Love, Equestria Style

by Bluecatcinema

Not For Resale

(This story takes place a few months before "Growing Pains".)

Caboose was greatly enjoying the life of a married stallion. He was currently arriving home from work.

"Honey, I'm home!" He called as he entered the house.

He was instantly tackled by his five-year old daughter, Hurricane. She looked like a younger version of Daring, except she had her father's eyes. She also inherited her father's bubbly spirit.

"Hi, daddy!" Hurricane giggled.

"Hey, Hurri." Caboose smiled. "Nice body check."

"Thanks." Hurricane grinned. "I've been workin' on it."

"Welcome home, honey." Daring smiled. "Dinner's comin' in five, 'kay?"

"Okay." Caboose grinned.

Soon, the family sat at the dinner table, enjoying Daring's famous chipotle tacos (A recipe she picked up while in Mexicolt).

"So, how did that appointment with the doctor go? I never really got to you on that." Caboose questioned. "I mean, you were complaining about stomach pains…"

"Oh, everything was fine. Just a little bug." Daring shrugged.

"What kind of bug?" Caboose asked jokingly. "A cricket?"

"Ugh, terrible." Daring grimaced.

"Good one, daddy!" Hurricane giggled.

"Thanks, sweetie." Caboose smiled. "Nice to know somepony at this table appreciates my comedic styling."

"So, how's that charity auction of yours going?" Daring asked.

Daring was speaking of an upcoming event, wherein the Royal Guard members would put themselves up for auction. Mares could bid for the chance of a date with the Guardspony of their choice.

"It's going good." Caboose muttered. "Are you sure you're okay with me taking part? I mean, I doubt they will miss one pony…"

"For the umpteenth time, yes." Daring rolled her eyes.

"You're not worried about some other mare stealing me?" Caboose asked.

"Oh, please dear, you know I'm not the jealous type." Daring chuckled. "Besides, I highly doubt you'll find another gal like me who can put up with your eccentricities and... unconventional massage techniques."

"That's true." Caboose smirked.

"And I doubt you would be able to say good-bye to a certain filly." Daring gestured to Hurricane.

"Look at me!" Hurricane flipped a bit of her taco off her plate and into her mouth. "Ta-da!"

Caboose and Daring both smiled, Caboose moreso. If he were to tell himself ten years ago that he would have a beautiful wife and daughter, that Caboose would find him as crazy as he was back then.

In the past, he was never successful in relationships, and he sorely lack what his other brothers had when it came to courting. It wasn't for a lack of trying though, as he did have one relationship with a mare named Peaches Cream. However, it was unrequited love, and it left him broken-heart, worthless, and with a psychotic personality that he could never get rid of till he fell out of a clock tower.

And now here he was, having dinner with his family… his family. This is what ponies must mean when they say 'this is the life'.

"Aw, you know I wouldn't trade you two for the world..." Caboose beamed.

"Good. Because I would have trouble letting you go too." Daring smiled.

The two shared a kiss.

The following night, the auction was held in the courtyard of Canterlot castle, hosted by prince Shine Paladin himself.

"Welcome to the 'Royal Guard Gallivanting Charity Auction', ladies and gentlecolt. I hope you are all ready to bid on your favorite Royal Guard, am I right?" Shine declared.

"How much for the handsome prince?!" One mare cheered.

"Thanks for the offer, random citizen, but I'm not in the Royal Guard." Shine chuckled, as a few mares 'aww'ed. "But I promise you, the first pony up will be just as good as yours truly. Give it up for Iron Hooves!"

Iron Hooves step out onto the stage, showing off his best features… namely, his powerful muscles and large wings, rivaling Shine's after his ascension into immortality.

As he showed off, Shine began to play him up for the bidders.

"Iron Hooves, full name Ironclad Centurion Hooves, is our beloved captain of the Royal Guard. He has served the royal family for twenty years, and has battle scars all over to show for it. He can bench press 350, is an excellent hoof-ball player, and was featured on the cover of Stallion Studs. Opening bids starts at 100!"

And in a instant, bids went a-flying.

"One hundred bits!"

"One hundred fifty!"

"Two hundred bits!"

"Two fifty!"

"Three hundred!" An elderly mare called.

"Three hundred bits, going once!" Shine called. "Going twice... sold to the distinguished madam for three hundred bits!"

"Yes!" The old mare cheered. "I've been wantin' that hunk of a stallion ever since I saw him on the magazine! Hubba-hubba!"

"Good luck." Shine smirked at the surprised Iron Hooves.

"Gee, thanks, your highness." Iron sighed.

Back-stage, Caboose was sweating nervously. He was wearing his mafia suit, complete with a fedora. Daring arrived to have a last-minute chat (Hurricane was currently at home, princess Constell having offered to babysit her).

"How you holding up, honey?" She smiled.

"Not so great." Caboose trembled. "What if nopony bids for me? It'll be so embarrassing!"

"Then I'll just have to step in." Daring chuckled. "I'm willing to pay a decent amount for a stallion of your calibre."

"Thanks, babe." Caboose kissed her. "But let's hope it doesn't have to come to that. Vinny once told me, why buy a cow, when the milk is free?"

"Did you just call yourself a cow?" Daring frowned.

Caboose paused for a moment.

"Oh, now I see why Iron was so mad at me all those years ago." Caboose mused.

"Caboose, you're up!" Shine called back.

"Good luck, Caboose." Daring nuzzled Caboose.

"Thanks." Caboose sighed.

"Okay, give a round of applause for our next stallion, Caboose Napoleon!" Shine announced.

Caboose took a deep breath, and walked on stage. As he did so, a song was beginning to play in the background, as his act was singing one of his personal favorite songs, 'At Fetlockway'. Putting on a smile, he pulled out a microphone and began to sang.

Gonna spend the day over at Fetlockway!
Gonna see them hit that ball, a mile high
No matter where you sit, you're in heaven for a little bit
It's gonna be a great day at Fetlockway

As he sang, he took his fedora and chuckd it out to the crowd. The mares, already getting allured by his singing voice, clambered for the fedora.

There is no place I'd rather be
Oh this place it brings it out, the best in me
No matter what the score,
You won't frown anymore
The magic that you feel
When you see the reds start take the field

He gave a wink to a random mare, and she fainted right on the spot.

Daring, who was watching from backstage, only shook her head.

"What a ham…" She smiled.

Caboose soon came to his last verse.

Gonna spend the day over at Fetlockway
Gonna see them hit that ball, a mile high
No matter where you sit, you're in heaven for a little bit
It's gonna be a great day at Fetlockway
Only at Fetlockway, even with the rain delay
Only at Fetlockway!

As soon as Caboose finished, the mares cheered and clapped.

"Well, wasn't that great, ladies?" Shine smiled. "This is Lieutenant Caboose James Napoleon. A natural-born singer, he served in Saddle Arabia, and a personal bodyguard to Prince Blueblood and his wife, Princess Dusty. He also happens to be married to Daring Do, adventurer extraordinaire. He hails from Bitaly, his favorite food is PB&J, and he can hold his breath underwater for thirty seconds... don't know if that's impressive, but who am I to judge? Do we have an opening bid?"

"Fifty bits!"

"A hundred!"

"One fifty!"

"Two hundred!"

It seemed to be going well. Caboose was mildly flattered by the amount of bids for him. Then suddenly...

"Five hundred thousand bits!" One mare cried.

"Whoa." Caboose gaped. "Didn't think I was worth that much..."

"No way." Shine gasped.

"Holy buck." Iron Hooves gaped.

"What the-?" Daring frowned.

The entire crowd murmured in shock.

"Wow, that's a first. I-I have five hundred thousand going once." Shine recovered. "Going twice... sold to the mare in the back! Come on down, Caboose!"

Caboose made his way to the back to the courtyard, curious as to who would dish out half a million bits just for a date with him. His answer soon came enough as he neared the bidder, and to his shock, he recognized her.

"Peaches Cream?!" He gasped.

It was indeed Caboose's old marefriend. She was a little older then he remembered, but still quite pretty, with a flawless peach-colored coat, cream-colored mane, dazzling green eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a bowl of peaches and cream.

"Hello, Caboose." Peaches smiled. "Long time, no see."

"How... what... you..." Caboose spluttered.

"We'll have plenty of time to talk on our date." Peaches purred.

Caboose couldn't believe what was happening to him. It had been years, but the memory of how she treated him still burned in his mind. He was about to refuse her, when Daring came over.

"Way to go, honey!" She smiled. "You netted the most money for the auction!" She turned to Peaches. "Somepony sure knows a good stallion when she sees one, huh?"

"Indeed I do." Peaches smirked.

Caboose held his tongue. He knew that if Daring knew who she was, she would go bat-crud crazy on her… and despite how satisfying it would be to see his hot wife beat up an ex, he didn't want to cause a scene.

"Hey, Caboose!"

Iron approached the three.

"I just want to come by and say congratulations on the half-mil." Iron Hooves smiled, as he glanced at Peaches. "All that money will be great for the Royal Guards."

"Thanks…" Caboose said with uncertainty. He had to go on this date. If he didn't, he would forever be known as the guy that cost the Royal Guard half a million bits because he refused to go on a date with an ex.

Then the elderly mare that won Iron pulled him along.

"Now come along, Mr. Hooves. I would like Mr. Stallion Stud give me a sponge bath."

If Caboose wasn't so daunted by his old marefriend returning, he would had enjoyed the look on Iron's face as he was pulled away.

"So, shall we be off, Mr. Napoleon?" Peaches asked.

Caboose sighed internally.

"Yeah, let's go." He put on a fake smile. "See you later, darling."

"Have fun, you two!" Daring teased.

"Yeah... fun." Caboose waved. Turning to Peaches, he added "As long as nothing happens."

"Oh, so serious." Peaches frowned. "What happened to the cheery Caboose I used to know?"

"He grew up." Caboose frowned. "Now, let's get this date over with."

"Right down to business, huh?" Peaches gave him a sultry look. "I like that."

Peaches led Caboose to a Bitalian restaurant in town. After taking their seats and ordering their food, Peaches started talking.

"So, how long has it been since we last saw each other?" She wondered.

"Not long enough." Caboose growled.

"Oh, don't be like that." Peaches pouted. "How are those brothers of yours?"

"They're doing okay." Caboose declared, realizing that idle chitchat would make the date go by faster. "They're all hooked up with mares of their own. Grim even married his recently."

"Good for them." Peaches smiled. "Everypony needs somepony, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess." Caboose shrugged.

"You've done pretty well for yourself, haven't you?" Peaches declared. "Lieutenant in the Royal Guard, married to Daring Do, of all ponies..."

"Yeah, I've done okay." Caboose admitted. "How about you?"

"Oh, nothing special." Peaches shrugged. "I got a job as a foreign correspondent for the Bitalian Tribune. I was in Canterlot researching a story, then I heard about the auction, and that you were part of it. I couldn't pass up the chance to see you again after all this time, no matter the cost."

"And what a cost it was." Caboose noted, "Where did you get that much money?"

"I had to dip into my life savings. Worth it, though." Peaches smiled.

"Whatever happened to that guy you were with?" Caboose asked. "Y'know, the one you were seein' behind my back?"

"Oh, we broke up." Peaches said nonchalantly. "I've had a few flings since then, but I'm currently single."

"I see..." Caboose frowned.

After eating their food, the two travelled to a nearby park.

"Isn't this beautiful, Caboose?" Peaches sighed. "Walking in the park, under the moonlight?"

"Yeah, I guess." Caboose shrugged.

"'Boosey?" Peaches said, using her old nickname for him.

"Yes?" Caboose said warily. She hadn't called him "'Boosey" in a long time. Just the name reminded him of all the times she would use it to guilt trip him into doing things for her.

"I still really like you." Peaches revealed. "All these years, I've missed you so much. Remember all the good times we used to have to together? I was such an idiot to treat you the way I did. I totally forgive you for trashing my old coltfriend's house, by the way."

Caboose looked at Peaches impassively.

"So, what do you say?" She asked. "Wanna give you and me another try?"

Caboose stood perfectly still and silent for a moment. Finally, he spoke.

"...No, Peaches..." He said solemnly.

"What?" Peaches gasped, her eyes widening.

"No." Caboose repeated. "You broke my heart, Peaches. When we first met, I devoted my entire being to you, buying you jewelry, clothes, dinner, and a fancy mane-job at one point. Not once, did I ever complain when the stuff you ask me to buy became too expensive, or the clubs that you pick made me deaf for a week, or how every stallion flirted with you... heck, I didn't complain when I did 'all the work' when we were 'intimate'! I put up with so many things I disliked because I loved you... and then, I found you with another stallion, and you know what you said to me? That I wasn't 'stallion enough'..."

"But that was so long ago." Peaches protested. "And you seemed fine..."

"Fine?" Caboose glared at her. "For years since that day, I hated myself! I spent every night awake, wondering what it was that I did that made me unworthy in your eyes! Was it the way I talked? Was it the way I brought up movie references? Was it the fact that I disabled my cousin Church for five years?"

"Okay, that last part was definitely not what did it." Peaches deadpanned.

"The point is... I thought no pony could ever love me... then, I came to realize something... it was never entirely my fault..." He glared at Peaches. "...It was yours."

" ...Excuse me?" Peaches frowned.

"The only thing I ever did wrong was being unable to realize that you were using me and that you are selfish, vain, and a big meanie!" Caboose yelled.

"Wha-how dare you-" Peaches spluttered.

"And here you are now, trying to bring me back in, waving that toxic flank of yours and that succubus voice, just so you can use me again." Caboose declared. "Well, nothing doing, lady! I am not that same gullible colt! Because every night, I get to come home to a mare that actually appreciate me, treats me with respect, and enjoys being with me, because unlike you, she loves me! And you know something else? I also have a beautiful daughter that truly adores me! I have everything I need right now. And what I don't need is a vain, selfish hussy like you!"

Peaches gaped in shock.

"Y-you..." Peaches said dumbfounded and angry. "You total loser! You've always been a loser! You're just some dim-witted, scatter-brained doofus, with the brain of a chicken!"

"Oh, please, I've been called worse." Caboose snorted.

"I can't believe I was actually gonna settle for you! Probably just as well, since it'd mean having to deal with that brat of yours! She's probably a dumb chicken, just like her father!"

That comment caused something to snap in Caboose's mind.

"Nopony calls my baby girl 'dumb'!" Caboose snarled. "Not you, not the Chineigh mafia, not even that big red goat downstairs!"

Meanwhile, in Tirek's cell in Tartarus...

"Centaur!" Tirek yelled irritably. "Faust, why am I reduced to these wretched 'cutaways'?"

Back in Canterlot...

"So you better take that back, Peaches, or I will have to do something I cannot be held responsible for!" Caboose threatened.

"Lik what?" Peaches challenged. "You're going to pretend that 'O'Malley' did it, like you did when you wrecked my coltfriend's house? Please, you're still that spineless worm I dumped all those years ago!"

"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure."

Daring suddenly emerged from behind a tree.

"Daring?" Caboose gasped. "Were you just... Have you been following us the whole time?"

"Yep." Daring nodded. "I figured something wasn't right from the look on your face back at the auction."

"My face?" Caboose repeated.

"Yeah, a funny little grimace, like you were doing something you didn't want to do." Daring nodded, "Your daughter makes that same face whenever she eats broccoli."

"Like father, like daughter, huh?" Caboose chuckled.

"I had to make sure everything was okay." Daring explained, as she then glared at Peaches. "So you're the bimbo that broke his heart and brought O'Malley to life. And now you are trying to steal my husband?"

"Not anymore. You can keep him. Though I don't see why you bother. He's a deadbeat loser!" Peaches sneered.

"You're wrong." Daring declared. "Caboose is the sweetest, kindest, bravest, most charming stallion in the world. I couldn't ask for a better husband, or father to my foal."

"Aw, shucks." Caboose blushed.

"My Faust, you are just a loser as he is!" Peaches growled.

"And proud of it!" Daring rebutted. "And now, I'm going to make you pay for calling both my husband and my daughter dumb!"

"Wait, what are you-?" Peaches gasped.

Daring tackled Peaches and began to viciously wail on her. After a short but satisfying beatdown, Daring dusted off her hooves, while Peaches struggled to her own.

"How dare you..." She groaned. "If you think I'm going to pay the half mil after this..."

"Ah, but you have to." Caboose declared. "You went on the date with me, and now you have to pay up. Either that, or risk being known as the mare who stiffed the Royal Guards. And I don't think they will be so forgiving."

"Fine." Peaches stormed off.

"I'll be checking to make sure you pay." Daring called after her. "If not, well... I have some friends who are real good at trackin' down mares like you..."

Peaches broke into a run.

"Yeah, ya better run, you witch!" Daring waved her hoof. "You're lucky that I'm pregnant, or I would put the hurt on you!

"What she sai-what?" Caboose did a double-take. "You're... pregnant?"

"Surprise." Daring smiled. "I found out a couple of days ago."

"This... this is great!" Caboose beamed. "Another little bundle of love for us to raise! I love you so much!"

Caboose pulled Daring in for a big kiss.

"Love you too, darling." Daring said a little breathlessly.

"Let's go home." Caboose smiled. "The night is still young, and I would like to spend the rest of it and many others like it with my two favorite girls."

"You read my mind." Daring beamed.

The two walked home, nuzzling each other closely, their love stronger than ever.

Comments

[SageBrony07]

Go caboose. That was so Romantic. And go Daring. Beat her to a pulp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[HolyCross9]

Isn't Iron Hooves married too?

[danick]

TIREK SAY FAUST? I THINK YOU MAKE SOMETHING WRONG HERE BLUE!

But anyway great chapter

[danick]

4729393
I think so, it's mentioned in the young prince if i am not mistaken

[Derpyforever]

Good job blucecat

[Skyfire Storm]

I laughed at the part with Tirek.

[Galaxy Knight]

Finally! I love it when revenge happens, makes me feel all tingly inside. Glad that hoe got what was coming to her.