The Shameless First Person Self-Insert

by sbloom85

Chapter VI

A week had passed and I was still a pegasus. As it turned out, along with a new body, I had a new brain, so there were no seizures since becoming a pegasus. I was finally free from that prison. I lived with Rose the whole time and I continued helping her tend the gardens. While I had grown used to having a pegasus body, becoming more dextrous with both wings in the process, some of those in the castle weren't used to the new me. Blade was probably the one who took it the hardest. We were sparring partners, after all. We sparred once in my new form. He took advantage of my situation and mopped the floor with my face. He apologized later and told me that his victory over me felt hollow. He clearly missed my human form... and he wasn't the only one.

Despite me being self-conscious about my new body, I was the only... pony who was uncomfortable about my appearance. While going through the city, I overheard conversations about me. Well, human me, anyway. There were questions about what happened to me in genuine curiosity; some rude comments about my residence at the castle, that the princesses were fools to keep a beast in the guest quarters. Thankfully, I never heard anything about my involvement with Rose. Either they didn't know, or they didn't care. I'm betting it was the former. I'm hoping it was the former.

We were at the station. I would be going alone to Ponyville for a week. The thought of doing something on my own was almost tear-jerking for me. Back home, I enjoyed whatever alone time I would get while my parents were off running errands, but I never actually did much on my own.

“All aboard for Ponyville!”

I gave her a quick hug before I boarded the train. “I'll see you later, Rose.”

She nodded and wiped away a tear. “Say hi to my sister for me.”

Her “sister”, Roseluck was a florist in Ponyville. The two aren't related by blood, but rather they've known each other their whole lives and adopted each other as sisters, the same way my mom and her lifelong friend did. I nodded and smiled. “Will do.”

I boarded the train and took a seat next to the window. I looked out and saw Rose, grinning and waving. I waved back as the train started pulling out.

A few minutes passed before the train completely left the Canterlot station. I faced forward and let out a sigh of relief. If I stay in Equestria any longer, I just might give up on Earth. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the ride.

Several more minutes had passed until I heard someone clearing their throat. “You're not very talkative, are you?”

I looked to my right and saw a pegasus mare. She looked to be in her mid-forties. “Sorry, just thinking.”

She raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “About what, dear?”

I shrugged and looked out the window. “Lots of things. Home, my family, my time in Canterlot, Rose... Discord.” I grumbled quietly at the mention of his name.

I heard a giggle behind me. “Got a filly friend, eh? You look like you've got a good head on your shoulders.”

I chuckled and looked back to her. “Thanks, ma'am.”

She smiled. “Handsome and well-mannered. You'll make a fine husband.”

I shook my head and looked out the window. “I wasn't always like this. I was quite the monster growing up. It wasn't until I was fifteen when my brother beat the piss out of me which began a slow change.” She looked intrigued, like she wanted me to continue the story. “It was an early morning, before dawn broke and I was trying to sleep. My brother and a few of his friends were in the back yard drinking and having a good time. My hearing had been sharper than most my whole life, so...”

She nodded understandingly. “You were able to hear everything that was going on, so you went outside and asked them to be quiet. Must be tough.”

I shook my head. “Some days it's not so bad, other days it's maddening. I was rude when I... 'asked' and a few minutes after I climbed into bed... he started throwing punches.”

She clicked her tongue. “Oh dear.”

I shrugged. “It wasn't that bad, really. I turtled up and shoved him off of me a couple of times. Neither of us were hurt physically, but the experience changed me psychologically.”

She looked me over curiously. “Strange. You are a pegasus, but it sounds you have the hearing of a thestral. Are you related to any?”

I shook my head. “No, I'm not. I guess it could be chalked up to biology.”

She gave me a strange look, slowly nodded then smiled. “I noticed you don't have a cutie mark. How old are you?”

I hung my head. “Almost thirty years old. For the last thirteen years I've been trying to find something to do, but every time I do... it blows up in my face. It's like I'm not meant to have a purpose.”

She gave me a quick smack on the back of my head, lifted my chin up and turned my head to look her in the eye. “Every pony has a purpose. I've met ponies in their fifties and older without cutie marks and they've found purpose for themselves.” She stroked my face tenderly. “Sorry about the hit.”

I rubbed the back of my head and chuckled. “No worries. I think I needed that.”

She settled into her seat and sighed in content. “Good. Now be a good stallion for your mare.”

I stifled my laughter and nodded. “I intend to.”

She let out a victorious huff. “Now, about the other things.”

The mare and I spent a good chunk of the train ride talking about everything up to my arrival in Canterlot. I left out certain details for obvious reasons. Since being turned into a pegasus, I began to feel a sense of belonging. Knowing what awaited me back home, I also began to feel less inclined to go back and that Equestria was my home now. Those thoughts troubled me. I'm a human being, or rather, I was a human being.

---

The train pulled into Ponyville. I let the mare I talked to out before me and we went our separate ways. I looked ahead and saw that Twilight was waiting for me. Our eyes met, she galloped up to me and hugged me. Ponies are physical creatures, more than humans that's for sure. I've never been held this much outside of my family.

She released her grip and we began heading toward her castle. “Have you figured it out, yet?”

She nodded and let out an affirming grunt. “Yes, the first thing I'll need to do to send your letter is to get an exact location.”

I smirked. “Going to crawl into my brain for that?”

She giggled. “You know me too well.”

I fumbled over a step, but caught myself. “So... where am I going to be staying? A hotel or something?”

She shook her head. “No. I've prepared a guest room for you at the castle.”

I stifled my laughter and shook my head. “You're too kind to me, Twilight.”

All of a sudden, three fillies approached us, a white unicorn with a two-tone purple mane and tail, Sweetie Belle; a pale yellow earth pony with a red mane with a pink bow and a red tail, Apple Bloom; and an orange pegasus with a short-cut purple mane and tail, Scootaloo.

Scootaloo's grin looked like it would threaten to rip her face apart. “Are we still on for Twilight Time today?”

She nodded. “Yes, of course. I'll see you this afternoon. Is your class still going to Canterlot tomorrow?”

The trio nodded, looked at me, smiled and looked back to Twilight. “You got a colt friend, Twilight?” They gave her a squeezing hug. “You have a radical look, mister. I bet you're using those special contacts to give your eyes that color.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Leave Scotty alone for now, he just arrived.”

They let her go and ganged up on me before galloping off. “We can't wait to see you again, Scotty!”

I shook my head and chuckled. “Kids.” I looked to Twilight, my smile not faltering. “Do they know about me?”

She nodded. “They know about human you, but not pony you. I'm sure they'll figure it out soon.”

I smirked. “From what I've been told, each of them are smart in their own way.” She giggled and nodded. “I'd like to get settled, then wander around town, if that's okay.”

She nodded again. “Of course, Scott. You don't need my permission. All I ask is that you behave yourself.”

I let out a heavy sigh. “You're no fun, Twilight.”

We approached the castle and it was far different than what it looked like in the season finale. Instead of it being a crystalline structure, it had a more earthy appearance. Almost looked like the old library, except much bigger. There were even crystal-like “leaves” sprouting off the ends of the branches. It was jaw-dropping to say the least. I did my best to regain my composure, but I couldn't.

Twilight giggled and pulled me along. “Come on. I'll show you where you'll be staying.”

---

After finding my room and getting settled in the castle, I decided to take that walk around Ponyville. Rose told me her sister worked at the flower shop, so I was going to pay her a visit first.

A bell rang as I opened the door and I was greeted by the warm smiles three mares. One had a lime-green mane and tail and lightish pink coat; another had a blonde mane and tail and a magenta coat with a white flower next to her ear; the last one I recognized as Roseluck, her color scheme was almost identical to Rose Petal's. I looked into her eyes and smiled. As I did, I heard gasps and giggles coming from the other two. “Are you Roseluck?” She slowly nodded and I approached her. “My name is Scott. Rose Petal sends her regards.”

Her mouth opened and her eyes widened briefly. “So you're the one she mailed me about. The one transformed by Discord.” I nodded. “I'm sorry about that.” She smiled and pointed a hoof to her colleagues, at blondie first. “This is Lily,” then to the other, “and this is Daisy.”

I nodded at them. “Hello, ladies.” I looked at the variety of flowers in stock, but I've seen most of these all over Canterlot. “Do you have anything unique?”

The three mares huddled and talked about something. Let's find out...

“What can we get for him?”

“I'm not sure, he obviously wants to buy something for Petal.”

“He wants something unique, I don't blame him.”

“What do you suggest?”

“About the only thing I can think of is-”

“No. Don't even suggest it. It's not even a flower.”

“Suggest what?”

I cleared my throat. “I think what Daisy was about to suggest was the Poison Joke.”

The mares broke off and looked at me. “You heard us?” Daisy asked in shock.

I nodded. “Yeah. It's kind of a curse. Sorry.”

Roseluck nodded. “Yeah... that would be the most unique item in Equestria as it only grows in the Everfree Forest.”

Lily gave me a skeptical look. “How did you know about the Poison Joke?”

At this point I wouldn't be lying to them. “I read about them in the Canterlot library.” I took a moment to think about the idea. I nodded, opened my bit pouch and laid a few bits on the counter between us. “Thanks, girls.”

I think I left them in a stupor as I walked out of the store empty-handed... or empty-hooved as the case may be. “But we didn't sell him anything.” I gave a smile as the door closed behind me. Oh yes you did, ladies. You sold me an idea.

The Poison Joke... now if that wasn't unique enough, I wouldn't know what would be. There'd be some problems though, how to harvest the plant without coming into contact with it, which would easily be solved if there was a unicorn present. There'd be the problem of containing the plant and keeping it fresh on the trip back to Canterlot. A unicorn could build a container and maybe cast some kind of stasis spell on it.

Yeah. That's what I'll do. I'd hate to ask Twilight to help me with it, but I probably wouldn't have a choice. I'll worry about that later though, it's time to keep moving.

---

Going through town, I had the unpleasant experience of being crashed into by Rainbow Dash. I heard several gasps. It took a moment for me to recover after the tumble we took and I realized that we ended up in a rather... awkward position. To make this even more embarrassing, my wings shot out against my will. God damn it. I shook the unneeded thoughts out of my head and rolled Rainbow off of me before crawling alongside the dazed pegasus. “Rainbow Dash!”

She blinked, groaned and shook her head. “Oh... sorry about that. I really need to be more careful.”

I chuckled and helped her sit up. “It's alright, I'm just glad you're okay.”

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at me, then her eyes widened. “Scotty?” I nodded. “So it is true. Discord did change you.” She winced and shook her head. “You... you look terrifying.”

I laughed and helped her up. “I thought Applejack was supposed to be the honest one of the bunch.”

She scowled. “Hey! I'm honest too.”

I nodded in agreement. “I know, Rainbow.”

She rubbed her face with a hoof and groaned. “So... how are you doing with the wings?”

I looked at the useless appendages and groaned. I was just glad they closed back up. “Not very well, I'm afraid.” I looked back to her and sighed. “As someone who wasn't born with them, it's quite difficult to get used to having the new nerve endings.” I stifled a laugh. “It's quite ironic too.” She raised an eyebrow. “I'm afraid of heights.”

She covered her mouth and tried to stifle her own laughter, but she burst and fell over. It wasn't long before I joined her in riotous laughter.

After we recovered, we sat up and looked at each other. “So, how long are you in town?”

I stood up and helped her up once more. “A week. I'm here mainly to see if Twilight can send a letter to my world.”

She nodded. “If anypony can do that, it's Twilight.” She fluttered her wings and lifted herself into the air. “Sorry again about crashing into you, Scotty. I gotta go.”

She took off before I could get a chance to tell her not to worry about it. Oh well. I started walking and had a horrifying thought, maybe she was aware that her face was buried in my crotch. If I wasn't involved with Rose, it would've been flattering, but now I'm worried about what she'd do to me if she found out.

---

I walked through the square and saw Lyra and Bon Bon on a bench, talking about something while sipping on drinks. Whatever it was, it wasn't my business.

“Have you heard about that creature that's living in Canterlot castle?”

Okay... maybe I should listen in.

“Yes, Lyra, I have.” The cream-colored mare let out an annoyed sigh. “And there's nothing special about him. You've seen other bipedal creatures.”

Lyra let out a frustrated groan. “The only other bipeds here are Minotaurs. Come on, Bonnie. Please?” She was adamant about seeing me, wasn't she?

Bon Bon let out a sigh of defeat. “Fine. But don't ask him to poke you, either. Seriously, you have the weirdest bucket list. You're the only mare I know that wants to be poked by everything before she dies.”

That's it. I had to know for sure what they were talking about.

Lyra giggled. “What did they call him? A hoo-mahn?”

I cleared my throat. “I think it's pronounced 'hue-min'.” I gave them a nervous smile. “Sorry, I couldn't help listening to your conversation.” I looked to Bon Bon. “What did you mean by 'being poked'?”

Lyra beamed. “Well, it's my dream to be poked by every creature in the world before I die.” She walked up to me and jabbed me on the shoulder with her hoof. “Like that.”

I laughed in relief. “Okay, I thought you meant something else.”

The two mares glared at me for a moment, then Lyra rolled her eyes back in thought. “Now that would be interesting.” She looked to her friend. “What do you think Bonnie?”

She shook her head. “No thanks. Stallions are enough for me.”

Lyra pouted. “You're no fun, Bonnie. Don't you want to experience a nice, big, thick dragon-”

I let out a nervous laugh. “Okay! I think this is my cue to leave.” I galloped away, trying to figure out where to go next.

What the hell was wrong with my luck today? First Rainbow Dash and I tumbled into a sixty-nine then I gave Lyra the idea to screw a male of every species before she died, including mine. I seriously doubt that Rose would like that idea. I thought I should head back to the library. Who knew what else might happen?

---

I was escorted to the throne room. I looked at Twilight and she looked back. She smiled, closed her book, put it aside and crawled off her throne. “That was quick. How do you like Ponyville so far?”

I let out a nervous groan and rubbed the back of my head. “It was... awkward to say the least.” She gave me a curious look. “Never mind that. Do you know if it's possible to contain a sample of Poison Joke in a stasis container?”

She nodded ecstatically. “Oh yes, it is. I am planning on opening a museum here in Ponyville and I already have a large collection of specimens in the castle basement. Why do you ask?”

I sat down. “Well, I want to get something for Rose. Something exotic, you know?”

She grunted and glared at me. “Poison Joke isn't a flower, Scotty.”

I nodded. “I know, but I've seen everything else in Canterlot. You don't see too many patches of Poison Joke there.”

She relented. “Alright. I'll make sure we collect a sample of it before you return to Canterlot.”

I smiled at her. “Thanks, Twilight. I'd like to get the letter taken care of now if you don't mind.”

She grinned and floated a quill, an inkwell and a sheet of paper. “I was hoping you'd say that. I had an idea on a way for them to respond.”

Intriguing. “What did you have in mind?”

She beamed. “Well, I was thinking about enchanting a stamp to send a letter directly to you, no matter where you're at. So, what would you like to tell them?”

I cleared my throat and began.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I hope this letter finds its way to you. I apologize for not trying to contact you sooner, my life has been changed drastically and has been difficult for me to keep up. Rest assured that I didn't have a seizure and die in the woods.

I've been living in a castle for the last four months, believe it or not. I found a girlfriend among the staff, a gardener named Rose and I've been keeping busy not only helping her, but sparring with rookie guards as well.

I wish I could come back right now, I really do, but I can't yet. As much as I want to see you guys again, I don't think you'd understand what has happened to me. I don't understand it myself, but I don't care, this place has been kinder to me than home ever was.

In two months time, even if what happened to me hasn't been resolved, I'll be paying a visit. If you want to respond, I'll be sending a special stamp with this letter. All you have to do is ink the stamp, press it against the paper and it will be sent directly to me.

Tell Joe and Tiff I said hi and that I miss them both.

She set my letter on the table. “Is that it?”

I nodded. “Yeah. That's it.”

She walked over to me, ignited her horn and pressed it against my head. I could see my blue planet as if I were looking at it through Google Earth. We descended to my Earth home nearly twenty miles north of the Wisconsin-Michigan border. We landed just outside the house and entered like a no-clip cheat was active. “Where would you like the letter?” We maneuvered through the house and into the kitchen. We looked around, I spotted my mom's laptop on the table and I nodded.

She broke the connection and she backed up, looking a bit woozy. I rushed to her and laid a leg on her. “Twilight? Are you alright?”

First she shook her head, then nodded. “Yeah... I'll be fine. This might drain me.”

I shook my head. “If getting the location did this to you, I don't think you should be sending it. It might lay you up.”

She shook her head. “No, I'll be fine. It'll be just the one letter. I'll have a second stamp enchanted so that you can send more.”

I tried stifling some tears as I pulled her in for a gentle hug. “You're awesome, Twilight.”

She giggled. “I know.” Her horn lit up again and zapped two stamps with her magic. She placed one stamp on the letter, rolled it up, enveloped it in her magic. I could see sweat forming on her face as she concentrated on sending the letter. Her horn flared brighter a few times, then the letter vanished. After that, she collapsed on the floor.

I laid beside her and nuzzled her. “I owe you big time, Twilight. Whatever you want or need me to do to help you, all you have to do is ask.”

She gave me a weak smile. “It's no problem. Your parents needed to know that you're okay.”

I helped her get back up. “Come on, let's get some lunch. On me, no arguing.” She smiled and nodded in agreement.

Twilight and I left the library. Hopefully my parents will be able to follow the instructions we provided so they can write back. I stood next to her, then pulled her in for a hug, crying in joy. “Thank you again, Twilight.”

Suddenly there was a loud crumbling sound coming from the north. Twilight and I looked in that direction... toward Canterlot and we saw the unthinkable...

The west tower of Canterlot castle began to fall.

A crowd of ponies gathered around us, taking in the horrific scene unfolding. There was a lot of crying, from both foals and adults. I fell onto my haunches, feeling breathless and helpless. There was only one pony I could think of.

“Rose... Rose!”

Twilight grabbed a hold of me and we teleported out of Ponyville.

Author's Note:

How can so many bad things happen on such a beautiful day?

Comments

[Super57]

thank you for the help. and everything for me. i'm happy you became my pre-reader. like really man thank you.

[sbloom85]

5215979
No problem.

[Super57]

I just want to make sure you know this. but i'm going to change my title name and my important characters. becuase my stuff is cliche. and my story is self-insert it's just the fact that I am 16 years old in real life. and i barely ever go outside or do anything.

But yeah i'm changing my story a bit. but my chapter i worked on is going to change too. like for one i'm going to put my parents in there for more devolopment towards my character.

[Super57]

>>SBloom85

Hey man! it's super 57s again! and well I revised my story and it looks way better from the last one you read so here new story and everything :)

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/226230/a-human-named-chris-who-teleports-into-equestria-and-does-whatever-he-wants

[Super57]

Hey man! It's Super57s again! And well I got two Chapters done and I would like it if you read them!

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/226230/a-human-named-chris-who-teleports-into-equestria-and-does-whatever-he-wants

Seriously! read it! It's way better than what you read last time. No lie you'll love it :D