a bunch of angry ponies and a Princess.
*Whoop Whoop*
“Warning, bridge unsafe. Seek an alternate route.”
Ignoring the AIs protests, Dillemuth continued sprinting to the edge of the bridge. As soon as his titan’s foot touched the wood, he quickly dashed across, followed closely by the Stryder. Luckily, the bridge didn’t collapse instantly, but instead creaked a groaned as the two moved quickly across. Unluckily, the two titans dashed into a courtyard filled with even more angry guards. Looking behind him, Dillemuth watched as the drawbridge was raised, effectively trapping them in this courtyard. Of course, if Dillemuth really wanted to escape, he could. Not much could hold a rampaging titan.
Both titans stood back to back as they looked at the massive ring of guards around them. Dillemuth held Celestia close to his titan’s chest while he kept his right hand ready to strike anything that attacked him. As he continued to scan the group for any sudden movement, Celestia looked up at him with a shake of her head.
“Dillemuth, you need to put me down now. These ponies are only agitated because they think you are trying to harm me,” Celestia said reassuringly.
“But if I let go of you, then there won’t be anything to keep them from trying to jump me. You said it yourself, they won’t attack as long as you’re with me,” Dillemuth replied with a hint of worry.
Celestia chuckled. “Yes, I did. But now we’re at the castle. You have my word that none of my guards will cause you harm.”
Dillemuth sighed as he looked around one last time. Now standing at the edge of the ring of guards was a much taller pony, much like Celestia. However, her coloration seemed to be the polar opposite of Celestia’s. Not only was her coat different, but so was her overall attitude. From within his titan, Dillemuth could easily tell that the dark blue alicorn was glaring straight at him. She knew what he was holding and was not happy about it.
Knowing that the only peaceful way out of this situation was to give up his only insurance policy, Dillemuth slowly knelt down and set his titan’s left hand flat on the ground. The guards all tensed up and numerous horns ignited as the titan knelt. Slowly, Celestia got to her hooves and stepped off the hand. Taking her time, the Solar Princess slowly walked toward her sister. As soon as she reached the halfway point, no less than two dozen guards put themselves between her and the titans.
Celestia smiled warmly as Luna trotted forward and embraced her sister in her massive wingspan. “It’s alright, Luna. I’m okay.”
“How can you say that?! You show up in the hands of these... things, I can barely feel your magic, and to be frank you look terrible.” Luna shouted with worry. “What happened to your train? Twilight came here in a panic when it didn’t show up, and I was beginning to consider dispatching the guard to find it.”
“That... is a bit complicated,” Celestia replied.
“Alright, we can talk inside. What do you want to do with those... things?” Luna asked as she took a series of deep breaths before nodding toward the titans with a frown.
“Those things are titans, and they are responsible for saving my life,” Celestia stated firmly.
Luna’s eyes went wide as she looked at the two titans. “I... I think we should go have that talk now.”
“I agree. But first,” Celestia looked to the guard captain behind Luna, “have your ponies stand down. You can all return to your duties.”
The guard captain looked rather unsure of the order and looked to Luna for confirmation. The Lunar Princess only offered a nod in response. Slowly, the mass of ponies began to filter out of the courtyard, leaving the two Princesses with the two titans.
“Dillemuth, Villarreal, you two need to come with us.” Celestia called up. “Sister, you may want to cast a quick translation spell.”
Luna watched in wonder as the titans opened up, only for a bipedal creature to drop down from the openings. As the two pilots walked up, she cast the spell. At first glances, they seemed to carry themselves with dignity and pride. That quickly evaporated as one of the pilots stuck his foot out and tripped the other one, while looking away innocently.
“Wow, you IMC guys sure know how to be graceful. No wonder everyone hates you, you make shitty first impressions,” Villarreal whispered with a chuckle as he continued to walk forward.
Dillemuth grumbled as he slowly got up. Walking briskly, he caught up to Villarreal, only to quickly spin around and roundhouse kick him in the chest, sending the pilot to the floor. That was it. Using his jump pack to get back on his feet, Villarreal quickly lunged forward and began to unleash a barrage of quick punches on the mercenary pilot. While Dillemuth was successful in blocking a few, even more were getting through.
As the Militia pilot tried to knock Dillemuth to the ground once more, the young mercenary lunged forward and tackled his assailant. Now straddling the Stryder pilot, Dillemuth grabbed the side of Villarreal’s helmet and ripped it off before sending a flurry of blows into his face. Unfortunately, the IMC pilot was so caught up in the moment that he hardly noticed Villarreal grab his side and flip him over.
Now on bottom, Dillemuth’s helmet was forcefully removed just before receiving an elbow to his head. For only a second or two, Dillemuth was subjected to a number of painful blows to his head. Just as a fist was about to hit him, he quickly grabbed Villarreal by the collar and brought his head down just in time to impact with Dillemuth’s. For a split second before impact, Dillemuth remembered something he heard from Sergeant Blisk.
“Remember, pilots. There are no winners in a headbutt. That’s why it’s better to just stab the bastard, or not get grappled in the first place.”
Princess Luna watched with an unamused expression as the two pilots wrestled and fought on the ground. There were a few guards who wanted to intervene, but a quick glance from the Lunar Princess stopped them in their tracks. Celestia looked to her sister with a shake of her head.
“Can you please put an end to this? I’d rather they not kill each other,” Celestia asked.
Luna mumbled something under her breath as she picked up both pilots in her magic before prying them apart. The two humans were too stunned to really recognize that they were floating toward the dark blue alicorn.
“Since it seems you two are acting like foals, I suppose I must treat you as such,” Luna stated bluntly as she turned and walked alongside her sister toward the castle.
~~~<<<>>>~~~
Ten minutes later, both pilots were sitting on opposite sides of a long table with numerous bandages and bruises on their faces. Princess Luna was giving both of them a rather critical gaze while her guards stood at the edge of the room. Celestia had since gone to bed, leaving Luna to question the two humans.
Underneath the bandages and bruises, Luna could see Villarreal’s skin was a bit darker than the fair-skinned IMC pilot. His head was covered in short black hair with very little chin stubble showing through the multiple bruises. Overall, his build seemed quite similar to Dillemuth, though he was just a bit shorter than the IMC pilot. Luna watched silently as Dillemuth’s green eyes stayed locked with Villarreal’s dark brown. With a sigh, the alicorn spoke.
“Alright, so let me see if I have this straight. You two are fighting an interstellar war that just happened to show up on my doorstep, during which both your ships destroyed each other, effectively stranding you both here,” Luna stated as she reviewed a notepad in front of her face.
“Pretty much,” Dillemuth replied as he held an icepack over his right eye.
“Question,” Villarreal said as he raised a hand.
Luna nodded at him, “Yes?”
“How the fuck are you levitating that thing!” The Militia pilot shouted while pointing at the notepad.
“Watch your language,” Luna hissed. “A simple levitation spell. Now, after you two decided to stop trying to murder each other, you headed into the forest to investigate a nearby fire.”
Dillemuth nodded. “And screaming. Don’t forget the screaming.”
“Yes, the screaming. So you appeared in a clearing with railroad tracks where you came across a burning train, an army of Diamond Dogs, and Tirek,” Luna stated with a skeptical gaze.
“Levitation... what, is that like, magic and shit?” Villarreal asked as he leaned forward.
“What did I say about watching your language?!” Luna replied as she rubbed her temple with a hoof. “Yes, it’s magic.”
“I apologize for Shit-face here. I don’t think he knows how to hold a conversation with any civilized individual,” Dillemuth announced.
“The same goes for you. While you are here, you will be mindful of your language. Understood?” Luna demanded as she looked between the two pilots.
“Yes ma’am,” Dillemuth replied with a defeated nod.
Luna turned her glare toward Villarreal as the pilot seemed to be contemplating her words. “I expect an answer.”
“What? Oh fine... this is bullshit...” Villarreal muttered as he crossed his arms in a pout.
Luna began to grind her teeth as she looked at the belligerent human with utter contempt. How her sister dealt with these two psychopaths was totally beyond her. With a sigh she reached down next to her and levitated a pair of small brown bags onto the table.
“Now, while I would rather deport you both to the badlands for acts of terrorism...”
“Terrorism!?” Both pilots explained, only to be silenced as Luna held up a hoof.
“You rampaged through a town, killed five unarmed individuals, and caused tens of thousands of bits worth of damage. Deporting you would save me the trouble of having to spend resources and time keeping you in prison.” Luna deadpanned.
“Yeah, but we only did that so Tirek wouldn’t get any information from those scouts. Celestia was there, she can vouch for us on that one,” Dillemuth protested “She said the cost was worth it and that we wouldn’t be punished too severely.”
“Yes, I am aware of that. As such, you did save my sister from one of our greatest enemies. Because of this, you are both being given a reward for your selfless acts. While neither of you are citizens of our nation, at least let us express our gratitude to you.” With her rather forced speech concluded, Luna slid a bag in front of each pilot.
“Keep it,” Villarreal replied as he pushed the bag back to the center of the table. “The only thing I want is a pile of IMC corpses. So unless this bag is going to let me kill them all, I’m not interested.”
Ignoring Villarreal’s comment, Dillemuth untied the string holding the bag closed. His eyes went wide as the light hit the contents. Inside what looked like a very small purse were what seemed like hundreds of golden coins. Ever so gently, Dillemuth reached in and rubbed one of the coins. Each coin was easily two inches wide of what looked like, and felt like, pure gold. As Villarreal pushed his bag away, Dillemuth lunged over the table and quickly grabbed it before standing up and walking toward the head of the table.
Luna watched with interest as one human refused the reward, only for the other one to quickly scoop it up. Now he was walking right toward her. Unsure of his motives, Luna quickly began thinking of a spell to keep him at bay. To her surprise, he simply pulled out a chair to her left and took a seat next to the head of the table.
“Is this solid gold?” He asked quietly
Luna stared at him blankly before bringing herself back to reality. “Those coins? They’re ten percent copper and ninety percent gold. Why? Is there something else you would rather have?”
“What? No no no no, gold is good. Gold is great, actually. Though I am curious as to how this tiny purse can hold this many coins.” Dillemuth chuckled as he set the two coin purses on the table.
“A basic holding enchantment. Simply put, the bag is bigger on the inside,” Luna stated. “In total, there are five thousand bits in both purses.”
Dillemuth blinked dumbly at the Princess as he began to chuckle manically. “Your Highness, you just paid me enough to buy my service for the next hundred years.”
Villarreal looked at the now former IMC pilot with disgust. “Here he goes. Changing sides to the ones who pay him the most.”
Dillemuth shrugged. “So what? The Militia doesn’t pay enough, the IMC doesn’t pay in solid gold, but these wonderful ponies sure know how to show gratitude.”
Luna raised an eyebrow at the human to her left. “Yes, my sister mentioned your... situation. My condolences.”
The mercenary pilot shook his head. “It’s fine. Anyway, you now own the service, expertise, and loyalty of a titan and pilot.”
“Hmmm, well you did manage to stand up to Tirek and walk away fairly unharmed... I suppose your insight might be useful to our own guards,” Luna muttered as she looked at the pilot to her left.
Dillemuth began looking at his arms before spotting his IMC patch. With a quick motion he tore the patch from his shoulder and threw it on the table. “Any chance I could get a more appropriate patch? I feel my contract with the IMC has run its course, and I would like a way to signify my new employment.”
Luna still couldn’t believe what had just happened. This human had just proclaimed himself now under her employ after having been given a mere ten thousand bits in both bags. Nothing about this made sense to the Princess.
“Yes, well, I’ll see what I can find.”
“Great. Is there anything else we need to discuss tonight?” Dillemuth asked cheerfully.
“There is,” Luna replied as she once again picked up her notepad. “The damage to Ponyville that you two caused. My sister and I feel it would be best if you two repaired the damage, and made amends with the ponies who worked hard to make the decorations and such.”
“Well, I happen to have just come into some money...” Dillemuth said as he slowly reached for the coins.
“Nice try. It isn’t about the monetary cost that needs to be addressed. This is especially important to you, Mr. Dillemuth. If you want to work for me, you will need to start making yourself more known to the general population. What better way than spending some time with national heroes. So, you will instead be working for the ponies who made what you broke,” Luna announced with a smug grin.
“So I’m now being used for slave labor?” Villarreal cried out.
“You were given coin. It’s not my fault that you refused it,” Luna countered. “So, starting in a day or two, both of you will be going back to Ponyville and meeting up with your respective supervisors. I will be sure to have them informed of what happened and what is being done to rectify the situation. A word of warning though, I expect you both to be on your best behavior. I can’t expect they will be all too pleased to see their hard work destroyed in the morning.”
Dillemuth rubbed the back of his head as he thought back to less than three hours ago. “Yeah... things kinda got out of hand.”
“Indeed they did. Now, I need to speak with Princess Twilight about this arrangement. These guards here will show you to your rooms for the night. Keep in mind, you may leave your rooms, but you will have a four pony escort at all times. Understand?” Luna asked with a pointed glare at Villarreal.
“Fine, though I don’t need a stupid babysitter...” the Militia pilot retorted.
“Your actions this evening prove otherwise,” Luna deadpanned.
“Fair enough. Wouldn’t want to get lost anyway,” Dillemuth replied with an understanding nod.
Luna sighed. “I’m glad one of you has a semblance of decency. Now, I must ask you to take your leave.”
With a polite nod, Dillemuth grabbed the purses and followed his four guards into the depths of the castle. Villarreal followed close behind, though much more irritated by the circumstances.
As soon as the humans were out of the room, Luna’s head hit the table with a thud as she let out a loud groan. Concerned, Twilight trotted up to the distraught Lunar Princess.
“Was your meeting that bad?” Twilight asked as she placed a wing on the dark alicorn.
“It was... difficult. I believe one of them was being belligerent just for the sake of being difficult, the other one was quite pleasant once I provided the reward from my sister,” Luna said with a sigh. “Have fun with those two.”
“What do you mean?” Twilight asked with a raised brow.
Luna chuckled. “I’m turning them over to you. After all, it was your town they wrecked. It’s only fitting that you oversee the punishment.”
“Oh...kay... Didn’t you say they were trying to kill each other just a few minutes ago?” Twilight asked with concern.
“Oh yes, they hate each other more than anything. But you’re Twilight Sparkle, getting them to be friendly should be easy for you, right?” Luna stated with a grin.
“Well, yeah. But this is different. I know nothing about them. How do you expect me to get them to stop when what we know is so limited?” Twilight asked with a hint of anxiety
“Well then I guess you’re about to make two new friends,” Luna replied with another chuckle.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Twilight deadpanned.
“Maybe a bit,” Luna teased. “In all seriousness though, I do think you’re the best pony for this job. Not only have you been rather successful in bringing ponies together who would normally be mortal adversaries, but you also have immense magical power and ability. Don’t be afraid to get rough with them; they seem to respond well to force.”
Twilight had to take a few deep breaths as she paced next to Luna. “I’m not sure about this. Appleoosa was a long time ago, and that was with two groups that I was familiar with.”
Luna rolled her eyes as she lifted her face off of the table. “True, but there are only two of these humans. Perhaps you should start with getting to know one at a time. My advice is to keep them separated until you are sure they will listen to you.”
“Why does this sound like you’re giving me tips on how to train an aggressive animal?” Twilight asked with a sigh.
“Because they are aggressive and they sometimes act like animals. I have to be fair though, all of their aggression seems to be directed at each other,” Luna replied with a shrug.
“I guess. You really think I can do this?” Twilight asked with a hint of optimism.
Luna deadpanned at the lavender alicorn. “Twilight, remember that one time you reformed the Avatar of Chaos?”
“...yeah?”
“Would you consider that to be a fairly difficult time in your life?” Luna continued.
“...yeah.”
“So what do you think would be more difficult? Reforming the avatar of chaos and disharmony, or getting two relatively intelligent animals to stop trying to murder each other?” Luna asked as she held up her hooves.
“But these aren’t just animals, didn’t you mention that these are aliens?!” Twilight exclaimed.
Luna dragged a hoof across her face. “Don’t remind me... Alright, think of it like this, the sooner you get them to stop murdering each other, the sooner you can drill them for all that alien knowledge.”
Twilight went wide eyed as a grin slowly formed on her face. “This is true...”
“Discord was harder to fix, and he didn’t really have a whole lot that you didn’t know. These humans though, might know things you never imagined. So how about it Twilight? Feeling up to the challenge?” Luna said with an encouraging smile.
“You’re right, if we can reform Discord then we can reform these two,” Twilight said enthusiastically as she trotted out of the castle.
Luna fought back a bout of giggles as the younger mare walked out. “Oh Twilight, I hope your enthusiasm survives this.”
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Thumbs up
Can't wait to see the look on lyra's - I mean the ponies' faces
uh oh I fear for Twys sanity, anyways great chapter
Im surprise Luna hasn't figure out that dillimuth is a merc by now.
4714139
Oh, she has. But remember WHY he's a merc. He doesn't want the money for himself. It's for someone else.
4714175 point.
Oh Luna, you evil, evil pony.^^
oh Luna Luna Luna
also "drill them " hen hey heh
remember when you tried to kill me twice. Sorry couldn't help it good chapter, I like Dillemuth but I always like the mercs in storys. Thanks for the update.
4715650 True, I have heard that phrase being used over where I love, but mainly to describe a child's hands if they have been playing in sand or something like that, and haven't washed their hands.
A suggestion for Twilight.
Throw both of them, with nothing but pants on, into a mud pit and let them fight till kingdom come. No lethal attacks or mutilations, just fighting. By the time they both fall to the floor from exhaustion they will have vented most if not all the hate for each other. Cooperation with them should be much easier.
4720322 Oh, we have a plan, don't you worry. *grins evilly*
4734502 *Anticipation intensifies*
too much AWESOME and HILARITY its to much please continue A.S.A.P.
I love the way Dill reacts to the money. I've never read a story that had the Princesses just throwing money at humans until they agree to work for Equestria, and it's very funny.
......Why have you stopped?
5298116
It's not stopped. Midterms took a bite out of my schedule. Next chapter is about 75% done.
5298785
> 75% done.
> Five months since last update.
Seems legit.
GAAAAH This is already looking so fun! XD
Favorited and eagerly awaiting more
5300055
>still hasn't updated
>been 53 weeks further than the 5 months that you originally said
>seems totally legit
6693116 And to think I'm a level 50 Gen10 pilot...
i shot that the Militia where the god guys.
I want another chapter please