Say What!?

by TheGreatEater

My Soul's Going To Burn For This ...

Celestia woke up at the incessant tugging of the sun wanting to raise. She knew today was special because the Element Bearers and their sisters were coming over for a special luncheon celebrating the Bearers sisters getting their cutie marks, and getting to know the ponies special to her favorite student, now fellow princess. Raising from her bed she felt her body groan, creak and pop as her body felt strangely heavy.

Using her magic she opened the mini-fridge that she had recently installed, and took out a large tub of Berry Sweet’s Cake Flavored, Double Brownie Chunk Icecreme and an Icecreme scooper that she used as a spoon. Munching happily she waddled over to the wall sized, double glass doors and opened them. As she reached the balcony she raised the sun, and landed winded, the spoon dangling out of the corner of her mouth.

Luna looked at Celestia’s sweating form and said, “Sister, are you alright?”

“I’m fine Luna, probably just need to eat more food to get my energy up,” Celestia wheezed.

“Sister, you do know that you should probably cut down on the food right? Otherwise ponies will talk,” Luna said in a concerned tone.

“Like what? I’m the model of health. My doctor said so when I went to see him … what was it now … oh yes! Four years ago. So there’s nothing wrong with my body that’d cause ponies to talk,” Celestia said huffingly, “Well I’ll see you for breakfast.”

Celestia ignored the cracked tiles under her rump when she got up and waddled heavily to meet her sister for breakfast. Silly Luna, talking about me needing to watch my weight. Although I should probably see into fixing up this old castle, the floors keep cracking under my feet when I walk.

Celestia walked into the gardens in the afternoon feeling a little strange, ponies kept offering her to be rode in a “royal barrel” like some kind of Rickshaw ponies, as well as strange things breaking as she sat on them. Her chair during breakfast, her throne, her royal toilet. That last one had caused her no end of embarrassment. She swore the next thing that broke would earn Discord a stern talking too, or maybe prank him back for breaking everything she sat on. After all there was no other explanation to everything breaking that she sat on.

At that thought she reached with her magic to the “snack cart” she had strapped to her back. Picking up a slice of quintuple layered cake she waited for her lunch with her special guests. It didn’t take long for the guards to escort them to the gardens waiting area. As the Crusaders as she heard them call themselves see her let loose an almost ear breaking squeal. Celestia smiled at their excitement, which disappeared when the unicorn filly, Sweetie Belle was her name if she wasn’t mistaken, asked her a question.

“Oh! My! Celestia! When is the baby due Princess Celestia!?” Sweetie Belle asked her face blushing with unbridled excitement. With the other fillies joining in with glee.

“Ba-what now?” Celestia asked politely.

“You know the baby, that you’re carrying in your belly,” Sweetie asked.

“Yeah! Who’s the lucky stallion,” Apple Bloom asked.

“Hey! It could be a mare, although Rainbow Dash is the only pony awesome enough to bang a Princess,” Scootaloo said her wings buzzing.

And just like that everypony went silent. Celestia’s mind worked through how anyone could think she was pregnant, and where a young filly could have picked up such a word. Coughing politely she asked, “My little pony where did you learn that word?”

As she asked Rarity fainted, and the others were still to shocked to act, other than the fillies who were confused to what the fuss was about. Scootaloo puffed up her chest and buzzed her little wings with pride before answering, “In the box of weird books and toys that Rainbow Dash and Twilight, and the other Crusaders’ sisters have under their beds.

“By the way, we’ve been meaning to thank you for making sure the toys you have were foalsafe. Although we’ve never understood why Twilight needs that weird strap on helmet to have two horns when she already has one. Oh! And you should probably clean that weird chicken egg, it tastes weird when we put it in our mouths to vibrate our mouths. Although it’s weird you’d play with chicken eggs when everypony knows ponies don’t hatch from eggs,” She said innocently. The every non-filly by now had a look of pure horror on their faces other than Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash who’d taken to laughing so hard that they had difficulty breathing.

Apple Bloom looked at AppleJack and attempted a coup de grace, “Also sis, that book you have on tying up ponies really came in handy when dealing with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, I don’t think they’ll ever forget that. Although your stock of swords are almost as fun to play Royal Guard with as Twilight’s weird shaped ones, but you might want to get the green one checked out, it keeps shooting that weird milk from it. I think it’s gone a little bad since it always tastes a little salty.”

AppleJack fainted from embarrassment as did Twilight who simultaneously wished there was a spell to kill an Alicorn who wanted to die from embarrassment as well as wished that she could somehow erase this moment of time forever. Celestia on the other hoof was now even more confused, and for a being who had lived for thousands of years that was saying something.

“So yeah, anyways Princess when’s the baby coming?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“What makes you think I’m pregnant?” Celestia asked carefully.

“Well you’re pudgy belly, and you’re eating a lot of food,” Sweetie said cheerfully.

“It’s not a lot I’m just having a light snack,” Celestia said defensively.

“So you're saying when I get bigger I’ll be able to eat an entire cart towering with sweets and that’d just be a snack?” Sweetie asked.

“Yeah Ah don’t think I’ve even seen Big Mac eat that much,” Apple Bloom said unconvinced with Celestia’s answer.

At that everything clicked into place. She couldn’t deny it any further. She was most definitely, undoubtedly, undeniably … fat. Those were the last thoughts in Celestia head before she fainted, and as she landed the earth shook for several miles, the tip of Mnt. Canterhorn fell off and birds for several miles took to the air from the force of her fall. The Crusaders looked at one another and Scootaloo said, ”I hope her babies alright, Earthquakes can’t be good for a pregnant mare.”

Author's Note:

I haven't edited this. Anyone has any comments, critiques, or corrections I'll be glad to read them.

Comments

[Tennis Match Fan]

Lol. That was a mix of disturbing and hilarious.

[PonyPuffy 2012]

Afterwords, the cmc were banished then put a dungeon in the place that they were banished to

All in all, nice enjoyable tale of Celly's snacking catching up with her. And the crusaders condemning their sisters and friends to a life's worth of embarrassment.

[Trollinlol]

At first I was like.

but then I LoL'ed

[TheGreatEater]

4575071

I had the same feeling when writing it .

4575438

Thank you , and the yep poor CMC have officially KO'd their siblings and nations ruler through sheer embarrassment.

4575456

.

[The A I]

Funny. Thats all I have to say about this.
just, funny.

[Matt11]

hmm not bad

[TheGreatEater]

4575659
4575537

Thank you .

[ThePinkShadow]

Oh my god... Discord was telling the truth about her getting a big flank if she didn't watch the cak- Wait! Discord was... honest?

[TheGreatEater]

4576079

Yes even Discord can be honest once in a while. Especially if he thought it'd be funny to do so .

[Zeyon The Green]

Who's fat?

[TheGreatEater]

4577451

Well when you live the song:

Then there's bound to be repercussions. Especially when your disposable income is the nations treasury.

[Deathpony45]

Haha that was hilarious dude I loved the story it was a really good one also been missing you if you ever get back on Skype message me so we can talk it's been ages

[TheWraithWriter]

I was going to Hell anyway.

Great fic!

[Biker_Dash]

OHMYMOTHERFUCKINGGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just about fuckin DIED reading this! This fic is fuckin comedic SOLID GOLD!

[TheGreatEater]

4915916

D'aawwww! Thanks .

[silverthorn]

Brilliant, insane but billiant

[TheGreatEater]

5025134

derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/7/29/384090__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_princess+twilight_science_artist-colon-paradigmpizza_laboratory_safety+goggles_mad+scientist.png

[Snickerdoodle]

Gah...
*Cough*
That was-
-Interesting...
~Me

[Black Flare]

What the fuck did i just read.
My brain can't comprehend what the mane "four" do for "fun".