Chapter 19, Thank you for being. . . . my Sister
The Party had been great, but as every good thing, it had to end at some point, with everypony gone, all the girls including Lyra proceded to clean Sugar cube corner, the girls insisted that he didn’t have to do anything, it was his party, so this time he was excused, seeing Alex had some free time, Rarity asked him if he could bring Sweetie bell to Carousel boutique, the little fillie was lying in the couch alone (Applejack and Rainbowdash had already took the other 2 crussaders to their homes), she was really tired after expending all night celebrating, then he realized they let the crussaders be in the party since tomorrow was a day off, Aparently Miss Cherelee was in a Teachers convention in Appleloosa, (That’s explained why he didn’t see her in the Assembly or Party) and would be back in 2 days. Alex proceded to scope the little fillie in his arms, but when he tried, even sleeping, Sweetie bill by pure instinct jumped to his head like she had been doing since he came to Ponyville (Wow, I can understand the fillies are someway very affective, but, does she really like me this much, Alex thought, not that he mind being loved by Sweetie bell, in someway she reminded him to Ang. . . . ), shaking the thought, he puted down sweetie bell and changed her position to the confort of his arms, she didn’t mind it, contrary to that, she started seek for Alex warm chest or elbow, and a little smile appeared at her muzzle.
Rarity was speechless, she knew her sister was really lovely by nature, but she wasn’t that trustfull that quick to anypony, and not only that, nopony noticed but her, this night, Fluttershy asked him to dance, she meant it, FLUTTERSHY!, the most shy pegasus one pony can meet, a pegasus that would not start talking to you for at least one week after meeting her, less invinting you to dance with her, less if you are a stallion. . . or a male human, she still remembered how she was gonna ask him to dance with her when Fluttershy aproached him first, it was incredible, do humans have some kind of power or spell to make you trust them very quick?, no she didn’t think so, what was his secret.
“Ok, Rarity, only please tell me, where is Sweetie bell bedroom?”
“Oh, it’s in the 2nd floor dear, 1st door to the left, trust me you wont miss it”
“Got it, but Rarity. . . .but. . . is it ok?? I mean you really are going to let someone you just met bring your sister to your open house??. . . . you. . . trust me that much, already?”
“Well of course Darling, the trust is important with roomates, and. . . . until now, you only have giving me reasons to trust you more and more, and Sweetie bell likes you very much, anypony can see that, don’t worry, I know I can trust you, all of us know (even cleaning, everypony look to Alex and Rarity and noded)”
“Gee, thanks Rarity, that means a lot to me, really, it’s just. . . well, let say in my world. . . that kind of trust is something. . . . very hard to get”
“Darling, remember this, you are no longer in your world, I don’t know how things works there, but I can asure you, if you are kind, hard worker and have a good heart, your chances to be happy in this world are really high”
“Thanks Rarity, I’ll have that in mind, ok. . . lets get this little cutie to her bed”
Alex exited Sugarcube Corner (not before telling spike in his ear that they had training tomorrow morning, which he gladly noded) and proceded the long walk to Rarity’s place, in his way, he could noticed how someponies in their way back home, no longer stared at him with fear eyes, no, far from that, they now have smiles and some even waved to his direction, he couldn’t wave back for the little joy he had in his arms, but he did nod his head in response, it was amazing, Ponyville really was a trustfull town, geez, to be honest, he knew some people in his world who were as trustfull as them, but there weren’t so many, but here, it’s like if. . . trust were in the air, he even start to be a little afraid if someday some creature or. . . . human would come here and take advantage of it, he could only wish that would never happen (oh Ang. . . I’d had really like you could see this. . . . wait a minute, Ang. . . Ang.. . .Ange. . . why do i have issues saying her name,. . . . I have already moved on. . . right?).
He reached Caursel boutique, went up to the 2nd floor, Rarity was right, I wasn’t that hard realizing which was Sweetie bell’s room, it was so girly, for a 10 years old foal, (now that he thinks about it, excepct for spike who alreday told him, he really didn’t know how old are all his friends, the crussaders could be around 9 or 10, but the rest. . . he will ask them later. . . even though is not nice asking a lady her age)
Alex inmediatily aproched to her bed and proceded to leave her there and cover her in her sheets, but when he tried to reléase her, he noticed she was awake and was grabing his arm with her tiny hooves, as if he was gonna dissapear.
“Uh?, you are awake Sweetie, (she noded, Alex could noticed she was trembling a little) Sweetie, is something wrong?”
“Please, don’t leave me alone. . . . in the dark”
“But Sweetie, I believe you have been sleeping alone for many years until now, right?”
“Y. . yeah, but not before Rarity or my mommy and daddy wish me good night and sometimes read me a bed time story, c.c.could you do that for me. . . please.”
“Sweetie. . . ok, do you know where your sister keeps your kid’s tales books??”
“No. . . but. . . I already heard all those stories, do you know any. . . from your world”
Alex didn’t have to think too much about this, he inmediatily chose one random tale from his childhood, Cinderella, of course he had to change it to pony versión, Sweetie bell really liked the story, by the middle of the tale, Sweetie was already sleeping, she looked so cute, so inocent, just like Ang. . Ang. . . damn, why? he thought.
Alex really didn't want to go to sleep yet, instead, he decided to sit in the couch of the living room, once sit, he pulled out his wallet, everything was there, his driver license, his ID, some bucks, (not that they were necesary here), but above that, the most important things, two pictures, one of him with his family, and one of. . . her. . Ang. . . his sister, the one. . . he.. . . . failed.
Alex stared at his and his sister picture for long minutes, his look could show many things any time, but this time, it only showed. . . sorrow and regret.
He remembered again, his most painfull memory, the memory he chose to block and didn’t came to surfice until now, his. . . broken promise, he really wanted to keep it, to show her sister he could be what he promised to her, but. . . he didn’t, she died before he could do it, feeling really defeated, he let his pictures fall to the couch and proceded to put his hands to cover his tears, then he started to talk to himself (gee, he felt really pattetic)
“Ang. . . Sister, remember that night when I was transported here?, you see. . . I meant every word when I said I wanted you to be proud of me, Please Please be proud of me, even though I didn’t fullfill my promise on time, I. . . really did my best, please. . . I need a closure, I need to know, please, give me a signal, anything, please let me know you are proud of me, let me feel worth to say your name again”
At that moment Alex could hear between his sobs, another sobing echoing with his, when he removed his hands to see, he could see her, there she was. . . .Sweetie bell, looking at him, sadness in her face by looking at him, she looked at the picture on the couch, then she said
“She. .. . your sister is beautiful”
“Yes, she really was, right?”
“Was, what you mean was?
(Idiot) “well you see, Sweetie bell, she is no longer with me”
“Where did she go??”
“Hmm, before answering that, please tellme, Sweetie, where the good ponies go when they die?”
“. . . Acording to my mommy and daddy, if you are a good pony, you go to Elisium, and if you are a bad pony, you go to Underworld”
“I see, well, you see, she is in Elisium”
(Sweetie bell gasped) “Really???”, I’m so sorry Alex”
“Don’t be Sweetie, she is in a better place now, right? (she noded)
Silence filled the room again, then Sweetie said
“Alex, what did you mean about an unfullfilled promise to your sister and not being worth of say her name??”
(wow, she heard me) “Well, Sweetie you see. . . . “
Alex then proceded to share his story with Sweetie bell, his youngeer days, his motivations to be better for himself and the promise to his sister, the night of the accident (he knew it wasn’t something one should say to a kid, but. . . he needed to let out), his father last words, all the things he learned and did to at least try to keep his promise even if he was too late, saying all that. . . . broke him, he hadn’t feel like that in years, sobing he finally said
“You know, sometimes I really wonder if is allright for me to be alive, maybe I should have died with my family” (Really Alex, saying this to a kid, what in the f.. . . Hell are you thinking?)
Just after saying this, Sweetie bell inmediatily tackled Alex in a crushing hug, sobing she said
“How could you say that???, of course is alright if you live, don’t forget your daddy last words!!, you have to keep living, if you were dead, then I may be dead too right now by the river or worse, the manticore, Lyra would never be able to fullfill her dream, my sister and friends would be right now slaves of the changelings, Alex, if. . . if . . . than doesn’t make you the brother your sister always wanted to have, then your sister is a big DUM MINNIE, if she is not proud of you then . .. . . she. . . she . . . she doesn’t deserve you,. . . you know what? is that case, then. . . I’m. . . . I’m adopting you as my Big Brother!!!.
Alex was speechless, “What did you just said???”
Sweetie realized what she just said at that moment and inmediatily got red like a tomato
“Hmmm, I. . . . said, I said I’m adopting you as my big brother.. . . . .if you want”
Really?, was all Alex could think at the moment, Sweetie bell wanted to be his little sister, he. . . had the chance to be a big brother again??, was this. . . . the sign?, no matter, there was no way in He. . . . . in Underworld he would decline this chance, he grabed a shocked Sweetie in his arms, hugging her like if there wasn’t a tomorrow and said
“Sweetie bell, sorry but no, you can’t adopt me as your big brother”
After hearing that, Sweetie bell was about to cry, Alex didn’t want to her to be her big brother, just like that time with Applejack, but this time the feeling was even worse, but she stopped the moment Alex talked again
“You can’t because . . . . I’m the one adopting you as my little sister!!!”
Sweetie bell couldn’t smile bigger even if she tried to, she then hugged him even harder and did something that almost made Alex pass out, she kissed him in the cheek, they kept there for many minutes, hugging each other, then Sweetie bell said
“So this is what having a big brother feels like? Applebloom, you are so lucky to have Big Mac since so long ago”
Alex only chuckled, “thanks Swe. . . Little sister, ok, now it’s time to go back to bed, and is also time for me to go to bed” then he scooped her in his arms and proceded again to bring her to her room, once again in her bed, he proceded to exit the room when Sweetie bell only said
“Alex. . . Big brother. . . now that I think about it, you never told me your sister name. . . . can you please tell me?”
Alex only stood there, thinking and with a huge smile he turned around to see his new little sister and said
“Her name was Angela, a beautiful Angel called Angela”
Sweetie smiled too and finally proceded to sleep.
Once the fillie was finally sleeping, before going to his own bed, Alex proceded to take some air outside, once there, he looked at the sky, with a sigh he said
“Thanks. . . .Angela, thanks for the sign, thanks for loving me so much to send me this beautiful second angel to look after, I promise to protect her always, and not only her, everypony, as I promised that night, and please, I know I keep repeating this but please. . . .”
“Hush, YES!!, I’m super duper proud of you, never forget that big brother, I loved you, always had, always will, now, give that love to that lucky fillie”
Alex was interrupted by that sentence and he could swear he felt a hand in his shoulder from behind, gasping, he inmediatily turned around
“An. . . (there was no one there) . . . gela?”
Alex only stayed there for a few seconds before smiling and said
“Thanks Little sis, I love you too
Finally he proceded to go to his room, but just before sucumb to sleep, he only said
“Gee, it was really true, A kid’s love and kindness can cure any pain in the heart”
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Okay thst was a million dawwww's straight tonthd feels man no fairs
5040803 thanks, really, after two more dislikes, I really needed a good comment like yours, really, THANK YOU.
TOTALLY NOT Judging Fics By Their Covers: My Impression of Your
DescriptionFirst Three Chapters, and the Rest of Them.Part 15 of 9999: Keep Living despite Fanfiction (Keep Living for Friendship)
So... You said to read more than 3 chapters before disliking, so I read the first three Chapters:
Well... At least Prologue is spelled right. Chapter 1 sounds cliche, but in Chapter 2 "beginnings" is spelled "beginings"! That's just sad.
Moving on:
Redundant, redundant.
I will review this, these chapters! Come on, this isn't even correct English.
What? A 70 word chapter marked "EMERGENCY DELAY"? Obviously an author's note, but in the story itself. You shouldn't do that.
Nothing wrong here.
Once again: Not proper English.
"Alexis wik"? "wik"? Is that a typo?
Just prepositional phrases. Actually, that's common as a single phrase title, but two? Eh, I could care less about it.
"Now let's save the day my team" I think you need a comma.
Capital missing on Feel.
*is
And yes, this fic does look like trolling.
What? I don't even... ugh, just capitalize "I".
Brokes is not a word. And the rest of this title is crap.
Dafuq is "Clishe"? It's "Cliche", you shouldn't say that about your own story, and once again: "i" is not capitalized.
Comma after an exclamation point? TWICE? Seriously, these chapter titles look like bad translations of anime episode titles.
Nothing really wrong here.
I'm beginning to think you are crazy.
Nothing wrong here.
Well, I "listened" to your story, and it told me "Do not read me! Save yourself!"
So I listened, and after reading all the Chapters, I decided not to open any of them. I had seen enough.
Impression: 3/2563
5041080
You shouldn't click that ATTACK button on every shitty fanfic you see.
5041098
I think 55 dislikes merits an attack, no?
5041102
But 38 likes...
5041107
That's still negative, and have you read the fic? Or the comments of the people who like it?
5041102 I must say, yeah, I have a lot to learn, thanks for the critic, really, is tough but. . . . Is what I have, I'm not pleased by 55 - 38, and I know there are many dislikes to come, but trust me, 1 like makes my day, I write for the ones who like my story and to try to make the ones to dislike it change their minds.
anyway, thankyou, you really have a lot of points here, besides I'm glad at least you said a couple of my chapters have no problems. I hope to change your mind someday.
5041098
But I did remove some fics from the attack folder, and moved one to the "requested" folder.
5041123
Thank you for accepting my criticism. However, I do not believe I will be changing my mind anytime soon.
5041125
Just put it in the requested folder from now on unless the dislikes are WAY beyond the likes
.
Or if there is a flame war.
Well. . . . . . I'll be damn, I was really crushed by dislike today, 5 in less than 3 hours. . . . I. . . really don't know what to write, now my score is 20 dislikes ahead of like, until now, I always managed to keep it between 12 or 15,. . . . just WOW, sigh, well let's keep trying. . . right?
This is a awesome story
5041362 Thanks dude, really, just in case you are wondering about my last comment, don't worry, I will finish this story, I don't know why many people dislike my story, granted many dislikes were there before I edited my story, but even though, I will keep writing and improving. maybe I will publish another chapter tomorrow. ok cya.
This is in my top 5 (I have read over 90 stories) This is a very good story
5041446 Thanks dude, I wont dissapoint you, pinkie promise
5041338 Just a suggestion, maybe if your dislikes are that high it means you should fix something. Get an editor, try to improve your writing style, something? It's not hard, and it'll make you a better writer all around and bring in even more people who can appreciate what you write. Please, help yourself and get an editor, or someone brutally honest to bounce ideas off of at least. It'll help that ratio a lot, and I bet it'd make you happier of your work too.
5042389 thanks dude, good advices, trust me, I have edited my first chapters. . . a lot, removed every unecesary thing I could find, but no more, I like my story, many people like my story, Spoiler alert and you were honest and that's what I wanted, (he made clear he didn't like my tittle chapters, but no much review of the story. . .well), anyway, thanks man, and. . . how about you?, you think my story sucks?, if you do, please don't hesitate to tell me. ok, cya .
I got 500 views. . . . NICE. THANKYOU ALL.
so touching...*sniff* i think i got something in the eye
This made me choke up a little
Good chapter. But why he is reading book in the picture? Didnt he telled the story from memory?
(curse this smartphone keyboard)
Wow. I know this is rather late, considering you finished this story already, but I just wanna say it's great. Sure there are a few typos here and there, but if the story's good overall, I can look past that. I especially like the bond that Alex has with Sweetie Belle, and (for whatever reason) the best kinds of HIE stories, in my opinion, have the main character have a strong bond with at least one of the CMC. And yet, this is only the third story I've seen where that's the case and, crazily enough, I've seen each one have said bond now. Well, just wanted to say that, and I hope you have a nice day.
-Dark
Alex sees dead people
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2281-13268775959298.gif
still hits my feels
This chapter is making me cry at the end. I just had two tears from each eye drip onto my arms. the feels man...
the feels. next top ten list I do... this is going into it.. while this fic is complete. its my first time reading it.
on a side note. Never play a sad song or sad game theme while reading a fic with a "feels" chapter. makes you cry more. I had Roxas Theme playing while reading this in my head. maybe I should listen to different game music. :/
I knew it. The first time I read this story when he first showed difficulty saying her name. I knew his sister’s name