Thief
If Coco Pommel was a thief, she was a master at taking voices, specifically Chrysalis' voice. Numerous times has the mare been able to keep the queen from responding to a witty choice of words.
How could this pony be so sharp with words? Chrysalis asked herself as Coco looked at her intently. Letting out a sigh, the changeling replied, “You are right. You have given me a second chance.” In response to her reply, Coco nodded.
“Yes. You intentionally invaded Canterlot to cause harm before, and yet, I have forgiven you for that. Do you know why?” Chrysalis looked at her friend, thinking the question she asked was a rhetorical one. “Because,” Coco continued, “I saw that you are just like me. We all live in the same world trying to survive. You have an entire race to feed. You have children to raise. You have your reasons why you hate Celestia. But there was a reason why you did what you did, and I gave you that chance to tell me why. That is why we should give Suri a second chance; so that she can get out of this circumstance you placed her in and perhaps turn her life around.”
Embarrassed by being lectured by the earth pony, Chrysalis glanced at Fang who looked at her stupidly. There was nothing Fang could do to the situation as he spectated his queen, watching her being at a loss for words by Coco's choice of words. It was hard for Fang to accept that his queen was being easily silenced without her losing her temper. If anychangeling were to try and speak against her, the outcome would be usually painful for the lesser changeling.
Chrysalis on the other hoof felt convicted, as if she was standing in front of a judge, telling her all of her wrongdoings. Ever since Coco had become her friend, she has felt herself grow soft and she hated that. The queen did not want to feel these emotions, yet couldn't help herself. After all, Coco was right; both she and Chrysalis were two individuals trying to live on the same word, surviving through life's trials.
Perhaps the pony was the one who was going to resolve the problem with herself and Celestia. Chrysalis didn't know. The one thing she did know was that she was growing to respect and care about Coco more and more with every argument they have had. Coco Pommel was her friend who was not afraid to tell her that she is wrong. But the way Coco went about it was very professional. She only spoke up when Chrysalis was being the aggressor. And after Chrysalis has had the chance to speak loudly, the rest of what Coco had to say was spoken in a calm manner followed by a good point. Chrysalis could tell that Coco didn't argue for the sake of arguing; the mare argued because she had a very good reason for it. Chrysalis also noticed that Coco didn't like to argue or have a conflict and preferred a more professional approach. Because of the pony's caring attitude, the queen was finding herself growing to care about Coco more and more. And she didn't mind that.
Suri was astonished at what was happening. Her former employee was not only standing up for her, but Coco was standing up to the changeling who happens to be the queen. After all the pain and name tarnishing Suri had caused Coco, the humble mare was willing to stick her neck out for Suri. But why? Suri knew she didn't deserve the mercy, yet, she was getting it anyways.
Looking over to Suri, Coco said, “I am sorry that you had to go through with being kidnapped today Suri.”
Suri could not find herself to speak. She too had succumbed to Coco's mastery at stealing voices. All Suri could do was stare back with a confused look in her eyes.
Knowing that it was going to be impossible to get Suri to say anything on her own, Coco spoke, “I do hope things do go well for you in life and maybe change the way you are.” Looking at Chrysalis, the mare asked, “Can we give a second chance by letting her go? I honestly doubt anypony would believe her if she said changelings were in Canterlot anyways.”
Taking a deep breath, Chrysalis exhaled and responded, “I'm only doing this because you are my friend.” It was a tough call, but something told her that Suri was not going to speak about herself and how she and her guards are changelings. Looking at Fang, Chrysalis nodded at him, blinking at the changeling as well. Open the door for her.
Without hesitating, Fang did as his queen had ordered. Upon opening the carriage door, the wagon stopped moving.
“You are free to go, Suri,” Coco said with a smile, gesturing to the exit. “I do hope that things change for the better for you.”
But even with freedom within her grasp, Suri simply stared at the world outside. She saw noticed that they were stopped in front of a clothing store. Dresses covered their own manikin, each with a unique design. It was as if Coco had known they were about to pass a clothing store and drop off Suri off at such a convenient location.
“What are you waiting for?” Chrysalis asked impatiently. “You can leave.”
“Why?” Suri asked, looking back at Coco.
“Hmm?” Coco responded as she slightly cocked her head in confusion. "'Why' what?"
“Close the door,” Suri said, looking at Fang. Fang raised a brow, wondering what was going through the mare's mind, but did as he was told. Chrysalis noticed the carriage was not moving after the door was closed, so she pounded the floor with a hard stomp. In an instant, the wagon began to move once more.
Tired of standing, Chrysalis went over to the vacant side of the carriage and sat down. Fang continued to stand by the door, still spectating everything and keeping quiet.
Soon, all eyes were back on Suri. All the attention she was getting was making the mare feel so uncomfortable. But because of her action of choosing to stay in the cart is what caused everychangeling and pony to look at her, wondering why she stayed. Also, Suri's question...
Why?
Why what? Coco didn't have a clue as to what Suri meant. All the pony can do was assume.
“Why, Coco?” Suri said once more, now looking at at Coco.
Again, the tailor asked, "'Why' what?"
Streaks of blush grew across Suri's face and hid her face behind the clothes that dangled in front of her.
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Strange end of chapter, like you had more but suddenly stop ?
6683252 I'll be honest, the last to chapters that I have done could have been added together and when I was proof reading Thief, I felt that my desision to seperate them was not the best of ideas... We all make mistakes and am not shocked that a reader pointed that out. Sorry about that still...
still need more.
6684013
At this rate Coco is going to put Twilight out of a job as Princess of Friendship (or at the least, take over as the Element of Kindness). I mean, she's not only befriended a bunch of changelings, including the Queen herself, but started working on Suri.
...First crushing her spirit with wracking guilt, then moving in for the kill- er, friendship! Yeah, nice friendly friendship.
Weaponised friendship there.
Need moaaaaaar!
Cya
Raziel-chan
6731492 I'm really glad you comment on all chapters. It shows that you are enjoying it.
6732066 Don't worry, the plot for the entire story has been thought out.
6732164 The whole questionmare was to have a recurring joke. Guess it works.
6732807 Remember that the events of this story take place two months after Rarity Takes Manehattan.
6732884 You can be the most closed-minded person in the world. But there can be that one person you are willing to open up and spill you emotions to.
6732935 The actual first issue of the comics is the Return of Chrysalis. That is the one you have right? If Chrysalis returns a second time in the comics... THEN I NEED TO CATCH THE HELL UP!
You know, it isn't enough to make me stop reading, but I feel like this whole story could use an overhaul. You use a lot of passive voice, and while it makes the story longer, it can reduce the weight of impactful scenes, like the one above. I know this story has been out for six years, but it really could use a good edit. This paragraph is a good example.
This is a really important paragraph, and with your use of passive voice, it fails to deliver the punch it deserves. Let me rewrite it and see if I can show you what I mean.
Suri was flabbergasted at the scene in front of her. That doormat, Coco Pommell - the very mare she worked to the bone, day in and day out, the mare whose name she dragged through the mud - was standing up for her, and not just to any pony, oh no, but to Queen Chrysalis herself! Suri knew from the bottom of her heart that she did not deserve this mercy, and yet, Coco stuck her neck out anyways.
Like I said, while I plan to read on, the passive voice exhibited in this story robs certain scenes of their weight. There is a time and a place for passive voice, don't get me wrong, and I'm sure that in the six years since you put pen to paper here that you're much better about it now, this story could stand to be revised.