• Member Since 6th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday


A pony from a machine.



A sequel to A Pegasus Is Fine, Too.

The love triangle of Dash, Shy, and Lane keeps on running smoothly. Only too smoothly.

Proofreaders: ponygrad, Nicknack

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 49 )

Now I must finish the first one! I can't wait to start this!

Well I thought that they were gonna say that they're a couple but no jump right in to engagement, it's more fun that way. :pinkiehappy:

Waitwaitwait, hold on Fluttershy.

So you called dibs on Rainbow...*suddenly a realization happens as I write*

Oh I see. Rainbow is too free-spirited to trap in that kind of cage, which is why you never did it. It still seems like a dick move to get engaged to her friend, and then leave her out of it completely. Couldn't you at least have asked her to be best mare? Or a bridesmaid? Or something?

I really enjoy this story cant wait for more!!!!

That sure sounds like a ponyville remedy to the blues.

I can't believe thunder still isn't over rainbow and is basically trying to use fluttershy. I wonder who's driving that relationship.

I am oddly reminded of this.

4597391 I can't say whether I should be flattered or offended.

Propably neither.

I think the correct term is "confused". :applejackconfused:

Ooo, Somehow I think I saw that coming

So much for 'Element of Loyalty' Dash

Hitting the low point for everypony early on. This is becoming a seriously heavy story for a sequel to a clopfic about setting up a threesome.

Loyalty betrayed is not a pretty sight. Dash is just a pony, none of the mane 6 are perfect unwavering embodiments of their elements and she happens to have quite the hot head. Think about any time that you felt truly betrayed by someone you trusted, someone you held unquestioning loyalty towards. Can you say you would react any better?

4618729 wow, i just realized that comment I made has really bad grammer, to the point where I dont know what words can correct it nvm, hit the wrong letter

Unfortunately, for THIS Dash, making anyone around her who loves her somewhere between unhappy and miserable by offering this half-relationship with her isn't particularly loyal either, it's sorta a dick move, even if they're willing to weather it for her. What did she think was going to happen when two ponies who want to have long term romantic relationships get into a relationship of sorts with her when she vehemently denies she's in love or wants anything more than friends with benefits?

I guess maybe between her being so vehement to not be in a relationship and happy with that situation, and being a little clueless, she assumes everyone else is also happy with it, even if they want more? Not that she seems too concerned with how Thunderlane feels anyway.

I know Loyalty isn't kindness, but there has to be something about listening to and/or treating those you're loyal to with compassion, or you will just be in an intensely hard to get out of terrible relationship.

...I'm really looking forward to this relationship getting put back together.

4618729 While writing the first part, I felt that I was "wasting" good emotional stuff on what would inevitably lead to awesome sex anyway, so I thought I'd flesh out those hearts here.

4618967 I'm sure they'll talk it out eventually (pretty sure, but I never plan my stories too far), although there might be some thunder ahead before that...

Never underestimate the power of having both good emotional material and great sex.:twilightsmile:

Ummm... I really hate m/m and f/f but... The wording kind of threw me off in the beginning and I didn't really understand it. I'm guessing rainbow likes fluttershy, fluttershy likes thunder lane, thunder lane like rainbow. The big blue one, or whatever that was got me REALLY confused, I was a good story, I am really tired so I might sound mean right now. Fluttershy seemed kind of lame, rainbow seemed pitiful because normally rainbow is strong and has a tough skin, and Thunderlane was just a jerk, I want to say D word but that's mean an I don't like curse words. All in all, it was a good story. It's probably 'cause I'm tired but, I kind of felt my brain was rotting from boredom. I'm not saying this story is bad at all and maybe if I got more sleep last night I wouldn't be so harsh. It doesn't need an editor, I don't care for the styling though. Rating: 7 1/2 out of 10. Great job! You did really well. :) oh and I really don't like the S word (it has three letters) see I don't even want to say it. I really don't want to insulted you by this review, I'm harsh when I review and I am getting harsher for some reason. There is a reason why tho story has so many likes, it's good. :D

Oof... this is not looking good for Thunderlane. Fluttershy doesn't know what she really wants with him, and Rainbow Dash would be more than happy to kick him to the curb... it seems. It seems that Thunderlane hasn't really pierced the veil of RD's loyalty, as she is still keeping him at the same arm's length that she always has, where the feelings of others don't matter to her.

Also... it's gone to teen instead? I'm not particularly disappointed.

4673661 There was supposed to be sex here, but the idea never took off in practice. Also, I'm trying to get this through in EqD someday, and they fancy clop not.

This was one amazing story. So, will there be a sequel?

4724911 Thanks! To what comes to your question, I cannot say. This was a sequel to begin with, but on other hoof I really enjoy playing with these particular little ponies, so who knows? It'll be a while in any case, for I got me three other stories (four, really) that need to be looked after. Also, I'm kind of spent on ideas on this one at the moment.

With an ending like that? There better be a third part in the trilogy, dangit!

*deep breath* That was a little bracing. I feel bad for Thunderlane, who gets jerked around the most and winds up with nothing, but it is what it is. Stepping out is a mature move on his part.

The ending's a little confusing that the "epilogue" that shows Dash has doubts about her conclusion that they should kick Thunderlane to the curb comes after the where she does that (albeit a little more kindly), which narratively would normally indicate there's more to the story, but you said that there's only maybe a sequel so it's more like reflecting on her behavior in the previous chapter, I suppose.

But I think everyone can agree on one thing: Thunderlane's mom is awesome.


Yeah, okay, the story has loose ends, some of which are intentional. The epilogue does carry more than one possible sequels, and it's not in any way out of the question that I wouldn't try to nurture them in the future, whatever that means. But it defintetly helps my decision to know that folks dig this series.

Extra thanks for rooting for Thunder Cloud! It might be worthwhile to write a sequal just for her sake.

Thunderlane´s always the one getting kicked around as soon as dash is involved, isn´t he?

4740180 Well, he kind of brought this down on himself. He gets treated alright in the prequel, though.

How? the only Thing he did wrong was keeping his mouth shut when the others wanted him to.

4743833 I didn't say he absolutely deserved what he had coming, only that he was the one who caused it (with the others, obviously). I usually refrain from making moralizing claims about the characters outside the story.

5144897 The next best thing to clop.

5282703 In a sense, they all used each other. Dash wanted to have great sex, Fluttershy wanted to please Dash, even against her better judgement, and Thunderlane just had fallen for Dash years ago, which ended up clouding his reason. For some reason, it was Thunderlane especially who got the blame in some the readers' minds, although personally I thought they all had somewhat of a equal share in causing their troubles. Well, not perhaps equal in any mathematical sense, but simply different shares -- the point is, they would not have ended up where they did if they all had had sincere intentions about one another. In a way, the story's moral was that we can never have absolutely sincere views of other humans.

Does that cover your curiosity?

Wow, yeah, that was heavy stuff. And you know what, I really loved it! I can't get enough of how deeply you explore each character's feelings and flaws, and I love nothing more than a story about disillusionment with the lies that one tells oneself.

I have to say, the ending's execution was remarkable. I mean, from the moment that Dash says “I love you, Shy,” the remaining paragraphs of the chapter at first seem to be entirely unrelated to the plot up to that point, as if the curtains that Thunderlane draws over the door to the back room separate the worlds of two entirely different stories. I spent a minute wondering why the hell I was reading a casual chat between Thunderlane and his mom about Octavia and Rumble, who each only had one appearance in the story (and, in Octavia's case, as nothing but a passing background detail), but Octavia's move from the Café to the Inn is a nice note of the journey that the three protagonists have completed: from the passion and infatuation of the "too sweet for the ears" summer and "too sweet for the ears" romance to the Inn, a place where facts are faced—and Thunderlane's words on growth and his resolve to keep an eye out for Rumble in case he needs to help his little brother understand and navigate the complexities of love and heartbreak speak to the maturity he's gained and the lessons he just learned. The epilogue is similarly a neat one-step-removed reflection on the story. All these worked pretty well.

There are still a bunch of he/she mix-ups and other typos, but besides those, you could make your prose more fluid by using contractions more often. For example, in chapter 5, the lines "One week he is drunk of bliss, the next he can’t get up from the bed." and "Yeah, but she is still here. Gosh, I’m sure she is watching us right now" would probably be better written with "he's" and "she's" instead of "he is" and "she is". On another note, I think that you had a few instances of misusing contractions, like in chapter 4, when you wrote "What would’ve you said?!" instead of "What would you have said?!"

Thanks for writing a great story! I've got to check out your other works.

“I do like to race a lot, to have a lot…but not with you.” She looked longfully at her. “With you, it’s different. It’s more like you said, like…opening…to you.”

yessss this is exactly why I love this pairing. shipping FlutterDash 'til the day I die :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

5437182 Much obliged! With comments such as yours, I'll be sure to write a third part for this threesome. At some point. SS FlutterDash sails forever!

It's true that my English suffers from rough corners, a few of which you rightly mentioned. Good proofreaders help, of course, along with writing more.


Poor 'Lane...
That's gotta hurt, especially since it really looked like he and Fluttershy really did have something there, even if marriage really wasn't the best idea.

You wrote this just so you could make the pun, didn't you. :trixieshiftright:

Never wasted a good pun in my life.

Thunderlane got utterly crushed at the end there. Of all of them, I felt that their arrangement lifted him higher than the other two - only to come crashing down far, far lower than them. Dash and Fluttershy have each other, Thunderlane is left alone with nothing but memories and rejections from the mare he loves with all his heart and the mare he'd developed (admittedly infinitely less intense) feelings for over the summer.

Of course he is responsible in part for the whole thing imploding, but I can't help but feel like he'd been used by both of them and then discarded the instant he was no longer relevant. It's very heavy stuff, but in that horrible-yet-great way that these things are when they're done well. I really felt bad for him; and I guess Fluttershy's hesitation about 'third wheels' in the first story was completely justified in the end. It's a shame that Thunderlane had to pay such a heavy price for proving her right, though...

Ah well, at least there's a slight glimmer of hope in the dark for him. Helia seems to like him, he 'just' needs to get over Rainbow and maybe things won't be so bad in the end.

6494118 That's exactly how I felt, too! I'm actually harboring intents of writing continuation for this series just to make things turn out a bit happier from TL's perspective. Like as not, Helia would play major role there...

...along with Tree Hugger...

Man, I really hope you continue it. The only thing I regret about reading both of these stories is that I didn't read them when they were new.

But Thunderlane better not get into another three-way relationship because holy shit he'd be the dumbest stallion in history.

6494544 Love makes fools of us all.


If ya need me...Me and my feels for Lane will go in a corner somewhere...

6574303 You're welcome to join me.

Went though this again cause I can't get enough of the feels train it seems.

So yeah, they all used each other in the end but by the end of it all it seems that Thunderlane got the short end of the stick no matter one might say. His feelings, forgotten like a leaf on the wind like that, still rather chokes me up inside.

I can only guess that he grew just a little bit wiser and in time will just push Rainbow and Fluttershy out of his mind completely. The only way they will ever return in the end of it is if he falls in love with one of the other mane 6, in which case I can clearly see some hostility some where down the line in some way shape or form.

In any case, stilling loving this story and hope you do at least one more story to finish this little ark up. I'll be waiting until then.

7494274 Aw shucks. Such a fine way to start a morning, reading that.

In fact I have several pages (some of it actually edited) awaiting to be finished in my gdocs file. The fall leading to winter ought to supply ample demand for me to open it again. It's the season most suitable for the case, I find.

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