The Cliff
Scootaloo feels the biting wind race across her face. The purple scarf wrapped around her neck doesn't help. Neither do her horseshoes. The snow is up to the crook of her knee. She looks upon the land laid out before her. There is everypony in Ponyville, working hard. After all, it is Winter Wrap Up Day.
She looks for specific ponies. To the northeast is Rainbow Dash, working hard with other pegasi to obliterate the clouds. Scootaloo remembers back when she used to idolize that mare. Rainbow Dash was the only pony in Equestria that she had ever respected. But then she had learned of her condition. She had a debilitating disease that prevented her wings from growing, and, through this, prevented her from ever being able to fly.
Scootaloo spots Twilight closer to town, checking off tons of things on a clipboard. Scootaloo can't suppress the small giggle that escapes her mouth when she remembers that book Twilight had lent her and - and - and the other crusaders. They'd accidentally caused Big Macintosh and their teacher Cheerilee to fall madly in love.
Then Scootaloo sees Apple Bloom. The yellow mare is busily repainting some houses that had been damaged by the saturation from the snow. Scootaloo is breathing shakily now. She remembers the day that Apple Bloom had gotten her cutie mark.
They hadn't been told. They hadn't been warned. They'd just been bailed out on. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had sat in the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse for four hours, waiting for Apple Bloom to arrive at the meeting. When she hadn't show, they had left.
The next day, the yellow earth pony hadn't been at school, so the two thought that she was just sick. But, after school that day, they had gone to Sugarcube Corner. They had walked in the door to find Apple Bloom, eating a cupcake. Scootaloo had been ruthless. She had smacked the cupcake out of her friend's hand, pushed Apple Bloom down, and demanded to know why the earth pony hadn't been at school, and, more importantly, why she had bailed on them.
Sweetie Belle had been forced to wrench Scootaloo off of Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom had stood up, and Sweetie Belle had caught a glimpse of her friend's flank. There was a paintbrush, with a bit of green paint on the bristles. Scootaloo still remembers the words Sweetie Belle had said. "Hey, what's that?" At the time, six year old Scootaloo had thought it to be a stupid question. But, know that she was twice as old, she understood. Sweetie Belle hadn't been talking about the cutie mark. She had been talking about the friendship the trio had once had. Once Apple Bloom had received her cutie mark, she had inexorably forsaken her fellow crusaders.
A tear slides down Scootaloo's cheek. She gazes at the meadow near Fluttershy's house. There is Sweetie Belle, her beautiful singing voice resonating off of the trees and hills, calling all of the birds to her. Once they arrive, she directs them to their nests. Despite her mental will, Scootaloo slips into the memory she had stored away. The memory of Sweetie Belle's departure.
Scootaloo had been sitting in the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse when Sweetie Belle had arrived. The orange pegasus had immediately known that something was wrong. When she asked, she had been told to sit down. Scootaloo had hesitantly sat down on one of the beanbag chairs.
"I've got some bad news." Sweetie Belle had said, still not walking through the door frame.
"What is it?" Scootaloo had warily asked.
"I've been offered a job." Sweetie Belle had answered.
"A job? But you're nine!" Scootaloo had blurted out.
"I know." Sweetie Belle had replied, hanging her head. "They made a special exception. Because of the circumstances."
"What circumstances?" Scootaloo had asked.
"I got my cutie mark." Sweetie Bell had said, turning to show her friend. There sat a microphone.
Scootaloo's face had paled. "That's - that's great." She had said. "Who's the job with?"
"Scootaloo, I'm sorry, I didn't ask for the job, it's just -" Sweetie Belle had apologized.
"Who's the job with?" Scootaloo had repeated.
"The Equestrian Chorale." Sweetie Belle answered.
"The traveling group?" Scootaloo had asked.
"Yes." Sweetie Belle had answered. A pair of tears had spilled over her lower eyelids, sliding down her face. "I'm sorry." She had repeated. "I'm so, so, sorry. I'll visit you whenever we're in Ponyville."
"No, you don't have to." Scootaloo had said. "You can stay with your new friends in the group. I'll be fine on my own." Scootaloo had stood up and begun walking to the door.
"No, I want to visit you." Sweetie Belle had replied, blocking the pegasus' exit.
"I don't want you to." Scootaloo had asserted. "Now let me leave."
"Why don't you want me to visit you?" Sweetie Belle had pleaded, her tears falling faster now.
"I SAID LET ME LEAVE!" Scootaloo had screamed, pushing past the unicorn and running off into the orchard. Once she had reached a small, secluded lake, Scootaloo sat down and began to weep. Her only remaining friend, Sweetie Belle, had just announced her hiring. In a traveling singing group. Normally, Scootaloo would have been fine with this. But Sweetie Belle had paired that with other news. she had received her cutie mark. Now the two of them had nothing in common.
Scootaloo was alone from that point forth.
Now the tears are racing down Scootaloo's face, and she doesn't try to stop them. She walks to the edge of the snowy cliff and looks down. It's a long way, a good five hundred feet to the hard ground below. The wind carries the sweet voice of Sweetie Belle to Scootaloo's ears.
"We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, on the quest to find out who we are..."
That's it. One line. But it's enough. Suddenly, Scootaloo is seized by a grief much stronger than that which had already taken hold of her. She had climbed the steep hill for this reason, but know, she felt as if the reason had become a necessity.
"No, Sweetie Belle." Scootaloo says. "There's no 'we' anymore. I'm all that's left."
Scootaloo's final tear escapes from her eye.
"I am the Cutie Mark Crusader." She whispers.
Scootaloo jumps. Seeing the ground rushing toward her, her primeval instincts force her to flap her wings. But it's in vain. She can't fly. The ground rushes forward to meet her.
Scootaloo lies unmoving on the ground, her open eyes staring at nothing. A pool of dark blood slowly begins to spread from the pegasus' body. Scootaloo's last tear releases its grip on her face, mixing unnoticed with the blood.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TrebleBass · 5.8k words · 42 10 · 2.7k views
- RollingSea · 16k words · 12 3 · 1.6k views
- TheFollower · 3.3k words · 33 2 · 2k views
- RainbowDashian · 5.2k words · 20 7 · 2.1k views
- BR · 1.1k words · 74 7 · 2.5k views
- PinkamenaPiePrincess · 4.8k words · 95 4 · 3.5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.105 seconds
Total duration
768 users online
728,974 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
ATTACAAAAAAAA!
*camera spins around mountain*
Nice job, dawg.
You could have put a little more detail, and i noticed a few grammatical errors, but besides that, it was a great read!
It's a bit rushed, but very nice. And sad...
I shall hereby track this.
I swear, if you have Scoots kill herself...
Edit: FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
Very good! More description, fix the grammar, and she also sheds two 'final tears'.
You killed Scoot over two freinds leaving. *Shoulderthrows fic*
Beginning:
Awww! Scootaloo, on a cliff, thoughts, sad tag. Meh. Lets see where it goes. Im not reading the comments...
End:
Yep, thats about what i expected. It was rushed though, you could use more detail in there. but i liked it. Well done. Few grammar mistakes, but they can be over looked.
"Incomplete"
BETTER BE ANOTHER CHAPTER...!
encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQqQNx-7JtEuvgGsYrhWCo-KMZvPgJqw4joZRrH6uDgPaFbK9i8
encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRhCSAHe-54n2pOrXnkY2rniZl0EZTdr8d2G6AtxCeIRFHCjCM_rA
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSWtOW6AfVQxMkEfS6mlhWmpJSEk8rwnAIyqLMp0QA5lfvnYjxULw
YOU HAS GIVEN ME A SAD
WHY
Holy crap, so good!!!
Either needs another chapter, or a huge edit.
Not enough detail to leave me satisfied. I mean, if you continue with the story, (you do have incomplete marked) then this chapter is fine. If this is the whole story, I'm slightly disappointed.
To summarize: Great story. Need more. Tracking or Favorited or whatever it is now.
I'm sorry, but seriously, why take something like MLP and make it so... dark, evil, inhumane? plus making me really sad
428325
I wonder that too,y know...
Anyway will fav to see if somehow there will be happiness in another chapter?
Very good... But you may never move me like my little dashie.
But with that said, you are fantastic, keep it up!
428086 It's the same tear the whole time. It doesn't leave her face until she hits the ground.
427964>>428167>>428493 There's not gonna be another chapter. Forgot to set to incomplete, sorry.
427964>>427992>>428035>>428086>>428160>>428254 It was rushed for two reasons:
1 - I wrote this around midnight when I got the idea.
2 - You can't ever really know what thoughts she had. It was pre meditated. This story is when it happens. You can't know every reason why...
And the grammar mistakes tie in with the whole "Writing at midnight" thing.
428325 428493 I wouldn't say inhumane because suicide is VERY human thing. Humans are one of the VERY few creatures who kill themselves.
On top of this, using the "darker" story is usually a tactic to show an advancement for characters to a logical progression point. If used correctly it can have them dealing with more real world problems that the reader can relate to. It's not about corrupting the show, it's about trying something different. Trying for a darker story is not unheard of, and is even used by professionals. Advance Wars is a good example. The first three games were very light hearted and even comedic, but then Days of Ruins comes out, and it's this dark story about the apocalypse and humanity trying to survive after the end of the world. It was a HUGE risk when it came to the fans, but it PAID off. Using that darker setting they were able to teach morals and lessons that wouldn't be taught any other way. They could teach the value of human life, the meaning of sacrifice and so on. All of which are GREAT lessons that just can't be shown through light hearted stories. So instead of looking at it as "dark and evil" look at it as "different" and try and see the big picture. I hope this gives you more of a perspective.
429912 I have attached a link to a Google Document with many of my thoughts, corrections, and comments on your story below. I hope you'll take a look at it and truly consider what is being said. If you would like a second opinion I actually have a group of people called "High Quality Fictions" that would be more than happy to give you feedback.
Google Document Link
430657 Thanks, I'll check it out once I get home. (I'm not exactly logged in to Google docs at school)
As much as I love Scoots, this is a really food sad fic.
430657
I see your point...and i agree with it!Dark storys usually teach us morals and lessons as you have said...Still it makes me sad to see deaths....
429912
Hmm ok then....i won't remove the fav because,even if it doesn't please me to see Scootalo die,i think the story is well written!
this is the second scootaloo scuicide story i read in only an hour... WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY ALL COMEING FROM!?
430657
Oh, yeah, I would like "High Quality Fictions" to look at it.
I like the story but you made the way too young they are not 6-7 on the show they are 10-12.
That said I always thought that Scootaloo would react as you have show. She will feel that her friends betrayed her. Even lashing out like she did to Applebloom. Kinds a dark end though
Meh, it's fine.
But the chapter needs to be at 3000 words at least.
Or have mutiple chappies uploaded.
430657
The term "inhumane" does not mean "not practiced by humans" the term refers to a human doing something immoral or not human, using not human in the sense without love or compassion. I understand your point about the "Dark story tactic" but I don't come to the magical and beautiful world of MLP for dark stories about suicidal ponies...
441730 True you may not come for it, but there is a reason for it's existence. Stories that teach the value of life and coming to grip with one's mortality can only really be accomplished by such a dark setting.
This was a good read, though it was disheartening to see Scootaloo go like that. I think where Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle argue about visiting was a little too dramatic though, but that's selfish jealousy for ya, all too confusing.
Those 2 friends we're talking happened to be her ONLY friends.428144
Way too rushed for a tragic story like this. Sweetie Belle's flashback was good, but Applebloom's flashback told entirely with narration was a huge hiccup in the pacing. Personally, I would have thrown in some happy flashbacks in the beginning with a recurring fuax foreshadowing of the three of them saying they'll always be together or something. It'd be a great contrast to the Applebloom and Sweetie Belle's goodbyes and tug at the reader's heartstrings in the worst ways possible. The flying disability was a good angle though and the description of the "final event" was well written. But the buildup is the most important part of a tragedy or sad story, sometimes even more important than the tragedy itself. Overall, I'd give it a 2.5/5 because it had feeling, but just not enough.
Right, so I'll cut to the chase.
>Pacing issues - For maximum feel, you should be hitting this stuff at about half the speed you're running over it. Right now, it's too short to make me feel anything, and so it's just a 1000-word-long suicide scene. Short stories might be good stories, but not this time. It's failing in it's prime goal, which is to tug on my heartstrings, even a little. Too fast.
>Grammar/spelling - Not many, but the ones you did miss were big ones.
>Repitition - Try and avoid using the same word to describe something more than once in quick succession. I'm looking at the word "bailed" here.
>Characterization - Poor, to my mind. Would Applebloom just ditch her childhood friends, just like that? Scootaloo just bumping herself off? I don't think so. This is not helped by the pacing issue you have. Give us reasons why they're doing this stuff, or it's just bad writing.
>Strange perspective - I'm not going to say much on this, because you were consistent. But it is a very odd point of view.
It's not unsalvageable, but it's falling short of the realms of "good" or "neutral".
omg! That was awsome! you should make her get her cutie mark when she died!!!! MORE make it like when everyone finds out. i cant wait for ApleBloom and SweetieBells Emotions! But, how old is she now?
SO SAD
and now to mach the story 
especcially angel 
628545 They're about thirteen now... And There won't be another chapter/sequel. One-shot, baby. 2media.nowpublic.net/images//56/7d/567d4330074c3b1bfe5065581ea096db.jpg
Very well done.
727114
Thanks.
630618 Then will you atleast do a Reaction thing about Sweetie and Apple Bloom? If you won't then can I?
770253
Hmmmmm...
I may do a sequel...
But not now. I'm in the hospital, wouldn't exactly seem plausible... And the last story I wrote was written while I was high on meds for surgery. So yeah.
I'll most likely write a sequel...
IN THE FUTURE...
772499 Then I guess I'll just have to go....BACK TO THE FUTURE: Starring Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Berry Bubble.
i855.photobucket.com/albums/ab113/mitsubomber/mlp__sad_pony_by_inferno111-d4s9ckf.jpg It was a little short in my opinion but it was good.
This didn't make me sad. Great i am a heartless zombie
this hit my feels
AWW COME ON!!!!! I LOOKED THIS UP TO SEE REACTIONS!!!!!!! NOT TO HAVE IT JUST END!!!!!!!
I had this sitting in my "Read It Later" for a while, and thought I'd clear some stories out I've been long meaning to. Pretty short, but good, I guess. One GLARING error is you use hand instead of hoof, in the scene where Apple Bloom's cutie mark was revealed.
I'm surprised no one else had pointed that out, even though I don't see this as an "Alternate Universe" where they have hands. 
Anyway, it seems kinda drastic and could've gone more into why Scootaloo probably felt like she had to kill herself, just cause her friends had seemingly ditched her after getting their cutie marks (I mean, does she not have family or other friends, even if she doesn't have her cutie mark?). But still a good story, for what it was. Well done.
WHY YOU KILL OFF BEST PONY???
Manly tears ahve been shed.
1474109
THis was one of my earliest stories, yet is somehow my most popular. This explains the errors.
Thanks.
1551537
For why this is your most popular, even though that'd make little sense; unless it's cause they like seeing the normally strong tomboy Pegasus filly being all emotional or common fanon stuff about Scootaloo never being able to fly, possibly not having a family, etc. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Scootaloo.png 
And I'm assuming you don't just mean about the hand instead of hoof remark, but the shortness of it all too in not having more details about her thought process. But again, not all that bad, for what it was. Thanks for replying!
Well, you're welcome. I guess people like tragic stories about ponies and suicide?
I would love nothing more than to see the looks on everyone else's faces after that. >:)
There was too little here to enjoy. It passed by so quick there wasn't time to get emotional invested. It was a good effort, but the characterization leaves much to be desired. The whole "get a cutie mark and abandon the others" bit doesn't make sense in the first place. True, it was the reason they got together, but they can't really be friends if the mark, or lack of one, is the only thing keeping them together.
You can has review!