• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen May 10th

4EverfreeBrony


I'm mostly a musician, and you may know me as 4EverfreeBrony, but I also write stories sometimes. Follow me, if you'd like to!

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Source

When delivering a gift to a sick Twilight, Pinkie finds herself lacking a sense of ground...

...in the most literal way possible.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 18 )

Oh, Pinkie, never change. :pinkiesmile:
You know, her fall and subsequent crashing could have been avoided if she'd thought to ask Derpy for a ride back down. Oh well. :derpytongue2:
For what it's worth, this was very cute. Pinkie is well characterised in the best sense.
Couple of minor grammar and spelling derps (some its/it's confusion, "bhope you get well soon," "What in Equestria was thatthud all about).
Also, use single quotes to denote speech within speech instead of double quotes again. Other than that, enjoyable story, light hearted and very believably a Pinkie thing to do. Good job. :twilightsmile:

This was cute and in character. A few grammar errors here and there, but not enough to be distracting.

Great job :twilightsmile:

I love it! :pinkiehappy: it's super funny! :rainbowlaugh:

Noticed a couple of minor issues as I read:

she started pumping good bit faster.

I think this is missing a word between "pumping" and "good."

She then tied it around belly

And between "around" and "belly."

three times a large as

Should probably be "as" instead of "a."

but falling but being scared of

Looks like the beginning of a different clause was orphaned here.

and then looked back Pinkie.

Should probably be an "at" in there before "Pinkie."

balloon was be believable, right?

"Was" should be "would" or the "be" should be gone.

Chapter 2:

she just happened to have a of time

I think the word "lot" is missing here.

because being isn't fun at all

I think this is missing the word "sick."

Whew. Now that that's out of the way, I gotta say that this was pretty cute. Pinkie is pretty hard to write for, especially when the narration itself is influenced by her train of thought, but you pull it off very well here. I've seen some great writers totally screw her up, but you managed to write her well. Nice cameo, too. Overall, pretty good.

She's a good friend, so I thought I'd go see her
And she feels sick, so I made her a card
And I'm a big klutz, 'cause I might just die now
I'm a big klutz, 'cause my balloon popped

Combining your talents, eh?

4601356 Might as well if I got 'em both and it seems fitting, right? :twilightblush: And thanks for the critique! I'll fix those right up!

Ugh, I HATE IT when that happens. You have my sympathy Pinkie.

Of course Pinkie could make a reference in a semi-life-or-death situation.:pinkiesmile:

This was perfect! <3 and this brighten up my day! Thanks for this 4Everfree! /)

Mad

She even saw a few ponies with umbrellas. And umbrella-hats!

Who wears those?
As a matter of fact I do! :pinkiehappy:

Oh this was so sweet and adorable. A well read cute thing that'll be on my mind all day today. Thank you. :)

I want a travel xylophone.

Twisting her neck around, she noted just how much she had over-filled her captor. Quite a lot, really. It was maybe three times as large as her head.

Twilight would tell her otherwise, she knew, (but falling) but being scared of falling and being scared of being up high were not really the same thing in her eyes. (Remove parts surrounded by parentheses).

"Heeeyyy... I just realized that we're exact opposites when it comes to that! Your accident makes it easier to fly, whereas mine makes it harder!"

Speaking of time, she wondered if she would have to explain to the Cakes why she was late. Because things weren't looking on the bright side with her schedule right now. Being held captive by a balloon was (be) believable, right? (Remove parts surrounded by parentheses).

This story and some of the sentences remind me of the same style as A.A. Milne, the author of Winnie the Pooh. One of the reasons I favorited it.

Pinkie reminded herself for the fourth time in the last three seconds to avoid writing on over-filled balloons at all costs. Either that, or use a pen that wasn't quite as pointy. Such a waste. And now she couldn't give it to Twilight.

Smiling, she shrugged. "Oh well. I can just get her another one, and not over-inflate it." She leaned back and relaxed, putting her hooves behind her head and closing her eyes. It was really strange, falling through the sky without a care. Even to her, it was strange. Usually she'd care at least a little bit, but she just happened to have a lot of time before she really had to start caring.

Pinkie snorted and hopped into the room, sitting on Twilight's bed. "Oh, you silly! The only thing I did on your roof was BAM!!" She stomped a hoof on the bed.

Anyway, I just just thought I'd say "hope you get well soon!" because being sick isn't fun at all, and it makes you feel all lonely and sad.

Loved it!

She smiled brightly, quickly tossing the pink and blue and ones

Extra and

she started pumping good bit faster

.

pumping A good bit faster.

She then tied it around belly and trotted over

Around her belly

However, she noticed it wasn't as close her as it usually was

Close to her

Twilight would tell her otherwise, she knew, but falling but being scared of falling

Take out 'but falling'

"Huh." Derpy rubbed the back of her neck, blushing a bit. "I guess I never remember her name..." She then smiled. "Well, I better take this to her, then. Thanks, Pinkie Pie!" She took off toward the town below.
"Wait! Other way!" Pinkie called after her.
"Huh? Oh, yeah!" Derpy corrected her direction. "Bye!"

I was waiting for Pinkie to realize that Derpy might have been the only pony that could have helped her, and then face hoof.

Well, what better way to spend your time trapped in the air than to go over her list of mental list of things to give to her sick friend?

Extra 'list of'

Your line indenting is incusistant. I suggest pressing the 'tab' key (unless you're typing this on a mobile device like a smart phone, then I understand).

Great chapter! Plenty of funny moments. On to the next chapter!

Such a great read. :twilightsmile:

Does unfortunately need a quick bit of editing though. :twilightsheepish:

Besides that I think that was one of the best stories from pinkies perspective I've read. It painted such a great mental picture. :pinkiehappy:

Full review here, but in brief: a cute, (very) old-fashioned story. Could almost have dated from S1. Gently amusing. Could do with proofreading. Considering you're (deservedly) famous for your music, intriguing to see what you produced on the page!

...until she realized that Applejack was a bit under the weather, too.

Well buck.

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